Wife doesn't like sex...I'm thinking about an affair

[JamesM]

As a guy in a sexless (or nearly) marriage that has been documented here on other threads, I understand what you are saying. However, you have left out many details that would indicate if an affair is even the best option let alone the only option. (And I am not saying this because I condone affairs.)

 

How often DO you have sex? You say you crave more PASSION. Explain.

 

How long have you been married? Have you had a child recently? Do you work long hours? Do you have children? DO the two of you spend time together alone or even spend time talking to one another? Does she work?

 

Is there something in your past or her past that could be the reason for her seeming lack of interest in sex? Affairs, abuse, issue of mistrust?

 

Is it simply that you want more sex than she does? And when you do have sex, it she interested? Or do you want to do things she does not want to do?

 

Does she have medical problems of any sort? IS she depressed? Does she have any chronic illnesses or pain issues? Has she had any miscarriages?

 

Simply saying that she lacks passion and you want an affair won't cut it. Having an affair is a messy business. It will create a secret life that will take over your normal life. The lies you will have to create and remember will give you heartburn. An affair will not make your situation any better and in the long run will make it worse. When your affair partner suddenly develops feelings for you (and she will), then you will be in another pickle. You will be here asking how to get rid of the OW.

 

Trust me (and not from my own experience but from MM here on LS), you will want to end the affair and slink back to your wife. At that point, you may have completely lost her at worst, and at best (but I say that not meaning a good thing), you will have lost her trust.

 

Unless you have researched and ruled out every possible reason for her alleged lack of passion, then you would do best for yourself and your marriage....as a man, to stand up and resolve the issues between the two of you. And if you (like I think I have) have then ruled out all of these possible reasons and still see no change, then and only then you have some choices to make. BUT...this will be a few months at least, and probably a year or two.

 

And trust me...I am guessing I know better than you what a sexless marriage is. That is...unless YOUR wife also told you that she no longer wants sex and if you want it, then you can get it elsewhere.

[bentnotbroken]

Hell yes do it. It will make your wife want you more once she finds out you have been having wild sex with another woman. The sex with your wife will be really good for about 2 weeks to 1 month after she finds out and after she knows you quit having sex with the OW, then it will return to the way it was before the affair. IME, once sex, passion, lust dies in a marriage, it NEVER comes back. I know my reply will get the typical responses from the people on here who hate to admit the truth about their marriages, but IMO that is what will happen. Some people go entire lives in a boring, sexless marriage because of fear of the unknown. They fear financial difficulty or what will happen with the children or what will family think, but the real reason to leave a bad marriage is for personal happiness. Go ahead, please yourself!!!

 

It made me want Mr. Messy so much, I filed for divorce, without regret.

[bentnotbroken]

Hopefully he will have hot sex with his next wife. And end up leaving the wife who is now burned out on the sex with him. Get real.

 

Spoken like someone with blinders on to or head buried deeply in ......the sand.

[NowhereToHide]

PLEASE don't do it. Once you do it you can never take it back. It will forever scar you and your marriage. Trust me, I know. You will live with the guilt forever.

 

Talk to your wife. Suggest counseling. Or divorce. Don't go outside your marriage.

[christys]

Spoken like someone with blinders on to or head buried deeply in ......the sand.

Blinders are off!!! What I say is just how I feel even if it is not morally correct. I think people on LS who post are on one side or the other. Either they are the ones who were cheated on, and who were not doing their duty to their respective spouses or they are the spouse who got sick and tired of thier spouse not giving them what they need sexually.

[eeyore1981]

I think a lot of women lose their desire for sex because they aren't having THEIR needs met.

 

It seems to me a lot of men think just because there is a hole there, it should be open 24/7. (pun intended) However, they only have to function when their body part is ready.

 

How many times have all you men whining about not getting enough rolled over when you were finished without a thought to whether or not she was finished, too? Try bringing your wife to an O without getting yourself satisfied 9 out of 10 times for the next few months and see how ready you are to perform on command.

 

I'm not an expert, but I find it very hard to believe all these women out there who were so sexually active and so into sex just lose interest with no reason other than being tired, kids, etc. That is not why I lost interest, in fact, I resented H's behavior causing me to lose interest.

 

I don't care what it is, if it is enjoyable, you are going to want to do it. Not a hard concept to understand.

