Don't let your ex have control of the situation. They split up with you.

[wecancope]

Hi Butterfly1.

 

I don't know if you know this, but in Germany (my ex lives in Germany) they celebrate Christmas on the 24th of December, so on the night of the 23rd it is a tradition for all of the "young" to meet up that night and drink lots of wine and beer.

 

Well, I waited for it to turn midnight in Germany, and exactly at that precise time I sent my ex this text message:

 

"Hey Babe! Merry Christmas. Have a super day and I hope you get the presents u were hoping for! All my love and a big hug."

 

Well, she immediately phoned me from her mobile phone, but I didn't have the courage to answer it. Then she tried again and this time I answered.

 

So to cut the conversation short:

 

She told me she was missing me, if it was possible to meet up, that I was the first person to send her Christmas wishes via text and that she was happy about it. All of her friends had been asking her where I was, and she told them that we haven't been together for 3 weeks (that's a lie, it's been 6-7weeks), but that I'm the one she is going to marry and have children with. I asked her if she was drunk and her reply was, she has been drinking but had eased off the drinking earlier on (I asked her this because I couldn't beleive what I was hearing).

 

Anyway she wants me back and she asked me if I would take her back (she was confused with the way I was behaving towards her lately), I said yes (obviously), but she wants a different relationship (????), but with me!(I don't really understand this sentence!)

 

I told her that it was best if we talked tomorrow afternoon and she agreed.

 

That was it. 3 minutes on the phone and all of that happened! I'm just letting it sink in. Oh, I mustn't forget. She told me that she loves me.

 

I guess we are back together!!!

[Butterfly1]

That is GREAT GREAT news. You have made my Christmas. I knew she still had feelings for you based off how she was acting. Believe me, I think you did all the right things. I do believe the break you had of no contact REALLY helped you both get perspective on the relationship and how important it is. I am so happy you contacted her last week and I do think that because of your distance, you made her miss you more and come back to you. I am soo happy for you wecancope. I think your relationship this time will be better then ever before because you both realize how much you mean to each other and are not going to take each other for granted and you should know now how much she loves you...even on the break, you were the only one in her heart.

 

Congrats!!! Merry Christmas as well!

[wecancope]

Hi Butterfly1,

 

You are the one that has made my Christmas and I don't know how to repay you for all your help and advice that you been giving me for the past few weeks. You are an amazing person with a heart of gold and I don't really say that to many people.

 

If you ever find yourself over here in England, let me know, as it would be absolutely great to meet up with you. I'll send you my email address to your private messages!

 

I'll post again tomorrow to let you know how the conversation went. (I'm still a little suspicious that she might have drank a bit too much tonight and regret everything in the morning. But that's probably just paranoia!).

 

Once again Butterfly1, A big big thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[Butterfly1]

Thank you again for your kind words. I don't think she will change her mind either tomorrow. That was really nice of you to text message her. If you ever come to Chicago until June and NYC after that, you have a friend there as well. Once again, I am really happy for you.

[wecancope]

Well she phoned me this afternoon, and talked about normal things, and then she told me that she meant what she said last night even though she was a bit drunk. I didn't react.

 

I did it again! I could not bring myself in expressing my feelings towards her throughout the conversation, and I think she might of sensed it. She would mention things like "do you know what we are going to call our child if it's a girl?" and other things that I can't really remember, but I did not react.

 

Anyway at the end of the phone call I asked what is going on between us. She said that we should meet up in the new year and take it from there. She wants to be with me (but also wants to have what she has got now) but her only worry is that we might end up going back into our old routine. My response to this was "The 3 year relationship we had is dead now and we will never have what we had, but only the experiences and memories we shared together". I don't think she understood what I meant.

 

To be quite honest I think she might have been a bit on the defensive side and a little confused. I think she might have been expecting me to be jumping up and down with excitement and to be absolutely over the moon about the situation, but I wasn't. Like I said I'm trying to stay as calm as possible and take it step by step. I've still got my defensive shield up and it will take time to lower them. I don't want to be hurt again!! All I could bring myself to say to her is that "I have got strong feelings for you, but......."(I can't remember the rest of the sentence).

 

Anyway she is going to phone me tomorrow, so we will see! I haven't yet digested all of this yet, I just need some time to find my feet on the ground.

[Butterfly1]

I think its great that she wants to try again. I think she was trying to be honest with you and let you know her concerns. It also understandable how you would have a defensive shield up. She hurt you and its hard to get back to that comfort level you had before. Hopefully when you see each other in person it won't be as awkward or as hard for you. And its true, you will never have the relationship you had before...but i think if you can make it work, it will be stronger. I think its important for both of you to figure out what went wrong before and how you can avoid or work on those problems in the future. With my ex from a few years ago, we would break up and get back together only to break up again for the same reasons. Just take it slow. You have the rest of your life to be with her. I think its great that she wants to work things out and from here you just ahve to work on getting comfortable again and getting secure again that it won't happen.

