Raped as a child having hard time keeping my marriege together....

[just a person]

Hi,

 

I've been raped by my father since I was 2 until I was 18 and

was out of his house.

I never told anyone about it until this year when I told my

husband and his mom, who

is a freind of mine and a therapist .

 

I am a very reserved person, I have lots of fears I am insecure and as

my husband sometimes describes me just "****ed up in the head". I know

it's not easy living with me, I rarely live "here and now" I always

think about "is the future secured for me?"

 

Though, really. I live in a total nightmare some days.

 

I just started dealing with it for the fisrt time this year and I am a 27 year old

woman and a mother to a 1 yr. old.

 

I know I need special attention and I could be very difficult to deal with.

I am NOT looking for excuses for being a mean bitch some times.

 

Here's the problem:

My husband is having a hard time handling me, some times when I feel scared I would

"attack" him and argue with him, I have made some progress getting it better since I started

therapy, but he says he would leave me if I will continue to be like this.

 

I am suffering from dealing with the abuse I've been trough and also have to deal with

the fear I will loose my husbad. I deeply love him, I am just working a very though

thing right now.

 

What can I do???

 

Thanks for any advice.

 

me.

[Arabess]

I would strongly suggest you contact a therapist to help you deal with the flurry of emotions you are going thru. There may be web sites which have some group forums specifically on this subject....but I would still think it best to see a person who is trained on how to help you deal with your memories and anger.

 

I can't imagine having to grow up with such a horrible childhood. You owe it to your husband, child and YOURSELF though to get the help you need.

[meanon]

When you say you attack him do you mean verbally or physically? If you have not shared what is happening with your therapist then you should do. I'm not sure advice will really help - most people who suffer abuse at a young age feel they are not worth of love and these feelings of self hatred perpetuate the cycle of abuse in the way they then treat others. It is only through talking to people about your experiences and feelings that you will gain insight into how and why you do this to yourself. then you can begin to break the pattern. You are doing all you can - just keep the lines of communication open with your husband so he can see the progress you are making and the light at the end of the tunnel. If you physically attack him in anger then this has to stop - get more help for this now - you need some practical strategies for how to resist giving vent to your feelings until the therapy has alleviated the causes. You sound like a survivor - you will get there.

[Faerie Princess]

Keep up with your therapy.

 

Remember that you're not being abused anymore. That part is over. You need to focus on the healing.

 

As far as fighting, many times when we're dealing with insurmountable stress, we lash out to those around us. Focus on what you're doing when you "attack" your husband, and set up some cues for yourself to stop. You'll find that you'll be able to work out your differences much better when you let your interactions be calm.

 

Many people suffer through abuse and move beyond it. You're seeking help, so that's a good start. Let yourself heal. Don't let yourself be "an abuse survivor" as your only part of you. You are a growing changing person. You are vital and alive. Live in today's world, live today's life, and don't let the abuse define you as all of who you are, rather let it be part of who you are. You HAVE survived. Now live.

 

Don't use the abuse as your way out of being responsible for who and what you are. Be more than that.

[lady_vampiress2003]

get ur ass to church if ur a christian cos u need some spiritual healing as well as mental healing which ur already getting from ur therapist,(if he/she is good?). if u feel ur therapist helping u heal a great deal thats great keep him if not get another one and start from there. and maybe u should communicare with ur husband on how u feel and when u feel low and in a bad mood let him know so he understands how ur feeling and doesnt resent u for it, cos keeping it inside u isnt helping any. also try seeing ur therapist/councillor along with ur husband as a couple so that he can see ur healing process and be supportive being there for u in every way is an important part of ur healing process so u know ur loved and supported which is part of ur depression.

also go see ur doctor and if ur not already on anti depressents try taking them to balance the chemicals in ur brain making ur mood swings alot less and non existent even. try also to start going to a church if ur a christian and start attending sermons/church atleast once a week this will help to bring god in ur life and help in getting rid of any spritual issues u have with ur father which cos ur depression and pain are also usually spritual as well as mental. start spend intimate time together just the two of u with out the kids. Whever its going out to a party, restaurant, making a romantic gesture such as make a dinner/bath bath together for u both under candle light, these are good romantic getures, going out, open communication and haveing fun together are very important in order to keep ur relationship healthy and stable otherwise u wont have that closeness, intimacy and attention to ur needs which u are obviously lacking.

here are some sites which may help u to overcome this problem:

http://www.livingfreeministry.org/site_map.htm

http://www.livingfreeministry.org/

http://crc.iugm.org/non12.html

http://www.crossroads.ca/response/incest.htm

http://spiritualsurvival.org/

http://home.hiwaay.net/~eduard/christ/index.html

http://www.demonpossession.com/sra.html

http://www.demonpossession.com/holyspirit.html

[LaLa]

I would strongly suggest your husband also see your therapist!!!! so he could gain more understanding about your behaviors and help you through the painful past and start a new era together.

[LaLa]

I have to add this: the support form your husband is whay you need most, without his understanding and support, you cant get through this but would add new wound to the old scars!

[toots307]

I agree with LaLa - your husband needs therapy too.

 

The way he is saying he'll leave you if you keep doing this could be a sign of how helpless he is feeling - It's so incredibly difficult loving someone and knowing that no matter what you do, you can't help them.

 

I feel for both you and your husband. Keep up your therapy and suggest he get help too.

 

You'll bet better don't worry. Take everything one day at a time.

 

Warm wishes.

[Patty]

I strongly urge you to see a therapist,or if you already are,continue to do so.For what you went through,you need professional help.

 

I enclosed you a link to some hotline numbers.

 

http://www.coolnurse.com/hotline.htm

 

Good luck with everything.

 

Patty