[Molley]

OMG... please go into counseling or get a divorce, but whatever you do, don't have an affair. It will destroy your wife, destroy your marriage and it will, in the long run, destroy you.

 

Sex isn't the only reason for a marriage and sex and passion cam be regained. My husband had a 2 month affair and I don't know if our marriage, which was once wonderful (even if we didn't have all that PASSION,) will ever be recovered. He's in a total downward spiral, can't seem to move past his guilt and shame. I couldn't take it any longer and asked him to move out.

 

An affair is not the answer, it will destroy everything you hold dear.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I also noticed that too... not just on LS... in RL as well.. I've been there... and from my experience.. it's just that women just fall out of love...the H becomes like a brother.. a best friend.. sex is not important anymore..

 

Could be the routine.. the daily routine.. chores, work, kids.. same routine sex.. once we find out what we like sexually.. a few licks, no kissing, missionary position, OK.. my turn..

 

Boy as I've said in other posts, you're jaded view really irks/scares me. The fact you fall out of love and look at your spouse as no more then a brother and friend. Maybe that's just the way you are wired.... Maybe however you just are happy to run away and start over again and be looked at as a plaything, a craved women, someones concubine, the other women or a desirable ingenue and that is what turns you on.

 

You may be right though about the OP......

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Please please please talk to your wife. You could have been my H exactly a year ago. We weren't having much sex at all (maybe once every two weeks). He did tell me that he wanted it more and I brushed him off. He told me MANY times he wanted it more, I still brushed him off. I had NO IDEA that he would ever go out of the marriage. This never would have dawned on me. I was busy with kids, house, PTA, volunteer, friends, etc We had a good relationship (so I thought!!) in all other areas but the sex had dropped off dramatically over the last couple of years. Needless to say, my H had an almost year long A with a married co-worker. This has absolutely positively devastated me and our marriage. If you knew the hell that my H and I have been through the last three months, you would never go down that path. Got your wife into counseling or a physician or a sex therapist with you and address whatever is there and tell her how much this means to you. I am horrified to say that at one point I even thought to myself if he had to get a blow job on the side every now and then as long as I didn't have to do it then I would be fine with that. Ha. I had no idea how far from the truth (or how close to the truth) that would be. My H has said now on a daily basis how he wishes he had chosen another path, how he wishes he had talked to me until it changed. He DID try to talk to me, but I had no idea how serious this was or I would like to think I would have done something differently. If he had told me there was an attractive woman at work that he was tempted with, I hope it would have shaken some sense into me. We have cried and cried together. Our M is shaky but we're still together, for now. If it hadn't been for the kids, I would be gone. I have had a revenge affair which has brought untold heartbreak to my H. Please please please don't go down this path. You have no idea how fast it can all unravel. You wouldn't believe how much your world can fall apart. Friends of mine that have been through similar issues, while I empathized with them, I had NO CLUE of the pain involved. It is all encompassing, all consuming, overwhelming grief. It will KILL your wife inside. Destroy her soul. Tear your children apart.

 

 

The best response yet and the cold hard facts about what an affair can result in...... But you go on about the devastation and then tell us you had a revenge affair(!!!), after turning your husband down over and over, time after time and thought that was some right as a woman (yes no means no, don't get me wrong). You had/have no friggin idea how much those "nos" hurt or affected the marriage..... That is what bothers me to no end.......

 

Caught me at the end of a cranky day......

[Holding-On]

Happily married but not gettng passion I crave. An affair goes against everything about me but I am getting increasingly frustrated and it seems my sexual cravings only increase as time goes on. What to do?

 

Have you told her that you are seriously thinking about opening up the marriage?

I'm not saying jump and do it, I'm saying tell her explicitly, "I have talked to you about our sex life so often, nothing gets resolved. I love you and want you to want me sexually, however I can't force you to do that or to take my pain seriously so I am looking into getting a girlfriend. Do you have a better solution to this problem?" Hardball, yes. But I think you are past the point of being coy and should discuss changing the terms of your marriage agreement head-on as an adult. If you absolutely cannot do that, then you do not have what it takes to deal with the consequences of opening up your marriage discreetly or openly.

 

Now as this is your first post, I think I should disclose that, I am not, personally, a monogamist. My husband and I have an open marriage. So you can read my advice with that in mind.

