ecm Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 yea I hate when movies end like that. HATE IT!! I'd much rather be told how it ends and leave it at that. I realize I have been going around in circles. I dunno it just made me feel better to come here everyday, and be reminded that I deserve better. I'm not going to contact her at all. I'm done. I need to look out for me. And I need totry to remember, thank you all for dealing with my ups and downs I hope I didn't come across as saying I wouldn't listen!! I'm trying to share the advice people have given me. I wish I would have listened to it more often, that's all. I think the same things you're thinking when I'm upset, so please don't think I was "breaking up" with you Life is short. We only have so many minutes to live. Don't waste them on people like her, because you can never get those minutes back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynx331 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 I hope I didn't come across as saying I wouldn't listen!! I'm trying to share the advice people have given me. I wish I would have listened to it more often, that's all. I think the same things you're thinking when I'm upset, so please don't think I was "breaking up" with you Life is short. We only have so many minutes to live. Don't waste them on people like her, because you can never get those minutes back. Hahaha I understood what you meant. I guess I just need to get mad, I need to get even more angry at her, for what she has done to me and my life. She has embarrased me.. Infront of numerous people, made a fool out of me, I guess I just need to piss myself off more about it.. My mind just tries to see the good in everyone.. And I guess with this one there is no good.. And I need to try and see that Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Hahaha I understood what you meant. I guess I just need to get mad, I need to get even more angry at her, for what she has done to me and my life. She has embarrased me.. Infront of numerous people, made a fool out of me, I guess I just need to piss myself off more about it.. My mind just tries to see the good in everyone.. And I guess with this one there is no good.. And I need to try and see that You will be angry at some point, but anger isn't what will move you on ultimately. You just will be angry when you realise that this person took advantage of you. When it finally hits you that someone knew what a good nature and good heart you had, and exploited it intentionally for their own benefit. When you realise your vulnerability, and good faith in her was used against you to decieve you and benefit her. When you finally see that traumatic events and circumstances have not made her a soft, innocent soul in need of rescuing, but rather a savvy con and master manipulator you will get mad. You will be angry, and then hopefully you will find some compassion for yourself, for letting someone take advantage of you and con you the way she did. Then, you will start to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynx331 Posted October 3, 2009 Author Share Posted October 3, 2009 You will be angry at some point, but anger isn't what will move you on ultimately. You just will be angry when you realise that this person took advantage of you. When it finally hits you that someone knew what a good nature and good heart you had, and exploited it intentionally for their own benefit. When you realise your vulnerability, and good faith in her was used against you to decieve you and benefit her. When you finally see that traumatic events and circumstances have not made her a soft, innocent soul in need of rescuing, but rather a savvy con and master manipulator you will get mad. You will be angry, and then hopefully you will find some compassion for yourself, for letting someone take advantage of you and con you the way she did. Then, you will start to move on. I'm doing good so far, I feel good atleast, no text message yesterday. I trident picturing her with someone else today.. Didn't make me sad.. I hope she find someone that will make her happy, just like I hope I find someone that will make me happy. I feel like I'm making some progress, I think what made it the hardest was no necessarily missing her, but I just missed having someone to "come home to" after work. Missed the text messaging throughout the day, just the little thngs I think are what made it so hard. But maybe I am making progress.. Because I can picture her being with someone else, and me being fine with that. So I think that's a good thing Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I'm doing good so far, I feel good atleast, no text message yesterday. I trident picturing her with someone else today.. Didn't make me sad.. I hope she find someone that will make her happy, just like I hope I find someone that will make me happy. I feel like I'm making some progress, I think what made it the hardest was no necessarily missing her, but I just missed having someone to "come home to" after work. Missed the text messaging throughout the day, just the little thngs I think are what made it so hard. But maybe I am making progress.. Because I can picture her being with someone else, and me being fine with that. So I think that's a good thing Yeah, you're gonna be fine Mike . Glad to hear she's quit texting, maybe she has come to realise you won't give in and knows she's gotta go find some other poor sucker to use, abuse and make miserable. I say sucker cause, no one else but one will put up with her, thankfully the world is full of plenty of them and you are no longer one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynx331 Posted October 4, 2009 Author Share Posted October 4, 2009 Well no texts in two day, but she showed up at my work today. Wanted to tell me that she was not pregnant, that the depression medication