Three is a Crowd, Four is a Mess

[LittleRobotGirl]

Hi,

I've got a big problem and really hope some of you can share your experience with me and your opinions.

I've been in a relationship for the past two years with one guy (we met at work), we moved in together after a year and have been living like that for the past year. We've had our ups and BIG downs, which couple doesn't, right?!

 

Don't get me wrong, we both love each other...

 

And please don't think different from what I'll tell you now:

We're both pretty young and want a lot more out of life. Neither of us, especially me is ready to settle down, I simply DON'T want to, there's so much I wanna do before I start a family.

 

So both of us will leave our current home and right now it definitely looks like we've different goals and different places we want to move. It's pretty much an agreement we made that we'll enjoy the time we still have together, then part as friends and maybe meet up again in a few years.

It's sad and it teared me up in the beginning but I got pretty much used to the thought because I know I'm not ready for commitment. Maybe however I got a little TOO used to it.

 

To say the truth: I still love him dearly and don't want to hurt him but I'm not in love with him anymore. There's almost no sexual attraction anymore, at least from my side, I'm not sure how he feels but it can't be that different.

 

Now during the last weeks I met a guy, he's actually the brother of a collegue of the both of us and we met up a few times during the last days by chance. I knew him by sight before but never had much to do with him. That changed now.

 

Now, my boyfriend's a hottie, really. He's got a nice body, a sixpack, every girl's dream, really. Of course he's got his flaws, e.g. he's got issues with his self confidence, sometimes he's VERY confident other times he isn't at ALL but plays it cool anyway, he's got a capricious temper (for the most part I'd say it comes down to the fact that he's addicted to certain "stuff"...) but he's not abusive or anything the likes, he pretty much has it under control (as much as he can).

 

This guy however, he's just your normal everyday boy. He's not bad looking, not rather good looking and somewhat of a macho.

Still I'm VERY attracted to him, he's just got something about him that makes me wanna jump him and... well you get the idea.

I'm aware that I'm crushing. Hard!

I feel like I'm sixteen again.

 

I KNOW that there's something between us, I get this vibe and whenever he's near he IS flirting which makes it even harder. I know that he likes me, he's hinting but he also knows that I have a boyfriend, they know each other and I'm sure that he wouldn't go any further because of that.

 

Besides, like I said, we're still young and the old clichés that dictated our school lives so much just a few years ago are still effecting us now. From that point of view he'd fall under the category of badboy/classclown crossover and I'd be the popular girl. I've stopped labelling really but I'm aware that many haven't yet and this would mean he's outta my league, or... rather the other way around.

It is absolutely stupid but I know that even though he's not shy he would never put the final move on me because of that even if my boyfriend wasn't.

 

Besides...

(Now if that's not enough... )

I was told that he actually has a girlfriend (he got with her about two weeks ago), nothing serious yet but a relationship is a relationship in my eyes.

 

So we're pretty much stuck... None of us could tell the other because of our partner's feelings so the situation simply won't clear up.

I've been thinking this through over and over.

 

I know the RIGHT thing to do would probably involve telling my bf the truth but I really don't want to hurt him he's kinda become the best friend I've ever had and I'm questioning whether it would be even worth it. (Please, I'm only human after all and this kinda thought DOES surface)

So why not try to keep my feelings for myself and really make the best out of the four months we have as a couple and then really go away and try to forget about the other guy.

 

Please let me know your opinion and don't think of me as bad, I'm not a player really, actually my bf's the first real relationship (besides holding hands and so on) I've ever had and I'm very confused as to what to do.

Thanks

[seibert253]

Successful relationships are built, and based, upon honesty and trust. If you truly love your BF, then you need to be honest with him.

 

I'm truly glad you can see you are not ready for anything close to marriage. In many instances like yours, one party feels "obligated" because they don't want to hurt the other. Then years down the road some infidelity occurs, then, well lets just say you're left with one hell of a mess, and many "wasted" years.

 

Yeah, your BF will be hurt. But, he will also respect you for being honest with him. Maybe the two of you just need a break to find out what you truly want. Your BF just may actually be "the one", and you just need some time away to realize that.

 

My W pushed me away twice because she, like you, was "confused". Eventually she realized it was me she wanted.

[LittleRobotGirl]

Yeah, I guess so, too. There's probably no other acceptable way but telling him. Anyway thank you for your honest reply.