Why is everyone Ratting out their Affair Partners?

[tami-chan]

I think this thread was hijacked from the beginning with "BS" think.

 

I agree with Lakeside's premise that its mean and unnecessary.

 

I think he was asking OPs why they do it, as in, what gives them the right after they entered into the A knowing what was what.

 

He wasn't asking if the BS has a right to know. He was saying that the OP doesn't have the right to make such a unilateral decision for the MPs family.

 

And I agree. That's the MPs decision to make, not the OPs. Ever.

 

There is a former MP here (movingforward, I think) that is deciding not to tell her BS. I don't think this is what LSD was asking about, but I respect her decision to not tell her BS at this point. Sometimes you have to know who you are dealing with before you drop something like this on them. She knows her BS more than anyone else here.

 

And that's the problem I have with OPs snitching. They have no idea the damage they do to the unsuspecting person that they usually only know from hearsay (from a very biased person mostly).

 

Do I think the BS should be told? Of course. And as demonstrated in Sanafa's sitch, its not always the APs that do the snitching. I can support friends snitching, not OPs. OPs tend to tell from such vengeful positions that they hurt far more than they inform.

 

 

I AGREE!!!!! As a matter of fact, I responded to herenow earlier reminding her that the topic has nothing to do with whether or not the BS should be told....but some people are determined...

[tami-chan]

Good point Donna.

 

It wouldn't be out of character for an OW to tell a BW in an act of revenge.

 

Some ask why be honest when the affair ends? The answer is, because it fits with the actions of the OW all along. If the OW has no care about the BW while f'ing her H, then why should she care if the truth will cause pain? It's a very fitting end to a very selfish situation.

 

 

This is bs. Many OWs come here about their pain, about the end of the affair...etc.etc...and many of you encourage, nay, DEMAND, that she tell the BS...and now you say the above....c'mon...seriously, herenow, you need to make your parameters clearer to yourself....because all I see is someone bent on cutting the OW any way which how. You have no problem adjusting the things you believe in as long as it benefits the BS. How is that for hypocrisy and selfishness?

[herenow]

This is bs. Many OWs come here about their pain, about the end of the affair...etc.etc...and many of you encourage, nay, DEMAND, that she tell the BS...and now you say the above....c'mon...seriously, herenow, you need to make your parameters clearer to yourself...because all I see is someone bent on cutting the OW any way which how. You have no problem adjusting the things you believe in as long as it benefits the BS. How is that for hypocrisy and selfishness?

 

Let me be clear again. I believe the BS should know the truth. I really don't care how they get it. That is my opinion. You may not like it, but that is how I feel. I would never tell or "demand" anyone to do anything, I just state my opinion.

 

Having said that. I have already said on this thread that I understand that the BS is told, in the case being discussed on this thread, for the wrong reason. That is why I have said already on this thread that I both agree and disagree with the OP but for different reasons.

[NoIDidn't]

A very good analysis. It really illustrates the "great divide" and the camps that BSs and OW/M tend to fall into.

 

It is very reminiscent of the similar unsolvable question being:

 

"What is the responsibility of the OW/M to the BS?"

 

The 2 arguments in a nutshell are:

 

- "no responsibility because it is the MP who has made the vows/commitment", and

 

- "a high level of responsibility because it is morally wrong to participate in the betrayal of an innocent BS."

 

Nearly every thread that gets started on this topic or strays into argument on this topic seems to get closed down.

 

I don't think that the OP owes anything to tell the BS who they are married to after the affair is over and they didn't get what they wanted. I think they should have told the minute they crossed the line into inappropriate behaviors. After that, I wouldn't want to hear it from an OP. It might very well be that my H is a louse, but hearing it from an OW would make me dig in my heels to deny her the victory of seeing me hurt because of his foolishness. Note, I didn't say competition. Its not a competition if she's telling because she already "lost". I just like to hold my emotional cards close to the vest.

 

More important to me is why after telling on the MP does the OP want "updates" on how it went? (Not speaking specifically of brainyblonde, even though she just posted that very word). Its common here to read. The OP tells on the MP and then wants to know that it had the "desired effect". No offense to anyone, but this is hilarious in that its incredibly dense to think you have the right to ask that when you shouldn't have been interested in what goes on in that household to begin with.

 

Everytime I read something like this, I think "people still do this". Imagine if the BS called the OP just to make sure that they are still hurting after the A is over. It would be considered the cruelest thing ever. But OPs frequently want "updates" on what is going on in the marriage. SMH

[skylarblue]

I would think the OP blows the whistle either 1) to get some kind of revenge or 2) to end the M in order to have the him/her. I couldn't imagine telling my MM's W because I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt my MM. I don't ever take his W or children's feelings or outcome into consideration. Unlike to him, I don't feel any obligation to them and only care about protecting him. Not that I would feel bad if the A was discovered and it ended his marriage. He knows the consequences and/or likelihood of discovery eventually. But because I'm indifferent to it doesn't mean I want to see it happen to him. However, I'm going to be a total hypocrite now. I think it's wrong to expose an A to the W/H. The OP knew the situation going in, therefore being absolutely fine accepting the situation. However, if my MM did something to deliberately cause damage or distress to me like purposely getting me fired or calling my parents simply to offensively embarrass me and crudely expose the A for whatever reason, then I would absolutely tell his W in a second. And I would expose every freakin' detail from day one without hesitation or regret. I would become a revenge girl.

[NoIDidn't]

However, if my MM did something to deliberately cause damage or distress to me like purposely getting me fired or calling my parents simply to offensively embarrass me and crudely expose the A for whatever reason, then I would absolutely tell his W in a second. And I would expose every freakin' detail from day one without hesitation or regret. I would become a revenge girl.

