The difference between AvPD and other social 'disorders'

[Dooda]

I think I've finally come to a sound conclusion on what are the actual differences between AvPD and other disorders like social phobia, generalized anxiety disorder or simply just shyness.

 

People with AvPD tend to give a good image of themselves because they're afraid of being scrutinized. They want to seem like a decent person, but they feel ashamed from inside for any amount of reasons and past traumatic events. People with AvPD do the utmost to avoid interaction with other people because they simply just fear being scrutinized, looked down upon, be thought of as stupid, slow, even 'retarded' (which, any of these, they are not) too much to the point that they simply can't handle it. Am I getting there?

 

It's not like they don't want to be with people, they do, that's for sure. It's just that their fear of humiliation, rejection and criticism doesn't allow them to. They feel incapacitated. They are afraid of human contact, because that would be breaching a barrier that they feel they can't go through. They can't maintain human eye contact. When they're talking, they feel like someone is piercing straight through them and is judging and analyzing them.

 

One of the most important factors and the most debilitating is that AvPDs tend to push people away, not because they want to, but because they have to, for their own good. They will avoid social situations: parties, clubs, bars, even school activities and classes where small groups are involved. They will do all of this because the anxiety will mount to a point where they feel like they will collapse. Am I right?

 

SAD and even shyness are somewhat related to this, if not alot, and that is why they sometimes overlap and one may be confused for the other if diagnosed by a bad psychiatrist. However, people suffering from SAD differ from people suffering from AvPD in a few ways, and I found this through many sites that I researched through and after reading a few testimonials of people who REALLY had AvPD and weren't just saying they were to escape their anxiety:

 

1. Shy people and people with SAD will tend to avoid less, but will feel uncomfortable while not avoiding. They won't not want to go to parties (in some extreme cases of social phobia, they won't either), but when they do, they'll feel awkward, out of place and weird just as people with AvPD do.

 

2. There is less this feeling of being 'safe' simply as you are. While both disorders seem to sap the motivation out of the victims suffering from them, people with AvPD will be much more reluctant to seek mental help because of their intense and deep fear of rejection, humiliation and criticism, even from their doctors.

 

3. People with AvPD have tended to be sensitive, fearful of rejection/humiliation, shy and cautious from a very early age. They feel like the world is cold and that they don't belong. They would have had trouble making friends in early school years and would have felt 'left out.' This is due to a genetic temperment that influences how you deal with life and social settings. People with SAD were not always anxious, sensitive, uptight, unable to be out there. Most of them are just going through a very rough time and their mind and body is 'closing down' because they feel lost, alone, desperate and fearful (of themselves and of the world).

 

4. What I find for me is very different and what I read about people with AvPD, is that I usually feel awkward when I'm not talking to anyone, even if it's someone I don't know. I'll be looking all around me, seeing what people are doing, checking if they're looking at me, etc. I feel awkward, VERY awkward. Even though I feel shy with people I'm not too connoissoir about, I still don't feel slow or stupid when I'm talking to them, I just feel shy and like I can't be myself, which causes me to stumble on my words, say stupid things or just not let the conversation flow like it should. People wit AvPD will shut down when they start talking with someone they don't know. Eye contact will be very hard to maintain, and they'll usually be extremely kind, as a a means of letting that person know that you really don't want to talk (even though you do, inside).

 

I hope this helped. It took me a while of going crazy, and regaining my sanity, and then going crazy again, and then regaining my sanity a few times to derive some 'truth' about what are the differences between the two. I had to be honest with myself and tell myself that I don't have the symptoms I'm thinking that I have, and that I'm simply finding an excuse to 'rid' myself of my anxiety, even though it only made it worse.

As a sufferer of anxiety, I know exactly how it feels to feel afraid, awkward, scared of humiliation, rejection and criticism. But I also know that, for me I atleast, I don't miss out on 'social' events, unless I'm really feeling down, lonely and out. I do have close friends who I can relate to, but sometimes simply can't be myself with because I'm so anxious and full of irrational thoughts that I can't rid myself of. Don't tell yourself you have AvPD if you know you truly don't, because I don't think people truly suffering from it would want you to have it either.

 

Either way, there is hope for both parties. There is no end to what you can do as long as you have hope, and you work hard to build up on that hope. Everyone can change, and I think I'm slowly coming to realise this, even though it's taking me a while because I'm one of the most stubborn and hard-headed folks that could ever exist (which is I guess a reason for my incessant anxiety and irrational thoughts that I let myself believe are true). Don't give up hope. Always try and get better. Do something to get your mind back on life, and your mind out of the nothingness void that it is stuck in.

 

For me, I think I will get back into my religion, investigate and regain my faith that I've slowly but surely lost in these past 2 years I've been suffering from anxiety.

 

Set some goals for your life: "I want to go to University," "I want to be a father/mother" "I want to have a big house and the big, roaring car." (even though that seems materialistic, I don't know, it's just a goal).

 

Make a journal, or even two: one containing your bad thoughts, feelings, the excruciating pain you're feeling (put it in the best words you can and let it come out on the paper like a flow of emotions); the other containing what happened that was GOOD today: I ate an ice cream, it was delcious, I saw a beautiful sunset, I felt peaceful for a few seconds of my life.

I think this helps alot because it lets your soul tell what's going on, your giving physical credit to what's going on in your mind rather than the jumble that normally goes on; you're making sense of it.

 

Exercise and eat properly. I found when I went to military school last year, even though it was a very stressful time in my life, I felt alot better in general and in terms of my feelings of ANXIETY because I was exercising (like a soldier) and eating (like a saint).

 

Find something that gives you meaning again, and hope in life, whatever it is. Your belief in God, your love of nature, whatever you believe in.

 

I KNOW it's harder for people going through AvPD to do this, than to simply think it, but don't be afraid to try. You can only get better, there is nothing else that can happen. It takes time to change the subconcious mind, but with a concious effort and strong soul, you can make your life a whole lot better.

Anyways, I hope this helped. Never give up hope, there's always some of that, and remember:

"The road of a thousand miles starts with one step."