Ruby Slippers Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 LO and D-Lish, these predators put you in a position of danger and evoked fear. Freezing and not reacting in those situations is completely understandable. And reading your accounts makes me want to hurl. D-Lish, I'm glad you got your two weeks pay and you're getting out of there. I am normally anti-litigation, but in this case, I 100% support you suing the company (or this guy). You could potentially spare many more women the humiliation and fear that you endured. I wouldn't feel too bad for the other owners of the company -- they know about his behavior and have allowed him to stay there and continue it. They're no angels, either. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen12 Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 You know what is funny? I consider myself someone that would stand up to this sort of thing... but when it happened to me in person, I froze. I got scared and I just didn't know what to do- so I said nothing and let it happen. I think I feel more humiliated by my lack of response than anything else. I am sure I could sue for damages, the more I read up, the more I think I could. But I still kick my own ass for saying nothing during the act. I was scared and humiliated. So, you're a victim, right? Link to post Share on other sites
inhindsight Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Find a lawyer. It's not about being compensated for pay or whatever. If NO ONE speaks up, he will CONTINUE TO DO THIS! THe other owners are silent accomplices because they know he is perpetrating offences, yet they do NOTHING. I don't care about the phrase "blood is thicker than water". In cases of sexual harassment and misconduct, that should go out the door. If you have been victimized, so have others. It may be easier to walk away... but if you don't speak out, who will? How many others will have to be victimized? He is pathalogical, and he is getting worse. It is only a matter of time before he will sexually assaults someone violently. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I consider myself someone that would stand up to this sort of thing... but when it happened to me in person, I froze. Yeah, i hear these stories a lot from my friend in the police. He mentioned it's our back to basics 'flight or fight' instinct and most people do freeze up when something unexpected happens to them! It's all fine and dandy, when you are sitting there, calm & thinking straight right now. We all think we will do this and that. In reality, it rarely happens. He said a part of our brain (i can't remember what it's called...Amy-something?) don't kick in fast enough to react. By the the time oh-so-slow-logic-train come steaming in next, it's often too late. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 You know what is funny? I consider myself someone that would stand up to this sort of thing... but when it happened to me in person, I froze. I got scared and I just didn't know what to do- so I said nothing and let it happen. I think I feel more humiliated by my lack of response than anything else. I am sure I could sue for damages, the more I read up, the more I think I could. But I still kick my own ass for saying nothing during the act. I was scared and humiliated.Decide what you need to do and do it, whether it's to let this pass by or to take action and pursue civil litigation. I recall my near rape. I was working late one night in my office, with no one else around. One of the guys came back hammered, a guy who I trusted as a friend. I shouldn't have allowed him close to me but he had me pinned to the desk, using my chair. I made a sudden move by pushing my chair back at him and ran away. I spent the entire night crying, so angry and afraid, at him and at myself. The next day, there he was when I exited the elevator. I backed him up to the wall, finger jabbing against the soft spot in his shoulder, giving him supreme crap over his actions. It gave me back my personal power since I took it back from him. He was a mess, a coward, one who I could have gotten fired but didn't bother. But...word got over the entire office and the community, what a smag he was and his reputation as an upstanding citizen and married man, was shot. His career tanked after that. Oh, and his wife was pregnant at the time this happened. What a worm. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I am sure I could sue for damages, the more I read up, the more I think I could. Litigation is not something to enter into lightly. It will consume you, and a good portion of your life will be exposed. Do you want that? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I recall my near rape. The next day, there he was when I exited the elevator. I backed him up to the wall, finger jabbing against the soft spot in his shoulder, giving him supreme crap over his actions. Interesting. In any event, D... this sucks. Part of the reason it sucks so bad is that you're put in between a rock and a hard place. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Interesting. In any event, D... this sucks. Part of the reason it sucks so bad is that you're put in between a rock and a hard place. What's so interesting about this? I've mentioned this incident on LS in the past, so it's nothing to find interesting now vs. before, in a previous thread you were also involved in. