Am I nuts for even thinking about doing this?

[wickedsorry]

Some history first... I was with the same girl for 6 years. We've lived together the past 2.5 years. We were going to get married. We had discussed it and that was definitely in the plans.

 

Some things happened (I didn't cheat if that's what you're thinkin!) and now she says she needs space to figure out if she can forgive me in a way that's healthy for her. She says she doesn't hate me, she's just angry. I email her at work, and she emails me back and we still call each other to tell each other when we're coming home from work and from the weekend. I apologized one weekend for bothering her, and she said "I don't mind!".

 

We still talk and hug and I'd say three or four nights a week we share a bed (with us getting intimate once or twice a week lately still... at least until she moves out in a couple weeks.).

 

Should asking her to marry me right now even be in my playbook? Would this cement her concerns over commitment, trust, etc? Or is this just going to set me up for a disaster? The idea just popped in my head recently... I mean, I was planning on asking in the next couple of months anyway (before a wedding in my family in December).

 

I'm probably nuts, eh?

[CarrieT]

I would say that without knowing what she feels she has to forgive you for (since it isn't cheating) would help to know how to answer you...

 

Your scenario is too vague to give qualitative advice.

[Woggle]

Yes you are nuts. You are better off without her. If she is pulling this nonsense before you two are even married it will be 100% worse after you do.

[wickedsorry]

I would say that without knowing what she feels she has to forgive you for (since it isn't cheating) would help to know how to answer you...

 

Your scenario is too vague to give qualitative advice.

 

sorry...

 

reference:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t203413/

[wickedsorry]

Yes you are nuts. You are better off without her. If she is pulling this nonsense before you two are even married it will be 100% worse after you do.

 

I dunno if it's nonsense. I know I earned most of it.

 

I do love her, and I don't feel like I am settling for what's easy, convenient, etc. I honestly fthought for the past five years that she was the one I'd buy a house with and raise kids with.

[Joie de Vivre]

this is from a girls perspective... but I would be totally confused and a bit upset if my fiance had proposed to me while we are in a middle of a "fight".

 

I would be upset because I would think he is trying for an easy way out so I would forgive him completely. I would much rather observe his changes for awhile before getting engaged.

 

Also, you don't want to propose when the relationship is shaky. She is more susceptible to change her mind later on if she says yes/no to the proposal.

 

Personally, I think it's better to propose when all issues are completely solved and done with, and everyone has a clear understanding of what he or she wants.

[Lucky_One]

I would wait. She definitely needs some time to come to grips with what she found - and to decide if you are telling 1000% the truth, or if you are latently transsexual. Some women can handle coming home and their BF/H wearing their chemise, but most women freak.

[wickedsorry]

this is from a girls perspective... but I would be totally confused and a bit upset if my fiance had proposed to me while we are in a middle of a "fight".

 

I would be upset because I would think he is trying for an easy way out so I would forgive him completely. I would much rather observe his changes for awhile before getting engaged.

 

Also, you don't want to propose when the relationship is shaky. She is more susceptible to change her mind later on if she says yes/no to the proposal.

 

Personally, I think it's better to propose when all issues are completely solved and done with, and everyone has a clear understanding of what he or she wants.

 

Yeah. I'm not sure if this is just a "fight" any more. Right now all I can do is wait and see.

 

I would wait. She definitely needs some time to come to grips with what she found - and to decide if you are telling 1000% the truth, or if you are latently transsexual. Some women can handle coming home and their BF/H wearing their chemise, but most women freak.

 

Well, that's part of the problem. She has this misconception that I am a transexual or crossdresser or whatever. I'm not, and have no desire to meet up, etc in real life.

 

Anyway, thanks for talking some sense into me. I just felt like maybe if she finally saw a ring she'd finally see my true feelings which I stupidly failed to show the past 6 years.

[Joie de Vivre]

 

Anyway, thanks for talking some sense into me. I just felt like maybe if she finally saw a ring she'd finally see my true feelings which I stupidly failed to show the past 6 years.

 

There is always time to makeup for it change can easily start tomorrow -- she will see your true feelings as time goes, but don't expect her to come around so soon though. but she will definitely see your change

 

good luck

[wickedsorry]

There is always time to makeup for it change can easily start tomorrow -- she will see your true feelings as time goes, but don't expect her to come around so soon though. but she will definitely see your change

 

good luck

 

That's what people tell me. I don't see how it'll happen when we'll be an hour apart now. She's gonna meet someone long before I do, she's just got something about her.

 

Oh well, I don't want to make this a sob story.

 

Thanks.

[Lucky_One]

Well, that's part of the problem. She has this misconception that I am a transexual or crossdresser or whatever. I'm not, and have no desire to meet up, etc in real life.

 

I would certainly have that conception about you, if you were my BF. Sorry, but I can see being shy about giving my GF sex toys if introducing that sort of play into our R had never been talked about, but shy about giving her lingerie after living with her for 2.5 years? After a 6 year R, surely you have given her lingerie before, or she has worn sexy little things for you in the past, or had discussions over what you like or what turns you on? So if I found a bag of lingerie that my BF was too shy to give me, I would seriously question it.

 

You can say that you have no desire to ever meet up with anyone from an alternate lifestyle all you want and you can proclaim that you are not a cross-dresser all you want - but your actions are very different from your words. I have never known anyone who has signed up for a tranny site without having some sort of desire to be there. But I HAVE known a couple of guys who turned out to be gay or bi, after declaring for years that they were strictly hetero. It isn't easy to be open about socially taboo sexual items. I am not saying that you are lying to us or that you are lying to yourself, but you *might* be. And she is well aware that you *might* be.

[wickedsorry]

I would certainly have that conception about you, if you were my BF. Sorry, but I can see being shy about giving my GF sex toys if introducing that sort of play into our R had never been talked about, but shy about giving her lingerie after living with her for 2.5 years? After a 6 year R, surely you have given her lingerie before, or she has worn sexy little things for you in the past, or had discussions over what you like or what turns you on? So if I found a bag of lingerie that my BF was too shy to give me, I would seriously question it.

 

I know, it's weird. And yes, she has worn plenty and I have bought her plenty.

 

You can say that you have no desire to ever meet up with anyone from an alternate lifestyle all you want and you can proclaim that you are not a cross-dresser all you want - but your actions are very different from your words. I have never known anyone who has signed up for a tranny site without having some sort of desire to be there. But I HAVE known a couple of guys who turned out to be gay or bi, after declaring for years that they were strictly hetero. It isn't easy to be open about socially taboo sexual items. I am not saying that you are lying to us or that you are lying to yourself, but you *might* be. And she is well aware that you *might* be.

 

It's tough to explain, and I know the actions speak louder than what I say. I don't know if it's my lack of sexual experience (in terms of partners) that lead me to different things or what. I know part of the attraction was the lingerie itself. I dunno, it's tough to explain... and I know that frustrates her too.