Taking Baby Steps But I'm Already In Deep

[RedDevil66]

Sorry if this comes off as judgemental, but it's seems really sad that you seem to place all your enjoyment and happiness on having sex with all these different men.

It's not an English thing, as you say, it's a lonely women thing.

 

Much respect to you for stopping what would have been a trainwreck of an affair, but you don't seem to care too much for yourself.

 

Maybe stop the net "prowling" and spend some energy on figuring out why at 39 yrs of age, you need to keep up this way of life.

And the guy who slept with you never called you because he got want he wanted, did you?

[RegularGirl]

Ok my first post on here,

And I have to say i love you Justforfun.

Im 28 and I think you have got to be younger then me, same situation in alot of ways but go for it, be careful but have your fun!

[gman36]

dont do it !!! will make your job a living hell! one of you or both of you may end up without a job. and in about a year from now your going to be saying why the **** did i do that when you have a job that sucks like hell, all for great sex? i can have great sex by myself

if i wait long enough. your right with that name the devil inside, on a serious note. more bad than good will come from this i promise you. been there done that, have that job that sucks like hell now.

[RedDevil66]

Ok my first post on here,

And I have to say i love you Justforfun.

Im 28 and I think you have got to be younger then me, same situation in alot of ways but go for it, be careful but have your fun!

 

She's 39 yrs old!

[justforfun]

Sorry if this comes off as judgemental, but it's seems really sad that you seem to place all your enjoyment and happiness on having sex with all these different men.

It's not an English thing, as you say, it's a lonely women thing.

 

Much respect to you for stopping what would have been a trainwreck of an affair, but you don't seem to care too much for yourself.

 

Maybe stop the net "prowling" and spend some energy on figuring out why at 39 yrs of age, you need to keep up this way of life.

And the guy who slept with you never called you because he got want he wanted, did you?

 

What have I said that makes you think that all my happiness and enjoyment is placed on having sex with these men?

 

Just because I want sex and I can have it without guilt or a relationship I don't see how that makes me lonely?

 

What have I said that makes you think that I don't care for myself?

 

Prowling?

 

At 39 years of age. I am physically fit, emotionally strong, financially secure and have reached all the milestones and more than what would be expected for a woman my age.

 

I'm not sure how old you are. Not that it matters. But maybe that has had some effect on your response.

 

But churning out the old, lonely old woman, lack of respect, needs her head examining cliches is rather tired. As sexually active woman without any need to commit who is independent in every way. I can assure you that I am none of those labels. And yet people, like you,will continue to insist that is the case.

 

I'm not going to even try and convince you otherwise. Just as you will not be able to convince me.

[justforfun]

Since my first post clearly states that he is 15 years younger than me and the thread continues regarding age differences then I'm not quite sure which thread you have been reading.

 

 

Ok my first post on here,

And I have to say i love you Justforfun.

Im 28 and I think you have got to be younger then me, same situation in alot of ways but go for it, be careful but have your fun!

[justforfun]

She's 39 yrs old!

 

Something like that anyway.

[tami-chan]

oh jff, have fun! just be careful....

 

Reddevil, are you a bit envious of jff? is your avatar indicative of some latent wish to be that woman-devilish, sexy, full of passion?

[RedDevil66]

What have I said that makes you think that all my happiness and enjoyment is placed on having sex with these men?

 

Just because I want sex and I can have it without guilt or a relationship I don't see how that makes me lonely?

 

What have I said that makes you think that I don't care for myself?

 

Prowling?

 

At 39 years of age. I am physically fit, emotionally strong, financially secure and have reached all the milestones and more than what would be expected for a woman my age.

 

I'm not sure how old you are. Not that it matters. But maybe that has had some effect on your response.

 

But churning out the old, lonely old woman, lack of respect, needs her head examining cliches is rather tired. As sexually active woman without any need to commit who is independent in every way. I can assure you that I am none of those labels. And yet people, like you,will continue to insist that is the case.

 

I'm not going to even try and convince you otherwise. Just as you will not be able to convince me.

 

I'm 43 and I'm not going to try to convince you of anything, you know who you are and how you feel at the end of the day.

All I will say is take the strength you had to NOT sleep with this married guy and take that strength with you when you make other decisions in life.

 

Your life, not mine, but from experience I know if you need to keep chasing something, there is lack of happiness for sure.

 

good luck finding whatever it is you're looking for

[RedDevil66]

oh jff, have fun! just be careful....

 

Reddevil, are you a bit envious of jff? is your avatar indicative of some latent wish to be that woman-devilish, sexy, full of passion?

 

Envious of unhappiness? yeah, you figured me out!