and her birthcontrol caused her to show pregnant on three tests, but after going to te doctor and going for bloodwork she said she's not pregnant. Was very difficult to see her, I stayed strong. Here's how things went I your curious.. She told me she can't sleep can't eat can't get out of bed.. Told me that everything in the relationship was her fault and for me to not blame myself. She didn't try to help herself, she was lost and confused.. I told her I tryed to help you for so long and you shot me down all the time, all the times I even cryed because I was so upset watching her be sad and not do anything. Told her part ofthe reason I felt she came her today was because now she had no one to buy her cigarettes, clothes, gas and stuff like that. She said that wasn't the case at all she doesn't care about material things.. She just misses my heart. Says she misses loving me, misses having me call he the cute names I had for her, misses seeing me, misses being with me. Says she doesn't know how to exist in a world without me.. Says with her grandma dying of cancer in two months, and then her dog getting put to sleep.. She just didn't care about anything anymore and that's when things god bad. She asked if this was it then.. I said yes it's best... And she grabbed me and hugged me.. I said I have to go back to work now.. Turned and walked away.. She grabbed me again.. Saying she needs me.. She loves me so very much and is so sorry and wishes she could have a chance.. I told her I need to go back to work now.. And I said take care of yourself and turned and walked away. Now.. Part of me thinks it's bull crap.. But the part of me that still cares (the part I am trying to get rid of" thinks maybe she meant those things. But when I think about it..the text that started it all was "mike I got back from the doctor we need to talk" or something like that. So.. According to that she went to the doctor and found out she was pregnant. Today.. She said she had three positive tests.. And then went to the doctor for bloodwork and stuff and came to find it was the medication. So.. Right there... She was lying because originally she said she went to the doctor... That situation today was probably one of the hardest things I've had to do.. But I stood my ground.. Didn't cave in.. But damnit I still wish this wasn't ruined already.. Called my pops.. Told him about what happened.. And he said she's lying.. SheS full of crap.. What do you guys think? All bullcrap? Seemed... Genuine to me... But I have a good track record of being fooled easily. Doing ok tho everyone.. Not super sad.. Just looking for some opinions. Still feel I'm doing the right thing. Guess I just wanted to see what you guys all thought, thank you for your time! Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 ok I read that and I felt sad ... the reason I felt sad is because I bet you thought she meant every word but the truth is that if you get back with her she will be the same ole same and it will be just as it was when you split up, that is the sad bit! I think she does miss you but it does not mean she will change, people never change ... so what I propose you do is this. Forget what she said today and sit and think if you want her back, i mean everyway she is ... do you want that? If yes then go back and if no then stay the hell away! She has proven she is a liar time after time so please dont let her fool u again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynx331 Posted October 4, 2009 Author Share Posted October 4, 2009 ok I read that and I felt sad ... the reason I felt sad is because I bet you thought she meant every word but the truth is that if you get back with her she will be the same ole same and it will be just as it was when you split up, that is the sad bit! I think she does miss you but it does not mean she will change, people never change ... so what I propose you do is this. Forget what she said today and sit and think if you want her back, i mean everyway she is ... do you want that? If yes then go back and if no then stay the hell away! She has proven she is a liar time after time so please dont let her fool u again! when times were good, times were GOOD!! I had alot of fun with her. But looking back it seems like the good was here and there.. And there was bad.. All the time.. Yes I care about her alot! Would have done ANYTHING for her.. Wanted a future with her, wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.. But after all the bad things... I just can't anymore.. Because I will just be waiting for the next fight or next bad thing.. And when it happens I will over react to it.. Ontop of that my whole family hates her.. I could nver have that.. Be married to someone who is going to come between my family Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 (edited) when times were good, times were GOOD!! I had alot of fun with her. But looking back it seems like the good was here and there.. And there was bad.. All the time.. Yes I care about her alot! Would have done ANYTHING for her.. Wanted a future with her, wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.. But after all the bad things... I just can't anymore.. Because I will just be waiting for the next fight or next bad thing.. And when it happens I will over react to it.. Ontop of that my whole family hates her.. I could nver have that.. Be married to someone who is going to come between my family I know exactly what you are going through. When times are good they are good and when times are bad they are downright AWFUL. Would you rather be on a roller coaster all your life, not knowing when the ups and downs will occur? I'll tell you the number one reason these women were not good for us. They sapped ALL of our energy. Energy we wanted to put into ourselves, we put into trying to make the relationship work. We tried to hold up the