 

I can't imagine being in a relationship that I felt would embarrass me in front of my parents.

 

That's deep.

 

I agree that your stance is hypocritical. If you think its wrong to rat him out, you shouldn't do it under any circumstances. Not if he embarrassed you, or dumped you, or whatever.

 

I would never tell the W if I was with a MM. Having the affair might be a low road in my eyes, but I would take the High Road out of it.

[jj33]

Skylar you are totally missing the point. If you rat someone out, how likely is it that they will be with you.

 

They wont. They will hate you and never trust you or speak to you again.

 

Look at Brainy Blonde's thread. It is textbook.

[moaningmyrtle]

Skylar you are totally missing the point. If you rat someone out, how likely is it that they will be with you.

 

They wont. They will hate you and never trust you or speak to you again.

 

Look at Brainy Blonde's thread. It is textbook.

 

I assumed that Skylar would think if it got to the point of her becoming revenge girl then the relationship would be over anyway.

[moaningmyrtle]

Skylar you are totally missing the point. If you rat someone out, how likely is it that they will be with you.

 

They wont. They will hate you and never trust you or speak to you again.

 

Look at Brainy Blonde's thread. It is textbook.

 

After d day, some MM reveal all about the OW to their BWs as they desperately try to convince their wife that she (the wife) is the one that has been chosen. Is this also a form of ratting on the AP? What do OW think about all their intimate secrets being revealed to the BW at d day? I know this happens for sure.

[jj33]

Perhaps you didnt read her post carefully she had 2 points (1) revenge and (2) so that the MM would be with her. I think your second question is off topic maybe you want to start a new thread

[jj33]

I am not a betrayed spouse, never have been.

 

I am a person who believes in honesty.

 

I guess the cheaters (anti-snitchers) are really only looking out for themselves since they don't want 'full disclosure.'

 

NOW they are concerned about the spouse and the family. If they REALLY cared about them to begin with, the affair wouldn't have been started to begin with.

 

My H, who was divorced prior to our marriage, just said he wouldn't want to know if I ever cheated on him.

 

Personally, I would want to know. I would want the opportunity to get myself tested for STD's and then decide if the marriage I thought we had was reality or fantasy. I would want to be able to make the decision regarding ME -- I don't want anyone taking that away from me because that isn't fair to ME. I should be able to decide if I want to forgive and rebuild OR bail.

 

I guess there is no black and white answer.... it is just sad that there has to even be a question to begin with ...

 

Who asked if you wanted to know? This thread isnt ABOUT whether the BS wanted to know.

 

Its ABOUT why the APs have ratted out the MPs.

 

And as for your derogatory words about APs I believe you were an OW once too werent you?

[moaningmyrtle]

Who asked if you wanted to know? This thread isnt ABOUT whether the BS wanted to know.

 

Its ABOUT why the APs have ratted out the MPs.

 

And as for your derogatory words about APs I believe you were an OW once too werent you?

 

I thought the question was generally about APs being ratted out. MPs are also APs too so my comments was about a slight twist when MPs "rat on" their APs to their BWs (after d-day). I suppose it's just another way of throwing under the bus and re-writing the A history. I'm not sure if it's worthy of another thread or not.

[OWoman]

What do OW think about all their intimate secrets being revealed to the BW at d day? I know this happens for sure.

 

 

:lmao: I can't imagine that the MM would have anything worse to say about the OW than what he'd already have told the OW about the BW, :lmao: - if he's THAT kind of MM!

 

So, scant comfort for the W - every word she hears about how (say) the OW moans when she orgasms is likely to drive the dagger deep into her own heart as she imagines how he'd have told the OW about her - the W - grunting as she tried and tried but couldn't ever reach orgasm.

[moaningmyrtle]

:lmao: I can't imagine that the MM would have anything worse to say about the OW than what he'd already have told the OW about the BW, :lmao: - if he's THAT kind of MM!

 

So, scant comfort for the W - every word she hears about how (say) the OW moans when she orgasms is likely to drive the dagger deep into her own heart as she imagines how he'd have told the OW about her - the W - grunting as she tried and tried but couldn't ever reach orgasm.

 

Oh dear - talk about stereotypes! OWs moan (fetchingly one assumes) and BWs grunt (no doubt very unappealingly).

 

Perhaps I need to change my name to gruntinggertrude. :-)

 

MoaningMyrtle

 

PS Seriously though - many MM do in fact breach their OW's secrets at d-day. Perhaps as you suggest they have already done so with their wives' secrets too - yuk.

[Impudent Oyster]

:lmao: I can't imagine that the MM would have anything worse to say about the OW than what he'd already have told the OW about the BW, :lmao: - if he's THAT kind of MM!

 

So, scant comfort for the W - every word she hears about how (say) the OW moans when she orgasms is likely to drive the dagger deep into her own heart as she imagines how he'd have told the OW about her - the W - grunting as she tried and tried but couldn't ever reach orgasm.

 

 

Hopefully the W finally found a man who knew how to give her an orgasm.

 

How embarrassing for the poor shmuck of a MM!

[Impudent Oyster]

After d day, some MM reveal all about the OW to their BWs as they desperately try to convince their wife that she (the wife) is the one that has been chosen. Is this also a form of ratting on the AP? What do OW think about all their intimate secrets being revealed to the BW at d day? I know this happens for sure.

 

I know it happens too, and it is NOT pretty. So unflattering and derogatory were his comments about her that I told my husband I didn't want to hear it.

 

I told him, if she was that much of a freak and a such a head case, then why did he give her the time of day?

[Tony]

Way too many off topic posts. Are members capable of reading the first post in the thread and addressing it. When you comment on recent off topic threads you just drag the off topic thing on and on. CLOSED!