jennifer3 Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Wow, I never thought there would be a website like this. It is supportive to me that I know other's go through what I am going through. I met a wonderful man earlier this year and we hit it off immediately. We spent the first night talking for 3 hours. Problem is that we are both married, and we became sexually attracted to each other. He has incredible self control when it comes to me because he is always the one to stop or not continue what I am doing. We have never kissed, but have done a few other things. My problem is that he seems to be backing off and even though I know that I need to as well, I don't want to. I want to tell him everything that I am feeling, but it probably wouldn't make a difference. I am constantly thinking about him and wanting him to call or txt or something. it sucks! How can I back away and hopefully develop a healthy relationship with him? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Wow, I never thought there would be a website like this. It is supportive to me that I know other's go through what I am going through. I met a wonderful man earlier this year and we hit it off immediately. We spent the first night talking for 3 hours. Problem is that we are both married, and we became sexually attracted to each other. He has incredible self control when it comes to me because he is always the one to stop or not continue what I am doing. We have never kissed, but have done a few other things. My problem is that he seems to be backing off and even though I know that I need to as well, I don't want to. I want to tell him everything that I am feeling, but it probably wouldn't make a difference. I am constantly thinking about him and wanting him to call or txt or something. it sucks! How can I back away and hopefully develop a healthy relationship with him? Hmmmm. 1) tell your H and his W that you are attracted to him and want to have sex with him. 2)Divorce both your spouses. 3) Wait until the ink is dry, then go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 I think that it will be very difficult to develop a healthy relationship with him. Seeing as that you have both revealed to the other your true feelings. The only way that you could have him be a friend is if you set up strict boundaries. Only hung out as couples, you with your husband, and he with his wife. I would also tell my husband that there was some attraction...this would keep you on best behavior. However, seeing as that it is hard for you to back off already I would say that if you do not want to cheat then you just stay away period. Take it as a good sign that he is backing off...then you can do...unless that is what is drawing you in. If I could go back in time and talk to myself before my affair passed this point I would say to myself..."this has already gone to far and you know it...it will only lead to pain...no matter how much you want to be with them, if you do it while still married it will be the biggest mistake of your life...it will destroy not just your life, but the life of those around you...it is not worth it." Of course the choice is yours....good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
movingforward Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Take it from me and all the other OW on these boards... DON'T GO THERE. You are incredibly lucky that he has the self restraint that you don't yourself possess. There was a point early on in my A where I stopped and said to myself, "what in the hell am I doing?" It was at that point that I emailed my AP and told him that I would never leave my family for him. Unfortunately, I went against what little judgement I had and allowed it to progress to the point of an affair. Now, feeling the pain that I am feeling at it being over, I look back at that moment and would give ANYTHING to go back and make the right choice. Please learn from my mistake.... it will feel so good in the beginning, but it will lead to hurt for everyone. It always does. You are risking EVERYTHING in your life. And you can't be friends now. I know that's hard to hear, but it's true. It's too dangerous. Focus on your husband and figure out what is missing and fix it. You will be so glad you did. Link to post Share on other sites
VictoryisMine Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 "We have never kissed, but have done a few other things." Y'all didn't have sex and never kissed. What is the in between, and few at that. I'm only curious, not judging. The right thing to do ... is don't have this affair. I'm a single woman involved with a married man, and it's making me crazy. But to be married and having an affair? I cannot imagine. Spare your mind and don't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 You are married. You DO have the ability to have self control. If you choose to NOT have self control, that is on you. But your H deserves to know the truth. Your H deserves a say in this. Have enough respect for the man you married to either be honest and upfront about it to him or STOP or DIVORCE before moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 If you don't have self control, tell your H what's going on. I guarentee he'll help you find it. If you can't, at least 4 people are gonna have their lives turned upside down. You know what's the right thing to do. As Nike says; Just do it. Link to post Share on other sites
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