foundation by ourselves. When we find that person that holds up the foundation with us we're going to breathe a sigh of relief. You handled yourself very well today. Now is your opportunity to move forward. LEARN FROM IT, that's the most important thing. Good luck. Edited October 4, 2009 by DustySaltus Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynx331 Posted October 4, 2009 Author Share Posted October 4, 2009 (edited) I know exactly what you are going through. When times are good they are good and when times are bad they are downright AWFUL. Would you rather be on a roller coaster all your life, not knowing when the ups and downs will occur? I'll tell you the number one reason these women were not good for us. They sapped ALL of our energy. Energy we wanted to put into ourselves, we put into trying to make the relationship work. We tried to hold up the foundation by ourselves. When we find that person that holds up the foundation with us we're going to breathe a sigh of relief. You handled yourself very well today. Now is your opportunity to move forward. LEARN FROM IT, that's the most important thing. Good luck. Well thanks for that, I tried to handle myself well. Starting to kind of fall apart a little bit, but I'm trying to be strong here. Is it really safe to assume that everything she said today was a complete lie? Edited October 4, 2009 by Lynx331 Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 Well no texts in two day, but she showed up at my work today. Wanted to tell me that she was not pregnant, that the depression medication and her birthcontrol caused her to show pregnant on three tests, but after going to te doctor and going for bloodwork she said she's not pregnant. Was very difficult to see her, I stayed strong. Here's how things went I your curious.. She told me she can't sleep can't eat can't get out of bed.. Told me that everything in the relationship was her fault and for me to not blame myself. She didn't try to help herself, she was lost and confused.. I told her I tryed to help you for so long and you shot me down all the time, all the times I even cryed because I was so upset watching her be sad and not do anything. Told her part ofthe reason I felt she came her today was because now she had no one to buy her cigarettes, clothes, gas and stuff like that. She said that wasn't the case at all she doesn't care about material things.. She just misses my heart. Says she misses loving me, misses having me call he the cute names I had for her, misses seeing me, misses being with me. Says she doesn't know how to exist in a world without me.. Says with her grandma dying of cancer in two months, and then her dog getting put to sleep.. She just didn't care about anything anymore and that's when things god bad. She asked if this was it then.. I said yes it's best... And she grabbed me and hugged me.. I said I have to go back to work now.. Turned and walked away.. She grabbed me again.. Saying she needs me.. She loves me so very much and is so sorry and wishes she could have a chance.. I told her I need to go back to work now.. And I said take care of yourself and turned and walked away. Now.. Part of me thinks it's bull crap.. But the part of me that still cares (the part I am trying to get rid of" thinks maybe she meant those things. But when I think about it..the text that started it all was "mike I got back from the doctor we need to talk" or something like that. So.. According to that she went to the doctor and found out she was pregnant. Today.. She said she had three positive tests.. And then went to the doctor for bloodwork and stuff and came to find it was the medication. So.. Right there... She was lying because originally she said she went to the doctor... That situation today was probably one of the hardest things I've had to do.. But I stood my ground.. Didn't cave in.. But damnit I still wish this wasn't ruined already.. Called my pops.. Told him about what happened.. And he said she's lying.. SheS full of crap.. What do you guys think? All bullcrap? Seemed... Genuine to me... But I have a good track record of being fooled easily. Doing ok tho everyone.. Not super sad.. Just looking for some opinions. Still feel I'm doing the right thing. Guess I just wanted to see what you guys all thought, thank you for your time! Mike, when someone is sincere? They do not open with a lie. I was going to say why the feck was she even screening herself for pregnnacy if she knows A) she had her period recently B) you used protection C) it was only one time D) she was using birth control. I thought that was suspicious anyhow, but as you already pointed out..her story contradicted itself and she's just lying. When you are sincere, you don't lie. When you love someone and respect and care for THEM? Even if it means humbling yourself and admitting to your lies..THAT is what you do..THAT is when you know a person is sincerely on board to play ball. Opening with lies and then going into the water works? Just more manipulation. You definately did the right thing and good for you for being able to do that. This woman does not have an ounce of integrity about her right now. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 She was full of it. She was just lonely and just had to manipulate you to see if you would cave in. What a psychopath! Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 Well thanks for that, I tried to handle myself well. Starting to kind of fall apart a little bit, but I'm trying to be strong here. Is it really safe to assume that everything she said today was a complete lie? No, I don't think that everything she said was a complete lie. I just think that the lies that she has told already make it hard to decipher what is genuine and what isn't. You shouldn't have to do that with someone you love. I'm going to be honest, you have a long road ahead of you because I have a feeling it hasn't sunk in with her yet and she seems like the type that won't go down without a fight. Just stick to NC and make it clear it's not cool for her to show up at your job, if those are the types of boundaries you would like to set. