if you know he's married why start a relationship?

[stillafool]

I've had affairs with guys who were already in relationships, though they were never married. Why? Because I wanted to, and I didn't care if it hurt his gf... I didn't want to hurt her on purpose, I just didn't give a crap about her feelings. I tend to look after #1, so if I want to do something, I do it, without considering how it would affect anyone else... as long as I get what I want, that's all that matters to me. Does that answer your question?

 

 

Darling, I feel if a man is not married he is still available. You cannot compare a bf/gf relationship with that of a married couple. They have taken no vows nor do they have a marriage license.

 

Oh and it is most clear that you only care about #1 - yourself.

[Dexter Morgan]

as the title states really, if u meet a man, someone u dont no, someone u cant have feelings for, why start something with him knowing hes already got a gf/wife??

 

some will admit, others will not, but the #1 reason would be.....cause they can.

 

 

does no1 ever think 'the wife' must hav feelings, 'the wife' will get hurt,

 

you think they really care?

 

 

i am 'the wife' or should i say was. 7years iv bin with him, i was 16, married him at 18, gave him 2 sons and have another on the way. yes he was in the wrong, he was the 1 that made the vow to me, not her, but she knew, she says she loves him, but she couldnt hav wen she 1st met him, so why???

 

because its their "right" to help themselves to whoever they want no matter who gets hurt in the process...the wife/husband....the kids.

 

 

if your with a married man do you not think about the family you are breaking up?

 

of course not...the little head doesn't think about their kids and wife.

 

 

 

like i said it wasnt u that made the vow to the wife but does that make it ok to b a part of breaking up a family? i just dont understand, why would you want someone elses husband?

 

I'd never knowingly be with someone elses wife unless I was one of those guys that just wanted sex and didn't care who it might affect.

 

And if I wanted more, I wouldn't want someone that has proven to me that they can't handle committment. Why would I want someone that cheated on their husband? I'm not narcississtic enough to think I'm so damn special that she wouldn't do it to me after a few years.

[MistyK]

You cannot compare a bf/gf relationship with that of a married couple. They have taken no vows nor do they have a marriage license.

 

 

Is that supposed to mean that it's ok for an OW to intrude on a 10 year relationship where they're committed, but not married, perhaps even with kids?

[stillafool]

In having the affair. Yes, you're correct. But, if I drink a glass of wine, does that make me an alcoholic? I made a mistake, it's not a lifestyle choice. At least for me.

 

You are entitled to a glass of wine, hell have a whole bottle, then lay down in a ditch and sleep it off, as you are only hurting yourself. But you are not entitled to someone else's husband as you would be hurting another person. I don't know how you can even compare the two but I see you don't see a difference between a human being and a glass of wine.

[stillafool]

Is that supposed to mean that it's ok for an OW to intrude on a 10 year relationship where they're committed, but not married, perhaps even with kids?

 

 

Personally no, I don't believe in intruding on anyone's relationship even if they've only been dating two weeks. However, sorry if that man is not married then he is still available for marriage.

[donnamaybe]

You missed the analogy, stillafool.

 

Misty was saying she's lived and learned as regards affairs. Just because she had one doesn't make her a serial OW, just as having a glass of wine doesn't make her an alcoholic.

[jj33]

Well I think my point is adqueately proven. No matter what reason is given some of the people who are posting on this thread will never be satisfied. I note the OP is long gone... Im out too. Enjoy yourselves.

[stillafool]

You missed the analogy, stillafool.

 

Misty was saying she's lived and learned as regards affairs. Just because she had one doesn't make her a serial OW, just as having a glass of wine doesn't make her an alcoholic.

 

 

Oh, sorry about that Misty. I'm glad you have learned. BTW, if an OW is a young woman and makes this mistake, it happens and hopefully like you she will learn from it and move on. We all make mistakes in life. But when you know better and don't do better that's wrong.

[TogetherForever]

I completely agree with OW...

 

I've never been married.. never will.. because I think that vows are only verbal bs when two persons are head over heels in love with each other.. which only last for a short time.. when things go wrong.. those vows are all crap.. out the window..

 

I think it's the person who made the vows (for what they're worth) that should be blamed.. no one else..

 

Plus not all A are discovered and breaking the M.

 

 

 

Ditto!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Woggle]

It's a typical story of a woman wanting what she can't have. MM are out of reach in most cases for anything more than just a fling and that drives a woman crazy. She must win his affection and make him love her to soothe her ego and make her feel beautiful. It's similiar to a donkey chasing a carrot. They don't want a single because the affection is already there and she has won the game already before she even played.

[herenow]

I haven't read all the posts in this thread, so forgive me if I'm redundant.

 

I do believe that the MM is the one to blame for cheating on his wife. However I don't understand the OW who gets involved with a MM knowing he is married. I know that my opinion is just that and many will disagree with me.

