wife decided to text me after 4 weeks

[danyuld]

Hey all,

 

My wife had been wanting a divorce since May. I did not see her from that time to October.

 

In the meantime she was still texting me all the time saying goodmorning, goodnight, what am I up too etc.

 

She even put a few I love yous in there. But at the same time told me all this love she was giving me was was "pretend" and that things arent the same.

Meanwhile a month before this she was telling me how she felt so sad she broke up with my last summer and that she was just having a tough time and that she is so happy we are together and finally married. (commented on how great our sex life was)

 

Then bam a month later

 

She told me she fell out of love with me and has a "friend" who makes her feel different.

 

Now she has sent me so many mixed signals. When I saw her in August she was calling me and texting me all the time asking me if I got home ok after I saw her etc. She sounded like a different person then the girl who wants to leave me.

 

Anyway she leaves NYC to go back to Florida (thats where we were going to move). She proceeds to tell me "Email me stay in contact" I proceeded to tell her I would do anything for her then she says "You shouldnt have taken me back last summer when I broke up with you"

 

I tell myself I am not going to contact her enough is enough these signals are messing up my head!

 

She originally told me she would initiate the divorce papers and that she would fight if I contested (never said I would give her problems, I told her I will give her what she wants in terms of me signing)

 

So I don't contact her then two days later she calls and texts me asking if I am okay. I do not respond so she keeps caliing.

Then two days after that she starts texting me goodmorning and goodnight again. I do not respond.

I broke down a week after that and really told her how much she meant to me. She told me she would call me and text me later those days but then never did.

Its like a push/pull thing.

So 4 weeks ago I decided to myself "no contact" I need to heal! Last Saturday on our engagment Anv she texts me "Hello". I told myself to go out and just put myself first. I went to a party and had a great time.

The next night at midnight I text her "Hello" back. Then she texts me the next day asking "did you texts me at midnight last night, I just got it at 10am".

I dont respond because its pretty obvious I texted her at midnight. Then a day after that she texts me "Hello" again. So I broke down and said "Hi" then it went back and fourth to how we were both doing individually. I told her I was "great" then she said "I am sorry I havent been texting and been mia the last few weeks I have been really busy at work 16 hr days"

I did not text her back logic being is, I could have just as easily texted or called you the last 4 weeks but I didnt.

So now I am at square one like I did not even intiate no contact. After the 2nd week I was really starting to feel better but now it seems like she is some sort of emotional vampire or something. Knows when I am feeling better.

Havent heard from her in 3 days do not know what to think.

[phineas]

I think she's messing with you.

After 4 weeks have you gotten anything in writing about the divorce?

[boogieboy]

All shes doing is checking up on you because shes a lil lonely, and she needs the boost that you still want her. Dont give it to her, stop responding. My ex used to do this. IS she still with this new guy? If she is, she's just keeping you close on the backburner. Thast why she works so hard to get your attention, then when she gets it, she backs off ,because she got what she needed, validation. Its horribly manipulative. SO that should be a great reason for you to ignore her.

[seibert253]

It's done, it's over. You need to face the reality of that. You are nothing but an ego boost to her. For your own sanity you need to let her go.

 

File D papers and have her served. Go NC. Don't answer her, don't text her, NOTHING.

 

Time and distance are the only things that will help you heal.

[MrMayI]

she's testing the waters, and will continue to do so if you don't put a stop to it. she wants to see just how far out she can swim, and still string you along as a backup. file papers, go no contact.

[danyuld]

She has not filed any papers at all. As for me I have been going out having lots of fun. Lately more and more women are noticing me and really making it obvious.

So its not a question of me feeling wanted or not. Its just she is never truthful with what is going on in her head.

She would say minor things but her face and body language would portray something else.

 

The general concensus is that she is using me for back up and that she is indeed "crazy" or has a bit of borderline personality disorder.

I obviously cannot label this but I seriously think she is sick.

 

In her last text to me she also said she had online access again. So in the past I have blocked her from aim but she made different screen names.

 

Maybe I should just change everything, number, email etc.

 

But yes, I will stay no contact. I feel by her saying "sorry" for not texting me that meant I have more control at this point?

 

I was really needy and desperate before.

 

I hate mind games and I hate to think in terms of who has control or not.