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 No, I don't think that everything she said was a complete lie. I just think that the lies that she has told already make it hard to decipher what is genuine and what isn't. You shouldn't have to do that with someone you love. The intent is the lie, and that is the problem. Someone said "when I cry it's from my heart" and the person across said "Yes, but do you cry for you? That is the difference." She isn't crying for him, she's crying for herself. She's still trying to push buttons to see WHICH button she can push to get a desired result. They have a relationship history of her being dishonest, manipulating, playing games, and treating him like horse crap. She also never took any responsibility for her actions, and I would never believe a person who tried to sell a changed perspective when they start out lying and manipulating first. You can never buy that kind of show, it's a bad ticket. On top of it, she suddenly has all this love and care for him that she never had before? I say this based on how she treated you OP, the real true indicator of a person's feelings for you. When we love and value something we revere it, we treat it preciously, with respect and care. She never treated you that way OP and suddenly she does? Balogni. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynx331 Posted October 4, 2009 Author Share Posted October 4, 2009 What is OP? I got to thinking about what she said, she went to the doctor to get tests done.. After she came up pg on a home test, then two other ones. And she just got the results back recently. Thank you guys for responding and helping me to feel better about this.. Sorry I kinda feel like a lost cause to you guys cause it's always something.. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 (edited) What is OP? I got to thinking about what she said, she went to the doctor to get tests done.. After she came up pg on a home test, then two other ones. And she just got the results back recently. Thank you guys for responding and helping me to feel better about this.. Sorry I kinda feel like a lost cause to you guys cause it's always something.. Oh you aren't a lost cause Btw, the story still doesn't make sense. Suppose that is true, suppose she took 3 tests, and then went to the doctor; the point is her very first text said she had gotten back from the doctor and was pregnant. She told you today that it was the home prego tests that were false, and the doctor did blood work which confirmed she was not pregnant. So, again before she even texted you she would of known she was NOT pregnant. EDIT: Personally, I don't think any of it is true anyway. I just can't imagine why a person would randomly screen themselves for pregnancy a week after their last period, when they had protected sex one time, while on birth control. That just sounds like a cry for attention (not even necesarily from you but from SOMEONE to me). However, again her very first text came after she allegedly had seen a doctor so she already knew the truth anyhow. It was just a manipulation tactic, like we all knew. Edited October 4, 2009 by hoping2heal Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynx331 Posted October 4, 2009 Author Share Posted October 4, 2009 I'm so confused about the whole thing lol Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 I'm so confused about the whole thing lol I don't blame you ..but do you see my point? Time line : Girls takes home test-gets positive result, girl then takes 2 other home tests and recieves positive result; Finally, girl goes to doctor for blood test to confirm these findings. Girl then finds out, no she is not pregnant. Girl texts ex boyfiend to tell him they need to talk, because she just got back from the doctor and she is pregnant. Ex does not respond, Girl, tries calling with no response. Then texting, with no response. Girl says she has something for ex guy; ex guy never sees it. Girl shows up at ex guys place of work. She then claims that a mix of birth control and anti depressants caused false results on home tests. Seeing it yet? Basically, if girl DID go to the doctor and her story is true..she still knew she wasn't pregnant when she tried to make you believe otherwise for the sake of manipulating you. Which by the way, is nearly medical impossible; just a heads up. It is true that birth control pills can, show a positive result on a home pregnancy test, this is because birth controls raise hormone levels and the pregnancy hormone level also ends up raised; due to the body tricking itself into being pregnant. This happens however, when a woman is getting ready to release the egg. She wasn't even in that area yet according to her most recent cycle for one, but for two; anti depressants have been known to interfere with birth control effectiveness, which means it would likely cancel out those hormones. I can check with a reputable medical source on that also to back up the claim about anti depressants cancelling it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynx331 Posted October 4, 2009 Author Share Posted October 4, 2009 Well here is what I haw decided to do.. I don't want to continue like this. If it's possible for us to be together and work, I need to heal. I need to heal from all of the bad things that have happened, and if I really love her.. Over time I will start figuring out what I did wrong etc etc.. And she needsto be without me. We needto not contact or see eachother at all.. So she can heal herself. And also If she really loves me.. It will give her time to realize what wrongs she has