[itmustbeme]

I think a lot of women lose their desire for sex because they aren't having THEIR needs met.

 

It seems to me a lot of men think just because there is a hole there, it should be open 24/7. (pun intended) However, they only have to function when their body part is ready.

 

Well you may be right. Maybe their needs are not being met. Or it could be they are married now and don't feel that they need to bother with it.

 

 

How many times have all you men whining about not getting enough rolled over when you were finished without a thought to whether or not she was finished, too? Try bringing your wife to an O without getting yourself satisfied 9 out of 10 times for the next few months and see how ready you are to perform on command.

 

I don't think most men are like this. Some may be but I don't think most are. I think most would like their wife to enjoy sex.

 

I'm not an expert, but I find it very hard to believe all these women out there who were so sexually active and so into sex just lose interest with no reason other than being tired, kids, etc. That is not why I lost interest, in fact, I resented H's behavior causing me to lose interest.

 

I don't care what it is, if it is enjoyable, you are going to want to do it. Not a hard concept to understand.

 

Well you don't think women understand the power that she has when she starts withholding sex. My XW learned this early and often in our marriage. And it worked like a charm for my wife.

 

After a while women do look at it like a chore. My marriage ended when I filed for divorce. I stopped asking for sex and I stopped meeting all of her needs. She became very unhappy

 

Women have a thousand excuses for not meeting this need. Too tired, Too busy, want to go shopping, and on and on. I just think if a woman does not want to have sex with her husband then her husband should let her go and be with someone else.

 

I earn a good living and I did not want to support a wife financially that did not want to meet my needs. It was funny when I cut of her funding and filed for D her attitude changed and she tried very hard to change my mind.

 

Now back to the original poster. Don't cheat but talk to your wife. If she does not want to meet your needs then don't go find another woman on the side. Divorce her and then date.

[JamesM]

I still say that we do not know nearly enough information to give a good response.

 

We CAN say that an affair is not the answer. But we cannot say that divorce is even a good option. We don't know what has been tried or hasn't. Since the OP bothered to start this thread, then we do know IMO that he cares enough to at least find some alternative solution to his marital problems before actually starting an affair.

 

Reread his first post. All we know is that his wife allegedly does not like sex (per him) and that he is considering an affair. We don't even know if he has a candidate in mind. We DO know that he says he is happily married.

 

OP, please answer some of these many questions so that the responses you get actually can be useful.

[Impudent Oyster]

Blinders are off!!! What I say is just how I feel even if it is not morally correct. I think people on LS who post are on one side or the other. Either they are the ones who were cheated on, and who were not doing their duty to their respective spouses or they are the spouse who got sick and tired of thier spouse not giving them what they need sexually.

 

 

LOL! Doing "their duty"? How old are you?

 

OP, I'll be blunt...are you giving your wife orgasms? Are you making sure she's having an orgasm every time you have sex, or do you just have one yourself without thinking about her? Are you a skilled lover?

 

If the answers to above questions are NO, then no wonder she doesn't like sex with you, neither will the OW after awhile. What's to like if you're just a vehicle for someone else's orgasm and you get no pleasure of your own? No one is that generous for very long and sex is a chore, she might as well be doing the laundry.

 

Trust me, if she was having multiple orgasms she'd love to have sex. My guess is that she's not and you both need to figure out how to make that happen.

[christys]

Well you may be right. Maybe their needs are not being met. Or it could be they are married now and don't feel that they need to bother with it.

 

 

 

I don't think most men are like this. Some may be but I don't think most are. I think most would like their wife to enjoy sex.

 

 

 

Well you don't think women understand the power that she has when she starts withholding sex. My XW learned this early and often in our marriage. And it worked like a charm for my wife.

 

After a while women do look at it like a chore. My marriage ended when I filed for divorce. I stopped asking for sex and I stopped meeting all of her needs. She became very unhappy

 

Women have a thousand excuses for not meeting this need. Too tired, Too busy, want to go shopping, and on and on. I just think if a woman does not want to have sex with her husband then her husband should let her go and be with someone else.

 

I earn a good living and I did not want to support a wife financially that did not want to meet my needs. It was funny when I cut of her funding and filed for D her attitude changed and she tried very hard to change my mind.

 

Now back to the original poster. Don't cheat but talk to your wife. If she does not want to meet your needs then don't go find another woman on the side. Divorce her and then date.

