lshtrish Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Can anyone please tell me why is my cousin still with his cheating wife? Recently about 3 weeks ago, we learned that she cheated again. I believe this is the 3rd time in their marriage already and he is still with her. This is just start of it. She has been cheating on him even before they got married. During their relationship, she cheated about 5 times. According to him, she kept begging, crying and promising she would stop and the stupid cousin of mine still married her. There are no kids involved which is a relieve but why doesn't he just separates or files divorce? I'm angry at how he does nothing but keeps taking her back. Can someone tell me why is he still with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Because he has no self-respect, and her continual cheating has destroyed his belief in himself. As frustrating as it is to sit back and watch this train wreck happen over and over again, just remember that people have to learn things in their own way and in their own time. Just try to be there for him and, if he ever asks your opinion, let him know how you feel. But, until he realizes that he's part of the problem and that he's responsible for getting out of that situation, their sick marriage will continue. Most likely his wife will eventually find another man that she wants to be with and she'll leave him. She'll be doing him a favor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lshtrish Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 I hope either he kicks her to the curb or she does it herself. I was informed by another friend of his that he was about to end it before they got married the last time she cheated as well as last week. But he hasn't, leads me to think she did all the begging and crying again. They have only been married for 7 months anyways. He can dump her now. With cheating maybe I can forgive a one-time thing but more than 4 times? Common sense. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Fear......... Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I hope either he kicks her to the curb or she does it herself. I was informed by another friend of his that he was about to end it before they got married the last time she cheated as well as last week. But he hasn't, leads me to think she did all the begging and crying again. They have only been married for 7 months anyways. He can dump her now. With cheating maybe I can forgive a one-time thing but more than 4 times? Common sense. Right. No one in their right mind would forgive multiple cheatings. It's completely ridiculous. Just understand that this is a dance they do together. If he hated it with the intensity that most people would in this situation, there's not enough pleading in the world that would change things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lshtrish Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 For far these are the main reason I assume he keeps accepting this behavior. 1) As poster Angel1111 pointed out on no self-respect, right on. No self-respecting person who continue being in a detrimental situation. In this case he might be having poor concept about himself or thinking there isn't anyone better out there. 2) Carhill stated it's fear. It can be it. It does makes sense that sometimes one does not want to be single and start the whole dating process again. If chosen to pick between being the only human stuck on a deserted island or being with a cheater, I rather be alone on the island. Many times it's better being alone than with bad company. But I'm trying to understand his point. Maybe he likes the idea of waking up every morning to see that person still with him. 3) The other reason I think also plays a role in this though I'm not sure is he's never really been in any relationship nor done anything with other girls not even kissing. It might be true that some people get so attach to their first and only. I don't know if this still happens. I haven't been in a relationship yet but that doesn't mean I'll get attach to my first and let him treat me poorly. 4) He believes she will one day change and maybe outgrow this. Maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 It does makes sense that sometimes one does not want to be single and start the whole dating process again. If chosen to pick between being the only human stuck on a deserted island or being with a cheater, I rather be alone on the island. Many times it's better being alone than with bad company. But I'm trying to understand his point. Maybe he likes the idea of waking up every morning to see that person still with him. Fear of the social and financial process of divorce. Fear of being alone. Fear of smelly socks, who knows? Unless he has some plan for exit, he'll likely stay in this shell of a M forever, absent psychological help. I might have done the same thing (no cheating W here) without getting MC. Sometimes it's better, with clarity, to let go. Thanks for being concerned about your cousin Link to post Share on other sites
Author lshtrish Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 Unfortunately it's his decision over what he wants to do with his life. By the looks if it, I doubt he has a plan of exit as he seem apparently trapped behind a shell because he want to. There is really nothing attaching him to that women other than pathetic papers and the fact that she is a cake eater as she always been. I see her as a despicable woman that took away his innocence (yes he was a virgin then, sadly he came across a snake) along with his self-esteem, self-confidence and all the enlightening/outgoing qualities that once belong to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Another very sad point is that it is probably a matter of time before she gives him an STD. It is a shame he would waste his life on somebody like this. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Can anyone please tell me why is my cousin still with his cheating wife? Recently about 3 weeks ago, we learned that she cheated again. I believe this is the 3rd time in their marriage already and he is still with her. This is just start of it. She has been cheating on him even before they got married. During their relationship, she cheated about 5 times. According to him, she kept begging, crying and promising she would stop and the stupid cousin of mine still married her. There are no kids involved which is a relieve but why doesn't he just separates or files divorce? I'm angry at how he does nothing but keeps taking her back. Can someone tell me why is he still with her? She has your cousin whippppped! He is in love with the sex she provides. She probably has a very high sex drive and that's why she keeps cheating. She's good in bed would definitely be my guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Worry less about the wife cheating and more about the emotional condition of your cousin. It's time he started going to therapy, to figure out why this much emotional abuse is acceptable and if you consider how many times he's taken her back, desired. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 I see her as a despicable woman that took away his innocence (yes he was a virgin then, sadly he came across a snake) along with his self-esteem, self-confidence and all the enlightening/outgoing qualities that once belong to him. Whoa! Are you jealous or something? Your cousin may not view it the same way you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Ish_trish86 Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Hi all it's me again. Had lost my previous account. This is what happens for not writting your the password and the fact that I'm new to this forum. Whoa! Are you jealous or something? Your cousin may not view it the same way you do.That's really not the point. I'm not a jealous maniac but how would you feel if a friend or family member was getting hurt multiple times and he/she doesn't do anything about it, just lets it happens. I can tell you it's frustrating as hell. Link to post Share on other sites
