Exit Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 My healing has kinda stalled out again. I was doing really good. But now that I spend less time thinking about her and missing her, I just find myself constantly comparing myself to the new boyfriend and it sends my self-worth straight down the drain. I know he's a lot more successful than me and has other things in his life that I admire as well. Makes me feel like I deserved to get left behind. No job, no money, can't figure out what I should go back to school for.... :( Link to post Share on other sites
matt367 Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 I hear you man i used to compare myself to my ex's new bf all the time. He has money, a house, etc and im just a college student with just a vague idea of what i want to do. The important thing is to not compare yourself to this guy. He isnt perfect. No one is. In fact you probably loved her more than he does. One day you will find a girl that loves you for you and not because you have money etc and then you will see that this breakup was for the best. Money doesnt get you very far and often those who have it arent very loving or respectful. Just work on yourself and focus on going back to school or finding a job and forget about that guy. He isnt better than you or anything and when you succeed(not if) it will be worth it because you had to struggle for it unlike him. Good luck to you and feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Exit Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 Thanks, the one thing that made me feel better is how you said I probably loved her more. I know that for a fact. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 Well first of all stop comparing yourself. Look at all the good qualities that YOU have and use those qualities to move forward in your life. Really, it's just a waste of your time to think about this guy. There will be brighter days ahead. Hang in there. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Exit Posted September 27, 2009 Author Share Posted September 27, 2009 I'm not sure I have any good qualities. It's not so much "thinking about him" as it is thinking about myself and realizing that I don't bring very much to the table, regardless of making the comparison or not. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 I don't bring very much to the table, Which would matter if your where making dinner but your making a life. Part of that is figuring out what you want. You used your EX to distract you for that work and now the Ho is gone, its time to go to work. What will make your interesting to someone is not what you got but what your doing to get there. All the f$ck-ups, successes, false starts, discoveries and embarrassments gives you context. While your EX ho may not have been the type, many chicks wants someone like them in that same place of figuring life out. They want a partner to be mutually supportive to discover life, together. So right now your a bohemian enjoy it (turn it up and jump around...its working to me): Link to post Share on other sites
Maxwell Sage Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 F*ck, Exit. That's the worst part for me. My ex left me for a wealthy graphic designer whose five years older than she is. She was getting kinkier before we broke up as well, so I can only sit here and be tortured when thinking about how her new relationship is going. In addition to this, she explained that he's taught her a lot about life and they share a one of a kind connection that she never experienced with me. Plus she lives in Santa Cruz, so they're probably enjoying the boardwalk and all of the fun stuff we used to do there... It is what it is though... I was doing much better for a while. But now I'm back to being extremely pessimistic, hurt and contemplating that one option... Link to post Share on other sites
logitech Posted September 27, 2009 Share Posted September 27, 2009 I am still in a phase of unknown. I haven't seen my ex with anyone but that doesn't mean it is any less torturing. On Sat night she came out and saw a friend of mine who was in town. The whole thing was pretty awkward. Anyway, the thoughts of her hooking up with people tortured me all last night. I find for me there are still too many unknowns that make it impossible to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Dog Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 That must be tough, he's mildly successful, but he isn't perfect, there's always something about everybody. Link to post Share on other sites
rp123 Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 F*ck, Exit. That's the worst part for me. My ex left me for a wealthy graphic designer whose five years older than she is. She was getting kinkier before we broke up as well, so I can only sit here and be tortured when thinking about how her new relationship is going. In addition to this, she explained that he's taught her a lot about life and they share a one of a kind connection that she never experienced with me. Plus she lives in Santa Cruz, so they're probably enjoying the boardwalk and all of the fun stuff we used to do there... It is what it is though... I was doing much better for a while. But now I'm back to being extremely pessimistic, hurt and contemplating that one option... What one option? Link to post Share on other sites
PinkToes Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 What the exs have, if they're with someone new, is a fantasy relationship built on infatuation, where he/she is always perfect. That doesn't last. Doesn't really matter what kind of job they have or what sort of ambition or material goods they bring to the table. What matters is whether they're able to love when reality sets in. Whether they know how to treat someone right, hold their hand through the rough times, give it everything they've got. You did. Whatever he seems to have going for him right now doesn't really mean anything. I'm sure you've been the 'shiny new boyfriend' in the past as well. But you're the one who was willing to stick it out. You don't know whether he'll be able to do that. And if it were me, I'd take a loving, caring guy with heart and soul and commitment over some pretty boy with a good job any day! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Exit Posted September 28, 2009 Author Share Posted September 28, 2009 Yeah... "infatuation" is a big word when it comes to my ex, she was infatuated with me when she left the previous relationship, and clearly once the novelty wore off she wasn't committed to staying with me. Maybe that will be true with the new guy too. Oh well, I just woke up today and was in a pretty bad mood, I'm doing a little better now. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 My healing has kinda stalled out again. I was doing really good. But now that I spend less time thinking about her and missing her, I just find myself constantly comparing myself to the new boyfriend and it sends my self-worth straight down the drain. I know he's a lot more successful than me and has other things in his life that I admire as well. Makes me feel like I deserved to get left behind. No job, no money, can't figure out what I should go back to school for.... :( Well I guess this is the part of the break-up that is about you and not your ex and her new man. I take the position that everything happens for a reason and maybe for you, one reason is so that you can take this "revelation" about this new guy and do something about your life! You know the term "Let your haters be your motivators"? Well this is not a case of "hating"...but let this slap in the face cause you to strive to be a better you, to feel accomplished within yourself and to get to a place where you feel like you are among the best and comparable to none. It is normal for the best of us to compare ourselves to the new person...but at the end of the day, you should be able to shrug it off and realize you are a different person, with a lot to offer and feel content with yourself. Also things are not always what they seem. My mom taught me NEVER to envy people based on what you see on the outside as you never know how things really are. You didn't say you envied but admired...which is good So you should take that admiration and strive to be at a place where you admire yourself for what you have done and most importantly who you are. Link to post Share on other sites
mr heartbroken Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 hey, I am kinda going through the same thing. My ex wanted to meet a few weeks ago. She more or less told me that she was seeing a guy blah blah... He has a great job, he wines and dines her, his dad has a Poreshe. She told me that he doesent really get her like i do and she doesent him. You know what after that night we spoke for a while and she said she didnt want me back gutted devastated. After a few weeks of making myself look like an ass. I am goodish again. He may have all these things and she may nolonger be with him Whatever goes on in her life she will relize that money and power are great but true love is hard to find. I know i had it with her and she knows she had it with me. I am not good will money infact i am really bad but who care's. I have people who want to be with me right now. I Know i am not ready to be involved with someone else. I am not ready be there for someone like i was for her. First i need to get happy with myself. right now i am not so how could i make someone else happy. Its nearly been seven months i do feel low at times want to cry but she isnt worth my tears anymore. once i would have cried for her not anymore. I once heard a great phrase that i tell myself every now and then when i think about the time we did this or we did that "ITS NOT MRS BLAH I AM MISSING I AM MISSING THE LOVE THAT WE HAD BUT YOU CAN GET THAT FROM SOMEONE ELSE" right now it really doesent seem like that but you can and you will. Stop putting yourself down. Start putting YOU first. Start looking out for what it is you want. good luck and i hope you get there soon mate... sorry this is just a rant but i read what you had to say and wanted to get something off my chest. p.s are you seeing a doctor or any medical staff at all? Link to post Share on other sites
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