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 If NO ONE speaks up, he will CONTINUE TO DO THIS! THe other owners are silent accomplices because they know he is perpetrating offences, yet they do NOTHING. I don't care about the phrase "blood is thicker than water". In cases of sexual harassment and misconduct, that should go out the door. If you have been victimized, so have others. It may be easier to walk away... but if you don't speak out, who will? How many others will have to be victimized? I am inclined to agree with this- is there a way you can out him without getting embroiled in a lawsuit? I would like to think I would have talked to everyone I could about this kind of thing, however as you say you don't know until you are in a situation how you are going to react in it. Could you write a letter to the other bosses detailing everything? I think I would just be glad to get out of there, but the fact that he is still "at large" and that the other bosses are doing nothing to stop him would play on my mind... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 What's so interesting about this? The way you described what you call an attempted rape, followed by... "finger jabbing." I dunno, I don't think rape victims would ever feel so comfortable as to mock their attacker in that manner the very next day. In any event, I certainly wouldn't recommend that D respond in the same manner. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 (edited) The way you described what you call an attempted rape, followed by... "finger jabbing." I dunno, I don't think rape victims would ever feel so comfortable as to mock their attacker in that manner the very next day. In any event, I certainly wouldn't recommend that D respond in the same manner.Thanks for making my traumatic incident nothing more than an attempt to debunk anything I say. Edited October 7, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 D, do yourself a favour and take back your power. I found in taking back my power, it removed both fear and anger. Whatever way you choose to do so, will best suit your personality, since you're the one who has to live with your decisions and choices. It was wholely satisfying for me, to back him up and get physical with him. He was about a foot taller than me and probably outweighed me by a hundred pounds. It felt so good to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
inhindsight Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 The way you described what you call an attempted rape, followed by... "finger jabbing." I dunno, I don't think rape victims would ever feel so comfortable as to mock their attacker in that manner the very next day. Every person reacts to trauma differently, and you are probably right that more often than not, victims of sexual assault are not comfortable facing their assaulter the next day. But I would argue that if you are a person with a very formidable sense of self and have rarely let people push you around, it would be a lot easier to seize back their power. Trialbyfire, kudos to you taking back your power. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Trialbyfire, kudos to you taking back your power.Thanks. It was well worth it for me to do so and I believe, helped to remove future scarring, such as fear of being alone with men, etc. The same day I took back my power, I made myself work late, by myself again. There was no way I would let anyone take anything away from me, without my consent. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 Litigation is not something to enter into lightly. It will consume you, and a good portion of your life will be exposed. Do you want that? And that is the mental attitude most attackers are hoping for by there subjects. "Lets not make a spectacle of yourself" Place self doubt into the subjected person so they don't do anything. No one *WANTS* to endure something of that nature, Nor did the Person *WANT* to be attacked or subjected to inappropriate behavior. SO the choice is easy, Does the person deserve their self respect and healthy boundaries back, absolutely! Litigation can grant that. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 The difficulty with litigation, is that it can be a long, drawn out affair that takes its emotional toll on the individual, since you have to reexperience everything, minute detail by minute detail. Which is why it's an individual decision about how far you want to take it. It takes a really strong person to take the grief of disbelief, all while suffering emotional trauma. Take my reaction to Stargazer's attempt to debunk what I've said. Why she chose to do so, makes no sense to me since I'm not on the stand. But I reacted emotionally, since the situation was traumatic to me and hit a nerve. I cannot imagine what it's like to have to do this, over and over again. I'd probably be tempted to pull out a gun and not to use on myself! Link to post Share on other sites
inhindsight Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 if not litigation, then public exposure. at the very least, a report to the local police department might start an investigation... if they choose to prosecute, even better. But an investigation would start the questions... it would only be a matter of time before other victims stepped out. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 I think you need to quit and not look back.. Firstly... even if you take his miserable buttt to court.. I doubt you would want to have your job back.. and I very much doubt you'd get any financial compensation.. but I could be wrong. I have read most of the thread.. and I feel that sexual harassment and 'rape' are two different issues.. Link to post Share on other sites
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