CallMeKizzy Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 lately i've been real down. and for some reason idk why.. i mean there are a number of things.. my relationship with my mom, me being and trying to finish college, and just my surrounding and my anger. i have alot of anger inside of me. ive let everyhthing build up. my friends always ask me whats wrong.. whats wrong.. but its like, i cant talk to them. id rather write. but i feel like i have dumb issues. they say that i shut down, and i dont talk to them. but for almost all my life thats all i knew, all i have ever known was to shut down, let it go and keep it moving. i have one friend our of the 2 that i am fairly close to, its kind of easy for me to talk to her because i feel she understands me, but my other firend i just feel like she judges me, and really doesnt care. yesterday i broke down in front of them, she provided no comfort, no care, and really kind of yelled at me, and made me feel lower than i did. after that she sent a text saying she is sorry, she will try to be more understanding. but thats one of the reasons i dont talk to her. cause i feel like she judges me. since i have been going threw whatever they have been growing closer they have this bond that we use to have with each other, and it hurts i feel like the door is slowly closing on me, and i have no one in my corner. they also dont want to go to church because one of them well they are both gay. they claim they need to get there mind right, and i really want to go,bbut i just never been to church by myself, and i feel like im going to even more alone onece i start going, and they arent. i dont know what to do. i mean i do, but im afraid to lose a friendship. but i really need to hear the word of God. i think that is the reason ive been so down, and out. i need some guidance on this path of mine, but im just so afraid. im more afraid of being alone!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 Kizzy, it sounds as if you are making others (both your friends, in particular) responsible for your spiritual/religious life. Have you considered making an appointment with the pastor of the church you wish to attend, and discussing your concerns and getting help with how to get back on your own path by yourself. It is, for good or for bad, a solitary journey that each individual must undertake at his or her own pace...you might as well take responsibility for your own sooner than later, yes? Good luck, and God Bless. Link to post Share on other sites
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