Aries77 Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Hi LoveShackies -- I have been in love with my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years since high school (that was 10 years ago!) I love him with all my heart, and we plan on getting married someday, but now I've noticed...his...skinniness. His whole family's skinny, and he can't help it...he actually eats like a PIG!!..but doesn't gain an ounce. (Lucky duck!) Anyway, is there any way that I can drop the subtle hint that in order for me to be attracted to him, he should try and do something about it, like, maybe go to the gym and get some muscles, for God's sake. As a result, our sex life is suffering...I'm just not "in the mood" much anymore... Any and all advice would be most appreciated. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I think this is like all those guys who post about their gf's gaining some weight and becoming less attracted - there really is no tactful or kind way to tell someone you find their body unattractive. Do you go to a gym? If so, invite him to come along with you. If you don't, you can suggest that both of you start going and sign up for weight training lessons with a personal trainer. That you want to get toned and you think it would be fun if both of you did it together, and it would keep you motivated. Once he starts, he might enjoy it - a lot of people do as it makes you feel stronger and puts you in touch with your body. That's really the only thing I can think of without coming flat out and saying you aren't attracted to his body. Most guys do worry about being too skinny and not having muscles, just like women worry about being too fat. He probably is already aware or thinks about it, even if he hasn't said anything. If you say something direct and he's already sensitive about it, I could see how that would hurt your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnP82 Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I can relate to your boyfriend in that it's almost impossible for me to gain or lose weight. I'm 25 now and weigh maybe 7 pounds more now than in high school. It's just impossible for people in my family to gain weight. We eat healthy and exercise, but I guess it's genetic. That being said if it's such a big deal for you either get over it or dump him so he can find someone who doesn't care. I've been skinny my whole life and was really insecure about it until a few years ago when I realized that if anyone has a problem with it they can go to hell. I'm happy and your boyfriend might be too. If someone told me they were not happy with my weight knowing nothing could be done about it I would likely tell them goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I was that skinny guy once. No matter how much I worked out, the muscle gain never made me the size of the bigger guys. Genetically, muscles can only reach a certain size. My strength grew, but not the muscle size. And then at around 30, my metabolism slowed down and I gained weight. Now I look to be an average size guy. My guess is that he knows he is skinny and either thinks you accept him as he is or knows your disappointment in him. You have a choice...accept him or leave him. Changing him is not an option. I remember having a girl tell me at 21 that "You don't need to be insecure because you are skinny." First off, I didn't have a conversation with her re my size. Second, I had just started working out. Relationship that she wanted to start never happened. In your case, if it bugs you, then you may want to examine yourself and decide why. Link to post Share on other sites
Thornton Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 So what you're saying is that you love him as a person but you don't find him physically attractive? There are heaps of threads on this forum about that very topic... gf/wife isn't attracted to bf/husband, she no longer wants sex, so either she's here posting "I love him but I'm not in love with him, he's a great guy but I don't fancy him", or the hubby is here posting "My wife doesn't want to have sex with me". Unfortunately some guys are just skinny and there's nothing they can do about it, no amount of workouts at the gym will change anything. If you're not attracted to his body type then you're better off ending the relationship and dating someone who you are attracted to. Link to post Share on other sites
fatamus Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Unfortunately some guys are just skinny and there's nothing they can do about it, no amount of workouts at the gym will change anything. If you're not attracted to his body type then you're better off ending the relationship and dating someone who you are attracted to. true to a point. everyone has their genetic max so to speak, some gain muscle mass way faster than others but ALL can gain muscle mass. If he got serious he could put on about 10lbs of muscle mass in a year. There are genetic freaks that can put/lose as much as 30lbs a year without steroids. Link to post Share on other sites
Glenn5 Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 He should take in amino acids tablets w/ every meal, multi-vitamin daily, and slow acting protein drink before bed. Some weight trainning at least 3 days a week. Link to post Share on other sites
SierraMarie Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I can't believe you've been dating him for this long and you just figured out you don't find him attractive. Cmon really? I think it's time to find someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Maybe he's not too skinny but your too big? Link to post Share on other sites