 

Merry Christmas!

[wecancope]

Well, she phoned me on Christmas Day to wish me Merry Christmas. We talked about we have been up to, what presents we had received, but we did not once mention anything about "the relationship". After 15 minutes on the phone I told her that I had to go, that I lots of things to do. We didn't even speak about when we would be in contact again nor when we would be seeing each other! I'm going to leave it up to her to make contact.

 

I've heard absolutely nothing from her since that phone call, but her best friend emailed me late Christmas Day and she ended the email with "I've got the feeling that we will meet soon!".

 

Anyway, I just needed to write down the things that are looping around my head. It's late here in England, so I can't talk to anyone at this time of night.

 

Do you ever get that feeling in your stomach that something is going to happen, and your mind is totally occupied with making sense of a situation, because things that are said or done don't figure out! Well I've been like that lately, since I've been in contact with my ex. The things she said to me and her behaviour towards me didn't make much sense, but then all of a sudden everything seemed to click into place.

I've got a suspision that my ex is going to be flying over for the New Year! And this feeling really hurts me, because I'm so convinced by this feeling, I'd be very disapointed if it was not the case!

 

What makes me suspicious?

 

1) She told me she had sent me a parcel on Christmas Eve and that this parcel will give me the answers I need. Who would send a parcel on Christmas Eve? Is she the parcel?

 

2) She has asked me everytime we have talked, what am I doing New Years Eve, when will I be leaving (I'm spending New Year with my best friend who lives 3hours away), but she actually hasn't told me what she is doing on New Years!

 

3) A week ago she asked me if there was anything I needed that was in her flat (this was just prior to her leaving her flat, to go home to her parents for Christmas). I'm sure that if she meant to say do you want your things returning, she would have said "do you want me to send any of your things back!"

 

These are some of the things anyway. I know, you are probably thinking that I've gone mad and that I'm looking too deep into things. I just needed to get all of these things off my chest.

 

Hope you've had a good Christmas.

[Butterfly1]

Why don't you call her and find out? It sounds like she is planning on a visit -- a lot of hints point to that - especially her best friends message. One way of finding out is to say something like you can't decide whether to go somewhere really far away for new years and see what her reaction is. If she is planning on surprising you then that means she bought the tickets before you had that conversation on Christmas eve? While I do agree with you that she might be coming, don't be terribly dissappointed if she doesn't. It doesn't change anything. She has already told you that she loves you and misses you and wasn't she already naming your children on your phone call as well?

 

Take it day by day wecancope. Sounds like you are a bunch of nerves right now and its totally understandable considering whats happenned over the past couple of days. Get some rest, call her and have a drink!

[wecancope]

I don't know Butterfly1,

 

We spoke on Sunday, and I told her that I had checked flights and if the 2nd Jan was ok, but she told me that she didn't know whether or not it was too early for us to meet. Then she asked me when I would be off work next, and I told her that it would be the 12th Jan. This date would be OK to meet. How confusing???

 

Apart from that, the rest of the conversation was good. We talked about us, our fears, our feelings etc and basically she said she does want to work things out!

 

This morning I received a parcel from her, containing a key ring, a silver star with a bell inside it and a card (that she made) with a big red heart on the front.

 

The message in the card was this:

 

Hey my STAR,

 

I wish you a Merry Xmas and all the best for the New Year.

I picked that little star because it reminds me of you and of our relationship.

When ever you'll let it ring, I'll be thinking of you. I miss you so much!

My wish for the New Year is to have more contact to you and see you as soon as possible.

This card might be confusing for you but this is what's been going on for weeks now in my head and heart.

I wish you all the best success in whatever you do, health and happiness.

 

Take care,

 

All my love and a kiss

 

J

 

She sent this parcel on the 23rd, before she phoned me that evening to say she wanted to work things out.

 

What I don't understand is that she told me that this parcel was a 'hint', but I can't seem to see the hint. Can you.

[Butterfly1]

I don't know. Maybe the hint was that she will see you on the New Year - but that would contradict her saying that she would see you on the 12th -- but maybe she also said that this weekend would be too soon because she is the one actually planning on seeing you. But, I don't want to get your hopes up -- if she comes or doesn't come doesn't change the fact that she wants things to work out between the two of you and that is great. That was also a very sweet note and present she sent. She sounds very thoughtful.