Ish_trish86 Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Another very sad point is that it is probably a matter of time before she gives him an STD. It is a shame he would waste his life on somebody like this.Indeed this is not he isn't considering. If this happens I'm going to file a lawsuit against her. Is that possible? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Sure, anything is possible. Document monetary damages and confer with a lawyer. Medical costs, if the STD is permanent and/or fatal would be your best chance. I don't have confidence in the outcome, but I guess that's because I've dealt with lawyers and judges... Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 If this happens I'm going to file a lawsuit against her. Is that possible? Uh, no. Why are you so interested in meddling and controlling your cousins life and marriage? I assume he's over 18, and is well aware of the choices he's making. Are you like this with other friends and family members? Or, just this one? Because your reaction seems excessive. If he's not bothered, then you shouldn't be either. Link to post Share on other sites
Ish_trish86 Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Why are you so interested in meddling and controlling your cousins life and marriage? I assume he's over 18, and is well aware of the choices he's making.It's not that I'm meddling nor controlling his life. It's about the poorly behavior he is accepting and he doesn't do anything about it. Any men in their sane mind would have left the tramp long ago already. Are you like this with other friends and family members? Or, just this one? Because your reaction seems excessive.It just him and a female friend. In both cases they are dealing with a cheater. The only difference is that my friend dump the lying cheater while my cousin is super bling. If he's not bothered, then you shouldn't be either.Even if she's cheating and probably give him an STD one day. I just don't see how he can live like that. Link to post Share on other sites
katiekayla1 Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Can anyone please tell me why is my cousin still with his cheating wife? Recently about 3 weeks ago, we learned that she cheated again. I believe this is the 3rd time in their marriage already and he is still with her. This is just start of it. She has been cheating on him even before they got married. During their relationship, she cheated about 5 times. According to him, she kept begging, crying and promising she would stop and the stupid cousin of mine still married her. There are no kids involved which is a relieve but why doesn't he just separates or files divorce? I'm angry at how he does nothing but keeps taking her back. Can someone tell me why is he still with her? He's gotta decide when HE'S had enough. Every can tell you, but ultimately it's his decision to make. I stayed in a verbally abusive, drug addict relationship for years despite everyone's opinion to leave. When I finally had enough I left. He'll eventually get to that point on his own terms. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 I just don't see how he can live like that. And I'm sure others can stand in judgement of your life, and your choices as well. Know what I mean? I understand his life is not one you would want for him, nor yourself, but he's a grown-up, and he's chosen this woman, and this situation. Just focus your energies elsewhere and let him work it out on his own. Also, one thing that is true, is that you never really know the dynamic between two people. For all you know, your husband is a cuckolded husband, and gets off on her affairs and cheating. Truly. Link to post Share on other sites
Ish_trish86 Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 He's gotta decide when HE'S had enough. He'll eventually get to that point on his own terms.I hope so. I heard of mainly women putting up with ill treatment from their boyfriend/husbands but none from the other side, only my cousin. Men are more prone to dumping cheating tramps or women that treat them poorly in other ways. I hope he wakes up one day. Link to post Share on other sites
Ish_trish86 Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Also, one thing that is true, is that you never really know the dynamic between two people. For all you know, your husband is a cuckolded husband, and gets off on her affairs and cheating. Truly.You do make an excellent point. I don't really know what's going on between them while in private. Cuckolded husband, yes that might be an explanation, who knows.:sick: Still, beyond disgusting. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 OP, just so you know, I was a lot more 'black and white' when I was a virgin, about a lot of things. It is possible this (your virginity) is coloring the intensity of your feelings here. Worth examining, IMO Link to post Share on other sites
Ish_trish86 Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 OP, just so you know, I was a lot more 'black and white' when I was a virgin, about a lot of things. It is possible this (your virginity) is coloring the intensity of your feelings here. Worth examining, IMO Yes it's a possibility. Why didn't I thought of that? Good point indeed. Easy to see it as disgusting when you're still a virgin. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Moreover, as I occasionally was, you appear to be a bit frustrated with that sexual state, and your cousin's wife is out banging any man in sight. See where I'm going with this? Link to post Share on other sites
Ish_trish86 Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Moreover, as I occasionally was, you appear to be a bit frustrated with that sexual state, and your cousin's wife is out banging any man in sight. See where I'm going with this?I notice it. True it can at times be frustrating still being in that state while at the same time hearing someone close to you getting hurt so badly. It's like if I had a magic wand and I would do something to make him wake up, I would. I want him to be happy but I'm guessing he is already happy since he likes her company and has tolerated her behavior for so long. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts