Frustrated

[HGP]

I met this girl online and immediately we clicked. We connected better online than anyone I’ve talked to online in years. We finally met and spent the afternoon showing each other travel pictures, seeing an art show in the park, and playing mini-golf. I was a little nervous and later she said she felt more of a friendship connection. But she wanted to go out again to see how well we connected. The second date felt totally natural, this time I was much more relaxed, confident, and assertive. We told stories, I teased and flirted, 3 hours went by like nothing. We shot some pool and made a bet that if I won I got a kiss – I got a quick peck on the lips. And at the end of the night she said how great the connection was...but only as friends. And she still wanted to hang out. As friends.

 

 

This whole thing is really discouraging. We connected better than most women I’ve dated, especially the second date. While with women I could usually figure out what I did wrong and learn from it, with this girl I have no clue what I could have done differently. Could have been more assertive on the first date I suppose.

 

Nothing to do now but move on. I’m not about to be her next guy friend – I don’t need that. I’ve been having this sinking feeling that if I failed with her, when am I ever going to find someone? It’s not just her – getting over one particular girl is easy enough – but I’ve been subject to nothing but friendzones and disappearing acts for over a year now. At 30 I feel like I’m in a rut that I’m going to have to make some big changes to get out of. Sorry for the poor me thread but I just needed somewhere to vent. I’m just frustrated right now.

[Forsaken Heart]

You have every right to be frustrated with that girl. But ever thought of calming down and thinking this over? What if she is too shy to express her true feelings with you? And what is she is the perfect one for you? Think what would happen if you did have her as "more-than-just-a-friend".

You should confront the girl directly and ask her whether or not she sees you as a different kind of "guy-friend". If both of you's feelings are similar, all fine and dandy. But if she thinks otherwise, and you think it's no point being just friends with her, leave her. If you think of being with her even after she doesn't want you as that "special person", then you are going to get more frustrated and bad things can happen. So, stop being so sore, and go ask her what she really thinks about you.

Good luck.

[Ronni_W]

I get that you feel discouraged. Hugs.

We connected better than most women I’ve dated,

Actually, YOU connected with her better than YOU have connected with most (other) women you've dated. She did not connect better with you, romantically.

 

But. That she did/does not have any romantic interest in you does not mean that you did anything "wrong", or that you could have done something different that might have "inspired" her to have romantic feelings for you.

 

It JUST means that she has her own 'vibes' that spark her own romantic interest, and your 'vibes' did/do not match with hers -- you're each on different frequencies, is all. It doesn't that mean you did anything "wrong" or that there aren't women who are tuned-in to the same frequency as you. Although it can be a challenge finding them.

 

Best of luck.

[HGP]

Those "vibes" all depend on what we do and say and how we present ourselves. Confidence, assertiveness, humour... all key to creating those vibes or chemistry or attraction or whatever you want to call it. They don't just happen (hence all the "nice guys finish last" threads). But in this case you're right, I don't think anything would have made a difference. I felt the romantic connection, she didn't.

 

Forsaken Heart, she made it very clear what she really thinks about me. To her credit she's always been nothing but honest.

[neowulf]

Those "vibes" all depend on what we do and say and how we present ourselves. Confidence, assertiveness, humour... all key to creating those vibes or chemistry or attraction or whatever you want to call it. They don't just happen (hence all the "nice guys finish last" threads). But in this case you're right, I don't think anything would have made a difference. I felt the romantic connection, she didn't.

 

Forsaken Heart, she made it very clear what she really thinks about me. To her credit she's always been nothing but honest.

 

I don't know man. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If a girl is really into a guy, all he has to do is *not* screw it up. That's it. Sure you can be "cool and confident", but I've seen girls go gar gar over very ordinary men.

 

It's that "vibe", that "chemistry" they feel. No replacement for it and it seldom makes sense.

 

Better luck next time.

[HGP]

I don't know man. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If a girl is really into a guy, all he has to do is *not* screw it up. That's it. Sure you can be "cool and confident", but I've seen girls go gar gar over very ordinary men.

 

It's that "vibe", that "chemistry" they feel. No replacement for it and it seldom makes sense.

 

Better luck next time.

Put it this way - there's a reason that some guys are so good with women and some aren't. Chemistry isn't random. I agree though, that elusive "vibe" is what it's all about.

 

Anyway over a week ago (a day or two after our last date) I sent her a quick "all the best" type of email and left it at that. Today I get an email from her saying if she could change her mind she would and it's all about the feeling or something. Again I'll credit her for her honesty, but I don't need to keep dragging out this conversation!!