done.. And how she can fix them. And then if our love is true... It will never die.. And we will end up back together.. And both of us.. Knowing what's at stake.. Will be able to make it work then. That's the only possible route for us to end up together that I see.. Is time apart. The other outcome.. Is we don't see or contact eachother.. Meet other people.. And move on.. So either way... The no contact/seeing eachother route is going to be the best for us. So I'm going to text her.. Something along those lines, and ask her to not come around me, not text me or anything so we can both heal.. And let what needs to happen.. Happen. Does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 Well here is what I haw decided to do.. I don't want to continue like this. If it's possible for us to be together and work, I need to heal. I need to heal from all of the bad things that have happened, and if I really love her.. Over time I will start figuring out what I did wrong etc etc.. And she needsto be without me. We needto not contact or see eachother at all.. So she can heal herself. And also If she really loves me.. It will give her time to realize what wrongs she has done.. And how she can fix them. And then if our love is true... It will never die.. And we will end up back together.. And both of us.. Knowing what's at stake.. Will be able to make it work then. That's the only possible route for us to end up together that I see.. Is time apart. The other outcome.. Is we don't see or contact eachother.. Meet other people.. And move on.. So either way... The no contact/seeing eachother route is going to be the best for us. So I'm going to text her.. Something along those lines, and ask her to not come around me, not text me or anything so we can both heal.. And let what needs to happen.. Happen. Does that make sense? You need to heal I agree. She needs to do more than heal. She needs to do some very intensive work on herself as a person, I think in reality while 3 or 6 months may SEEM a long time, it is not at all and I don't doubt she will just find another sucker within that time. There is not one thing you have shared that gives me even the slightest inclination that anything she said was sincere and wasn't about "singing for her supper" so to speak. In fact, the more details you gave the more I was convinced of her manipulative ways. I would not by any means give her any indication that you would be willing to take her back once she "changes" as a person, she will use that to play you like a violin. I don't see any reason you should text her at all. Why is it you're thinking you should though? EDIT: I see she managed to locate your weak spot though and launch her assault. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynx331 Posted October 4, 2009 Author Share Posted October 4, 2009 You need to heal I agree. She needs to do more than heal. She needs to do some very intensive work on herself as a person, I think in reality while 3 or 6 months may SEEM a long time, it is not at all and I don't doubt she will just find another sucker within that time. There is not one thing you have shared that gives me even the slightest inclination that anything she said was sincere and wasn't about "singing for her supper" so to speak. In fact, the more details you gave the more I was convinced of her manipulative ways. I would not by any means give her any indication that you would be willing to take her back once she "changes" as a person, she will use that to play you like a violin. I don't see any reason you should text her at all. Why is it you're thinking you should though? EDIT: I see she managed to locate your weak spot though and launch her assault. I figure this way she won't come near me again or text me.. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 I figure this way she won't come near me again or text me.. You already told her it was over, why do you think you need to text her to do that? She probably is still going to bug you for awhile or at least until she finds someone else. Be prepared for that, she hasn't respected your wishes once yet, I wouldn't expect her to start overnight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lynx331 Posted October 4, 2009 Author Share Posted October 4, 2009 You already told her it was over, why do you think you need to text her to do that? She probably is still going to bug you for awhile or at least until she finds someone else. Be prepared for that, she hasn't respected your wishes once yet, I wouldn't expect her to start overnight. goodpoint didn't look at it like that Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 She is desperate in wanting you back!!! I just got a text from ex after 2 and half months NC.... I have not even looked at it... don't want to.... I good friend said to me once.... What makes you think you can disappear from my life.... if you have a logical explanation that I can live with, otherwise don't bother..... Link to post Share on other sites
ecm Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 I don't understand why this girl lies about things that you can find out are not true. For instance- did you research anything about false positive pregnancy tests? She is LYING. LYING. LYING. Love or no love, this girl is way beyond crazy. She sound like a COMPULSIVE liar. She sound like someone who doesn't even realize she is lying. To me that = CUH-RAZY. Unless you have some desire to go into psychiatry, you need to realize the girl you are obsessing about, the person you knew & loved when "times were good" is a CHARACTER this person has created. You are seeing her true colors now. I wish you would realize that you are a fabulous caring person who deserves SO MUCH BETTER than this girl's drama...CREATED, FICTIONAL, WHACK-A*S drama. Link to post Share on other sites
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