You said it!!! When the spouse who is not getting the sex they want leave or find it elsewhere the other spouse caves in, but IME, only for a little while, then its back to the same old thing...a chore and just laying there until its over with. I'm female and have experienced both sides. I cannot stay with the same man for very many years. I just get bored, and I have met men that tell me exactly the way their wife acts, and that is describing how I would act to my H to a tee.

[eeyore1981]

LOL! Doing "their duty"? How old are you?

 

OP, I'll be blunt...are you giving your wife orgasms? Are you making sure she's having an orgasm every time you have sex, or do you just have one yourself without thinking about her? Are you a skilled lover?

 

If the answers to above questions are NO, then no wonder she doesn't like sex with you, neither will the OW after awhile. What's to like if you're just a vehicle for someone else's orgasm and you get no pleasure of your own? No one is that generous for very long and sex is a chore, she might as well be doing the laundry.

 

Trust me, if she was having multiple orgasms she'd love to have sex. My guess is that she's not and you both need to figure out how to make that happen.

 

Thank you very much. I know people (like some men) like to tell themselves all this stuff like women are just naturally frigid, or whatever, to avoid looking at their part.

Oh, yeah, I have something I can do with my spouse that brings me ectasy, a strong feeling of love, relieves a lot of stress, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and helps me drift off into a peaceful sleep, but no, I would rather watch TV or wash the dishes. Sure I would....

[inhindsight]

OP, please don't do it. I am new to this forum. I had an EA that progressed to a PA for nearly a year.

 

I am a MW, he is MM. We were coworkers. It is over... but not without a huge cost to both our families. His wife has contacted me numerous times with vitriolic messages of hate, disgust and anger... and I get it. I made bad choices, and together we shattered the trust of our spouses.

 

I came clean with my H. I was expecting him to leave. He almost did, but for the sake of our daughter, he is staying and we have been trying to repair our relationship for almost a year now. It is a lot more honest than it ever was, and our sex life is much improved.

 

Sex and passion do NOT make a relationship - they are but a part of one. So if you are looking to improve that part of your life, do it with your DW, not an OW.

 

Speaking from experience.... it is just not worth it. Believe me, it isn't. As other posters have said, your life becomes a lie, every single day, every single minute. You can do it only for so long before it eventually wears on you and you are filled with dread and conflict.

 

Even if for moments you can forget it, like while you're having sex with the other person, and it seems in those moments it might be worth the stress... it's not.

 

Don't do it. Talk to your wife - like REALLY talk to her, discuss your concerns that you may stray if things don't change, or if you have really thought about it, then just leave. It is not worth it for either of you to go through the dissatisfaction, on whatever level it is for either of you.

[Impudent Oyster]

Thank you very much. I know people (like some men) like to tell themselves all this stuff like women are just naturally frigid, or whatever, to avoid looking at their part.

Oh, yeah, I have something I can do with my spouse that brings me ectasy, a strong feeling of love, relieves a lot of stress, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and helps me drift off into a peaceful sleep, but no, I would rather watch TV or wash the dishes. Sure I would....

 

Exactly! So many men never even think about whether the woman is having an orgasm...then they wonder why their wives or girlfriends don't want to have sex. Why should they? It's messy, unsatisfiying and a chore if you're not having an O.

 

Think about it men, if you just got on top of a woman and went through the motions and felt nothing but some friction while your wife came and you didn't, how psyched would you be to turn off Monday Night Football for THAT?

 

Men, please listen, the majority of woman can not have an orgasm through intercourse alone. That is a FACT. There are woman who have never had an orgasm.

 

If your wife or GF doesn't like sex, that may be the reason why. The good news is, you both can learn how to make sure she does have one. Get to work!

[confusedinkansas]

So you think you want to have an affair? Well goodie for you - Here are some thoughts to ponder, from someone that's been there / done that.

 

First off, it won't kill you - nor will it "Ruin" your life. (like some have said)

 

It will however, create a plethura of emotions that you don't think about NOW....Prior to having the affair.

 

If I had a quarter for every time I heard a married man say - "I want to have an affair so that I have Passion back in my life & have the SEX I deserve that she won't give me".......Well I wouldn't be wealthy, but I'd have a lot of quarters!

 

Here's one thing that you don't think about now....

But after the affair is over - the little things that will trigger your memory about your affair partner:

 

Songs on the Radio

Certain types of cars

Certain Hotels

Bookstores

Coffee Shops

Restaurants

Night Clubs

Even certain cocktails at a bar that are ordered......

 

It's not fun. Kind of limits where you can go, what you can do - to avoid the thoughts in your mind from your past.

Can't speak for everyone, but for me, these thoughts have subsided a great deal & I have made new memories with my husband.

[hopeful1980]

I don't understand. Maybe I'm too young and inexperienced to even comprehend this type of thinking. I just don't get why if something isn't working INSIDE a relationship, someone would assume that going OUTSIDE would make it better. It defies logic to me.

[FreezorBurn]

Happily married but not gettng passion I crave. An affair goes against everything about me but I am getting increasingly frustrated and it seems my sexual cravings only increase as time goes on. What to do?

 

 

Absolutely,

 

A affair will solve all your problems.

[pkn06002]

Why don't you just go and buy a hooker

[JamesM]

Exactly! So many men never even think about whether the woman is having an orgasm...then they wonder why their wives or girlfriends don't want to have sex. Why should they? It's messy, unsatisfiying and a chore if you're not having an O.

 

Actually, it is not always this simple. Once again, we say "No sex? Dude, it is YOUR fault."

 

My wife can have orgasms via oral sex. She doesn't get them (as far as I know) via intercourse. Yet she is not interested in sex. Personally, I would love to get her off first before I even get started. It has happened many times when we do have sex, and she enjoys it.

 

I don't think most women feel that "If I could get an orgasm every time, then I would love to have sex often." It is much more involved than that.

 

I don't understand. Maybe I'm too young and inexperienced to even comprehend this type of thinking. I just don't get why if something isn't working INSIDE a relationship, someone would assume that going OUTSIDE would make it better. It defies logic to me.

 

The reason people (men and women) end up "seeking" an affair is because either they feel that there is no hope of change in the marriage and actually look for one (as may be the case here), or they are in a marriage that seems to be hopeless and a partner who refuses to change. Then along comes someone who is a friend and/or becomes closer. Step by step this person fills the void caused by a failing marriage.

 

Someone in a poor marriage IS vulnerable for an affair.

 

The other main reason people "choose" an affair is basically as a wakeup call. I read it here over and over. The person felt that nothing was going to change so they chose an affair as a way to shock their partner into change. Smart? No. But then read the BS comments here...."If only I had known before what he felt." Often they WERE told but didn't take the desperate pleas and cries seriously. In these cases, the affair did serve as a wakeup call, but it was usually a last resort when all other avenues were exhausted...even sometimes including MC.

 

Affairs usually happen as a result of a failing marriage. Unless the person is a serial cheater, then very few actually seek one out while in a happy marriage.

 

Why don't you just go and buy a hooker

 

And I know I will get shot for this, but personally, it would be easier and less damaging to the marriage. Two assumptions are made: safe sex and secrets kept. Why say I that? Because with an affair (assuming safe sex and secrets kept) there is another person who will become emotionally involved. No matter how you cut it, the affair will end up in a mess. Most likely instead of the one person who chose the affair hurting, it will be two additional people hurting. And it is much more likely that an affair will end up being made public.

 

Just some thoughts...and not condoning either hookers or affairs.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

LOL! Doing "their duty"? How old are you?

 

OP, I'll be blunt...are you giving your wife orgasms? Are you making sure she's having an orgasm every time you have sex, or do you just have one yourself without thinking about her? Are you a skilled lover?

 

If the answers to above questions are NO, then no wonder she doesn't like sex with you, neither will the OW after awhile. What's to like if you're just a vehicle for someone else's orgasm and you get no pleasure of your own? No one is that generous for very long and sex is a chore, she might as well be doing the laundry.

 

Trust me, if she was having multiple orgasms she'd love to have sex. My guess is that she's not and you both need to figure out how to make that happen.

 

Have you and Eeyore1981 read a single post in this section or the Marriage section..... It has nothing to do with orgasms or doing the little things, being a good partner, doing your fair share...... Or there are a bunch of lying men here full of cr#p..... So tired, so old...... JamesM why do you even bother trying to explain?????