I have a very fullfilling life and believe me sweetcheeks, I'm hotter than my avi :-)

[OWoman]

I'm 43 and I'm not going to try to convince you of anything, you know who you are and how you feel at the end of the day.

All I will say is take the strength you had to NOT sleep with this married guy and take that strength with you when you make other decisions in life.

 

Your life, not mine, but from experience I know if you need to keep chasing something, there is lack of happiness for sure.

 

good luck finding whatever it is you're looking for

 

Why is it that whenever a woman "in her prime" (late 30s - eary 40s) has a hot sex life, without wanting commitment, she's "looking for something"? I don't hear anyone telling 20 year old guys that when they spread the lurve - and it's the same thing, generally. Hormonally, women's libidos peak at the age where (by evolutionary standards) their kids would have grown, leaving them free to fly the nest themselves and reinvent themselves any way they want. Yet, if they choose not to remain / become tied down in some monogamous blanket, they're "sad" and "unfulfilled" and "looking for something".

 

Is is so threatening to consider that some women might be happy having fun?

[OWoman]

Age is not relevent really, if someone is 20 and is sleeping around, they are just as lonely and unhappy as someone who is 30, 40 or 50.

 

Doesn't sound to me like she's having much fun.

 

funny, the only time I was lonely or unhappy was during my 1st M. So I left it. Different strokes for different folks, I guess...

 

But I can see how you agree with her lifestyle seeing how chose to live your life

 

My being a happily married W, you mean? Well, I'm sure many "happily married" Ws yearn for a lifestyle of no-strings sex, but I'm not in that space myself. I get ample good loving from my H, I don't need any other source.

 

But that doesn't mean I consider other lifestyle choices inferior, or that I think mine should fit everyone. It suits me, and that's great (or I'd change it) but it's definitely not for everyone.

[torranceshipman]

I wouldn't judge anyone for having casual sex if they wanted it, but from this thread you come off as someone who thinks casual sex is all that is on offer from many people, and so that is all you go for, even though it makes you feel bad. So in your case I don't think you should have casual sex, as it sounds like it isn't really doing anything for you, other than satiating a bit of loneliness and putting more of a boot in our self esteem. You also rightly noted that you can't engage in just sex without etting emotionally involved, so there's yet another reason not to have casual sex. The fact that you felt yourself getting emotionally attached to the office guy who is so clearly a dick is another sign not to jump into bed with someone.

 

Reading between the lines it sounds like you want something much more substantial. I'd cancel the idea of ONS's completely and only go for R material...young guys for sex, and this hideous sleazebag at work are really bad choices. I'd bet that young guy tries it on with most things in a skirt and his remarks to you are pretty crass and very uncool.

[broknhearted]

Looks like I'll be sticking around for a bit longer for another dose of reality.

 

So, my thinking I could just have a sexual relationship with him was so wrong. I can't. Not without getting emotionally involved. I feel like I want to be in his arms not just in his bed. (Well that's an exaggeration but you get my point).

 

 

RUN, RUN, RUN! Don't get involved with his punk a**! I wish i never did! I wasn't wired to have nsa sex. thats what it started out as, then when feelings got involved i became an emotional wreck. my advice would be to walk away from him. don't encourage him. i know he makes you feel sexy and hot... after all, you landed a young one. but... he wont leave. then what, you will sit around here like the rest of us wanting someone you will never have. im sorry if that sounds so brutal, but i wish someone would have told me that before i started my A. once you start, its hard to let go. good luck ((Hugs)).

[Devil Inside]

Cop a feeling? Is that the same as 'cop a feel'? If so, then are you offering?

 

I'm deliberately moving to fast to get caught up. The ID (internet dating) guy was a complete loss. Cute. But I would have put up with that nonsense 20 years ago but not now.

 

So, I've moved on. I'm talking to a 25 year old now. :lmao:

 

I'll be honest that it's wonderful to feel no connection whatsoever and to be able to move onto the next one so easily. I've always been an idiot about that. I've never been one of those people that could do that. Maybe it's my age, maybe it's all the therapy I've had or maybe it's because these ID guys are so readily available. NEXT!

 

The only thing I have to watch my a$$ for is the MM. I really do have emotional feelings for him. That's one to watch out for. But hey, I have plenty to keep myself occupied with to get that out of my system.

 

Coping a feeling is when you intentionally have relationships that are only about fun and you unintentionally get feelings. Kind of like what happened with the MM. I am saying...just be careful to gaurd your heart. If you meet one you do like, it would not hurt to slow down with him...and show him that there is more to you then fun..despite your screen name.