[danyuld]

So her best friend who happened to be my friend as well contacted me on facebook. I added her after the engagement party two summers ago.

I put a status on my facebook "I am in love" basically I heard a song and fell inlove with it.

 

So her friend contacts me and asks me "is the girl in the picture with you the person you are in love with"?

 

Thought this was interesting seeing as how my wife facebook name appeared on my buddy list which means she activated it again only to deactivate it.

 

Anyway I told her friend it was just a song and nothing else then the friend stops talking to me like she is interested in what I have to say and just tells me she has work and has to go.

 

Haha what bull crap is that

[2.50 a gallon]

danyuld

 

It is quite simple, you are playing her game by her rules. You can't win unless you change the rules. And then you still lose, as love is not a game.

 

As others have said, it is done. She has rejected your love. Can you win her back? Possibly. Can you have the relationship you had before? Never! The trust is gone

 

Find somebody new and be happy

[sadintexas]

You SERIOUSLY need to get out of that. File the papers yourself and move on. There's no hope of her ever coming back and actually being a decent person. She might come back but will continue to screw with you until you put an end to it. This girl does not sound right in the head at all. Consider yourself lucky it happened fast, and RUN.

[danyuld]

So I guess no contact is best

[PWSX3]

So I guess no contact is best

Now you have the idea..........

 

As long as you keep in touch even with text messages you are doing what she wants. I understand VERY WELL how you want to reply, been there done that, it doesn't work, just makes your life miserable.

[westernxer]

Your lack of testosterone is appalling.

[dazedandconfused2008]

She doesnt seem crazy to me...sounds like someone who just doesnt know what she wants and fears the unknown like everyone else. But so far she has her cake and eating it too. You guys may have cut the physical ties but are still holding on to the emotional ones. You are her security blanket and are there when she needs to boost her ego like everyone is saying. She gets her "fix" which is validation that you still want her and i think deep down inside you are getting your "fix" too by how she is still looking for that from you. Its not healthy and its not going to make things better for either of you. It is what it is...a quick fix. Then the game in between these conversations are played.

 

For yourself, you need to ACCEPT is over...telling yourself and knowing are two different things...believe me...i been going through this for the past two years now. Knowing its over starts the real grieving process and no contact IS the BEST for healing. Change your numbers, set your facebook to private, etc. Cut off ALL ties with her. Im going through that right now. I took off in-laws, mutual friends, etc. (It doesnt have to be forever...just until you need to). Cut off all temptation to communicate and from this point on...its all about you baby. Heal. Live.

 

As for wanting to text her...i have a REAL problem with that with my ex. What i started doing when i have the urge to text him i will type what i want to say...then save it as a draft...and leave it for like a few hours or a day and by the time i look at it again...that emotional impulse to send it is usually gone and i look at it from the THINKING part of my brain and ask myself stuff like...do i really want to know the answer to that? YES BUT IT WILL HURT. Will it help me to heal and move on? NO. What is this going to gain? NOTHING. by that time i erase it. Its been really helping me big time to stick to no contact. I been playing the game for two years and it REALLY SUCKS and im back at square one. But i finally accepted and know its over and now im on the healing journey which is better for ME. For once i feel im getting my power back...where it belongs...with me.

[Art_Critic]

Your lack of testosterone is appalling.

 

Yeah...I have to agree with west...

 

This is not a marriage..

You need to reclaim your life.

 

You do realize that she is banging someone else ?.. How is that a good marriage ?

 

Sorry dude.. get an attorney and file... and never speak to her unless it is about the divorce.. She is just messing with you..

[sadhubby]

dany every situation has its own twist but from reading here most run the same course in the end here and there. mine did this to me too when we split up . it definatley was a control thing but it also was in my mind at the time her not being sure what she wanted still having feelings for me. i finaly decided to tell her to not call me anymore and thats when it all turned around . we were apart for 4 months, we are back together now 2 years strong. and yes we both ended up with other people so i guess what im saying is it really wrong to play a lil game if the end result is two people coming back together? if thats what you maybe want me and my wife were able to figure out all that was wrong and why we were failing in marriage. now we avoid those mistakes at all cost both of us. at the time i did file divorce papers she sighned it was almost done moved out of state and even sold the house we had. so if your gona play the game play well bro.