sweetnothings Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 So, its been about 3 months since I last saw my ex. The breakup did not go too well. He left me by ignoring me and never had any closure. I wasn't really sure why he never talked to me again. We had been having more fights so I thought that was probably it, but for weeks and weeks I wondered if he ever really cared about me. He randomly contacts me last night. He says he can't sleep and he is angry at himself for doing what he did to me, and the way he let me go. He thinks I must still be very angry at him and I have every right to be. He doesn't think I'll forgive him since its been so long, but he wants to say he is very sorry. What I don't understand is he is says he was scared of the relationship. Of course I have not written him back, and not sure to or when to. I don't know why he was scared of the relationship. He says he looks back and now realizes he had nothing to be scared of and I'm great and all. He admits it was a huge mistake to let me go and the way he handled it. Apparently, he thought we should break up, but he claims he was scared to talk to me about this because he loved me so much, so he cut off all communication. Yeah, wtf...seriously he could have just talked to me about things. So, he realizes he should have just talked to me about things, and maybe I would still be with him. He says he wants me to know how sorry he is and would take everything back if he could. He says he still loves me and tells me he hopes i'm doing ok. What do you think his motive is by writing this after 3 months? Does he want to get back with me? Its weird because I was doing a lot better, and this past week I started really thinking of him for some reason. Last night had a nightmare, and woke up thinking of him. I see he sent me a message online. I thought it was rather weird and a coincidence if any. So I know I should of all things, not write back immediately, but I'm a little confused. I wonder if he is totally lying. I wonder if I should just let it go or respond eventually. Of course, I really wonder if he wants to get back with me, not saying I do necessarily at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I don't know, he's really being careful walking that line of actually saying "I want you back". Maybe if you worded his exact message I could decipher it better. But the way you explained it in your own words is just a lot of "I'm sorry I handled it that way" "sorry if I hurt you", and it could merely be that he has hit a rough patch in his own life and is looking for validation and forgiveness from you to make himself feel better. It is verrrry hard to ever tell if an ex really wants you back, or if they are just having a needy moment themselves. He's a coward in the first place for not talking to you about things. People like that aren't worth the trouble. If you want to just maintain your upper hand and carry on with your life, don't answer. If you think you would take him back if he really has learned something and really has changed, then all you can do is ask "so are you asking for another chance, or just forgiveness?". If he wants another chance, obviously he has to prove it to you, and that takes more than one conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
LostLozz Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I kind of understand some of the things you mentioned about your bloke because I have heard the same from my ex. He sounds to me to have a few Commitment Phobic tendencies. Basically he got spooked, unsure of himself and what he wanted so ran. Have you gone hard core NC with him for 3 whole months? If so, good on you. I would respond and thats only me. I would want to see if he really wanted to discuss the failings in the relationship and the reason for his contact now. He may well be trying to crawl back slowly to you and grovelling with apologies is really the best place to start! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetnothings Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 I kind of understand some of the things you mentioned about your bloke because I have heard the same from my ex. He sounds to me to have a few Commitment Phobic tendencies. Basically he got spooked, unsure of himself and what he wanted so ran. Have you gone hard core NC with him for 3 whole months? If so, good on you. I would respond and thats only me. I would want to see if he really wanted to discuss the failings in the relationship and the reason for his contact now. He may well be trying to crawl back slowly to you and grovelling with apologies is really the best place to start! I do believe he has this fear of commitment and he is scared of being left alone. From what I understood he was always the one to get hurt, whether it be he was cheated on or dumped out of no where. I really have no idea what to say to him or if I should believe him what he is saying. Like the other poster said, he could be looking for a validation to make himself feel better. Maybe he has felt guilty for some time. When we broke up, I sent him tons of messages and he never responded. I want to do the same thing to him now in a way but I know that's playing games. I do know I will not write him today or probably not this week. I feel a little weird about posting his actual message, never know if he is on this site. Link to post Share on other sites
glamgurl Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Sweetnothings were we dating the same person?! Gee your situation sounds similar to mine. The guy I was dating was CP too and i think emotionally unavailable, he chose to ignore me rather than to talk about things as he said we would. I too sent messages that went unresponded to. It's been over three weeks of NC and about a month and a half since when he said we'd talk. I'll admit I still have hope but know it won't happen because I have already been down this road (stupid me for going back for more). Anyway, with these kind of guys, they just can't get themselves together. Maybe he does want you back maybe he is just lonely, only he knows. I realize that I was/am holding on to what was, and what could or should be, not what actaully was. If the relationship wasn't what you wanted move forward not backward. I know hearing from him is confusing but stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
wondering_girl Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 hi sweetnothings, how long did you guys date, i was wondering how did you go upon moving on without having any closure from him? my bf of 4 years disappeared on me after a petty fight, and when he said he was ready to talk, he just kinda stared and said he wasn't ready after he said he did..... our issue started about a month ago, and it has been 2 weeks of NC ever since our silent dinner my post is on here silent break-up... i've been a big mess too ever since.. how did you manage to move on without hearing from him? it HURTS me sooo bad. i don't know how your ex was but it seems like he pulls this disappearing acts out of the blue when we're doing super good and blows up on something petty.. do you want to get back together with him? thanks for listening..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetnothings Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 hi sweetnothings, how long did you guys date, i was wondering how did you go upon moving on without having any closure from him? my bf of 4 years disappeared on me after a petty fight, and when he said he was ready to talk, he just kinda stared and said he wasn't ready after he said he did..... our issue started about a month ago, and it has been 2 weeks of NC ever since our silent dinner my post is on here silent break-up... i've been a big mess too ever since.. how did you manage to move on without hearing from him? it HURTS me sooo bad. i don't know how your ex was but it seems like he pulls this disappearing acts out of the blue when we're doing super good and blows up on something petty.. do you want to get back together with him? thanks for listening..... well it was very hard for me. i dont think i ever really moved on, considering how im feeling right now about him. well, i think after writing him over and over i got a lot of my thoughts out and it helped get past a lot of it. of course the past few days i feel pretty bad about the situation and he writes me out of the blue which i still can't believe. i feel sick to my stomach and no doubt my feelings are still much there. i'm not sure what to do. im curious if he actually would date me again, but i also would be scared of getting hurt again. i don't know what to do. i don't know when i might respond to his message or if i even need to. its almost as if im scared to find out he has no intention of ever seeing me again, but at the same time that may be the best thing. if thats the case, i wish he had said sorry months ago, and why bring this on me now. Link to post Share on other sites
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 He's probably looking for comfort. Be as strong as you can muster. Don't feed him, let him starve. It's the only way to make him regret leaving you. If you must reply, keep it brief, reveal nothing, and stay positive. - from a guy's perspective Link to post Share on other sites
mimiminx Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 This is what I would suggest too. I would reply, but give it some time to process and get your strength up for the conversation. He may feel badly, it doesn't necessarily mean he wants you back just be prepared for that. Link to post Share on other sites
wondering_girl Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 well it was very hard for me. i dont think i ever really moved on, considering how im feeling right now about him. well, i think after writing him over and over i got a lot of my thoughts out and it helped get past a lot of it. of course the past few days i feel pretty bad about the situation and he writes me out of the blue which i still can't believe. i feel sick to my stomach and no doubt my feelings are still much there. i'm not sure what to do. im curious if he actually would date me again, but i also would be scared of getting hurt again. i don't know what to do. i don't know when i might respond to his message or if i even need to. its almost as if im scared to find out he has no intention of ever seeing me again, but at the same time that may be the best thing. if thats the case, i wish he had said sorry months ago, and why bring this on me now. hi sweetnothings, sorry you had to go through that, and i'm going through this now, it's really crappy....... i didn't write him though, i talked to him face to face but he didn't say anything, he was simply silent.....and like you said, i can't believe that he's doing this to me now, it HURTS... you're right, and you know the whole time that has been silent i'm even scared of the day that he contacts me.... i can't believe it like you said, sometimes i accept it, sometimes i'm in denial.. they just disappeared out of the blue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetnothings Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 I don't get why he would say it was a huge mistake on his part to let me go if he wasn't hoping to get back with me at some point. He says he still loves me and all too. Also, he says the reason he says he quit talking to me was he was scared of our relationship, but he now realizes he had nothing to be scared of. I so bad want to write and ask exactly what the heck that means, but I just can't right now. I don't know what to think. I can't make myself write him though. I still have a lot of anger towards him. I also have questions. I feel if I waited too long to respond, he might not write back. Who knows, maybe he wouldn't write back anyway. I'm glad I didn't jump in and write him the same day he wrote. I think normally I might have done that. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfgal Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Is there any update on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Bulldozed Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Sufgal - sounds all too familiar to my situation...my girl was having issues with us and rather than talk openly face to face, she lobbed emotional text grenades at me...."I don't know what's going on with us"...or "I'm having mixed emotions..." stuff like that...despite my pleas that texting on these topics was BS, it continued....I was so absorbed with trying to keep my job in the auto industry stable, I really didn't have patience, and often shot back equally harsh messages....I guess at the end of the day, we should have known better....damn, were both in our 40's behaving like high schoolers.... Link to post Share on other sites
Surfgal Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Sufgal - sounds all too familiar to my situation...my girl was having issues with us and rather than talk openly face to face, she lobbed emotional text grenades at me...."I don't know what's going on with us"...or "I'm having mixed emotions..." stuff like that...despite my pleas that texting on these topics was BS, it continued....I was so absorbed with trying to keep my job in the auto industry stable, I really didn't have patience, and often shot back equally harsh messages....I guess at the end of the day, we should have known better....damn, were both in our 40's behaving like high schoolers.... Bulldozer, I know what you mean...were the same......when do the games just stop. I mean I am mature enough to handle the break-up, but the way they do it. I don't know how you feel or others but I am around the same age and I just feel we should be adult enough, to know how to break something off. I always thought breaking up with someone meant leaving that person as good off as possible. Does that make since? After all, we did share our love..so why can't we release with love. Alot of maturing here is needed. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Blahblahblahblah. He called you for one reeason and one reason only: booty call. All the rest is just white noise. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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