Why is he still txting his ex?

[LuvMyMan]

Sorry this is long but here it is....

 

Boyfriend: Haven't seen or heard from him for 21 years until he found me on MySpace, was my 8th grade graduation date and I wanted him to be my first experience with sex, hopefully he'll end up my last. We have so much in common and I've fallen in love with him (again) very quickly. He has two boys (12 and 14) and I have a girl (11). After three months of dating we decided to move in together but only after we had the approval of all three of our kids. Everyone is happy and things are going so very well for all of us. I realize we moved quickly when kids are concerned but the move involved our children attending better schools so we needed to jump on the house that we are renting. For the first time in a very long time, I'm open to the idea of having another child because I'm so very deeply in love with this man. But there is one thing that I do not like about him....

 

The problem: We have both recently come from bad relationships. His was exceptionally worse! His x is a 22 year old girl who was unwilling to accept the fact that he is a package deal with his two boys. I've heard that she had given the ultimatum of "me or your boys" on several occassions. She had made it quite clear that she only wanted him and nothing to do with his two boys. Mind you the boys are also recently "forgotten" by their mother also. The boys are boys but there is absolutely no reason why someone wouldn't accept them as a part of the package deal. I love them as if they were my own! BTW the boys absolutely hate her and have given me their approval to marry their dad!

 

During the breakup she even pulled out the predicable "pregancy scare" which failed miserably in her attemp of breaking us up. So needless to say she is a worthless piece of crap. Oh yeah, she now lives 2500 miles away!

 

My issue is that they keep texting eachother and cannot seem to go a week without texting. It is mostly her texting him but he responds. His phone is on my phone plan that he told me he wouldn't give her the number (but she's got it). We also discussed the new house and making sure she had nothing to do with it, i specifically didn't even want her to have the address. But she's got it cuz he gave it to her so she could send the dog a birthday toy. She took one dog, he kept one dog and this is apparently the reason for the picture texts to be going back and forth. So far there are 10 picture texts on this months usage. I've made it quite clear that I feel there is no need for them to continue to communicate but it still keeps happening. The only reason why i can think that he would give her the time of day after all she's done to him and his boys, is that he still loves her. He tells me i have nothing to worry about but yet i'm still worried.

 

I talk to my friends and his that have been there through her crap, they all agree that they shouldn't need to talk to eachother as relationships end for a reason and out of respect for me and our relationship, he should discontinue any communication with her.

 

Let's hear it......

[CorvetteKitten]

The only reason why i can think that he would give her the time of day after all she's done to him and his boys, is that he still loves her.

 

sorry to be blunt, but that is the answer right there..

 

Dogs are not children. They are not human. Yes, people get VERY attached to animals and find it hard to let go.. but do you really think a "doggy birthday present" is going to make a difference to the dog? The dog could care less if it was from the ex or from the street. It's just an excuse to be in constant contact with him, to be a part of his life.

Her so called pregnancy is just another example.

 

As far as I'm concerned, this boyfriend should respect your feelings and concerns and end contact. If its REALLY important to both these people to be in contact for the sake of the dogs (which is a bull**** excuse, pardon my french), theres this simple invention called email. That way there is no phone number or address for her. Also, if he truly respected you and your feelings, he would have discussed giving out the address of the house you share. If shes unstable and mental, having a phone number and address for her ex is only giving her more ammo.

 

My advice is tell him flat out that it makes you feel uncomfortable.. and it bugs you tremendously. If he throws excuse after excuse or gets mad at you for feeling that way, consider it a GIANT RED FLASHING WARNING SIGN!

I vote that you figure that part out before you bring another child into the picture.

Good luck!

[Lucky_One]

How long was he broken up with her when you started dating him? If she had a "predictable pregnancy scare" while you were with him, then it doesn't sound like he had too much time to get over a recent break-up with her.

 

Not many people get over an intimate relationship that they are still sexually active in (hence a pregnancy scare) in just 2 weeks, and fall in love instantly with someone new.

 

I would say there are definite unresolved issues between the two of them, and I would also say that 10 picture texts of the dogs (yeah right) are not typical of a past relationship.

 

(Sending pictures back and forth of dogs - ha. She might be sending pics of some puppies with pink noses, and he might be sending pictures of a weiner dog, but i suspect those are the only "canines" in there!)

[davo1224]

Interesting. This is almost exactly like what happened in my life.

 

This married guy (39) and I (24) have a mutual friend. We start connecting. He leaves his husband (34). I make it pretty clear that I'm not interested in anything beyond sex/friendship and casual dating. My life is a mess and he just left someone else for me so there's no trust in him not doing the same thing to me. He also has two kids (10 and 12) who I'd feel very awkward around. Well eventually he wanted his family back so he left me and they got back together.

 

We ended it in April and still communicated, albeit very angrily, until about August. My perspective is that sometimes people can't get over each other even though they want nothing to do with each other any more.