What is he thinking?!!!

[berrysun]

Here it goes. I had moved back home after seven years and had just broken up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. I ran into a guy I had known in high school although we didn't really run with the same crowd. We started talking and hit if off really well. We pretty much jumped into a relationship really fast. Spending everynight together and etc.

 

Things were going smoothly. We were different in a lot of ways but also had quite a bit in common. He was such a nice guy and treated me really well. Then I got a new job (I was unemployed before) He was working a second shift starting at 2:00 p.m. ending at 10:00 p.m. I had to get up at 5:30 every morning and so we started to drift apart due to lack of communication. He still came over everyday but of course I was ready to go to bed when he got there and he doesn't have every weekend off like I do so we didn't even get to spend much time then either.

 

We started fighting a lot. We were both stressed out with our jobs and I think we both started to resent the other one. We both were saying "your never there for me" He claimed I never listened to him when he was trying to talk to me which I disagreed on. He was a hard one to open up. He didn't talk much about himself.

 

We seemed to never have any time alone. We didn't go out together alone in over a month. When he was off on the same day I was we had a wedding or some other function and all we were doing was hanging out at bars and stuff so of course alcohol doesn't help any situation.

 

After a bad fight one night after we got home from the bar of course he said he couldn't take it anymore and needed some space. So we talked about it, I explained how I felt and we talked about everything I mentioned above. WE took a week off. We got together at the end of the week and talked more about what we would need to fix the problems we were having. We both agreed the problems we were having could be resolved. He said he missed me that week and was glad it happened because he felt closer to me.

 

Well the next week about 3 days later he just flipped out and broke up with me. He claimed I never listened to him when he was having problems. That whole week I made sure we took the time to talk after he got off work before I went to bed. He was finally starting to open up and talk to me. So I was just floored. I thought he would realize the difference. He didn't want to even reason with me he just said it's just not working out.

 

Well two days later I found out he already went out on a date with another girl. Only two days after we brake up he's taking a girl out to dinner. The thing is I had suspected that he liked this girl before and I asked him about it. I wasn't confrontatinal or anything I asked him about a month earlier because I felt he was a little too interested in what she was doing than the norm. He claimed he didn't have feelings for her and I let it go.

 

As of now it's been two weeks and from what I've heard they are still seeing each other. I don't think it's as serious as we were but they have been spending time together. What I don't understand is how he can just jump into dating like that. Was he lieing to me the whole time? Did he decide to just give up and not want to put any effort into saving our relationship so he just decides to try someone new? He claimed to love me, he thought I was the one, he told me he loved me before we even hit the one month mark. Saying I was his fantasy girl and he never felt so strongly so fast for someone.

 

I asked him why he got back with me in the first place and he said because he was afraid of loosing me. He didn't want to see us not even be friends and from the way I was talking if we broke up then I wouldn't be around much to be friends. Which is true. I don't work like that right after a break up. Well now he hasn't even made any effort to contact me. He's returned most of my phone calls. I called him when I found out about him dating this other girl but he wouldn't tell me anything about what was going on. I asked him if he went out with her to spite me and he just claimed he didn't know.

 

He said he still thinks of me but it's over and he doens't understand why I care what he's doing or with who. He claims if I was dating someone he wouldn't care it wouldn't bother him. I don't understand any of this. He calimed that last time I talked to him he didn't know if he liked this other girl that much. I'm hearing different stories from him and from people that have seen them out together.I don't know who to believe because some of the people I've heard info. from may possible lie to me for their benefit. He basically exclaimed when he decided to take a break the first time that he will always have a special place in his heart for me and that no one could compare to me, that he would be just settling for someone else but he doesn't want to work it out.

 

I admit I've played the part of the psycho ex. Leaving him voice messages, emailing and of course he doen't call me on his own but he has returned calls to me when I was upset about this girl. So I don't know what to do or think. I've decided to stop contact with him. Actually I may be moving again in about 6 months and he knows this but still no response on his behalf. How can he just jump from me to her and not care? Does anyone think he's always liked her or do you think it's just to help keep his mind off of me? Any feedback would be wonderful.

[greentea]

Originally posted by berrysun

How can he just jump from me to her and not care? Does anyone think he's always liked her or do you think it's just to help keep his mind off of me?

 

I dont believe he has always liked her... the fact that he wanted to fix things with you. I may be wrong, but for me I think he feels that something is still wrong with your relationship and he is trying to find that missing "feeling" by going out with another person. OR, maybe he could be welcoming other girls in his life for him to move on.

 

You know sometimes, people move on by getting into another relationship. Its because they miss the feeling of being in a relationship.

 

I guess, just give it some time. Not contacting him is the best thing you can do for now (although I know that is difficult... I am having a hard time resisting that too).

 

Keep praying girl! There is light at the end of the tunnel.