HisSweetThing Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 If you're not attracted to his body type then you're better off ending the relationship and dating someone who you are attracted to. I have to agree with this. I married someone I knew I wasn't attracted to. I loved him in every other way. I made the decision to marry him with my head and not my heart. However, at the time, I wasn't really attracted to anyone and didn't even think I was capable of feeling an intense attraction towards anyone. I was wrong. Over 20 years later and now I'm going through a divorce. It matters. Link to post Share on other sites
traderho Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Maybe he's not too skinny but your too big? We have a winner! Link to post Share on other sites
against_all_odds Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 some people just are like that they eat what they want n dont put on any weight..(lucky in my eyes lol) you must have found him attractive at one point ...maybe because you have been together for so long your focusing on his bad parts..sorry not bad parts..stuff you see as negative.. everyone is different and theres always something you will dislike about someone but if he has been the same throughout the relationship and he was like that when you got with him and you was happy then why should he change? if hes happy with the way he is i dont personally think its fair to ask him to change.If hes unhappy with the way he looks then fair enough but otherwise i think its something you yourself has to either deal with or dump him. Link to post Share on other sites
luvflower Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 I have to agree with this. I married someone I knew I wasn't attracted to. I loved him in every other way. I made the decision to marry him with my head and not my heart. However, at the time, I wasn't really attracted to anyone and didn't even think I was capable of feeling an intense attraction towards anyone. I was wrong. Over 20 years later and now I'm going through a divorce. It matters. yes, it does matter. just as guys make such a big deal about women gaining weight, it goes both ways...and it's important to realize that as a woman you're not bad just because you express your needs and/or physical desires. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 true to a point. everyone has their genetic max so to speak, some gain muscle mass way faster than others but ALL can gain muscle mass. If he got serious he could put on about 10lbs of muscle mass in a year. There are genetic freaks that can put/lose as much as 30lbs a year without steroids. Not true for everyone. Genetics play a huge roll in natural mass. You can gain by artificial means, but who wants a "roid head"? It probably would be best to lose the gf instead of gain weight. Find someone who accepts you for who and what you are and if she isn't attracted now, he won't be in a few years. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 (edited) yes, it does matter. just as guys make such a big deal about women gaining weight, it goes both ways...and it's important to realize that as a woman you're not bad just because you express your needs and/or physical desires. Would you say the same thing if it was a guy saying my girlfriend's boobs are too small or she is too fat? Just because wome can act as poorly as some guys do that is not empowerment... nor right. Edited December 24, 2009 by GrayClouds Link to post Share on other sites
luvflower Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 Would you say the same thing if it was a guy saying my girlfriend's boobs are too small or she is too fat? Just because wome can act as poorly as some guys do that is not empowerment... nor right. Yeah, I would actually say the same thing for that guy. Unfortunately, people change and so does their taste or tolerance. I'm not suggesting that a man/woman tell the other person the actual physical feature that they find unappealing, unless the other person demands to know. I'm merely saying that if the man/woman knows that there is a feature that they don't think they can deal with, they should make a decision sooner than later to express the fact that they do not think this particular relationship will work. No one can force themself to like what they don't like...man or woman. I say make the decision sooner than later to avoid hurting people more and wasting their time. All things 'change' with time. However, when superficial reasons are the driving force one's attraction, there's a greater chance that attraction will fade sooner than later. I personally don't mind guys who look "different". I don't really understand the desire to always have a muscle man or a model type or a guy who looks like every other guy. i can get bored with that... I like people who are different inside and out,yet in a positive way. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBritishGuy Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 You say you are not in the mood much anymore. Are you sure that can't be attributed to other things? Maybe attraction isn't the problem in the bedroom. As for being too skinny. Well it isn't healthy and the health nut in me just looks for excuses to get people to work out so you can just tell him you'd prefer if he had a little more meat on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts