Taking Baby Steps But I'm Already In Deep

[NowhereToHide]

Damnit...I f#cked up. Saw him at work. Got all hot and then I flirted.

 

What makes it worse is I kept wanting him to come over to my desk.

 

I'm assuming that it's because how I was feeling about him before is working it's way out of my system. If that makes sense? But I'm certainly not trying to work towards getting into bed with him. That much I know.

 

 

Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

Don't give away your power to him. Just do your best to ignore him. You can do this!

 

Minor setback. No biggie!

[justforfun]

I wanted to give you guys an update.

 

I slipped a bit this week. Suggestive messages have resumed. As hot as they were before. Sly suggestive comments at work.

 

I'm still physically attracted to him. But I just can't cross that line anymore. I can't get past the marriage and especially the children. It's not guilt, it's not sympathy, it's not really any altruistic feeling. I looked on his FB and I saw pictures of him and his family. I'll be honest...he looks totally detached from his wife. Although he does look blissfully happy with the children.

 

Looking at those pictures I just do not want to get involved in that mess. Clearly that relationship isn't what it should be. But I feel like it's none of my business how they live their life. I have no interest in analyzing pictures except to be nosy.

 

So, despite the messages I really have no desire to really do this. The fantasy is far better than the reality. The fantasy is fun. The reality seems boring and sad. Something from here stuck in my head this week. I don't need to prove to myself or him how cool I am by doing this. And that is exactly what it is. And I don't need to prove how cool I am to anybody. Not even myself. That's just not cool

 

I am feeling bored with the messages because I know nothing is going to happen. Well I'm as sure as anyone can be. Desire may be a powerful thing. But making arrangements...setting the stage....following through all the steps it would take to get to the bedroom. Feeling like it's a performance...both of us trying to impress each other. Eugh no.

 

BUT! I have found the antidote. DI...you'll like this! I've found a booty call candidate!!! Hes five years younger than me. He's gorgeous. As in I could look at him all day. He has everything...I mean everything on my list of attractive. If I had a checklist he would have a tick in every box.

 

Thing is we have absolutely nothing in common! :laugh:

 

I met him online and he lives locally. We met while back and we kissed. Slowly. I can tell you ladies from just that kiss...he's a lover!. And we are both attracted to each other. I've decided to go for it. I've invited him over to watch a move next weekend.

 

I'm going to try and hold out. But hell. If I don't and he judges my by it. Then so what. Right?

 

If it ends up a regular booty call and just a booty call. Him just coming over. Then I'd probably feel icky about that.

 

But since I was contemplating that with a married man it's a bit weird to think like that. I feel that it is because with a married man I could justify the booty call because that's all he has to offer.

 

With a single guy if that's all he offers me then at some point my self esteem would take a hit.

 

So lets see what happens. At least (at some point) I'll be having sex that is about mutual enjoyment.

 

Well, it's next weekend. I'm nervous and excited. Damn, I'm going to have to clear out my bedroom. I'm the consummate Bridget Jones. My bedroom is a piece of art entitled 'single sexless woman'. But I just don't think men relate to that!!

 

So, it's going to be a week of excitement. I might have a little flirt with the guy at work. I might not. It means nothing so I don't really care.

 

I've got they eye on the prize :laugh:

[tami-chan]

lol..justforfun, you are funny and cute!

 

Good luck with the gorgeous, younger guy! still clarify to yourself what you want from this stud;)! How about you tell yourself HE is there for YOUR booty call and not the other way around? I mean, assign him a purpose and that is his purpose You can always adjust and upgrade what he is in your life along the way.

 

Remember, gamble what you can afford to lose! Be safe and have fun!

[Devil Inside]

Just for fun....you vixen!...LOL

 

Oh my...just for the record...you do not need a booty call...just that if you go after a young man, he should be single.

 

When I was reading your update something struck me. It was in your insight about feeling weird if this becomes only a booty call...and that with the MM it would be ok because that was all her could offer.

 

I wonder if you felt more secure with that...because maybe aside from sex you might be concerned that you don't have much to offer. Does that make sense? That maybe you are subconsciously picking men that wouldn't ask for more then sex...because then they couldn't ask for more...and then you wouldn't have to worry about them rejecting you on your non-sexual qualities.

 

Sometimes when we are very sexy we can feel like that is all people see in us...that we would be good in bed. So we worry that people won't like the other things we have to offer...the real parts of us that seek validation. I don't know if this is what is going on for you..just a guess.

 

JFF...from your posts it is obvious that you have a great personality. You are funny, fun, able to make fun of yourself, and very open. I'm sure that you have many qualities that make you attractive besides your sex appeal. Being hot is just the icing. Make sure these men appreciate all of you...and not just your sex side...they are the lucky ones.

[justforfun]

Oh boy. You guys are really on my wavelength. I love seeing and understanding your perspective.

 

"...gamble what you can afford to lose"

 

That's a lot to think about. What can I afford to lose. Nothing. Hmmm. That one is going to have to require a lot of thought. But as it stands I'm thinking I really shouldn't be considering gambling anything.

 

DI...as I recall it was you who bandied around the Cougar word with an offer to find someone who could fix that problem

 

But joking aside. You 'scare' me. I'm really having to rethink my thinking! I've used sex and my sexuality for many years to hide behind. I've given countless men the opportunity to dismiss 'me' in favor of great sex without commitment. I haven't been damaged by it, so to speak, more that I was damaged that's why I engaged in it.

 

I've really worked on not presenting a false self. In my case the ultra confident, cool, ice queen sex bomb that doesn't require more than that. Not a great description but for the sake of brevity. My therapy required developing myself. My true self.

 

It was like I had created a mask. But the mask grew into a person. It had a personality, a way of thinking, a style, a sense of who or what it was. It was something I presented to the world and eventually lost me. I lost my awareness of me and that a me even existed!

 

In therapy I learned that. I worked on finding me. Funny things happened. Even my humor changed to some degree.

 

I'm thinking I have slipped back into my old character without realizing it. I'm supposed to be presenting my true self...my qualities and getting to know people with the real me.

 

I'm attractive, yes and funny and cute. That's the easy stuff to 'put out there'. But I'm also kind and loving. I have a soft heart. I'm also vulnerable.

 

I've used my 'character' to protect myself emotionally. And in making mistakes about who to share my real self with I have been through some pretty painful experiences. I've never had that relationship that has everything I need because I've always gone for relationships that satisfy one particular need. Not always a sexual need just whatever aspect of me that needed validation at that time.

 

You've also reminded me that I had a 'plan'. My reason for online dating was to meet someone for a relationship. A meaningful relationship. I had loosely defined it. I have 'conveniently' forgotten that.

 

Okay. Here's another scenario more in keeping with my authentic self.

 

I invite the hottie over as planned. I acknowledge to myself that I find him attractive. So we both find each other physically attractive. Check.

 

We watch a movie together. I'm not fussed what the movie is. They are all entertainment to me. We talk a little. See if we have a basis for a friendship that could lead to a relationship. Reveal myself (not bare my soul) to give myself an idea of whether he is attracted to those qualities in me.

 

Kiss...but not too too passionately. I'm capable of not letting my body follow through with all the leaning back...back arching nonsense that implies that the action needs to start.

 

Summat like that? Eh?

 

I'm a bit nervous about the 'talking' part. I don't want to sound as though I am 'looking' for a relationship with him.

 

Blah! Could have deleted that but hey I'll leave it in. I should be letting him know that I am looking for more than just a role in the hay. But without coming across as though I am just looking to be with someone. But if I'm honest about myself and who I am then that should, to some degree, be self evident.

 

Ok...so this is my trial run. I may find out there is a possibility of something. I may not find out anything. The 'nothing in common' part was again me using the fact that we have had completely different lives as a road block from getting to close.

 

As I said this could just be a trial run. Me practicing everything I learned in therapy. Going for something healthy instead of toxic.

 

I'm really going to need some pointers, observations, input etc etc etc on this one.

 

You guys are everything I have missed about my therapy. The group sessions with smart, funny, observant individuals with really important things to say.

[Fallen Angel]

Can I make a suggestion?

 

If you want to try to have a 'real realtionship' (or just to see if that is a remote possibility) based on who you are at your core instead of the 'sultry sex kitten' you hide behind, maybe rather than having him over to your home for a movie alone and some heavy petting, you can start much more slowly with a lunch date, or a coffee date out in public where sex is NOT AN OPTION AT ALL.

 

I think that perhaps by making your first 'date' such an intimate affair you may be setting yourself up for failure in that if you feel things are not going well, you may find yourself offering the 'sex kitten' rather than face rejection of the real you altogether.

 

I think you are in a vulnerable place right now, and that you have many amazing qualities that many men will find attractive that go much deeper than the 'vixen' you are used to protraying. Give yourself a chance to find a man who is WORTHY of the real you, by taking things very slowly, and making the sexual side of the relationship a gift that he will earn only after he has fallen head over heels for the SOUL that craves HONEST affection.

 

That is my opinion, and I think YOU are worth it.

[justforfun]

Hi FA

 

Thank you for being so nice.

 

I think I missed a bit. I met up with him a while ago. We went to the park and walked around for at least two hours. It was nice. We both come from two completely different lives but I found him interesting and he's probably sincere.

 

We talked about movies we like and we have the same top two. Hence the movie idea. I wasn't planning any heavy petting. I'm so good at giving that indication to guys I know that if I cut out all the nonsense then I can keep it low key. Definitely no heavy petting.

 

Does that sound better?

[justforfun]

"making the sexual side of the relationship a gift that he will earn only after he has fallen head over heels for the SOUL that craves HONEST affection."

 

Oh boy...you guys are really going to have to pull out all the stops to guide me along this path! Are ya up for it?

[FeelingLonely98]

JFF - I read thru this entire post. I was so mad at you in the beginning. I wanted to post that you were some piece of work - going after a M man. I myself am 58 days into my 47 yr old Wife telling me "ILY but INILWY - I want a D." She left me for an 18 yr old. This OM obviously knew she was married but didn't care. What a piece of cr*p he is. We had a great marriage but she then claimed unhappiness for years, her marriage was worse than it actually was, ETC. - all the things cheaters do when they want to convince the OM/OW to go for it. I labelled you the same.

 

I am SO happy that you decided not to do this. Maybe it was LS that saved you? Maybe not. Nevertheless, do not assist in the breakup of any marriage. There is too much pain you will cause. (In my entire life I never felt the pain I did going thru this!) If you had gotten involved then maybe the cheater would have left his W and kids to pursue you. How horrible that would have been. Now maybe his W is a great girl and doesn't a sh*thead like him. However, maybe he can work thru this and be devoted to her and the kids and have a good M.

 

I'm sooo proud of you JFF.

 

What is the latest with you? Please post!!!

Edited October 25, 2009 by FeelingLonely98

[justforfun]

JFF - I read thru this entire post. I was so mad at you in the beginning. I wanted to post that you were some piece of work - going after a M man.

 

Well, that's your opinion and it is a public forum. But I wasn't going after him. He was pursuing me.

 

I myself am 58 days into my 47 yr old Wife telling me "ILY but INILWY - I want a D." She left me for an 18 yr old. This OM obviously knew she was married but didn't care. What a piece of cr*p he is.

Why blame him? She was married and she didn't care. She owed you the loyalty not him.

 

We had a great marriage but she then claimed unhappiness for years, her marriage was worse than it actually was, ETC. - all the things cheaters do when they want to convince the OM/OW to go for it. I labelled you the same.

I've seen you post that your marriage was wonderful. But obviously not for her. Maybe it's early in your situation. But at some point you will have to come to terms with the part you played in the breakdown of your marriage.

 

I am SO happy that you decided not to do this. Maybe it was LS that saved you? Maybe not. Nevertheless, do not assist in the breakup of any marriage. There is too much pain you will cause. (In my entire life I never felt the pain I did going thru this!) If you had gotten involved then maybe the cheater would have left his W and kids to pursue you. How horrible that would have been. Now maybe his W is a great girl and doesn't a sh*thead like him. However, maybe he can work thru this and be devoted to her and the kids and have a good M.

I can assure you that this MM has no intention whatsoever of leaving his wife and kids. That hasn't happened yet and he has been cheating on her as long as he has known her which is about 10 years. (Since school days.)

 

He feels trapped by the marriage but he would never leave his boys. He still loves her (has to or he wouldn't be there.) And he gets to have the facade of responsible father and good son while getting to be the person he is. He has the best of both worlds. Why would he leave that?

 

I'm sooo proud of you JFF.

 

What is the latest with you? Please post!!!

I'm glad that my post helped you. I'm not meaning to sound harsh. But I suppose it's inevitable. I understand, to some degree, the pain you are going through. And I advise you to stick around here. It's a great place and it really does help. Good luck with your journey.

[justforfun]

Oops sorry you said you wanted an update.

 

Well, things aren't so peachy. I had that guy over to my house. We had sex. I haven't heard from him since. I was pissed that he arranged to go to movies and dinner the following week and then went AWOL. Well sort of AWOL, he is still hanging around on the dating sites obviously. But so am I. That's the nature of internet dating. After the first day of NC I was back online scoping out the next ones.

 

I shouldn't have bothered though the sex was mediocre. And what initially appeared to be a fit body turned out to be mushy in all the wrong places. We didn't connect sexually at all. I've had ONS sex before that has been amazing so it's not because the emotional aspect wasn't there.

 

Anyway, I'm still trawling the internet. Looking for guys my age for potential relationships and younger guys for sex. It's important to keep juggling guys so as not to get attached to one particular one. When I say 'get attached' I mean kind feelings for him, thinking of him, helping him, pleasing him, having a desire for sex, jealousy and stuff like that. To me 'get attached' does not mean that I want a commitment, a long-term relationship, a marriage. **

 

As far as the MM. Not much changed there. Still some suggestive texting occasionally. Mostly on his part. But there are long gaps between texting now. He said something in a message to him the other day about being a big joke. I responded nicely as I wouldn't want anyone to think it I was doing that. I reminded him of the jokes we used to make before all this started. And a few other things we used to say. His reply was to tell me that what I had said was going too deep and if I still wanted his c*ck.

 

Haven't heard from him all weekend. But that's not a problem to me. I thought about it in passing but I don't have any desire to message him or try and elicit a response from him.

 

I think it's gone past that time of raging desire and is now slowly burning out. I'm not saying it is out of the danger zone. But it's abating somewhat. Strange, but the longer the messaging goes on the less exciting it has become.

 

So, not exactly what the posters advised but somewhere close.

 

Thanks for asking

 

**partly quoted from poster bac

[FeelingLonely98]

Oops sorry you said you wanted an update.

 

Well, things aren't so peachy. I had that guy over to my house. We had sex. I haven't heard from him since. I was pissed that he arranged to go to movies and dinner the following week and then went AWOL. Well sort of AWOL, he is still hanging around on the dating sites obviously. But so am I. That's the nature of internet dating. After the first day of NC I was back online scoping out the next ones.

 

I shouldn't have bothered though the sex was mediocre. And what initially appeared to be a fit body turned out to be mushy in all the wrong places. We didn't connect sexually at all. I've had ONS sex before that has been amazing so it's not because the emotional aspect wasn't there.

 

Anyway, I'm still trawling the internet. Looking for guys my age for potential relationships and younger guys for sex. It's important to keep juggling guys so as not to get attached to one particular one. When I say 'get attached' I mean kind feelings for him, thinking of him, helping him, pleasing him, having a desire for sex, jealousy and stuff like that. To me 'get attached' does not mean that I want a commitment, a long-term relationship, a marriage. **

 

As far as the MM. Not much changed there. Still some suggestive texting occasionally. Mostly on his part. But there are long gaps between texting now. He said something in a message to him the other day about being a big joke. I responded nicely as I wouldn't want anyone to think it I was doing that. I reminded him of the jokes we used to make before all this started. And a few other things we used to say. His reply was to tell me that what I had said was going too deep and if I still wanted his c*ck.

 

Haven't heard from him all weekend. But that's not a problem to me. I thought about it in passing but I don't have any desire to message him or try and elicit a response from him.

 

I think it's gone past that time of raging desire and is now slowly burning out. I'm not saying it is out of the danger zone. But it's abating somewhat. Strange, but the longer the messaging goes on the less exciting it has become.

 

So, not exactly what the posters advised but somewhere close.

 

Thanks for asking

 

**partly quoted from poster bac

 

Thanks - Hang in there JFF.

 

I don't think you were harsh on me. It is understandable that I have a certain disdain for the OM/OW nowadays. I feel like 99% certain that if my W had not met the OM (should I say "OB"?) then she would be here now. She spent from APR-SEP without a job, her Father had just passed away, her son is now grown up, she has money / debt problems, ETC. All the things that are usually there when someone jumps into the deep end of the MLC (mid-life crisis) pool - well they were all there in our situation. I guarantee you for 16 years minus the last two or so months my W loved me and was content in the M. I was not perfect, but after reading other LS posts and the reasons for the seperations, well, our problems seem so little and insignificant. I adored my W and sge was the center of my world.

 

The STBXW was extremely vulnerable, was bored for months "looking" for a job, I encouraged her to spend time at her Mom's, ... As it turns out the 18 yr old BF (and his Dad) lived near her Mom so she met him as the BF's Dad helped her Mom with a few things. I suppose that she convinced the BF that she had a bad M, that she was unhappy, ...ETC. I just feel that if she didn't meet him she wouldn't have left, she would now be working, so some of the stresses that lead one into a MLC would have been gone and we would be together now. I could be wrong. The kicker is that after she told me everything I sort of transformed in a better person and I am now probably the most perfect H she could ever imagine. But too late for her.

 

Anyway, that is what I am somewhat jaded agst the OM/OW in these scenarios. I am sure there are some scenarios where the M really is BAD. Ours was not. It was very good. If she had not been happy for months or years then she is the greatest actress ever. She sure acted like a happy W.

 

Funny - I'm watching an episode of HBO's Entourage. Lloyd (Ari's secretary) was asked by one of Ari's enemies if he was happy because he wanted to steal (hire) Lloyd to get back at Ari. Anyway, Llo0yd said yes I am happy with Ari. I am in the middle of the episode but by the middle Lloyd is wondering if he is or isn't happy or at least happy enough. Hmm, maybe he will jump? I liken this episode to many failed marriages, (including mine) - a little seed is placed there where otherwise happiness and content would grow and then the unhappiness thoughts grow and then eventually overtake the good and the STBX is unknowingly thinking they are in a bad and unhappy M. Hmm,...

[FeelingLonely98]

I'm still trawling the internet. Looking for guys my age for potential relationships and younger guys for sex.

 

I don't mean to be judgemental, but is this the norm these days? To find partners (casual, ONS, long-lasting, friends, ETC.)?

 

I'm hoping to meet someone while out and about. I want to get involved in things I'm interested in. Do things I've never done before. Be involved. Make new friends.

 

IDK, but to find a girl for sex or a casual relationship online would seem very unfullfilling to me. (I'm in my mid-40s / too old to understand?)

 

AGAIN, I am not saying it is wrong, just curious...

[FeelingLonely98]

no opinions anyone?

[justforfun]

I don't mean to be judgemental, but is this the norm these days? To find partners (casual, ONS, long-lasting, friends, ETC.)?

IDK what everyone else is doing but I would imagine some are and some aren't. But I'm English and we have a completely different attitude to sex. Not sure how well it's panning out for right now. Besides MM I've only met up with the guy I mentioned once. Seems 'putting out' here means you are a slut. Strange puritanical lot!

 

I'm working on a 27 year old right now. He doesn't know that I just want a booty call from him! I just don't see the possibility of a relationship with a 27 year old. But maybe I'll surprise myself. Now that would be hilarious!

 

I am also looking for someone who I would like to get to know more. So I'm working on finding that someone. In my mind I would like him to be nearer my age.

 

I'm hoping to meet someone while out and about. I want to get involved in things I'm interested in. Do things I've never done before. Be involved. Make new friends.

I'm doing that too. But on most internet dating sites the men outnumber the women by 70/30. So good luck with that

 

IDK, but to find a girl for sex or a casual relationship online would seem very unfullfilling to me. (I'm in my mid-40s / too old to understand?)

 

AGAIN, I am not saying it is wrong, just curious...

I suppose it depends on what you are looking for. I've been through a tough time this last couple of years and I completely lost my sex drive. I mean nothing at all could arouse me. Now things are better and my body feels like it wants to make up for lost time. It would be nice to have a sex partner to keep up.

 

A lot of men in their mid 30's aren't only interested in sex but a lot of them want a commitment. I think by mid-40's it's probably more about commitment. Older and wiser!

 

I really think I'm beginning those years of my life where my sex drive is through the roof and I need a young one to keep up. And I have absolutely no qualms about doing it. But, like I said, sexual freedoms in England just don't in any way resemble the attitude to sex here.

 

Wish me luck

 

ps I didn't find your post in any way judgmental.

[FeelingLonely98]

I just don't see the possibility of a relationship with a 27 year old. But maybe I'll surprise myself. Now that would be hilarious!