 

The way I see it, I'm the only person who needs to answer for my actions. If I'm a part of something that causes someone pain, I'm responsible for that. I'm the one that has to look in the mirror every morning. I'm the one who has to fall asleep at night. I'm the one who has to live everyday knowing who I am and what I have done. I need to live my life in a way that I can do those things. There is no way I could ever be the OW because I want to be able to "like" myself. The self-loathing I would have for myself if I was ever a part another woman's pain in that way would make life unbearable. The guilt would destroy me. But that's just me.

 

There are many OW that obviously don't see things the same way I do. Who am I to tell them to live their lives differently? The OW who do not feel they are responsible for the pain that the A causes the BW are very hypocritical when they come here and blame MM for their own pain. Or the ones who get upset when the MM goes back to his wife. Why is that a problem? Why should the MM or BW care about the feelings of the OW? If the MM's promise to the BW didn't mean anything, why would anything the MM promised the OW be meaningful? After all the BW doesn't owe the OW anything right?

 

IMO, you should treat people the way you want to be treated, If you are willing to act in a way that may hurt someone else, then, IMO, you really can't complain when you are the one that gets hurt.

 

Also, I am a vegetarian, my new wedding ring is a artistic band of gold with no big diamond and I do not drive drunk. Not that any of those things have anything to do with MM and affairs.

[donnamaybe]

Ditto!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

You aren't looking forward to a day when your guy might propose marriage?

 

And you would have absolutely NO feelings of rancour for a woman who screwed your man, knowing he had a girlfriend/fiance/wife?

 

Of course, first and foremost, I would blame my partner. No question. But I would still have certain - ahem - feelings about the woman involved, providing she wasn't lied to and KNEW he was in a committed relationship.

[stuckinoz]

Perhaps they screw someone elses husband (have an affair )because they themselves are in an unhappy marriage. Both parties are married to others - Both parties have just as much to lose, both parties unhappy.

In my scenario - Both married parties care a great deal about their families - mostly their children. Neither wants to lose them, but the marriage is not a good one, (for both involved) therefore they go looking somewhere else to fulfill their own personal desires.

I do not for a second think that either one of us went into the affair (5 years ago) to STICK IT TO our significant others. WE did it for US. Not TO them.

Your husband indescretion is not something he did TO you. It was something he did TO himself & FOR himself. Not trying to sound mean at all, but ( only skimmed the thread ) Is he or was he unhappy in the marriage?

~Not saying any of it is right, just saying their are reasons things like this do happen.~

 

I am also in agreement with the gf/bf scenario. These people have not taken vows to be with ONE person & ONE person only.

[herenow]

You aren't looking forward to a day when your guy might propose marriage?

 

And you would have absolutely NO feelings of rancour for a woman who screwed your man, knowing he had a girlfriend/fiance/wife?

 

Of course, first and foremost, I would blame my partner. No question. But I would still have certain - ahem - feelings about the woman involved, providing she wasn't lied to and KNEW he was in a committed relationship.

 

Some OW have feelings of rancor when a MM has sex with his own wife!

[Thornton]

Darling, I feel if a man is not married he is still available. You cannot compare a bf/gf relationship with that of a married couple. They have taken no vows nor do they have a marriage license.

 

Oh and it is most clear that you only care about #1 - yourself.

 

If he was married I'd still feel the same way - as long as he was actually going to divorce his wife and didn't expect me to be his bit on the side. Nowadays a marriage license means nothing anyway, you can get married and divorced in an afternoon and it's hardly a social stigma any longer. Society has eroded the value and sanctity of marriage such that both marriage and divorce are pretty much meaningless nowadays.

 

As far as only caring about #1... doesn't everyone do that? It seems that most people do, so if you don't then you're putting yourself at a disadvantage. You have to take what you want in life otherwise you'll miss out, because nobody is going to give you anything.

[TogetherForever]

You aren't looking forward to a day when your guy might propose marriage?

 

And you would have absolutely NO feelings of rancour for a woman who screwed your man, knowing he had a girlfriend/fiance/wife?

 

Of course, first and foremost, I would blame my partner. No question. But I would still have certain - ahem - feelings about the woman involved, providing she wasn't lied to and KNEW he was in a committed relationship.

 

 

This>>Plus not all A are discovered and breaking the M.

is what I was ditto'ing.

[donnamaybe]

If he was married I'd still feel the same way - as long as he was actually going to divorce his wife and didn't expect me to be his bit on the side. Nowadays a marriage license means nothing anyway, you can get married and divorced in an afternoon and it's hardly a social stigma any longer. Society has eroded the value and sanctity of marriage such that both marriage and divorce are pretty much meaningless nowadays.