 

As for me offering...I think am too old for you (mid 30s), and to make it even worse I am a therapist...so I am all about feelings!

[justforfun]

G-damnit. I just want to have sex without commitment.

 

In the last few weeks I have found that for some strange reason I am able to do that. I'm not lonely. I'm not unhappy. I don't have an empty life.

 

The last couple of years have involved more soul-searching than I think anyone would want me to go into. Extensive and expensive! LOL.

 

I am now renegotiating life on my terms. I'm taking baby steps believe me.

 

I've found that I have something that I didn't think I had the ability to do and that is to have sex and not feel some emotional connection to that person. It's so liberating. There are a number of reasons that I am able to do this now. But believe me it's working for me.

 

As a friend said...you have reached the age where it is appropriate for you to be dating men of this age. I love that one.

 

So. I'm looking for someone with who I am sexually compatible. ie can give me great orgasms. I haven't had one of those with a man about two years. I may be damned to hell, but I'm determined to keep working my way through younger men until I find that. But, I don't have hang-ups around casual sex or ONS.

 

If a get into a relationship along the way then fine. Because if I do then it would be someone that I really am compatible with. I don't want to live with anyone. I'm not looking for marriage or anything close. And I'm not actively seeking it.

 

But where the emotions come in is with MM. That is one fire that would get me burned. That's the one to resist with all my might.

[tami-chan]

Envious of unhappiness? yeah, you figured me out!

I have a very fullfilling life and believe me sweetcheeks, I'm hotter than my avi :-)

 

Oh yes....of course...LOL!!!!

[justforfun]

Coping a feeling is when you intentionally have relationships that are only about fun and you unintentionally get feelings. Kind of like what happened with the MM. I am saying...just be careful to gaurd your heart. If you meet one you do like, it would not hurt to slow down with him...and show him that there is more to you then fun..despite your screen name.

 

As for me offering...I think am too old for you (mid 30s), and to make it even worse I am a therapist...so I am all about feelings!

 

The age thing is a bit of a problem. I'll have to get back to you on that one

 

MM is a prime example. I really do have emotional feelings for him. Which is crap really because I'm not feeling that with any of the other guys.

 

Appreciate what your saying about the slowing down. Non of these guys have relationship potential. But it doesn't hurt to keep my eyes open for that possibility. I'll be honest and say that I am chatting online with guys that may have that. But I'm not ready to take that on just yet.

 

On a side note. What type of therapy do you use?

 

Have you read Pia Melody? Love love love her. One of my wonderful therapists trained under her for a while. It was like finally looking through clear glass.

[justforfun]

I'd love to respond to everyone. I do appreciate your replies. Leaving out the judgmental cr@p, everyone has made some really good points. It's interesting and educational to see other perspectives. I suppose that's stating the obvious. But still.

[Devil Inside]

On a side note. What type of therapy do you use?

 

Have you read Pia Melody? Love love love her. One of my wonderful therapists trained under her for a while. It was like finally looking through clear glass.

 

I use an eclectic approach in therapy. Depends what the person needs. I am psychodynamically oriented, but I do incorporate a lot of ideas from DBT and EMDR in my work. I also do a lot of family and relationship therapy. Ironic...isn't it?

 

As for Pia...yeah in the aftermath of my affair I read both Facing Your Love Addiction and Facing Your Codependence. Sadly I see a lot of myself in both books...bigtime!

 

Glad you also got something from her wiritng. I think the fact that these are here struggles makes it much more impactful and intense.

 

Let us know how your search for fun goes. For the record...I see nothing wrong with a woman owning her sexuality and having numerous lovers. I just get the feeling that you have this big heart and will eventually fall for one...probably the jerk of the bunch. Take care.

[2sure]

me.

 

I've found that I have something that I didn't think I had the ability to do and that is to have sex and not feel some emotional connection to that person. It's so liberating. There are a number of reasons that I am able to do this now. But believe me it's working for me.

 

I have always been like this and its a lot of fun ...empowering and freeing, plus the attitude you need to have to have truly uninhibited selfish sex. It seems a stage many women apparently dont get to until middle age and probably the best time for it too.

 

Two things to keep in mind however:

 

1. Go with it. Its a stage, something new, it will pass because you will get bored with it.

 

2. You might think that most men can handle NSA naturally but you would be surprised how very many cannot. Even if they say they can.Be gentle.

 

If you are empowered and confident enough to live for yourself in this way...you also have the complete ability to disengage your feelings regarding MM. Come on. Why want what you cant/shouldnt have?? If I cant have something or dont want to want something...I admire it but no longer consider it an option. Done.