 

Well, well, well, I know of well-documented case whereby a 47 yr old left a good M for an 18 yr old boy and is now going to move in with the boy. (Obviously this is my situation --> only been 59 days since D-day - aka ILYBINILWY Day!) So JFF - you and the 27 yr old may be hot-n-heavy for a LONG LONG time. The 27 yr old may be

Mr. JFF before you know it! :lmao::laugh: hehehe

 

...on most internet dating sites the men outnumber the women by 70/30. So good luck with that

 

Well, that is definitley NOT where I need to go to meet a girl. Any suggestions as to where the reverse ratio is possible? (non-computer location of course!)

 

... I completely lost my sex drive. I mean nothing at all could arouse me. Now things are better and my body feels like it wants to make up for lost time. It would be nice to have a sex partner to keep up.

 

Me too. And as a guy I hadn't been more than a few days for 35 years!!! I forgot who called it this but for about 7-8 weeks after the last s*x with the STBXW I didn't even "wash the laundry by hand". Would be nice to one day enjoy that with a nice woman again. (When the time is right of course - not now!) For the first month or so after D-day I had no nocturanl er*cti*ns - which is a normal part of a healthy man's sleep cycle. TMI??? :o:sick::o

 

I really think I'm beginning those years of my life where my sex drive is through the roof ...

 

I wonder if my 47 yr old STBXW is also at her "peak" now and this is one of the reasons she jumped ship to be with the 18 yr old "child". She certainly indicated that 2-3 times a week was fine for her for many years now. Even mentioned that when we wait extra days in between then it is "Ooooh so much better" - something like that. I always though most women's sexual peak was the low to mid 30s. And for men it was low to mid 20s. Could I ask your age (?) - hope it is not an offensive question to ask on an anonymous website.

 

Wish me luck

 

GOOD LUCK finding a good bedmate. (Is that how they say it in ENG.?)

 

ps I didn't find your post in any way judgmental.

 

TY - nice to hear.

[MizzBlue72]

Please please PLEASE do NOT do this.

No string attached affairs, hook ups and just fun sex - NEVER WORK!!! I have been there and I thought the same.

Fantastic sex, needed some spice, not problems, etc.

 

You forget that there COULD be emotions involved, and in his case, the wife and kids.

 

So - what if you do this and HE attaches to YOU??? Yes - you just want fun, and he says he does too, etc. Are you prepared for the possibility that he could fall for you?

Are you prepared for the possibility that you could become pregnant??

Are you prepared for the possibility that YOU may fall for HIM???

 

Think before you do this - really. It's NOT as cut and dry as it sounds - believe me. I've been there and it hurts. And when you fall - it's really hard.

 

I know you will do what you decide to do, but please rethink this long and hard.

 

Good luck.

[justforfun]

Well, well, well, I know of well-documented case whereby a 47 yr old left a good M for an 18 yr old boy and is now going to move in with the boy. (Obviously this is my situation --> only been 59 days since D-day - aka ILYBINILWY Day!) So JFF - you and the 27 yr old may be hot-n-heavy for a LONG LONG time. The 27 yr old may be

Mr. JFF before you know it! :lmao::laugh: hehehe

 

Well not any day soon. I totally fluffed it tonight. I was supposed to go round and watch a movie. I lost my bottle (UK terminology).

 

 

Well, that is definitley NOT where I need to go to meet a girl. Any suggestions as to where the reverse ratio is possible? (non-computer location of course!)

 

I dunno. Square dancing :laugh:

 

 

 

Me too. And as a guy I hadn't been more than a few days for 35 years!!! I forgot who called it this but for about 7-8 weeks after the last s*x with the STBXW I didn't even "wash the laundry by hand". Would be nice to one day enjoy that with a nice woman again. (When the time is right of course - not now!) For the first month or so after D-day I had no nocturanl er*cti*ns - which is a normal part of a healthy man's sleep cycle. TMI??? :o:sick::o

 

Hang on, how do you knw you weren't getting a hard-on when you were sleeping LOL. But mine has hit with a vengeance! I'm holding back for some reason. I think it's because when I really get going I'm not going to stop.

 

 

 

I wonder if my 47 yr old STBXW is also at her "peak" now and this is one of the reasons she jumped ship to be with the 18 yr old "child". She certainly indicated that 2-3 times a week was fine for her for many years now. Even mentioned that when we wait extra days in between then it is "Ooooh so much better" - something like that. I always though most women's sexual peak was the low to mid 30s. And for men it was low to mid 20s. Could I ask your age (?) - hope it is not an offensive question to ask on an anonymous website.