[eeyore1981]

Have you and Eeyore1981 read a single post in this section or the Marriage section..... It has nothing to do with orgasms or doing the little things, being a good partner, doing your fair share...... Or there are a bunch of lying men here full of cr#p..... So tired, so old...... JamesM why do you even bother trying to explain?????

 

Actually, I have read a lot of posts in a lot of sections here. You want to know what I've seen? I've seen man after man willing to throw away good marriages because they aren't getting enough sex. I've seen people advise men to wash the dishes, help with the kids, etc., and I am sure these men do this for the most part, but whether they are verbalizing it or not, in most cases it is coming across loud and clear to the woman the man is not doing this because he loves her and wants to help her out, he is doing it for his REWARD, sex.

 

Yes, I realize women getting an O each and every time is not the sole reason, but whether you like it or not, it is a factor.

 

I guarantee you, almost every woman in a marriage has had sex with her husband when she really didn't feel like it. And I also guarantee you, almost every one of those women got no appreciation for it. Most men have this irrational sense of entitlement when it comes to sex. There are thousands of posts on this forum alone proving that. So lets just say, for the sake of argument, a woman is required to have sex whenever her H wants it. What, pray tell, is a man required to do? Have sex?

 

If a man treated sex as one action of many others that are a natural result from the love and respect he feels for his wife, in most cases this would be a non-issue. But no, most men would rather not look at their part, instead, they want to believe their wife is "withholding" sex from them, make themselves a victim, and all that crap because they would rather feel right than be happy. It's ridiculous, and it's like talking to a brick wall.

[itmustbeme]

Actually, I have read a lot of posts in a lot of sections here. You want to know what I've seen? I've seen man after man willing to throw away good marriages because they aren't getting enough sex. I've seen people advise men to wash the dishes, help with the kids, etc., and I am sure these men do this for the most part, but whether they are verbalizing it or not, in most cases it is coming across loud and clear to the woman the man is not doing this because he loves her and wants to help her out, he is doing it for his REWARD, sex.

 

Yes, I realize women getting an O each and every time is not the sole reason, but whether you like it or not, it is a factor.

 

I guarantee you, almost every woman in a marriage has had sex with her husband when she really didn't feel like it. And I also guarantee you, almost every one of those women got no appreciation for it. Most men have this irrational sense of entitlement when it comes to sex. There are thousands of posts on this forum alone proving that. So lets just say, for the sake of argument, a woman is required to have sex whenever her H wants it. What, pray tell, is a man required to do? Have sex?

 

If a man treated sex as one action of many others that are a natural result from the love and respect he feels for his wife, in most cases this would be a non-issue. But no, most men would rather not look at their part, instead, they want to believe their wife is "withholding" sex from them, make themselves a victim, and all that crap because they would rather feel right than be happy. It's ridiculous, and it's like talking to a brick wall.

 

You know when marriage becomes like you just described it then it is time to move on. And there are too many just like this. I realize you do not want to hear any men complaining but I am on the other side of it. I don't want to hear another woman complaining about men.

 

I read every book and started being the best I could be. I was not getting my needs met but I thought I need to give it a try. This went on for about 3 months and she was happy. I never pressed her for sex and I never said no to her on a lot of things. She went shopping all the time and quit her job. I thought the happier she was the better it would be for us. You know what I got a very happy woman because she did not have to meet my needs and I was still meeting hers.

 

We talked and she said she just did not think sex was an important need. She loved me but it was not a big deal to her. After having a long frustrating discussion I told her I would no longer meet her needs anymore for anything. Her needs were no longer important to me either So she needed to go out and get a job because I would not be funding any more shopping.

 

Then I filed for divorce. There is simply no need for a man to be married to a woman who does not like to have sex with them. Now I don't think the wife should have sex if she does not enjoy it. I also don't think the man should stick around in a sexless marriage.

 

There are other woman out there who do enjoy sex. My XW did try to get me to stop the divorce but I did not because I just did not want to go to work and support someone who was using me as a paycheck.

 

And let me be clear I don't think a woman should just have sex with her husband even though she does not want too. I just don't think a man should stick around with a woman who does not care about his needs.

 

I see no reason to stay married if that is the case. I made plenty of money I did not need my wife for that. I married her and sex was part of the deal.

 

I see it no differently than if a couple marry and the man decided he no longer wants to work. How many women will stay with a man who stops working? Not many.