 

As far as only caring about #1... doesn't everyone do that? It seems that most people do, so if you don't then you're putting yourself at a disadvantage. You have to take what you want in life otherwise you'll miss out, because nobody is going to give you anything.

 

My sweety gives me a LOT. Things I don't even ask for! As a result, he gets the same love and consideration from me.

 

If I were a "look out for me me ME" kind of person, I wouldn't have a man like him.

[MistyK]

You are entitled to a glass of wine, hell have a whole bottle, then lay down in a ditch and sleep it off, as you are only hurting yourself. But you are not entitled to someone else's husband as you would be hurting another person. I don't know how you can even compare the two but I see you don't see a difference between a human being and a glass of wine.

 

YOu are labeling me as a sociopath over a mistake I made with one person. Were I involved with lots of MM, I'd understand. Then it's a lifestyle choice. Most OW do NOT make it a lifestyle choice. We aren't bad people, really.

 

You don't get it. I am done trying.

[Thaddeus]

As far as only caring about #1... doesn't everyone do that? It seems that most people do, so if you don't then you're putting yourself at a disadvantage. You have to take what you want in life otherwise you'll miss out, because nobody is going to give you anything.

So I have your permission, then, to drive carelessly and put the lives of others in danger? I have your permission to steal from the corner store? It's now OK to slug someone in the head simply because their presence offends me? After all, I'm just looking out for #1, right? Nobody else's feelings or my impact on their lives should matter to me, right?

 

Cool! I could get used to this Looking Out For #1 Regardless of the Consequences thing!

[herenow]

As far as only caring about #1... doesn't everyone do that? It seems that most people do, so if you don't then you're putting yourself at a disadvantage. You have to take what you want in life otherwise you'll miss out, because nobody is going to give you anything.

 

What a lonely life that would be. There are times on a daily basis that I make a choice to do something other than what "I want" because of how my actions effect others. I have a husband, kids, a family, friends, work acquaintances, etc. that I care about. If I always thought about myself first, those relationships would be simply superficial or gone. Not the way I want to life my life, but that's just me I guess.

[MistyK]

Oh, sorry about that Misty. I'm glad you have learned. BTW, if an OW is a young woman and makes this mistake, it happens and hopefully like you she will learn from it and move on. We all make mistakes in life. But when you know better and don't do better that's wrong.

 

Ok, fair enough. That's all I'm trying to say. It isn't a desireable or lifestyle choice for most women who become OWs.

[bentnotbroken]

If he was married I'd still feel the same way - as long as he was actually going to divorce his wife and didn't expect me to be his bit on the side. Nowadays a marriage license means nothing anyway, you can get married and divorced in an afternoon and it's hardly a social stigma any longer. Society has eroded the value and sanctity of marriage such that both marriage and divorce are pretty much meaningless nowadays.

 

As far as only caring about #1... doesn't everyone do that? It seems that most people do, so if you don't then you're putting yourself at a disadvantage. You have to take what you want in life otherwise you'll miss out, because nobody is going to give you anything.

 

 

This only applies to those people who believe they aren't getting what they think they want or deserve. I am not at a disadvantage for not "taking" (not the word I would use, you can't take a person). And no we all don't just look out for ourselves. Someone has shown me kindness and respect in my life, why shouldn't I do the same? I am a firm believer in getting back what you put out their in life...

[donnamaybe]

What a lonely life that would be. There are times on a daily basis that I make a choice to do something other than what "I want" because of how my actions effect others. I have a husband, kids, a family, friends, work acquaintances, etc. that I care about. If I always thought about myself first, those relationships would be simply superficial or gone. Not the way I want to life my life, but that's just me I guess.

 

No kidding!

 

I mean, don't we take others into consideration when we simply move our cart around through the grocery store, for example?

[herenow]

Ok, fair enough. That's all I'm trying to say. It isn't a desireable or lifestyle choice for most women who become OWs.

 

I guess that comes back to the OP of this thread. Why get involved in an affair in the first place? If it isn't a desirable or lifestyle "choice" why do it?

 

I'm not asking about OW who didn't know the man was married. Just the ones who knew, which is what this thread is about.

 

IMO, if you are old enough to make a choice to have an affair with a MM, you are old enough to know what marriage is. And even if you don't agree with marriage, you at least know that having an affair with a MM is not part of the agreement. Therefor, you would have to know that someone may get hurt and it may very well be the OW. So, even if you don't care at all about the BW, why would an OW put herself in harms way?

[ladydesigner]

I often wonder why my xOM pursued me, knowing I was married. Maybe it was a challenge for him. I knew he had a SO and personally did not care. I guess you could say I was just thinking about myself, typical cake-eating mentality (on my part). My xOM I will never know. I know it wasn't just for the sex because he said he has never been into sex that much. I personally thought he wasn't that great in the sack once we had done the deed.