herenow Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Yes and I don't understand that either. They have the nerve to be upset!:lmao: Well, it's our fault you know. Wives aren't supposed to have sex with our husbands. We are taking away something that belongs to the OW after all. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 In summary: You might as well hedge your bets and be nice, unless there's a personal benefit in being nasty, which there is if you're talking about stealing a man that you want for yourself. Oh, so you advise being two-faced? Nice. See, those are the kind I boot out of my circle of friends rather than turn into a two-faced person myself. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 But you MIGHT wind up crossing the BS's path, and she might just kick the living sh-t outta ya. Right because it benefits the BW to beat up the OW. Nothing wrong with that right? Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Right because it benefits the BW to beat up the OW. Nothing wrong with that right? As long as she approaches from the rear so there won't be any ID. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 YOu are labeling me as a sociopath over a mistake I made with one person. Were I involved with lots of MM, I'd understand. Then it's a lifestyle choice. Most OW do NOT make it a lifestyle choice. We aren't bad people, really. You don't get it. I am done trying. Misty dear I already apologized to you. Read back. I had you wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 What a lonely life that would be. There are times on a daily basis that I make a choice to do something other than what "I want" because of how my actions effect others. I have a husband, kids, a family, friends, work acquaintances, etc. that I care about. If I always thought about myself first, those relationships would be simply superficial or gone. Not the way I want to life my life, but that's just me I guess. Me too! Sometimes I go out of my way for complete strangers. There's no better feeling in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Me too! Sometimes I go out of my way for complete strangers. There's no better feeling in the world. Yup. I've stopped for women with a broken down car, driven them and their groceries home, etc. I got nothing out of it but the satisfaction of helping someone I will probably never see again. Some of us get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Share Posted September 28, 2009 hey every1 i really didnt expect this thread to turn into such a massive debate OR for people to put others down, i really did just want some honest answers from women who have had affairs with married/committed men. i no why my husband cheated, i no the woman he cheated on me with knew he was married, i have his point of view, i cant get hers and thought the next best thing would be to ask women who are in/have been in the same situation as her, had the same choice to make. i honestly dont believe all OW are heartless bitches, i dont blame the women my husband cheated on me with, i blame him, he betrayed me not her but i just wondered why someone would do that is all. personally i could never b with someone already committed no matter how much i liked them, someone mentioned the saying 'do unto others...' and i agree with that. equally i accept that we are all different and where i would think of the women in the relationship and chose not to b with the man others would not, someone mentioned if it wasnt them it would b someone else, id rather it b someone else, id feel too guilty. someone asked was my husband unhappy in the M,as far as i knew he wasnt, we were'nt, yes we argued about silly things but isnt that normal?? at the end of the day we never went to bed angry with each other. he went to work, i stayed at home, looked after the kids and kept house, he came home to a meal every evening and we both had social lives outside of the M with our own friends. it wasnt to do with him 'not getting any' coz he got plenty so to me we were happy. he has said he wasnt unhappy, it started coz i was away at a friends house, the oppurtunity was there and he took it. imo he obviously didnt/doesnt love me tho he says he does, maybe he just doesnt love me enough. i dont no, and i never will. thank u to the people who tried to answer my questions, who shared their stories and tried to help me understand. this includes those who said they'd had an affair/would have an affair simply because they only think of themselves, i wanted truth and i got it. i thought that trying to understand HER point of view might help me deal with the betrayal but it really hasnt, she just didnt give a damn and its true, why should she?! i may dislike her but like iv said before i blame my husband and have a lot more then dislike for him!! Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Me too! Sometimes I go out of my way for complete strangers. There's no better feeling in the world. I bet you do it anonymously and get no benefit other than the fact that you were able to help someone less fortunate. How dare you! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I see a lot of : you (OW) know that you are hurting someone else's family... Like I said previously..I disagree... maybe the OW is NOT hurting anyone.. maybe she is contributing to their good M... Let's say, two people, both married and not quite happy with the sex life in their M.. let's say they both lack that intimacy, the kissing, the kinky sex... etc.. After 2 weeks or so (depend on their level of sexual need).. the MP who has no intimacy at home.. get stressed.. upset ..their need for sex is high.. and they know it will only lead to conflict if they bring it up with their partner.. they've done that a million times and nothing has changed... they don't want to leave because of their lifestyle, children, friends, etc..... The 2 APs get together.. have monkey sex.. for hours... they are relieved... happy.. go home to their respective spouse.. are in a good humour.. they don't argue.. since they have nothing to argue about.. (the main argument being sex).... the other spouse is also happy since he/she is left alone.. everyone is happy.. the children don't feel any tension at home.. all is great.. Not all As are harmful... some can be therapeutic.. In that case wouldn't a prostitute serve them better? No emotional involvement for either party. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 In that case wouldn't a prostitute serve them better? No emotional involvement for either party. Good point.:lmao: SAF, why can't I send you a PM? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 In that case wouldn't a prostitute serve them better? No emotional involvement for either party. You got it wrong to a certain degree... in many cases, there is some kind of emotional attachement, especially when the MM sees the same prostitute for years... like 5+ years... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 2009... you're right.. not all OWs are heartless bitches, in fact.. I don't think any are... OWs are women just like you and me.. who are good mothers, great friend, good people... they just happen to love being with the man you're married to.. most of the OWs, in fact, love your husband for the same reason YOU love him... Never say never... I've known people.. and I've read many times here about people who said they would NEVER EVER have an A... well guess what? Most A are not planned.. they just happen.. and most of the time, they happen at work.. where people spend more time with strangers than with their own spouses.. It's soooo easy. Plus not all OWs want to 'steal' your man.. some don't.. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 You got it wrong to a certain degree... in many cases, there is some kind of emotional attachement, especially when the MM sees the same prostitute for years... like 5+ years... But does said MM KNOW he's been f'ing a prostitute? Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Plus not all OWs want to 'steal' your man.. some don't.. And it's very clear from reading this thread that some do... Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 2009. Never say never... I've known people.. and I've read many times here about people who said they would NEVER EVER have an A... well guess what? I will never have an affair with a MM. I can say with 100% certainty that it will never happen. You can choose to believe it or not, but that type of behavior is not part of who I am. It doesn't make me better or worse than anyone else, it's just the way it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Thornton Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I bet you do it anonymously and get no benefit other than the fact that you were able to help someone less fortunate. How dare you! Doing good for others gives you a warm fuzzy feeling and you feel good about yourself, so you do get something out of it. If charity didn't make people feel good about themselves, they wouldn't do it. They evaluate the situation and figure that the fuzzy feeling is worth a few coins, or a bit of effort, etc. They certainly wouldn't do it if it was significantly to their personal detriment. Respecting a MM's wife's desires above my own would be significantly to my personal detriment - I would value my desire to be with him more than I would value her feelings. I also behave charitably sometimes, because I like the fuzzy feeling, but my charity does not extend to giving up a relationship for the sake of someone I don't even know. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 But does said MM KNOW he's been f'ing a prostitute? Well, if he pays her, it's obvious he thinks he is f'ing a prostitute. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 IWWH - the OP was not here to bash, that is obvious. Everyone else though took it as open invitation to bash OW. I don't think anyone thought the original post was insulting. It sounded like a humble, genuine question for understanding. What she got though, was a bunch of people answering with the angry venom that is neither accurate nor helpful. For someone who doesn't like generalizations......... I believe I answered the question without bashing --- so not "everyone else" didn't take it as an open invitation to bash. You seem to take every single post that COULD have a negative vibe to it and turn it into a personal attack on you..... it isn't that way. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Doing good for others gives you a warm fuzzy feeling and you feel good about yourself, so you do get something out of it. If charity didn't make people feel good about themselves, they wouldn't do it. They evaluate the situation and figure that the fuzzy feeling is worth a few coins, or a bit of effort, etc. They certainly wouldn't do it if it was significantly to their personal detriment. Respecting a MM's wife's desires above my own would be significantly to my personal detriment - I would value my desire to be with him more than I would value her feelings. I also behave charitably sometimes, because I like the fuzzy feeling, but my charity does not extend to giving up a relationship for the sake of someone I don't even know. Well since I don't know you, you won't mind if I just take everything that's yours including the MM that really isn't yours. BTW, I am charitable because I believe it's my responsibly to help those less fortunate. Not because I get some warm fuzzy feeling. As a matter of fact, it makes me sick when I see the plight of those in need. Maybe if more people (unlike yourself) could see beyond their own "feelings" and truly act on behalf of others, we would live in a better world. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted September 28, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted September 28, 2009 There is very little positive advice or information in the second half of this thread, or the last 100 posts. There is a lot of judgmentalism and meanness. This thread has nowhere to go but even lower. It's time to end it! Link to post Share on other sites
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