 

I'm 39. Apparently women peak around my age. Men in their early 20's. Something to do with where women are in their life...secure, less worried about pregnancy and STD...as well as biological stuff going on too.

 

 

 

GOOD LUCK finding a good bedmate. (Is that how they say it in ENG.?)

 

No LOL. It's...here's to you getting a good shag! :lmao:

[justforfun]

Thanks Mizz but I did rethink the A a few posts back.

 

As for hook-ups and fun sex..I've been doing that for years. I don't have a problem with it. Just make sure you don't have just one at a time. Three's a good number. Then you don't have time to obsess about one you're having to manage two more.

 

The MM is just a total whore. I know that believe me. He doesn't give a **** about his wife and kids. And evidently she puts up with it. He can stay out all night if he wants to. I think if I were to do it and became emotionally involved I am sufficently smart enough to know that you can have those emotions but you don't have to act or live your life accordingly. Emotions and feelings for someone always fade if you are no longer together. That's life. You just get over it and move on.

 

I'm not able to get pregnant. So that isn't even an issue.

 

I appreciate your sharing. And I understand that ultimately it's my decision. I know one can never say never. But presently I do not see it progressing.

 

 

 

Please please PLEASE do NOT do this.

No string attached affairs, hook ups and just fun sex - NEVER WORK!!! I have been there and I thought the same.

Fantastic sex, needed some spice, not problems, etc.

 

You forget that there COULD be emotions involved, and in his case, the wife and kids.

 

So - what if you do this and HE attaches to YOU??? Yes - you just want fun, and he says he does too, etc. Are you prepared for the possibility that he could fall for you?

Are you prepared for the possibility that you could become pregnant??

Are you prepared for the possibility that YOU may fall for HIM???

 

Think before you do this - really. It's NOT as cut and dry as it sounds - believe me. I've been there and it hurts. And when you fall - it's really hard.

 

I know you will do what you decide to do, but please rethink this long and hard.

 

Good luck.

[justforfun]

Well, since Carhill was asking in another thread I came back to post a follow-up.

 

I hooked up with the internet guy the following night. We didn't watch the movie. I can't even remember the title of it! It was fun and I thought he was cute. When I told him my real age he was thrilled. He got a real buzz out of it.

 

So, all was good. We went out another night. He was a real pig. Practically ignored me all night. Got completely drunk. I was driving so I took him home. I was supposed to be spending the night but I was in no mood.

 

Anyway, now it gets weird. MM starts texting me at about 1am. I'm really pissed off. Internet guy was passed out asleep. I started telling MM about it.

 

Then he said. I'll be there in 10 mins. FECK ME!!! I couldn't believe it. He is best friends with internet guy!!!! You could NOT make this **** up! Internet guy had said he knew MM about three years ago when they worked together. That was a surprise but we're all in the same line of work and it wouldn't be that uncommon. What he didn't tell me was that they had been firm friends for years. Not only that, when I mentioned internet guy's name to MM, he acted like it took him a moment to remember who this guy was!

 

So, 15 mins later I'm in his house with MM sitting at the table!!! And internet guy passed out on the sofa. MM and I talked for a while. It was almost impossible to resist him. He even tried to get me to go to bed with him there. I was pissed with internet guy but hell no! The guy would have woken up with his best friend on top of his date!!!! I'm not up for that!

 

I did have a moment of weakness. I told MM I would go home and he could come over to my house. But, I changed my mind. I went back over to internet guy's house and spent the night with him. It was fun, it was what I had intended before the night started and I knew if I didn't then I would end up in bed with MM.

 

Now MM has been messaging me. He keeps saying how I had my chance and I blew it. He doesn't care if I'm sleeping with his friend. He just wants some too.

 

And that's it up to this point. As of a couple of hours ago.

 

Internet guy sent me a message and called me, neither of which I responded to.

[norajane]

You clearly need to expand your circle and meet a better class of guys. Otherwise, you end up rolling around in the muck along with them. What's the point?

[justforfun]

You clearly need to expand your circle and meet a better class of guys. Otherwise, you end up rolling around in the muck along with them. What's the point?

 

LOL. Starting to sound like that isn't it. But MM is a work colleague and the other guy I met on an internet dating site. It was such a complete coincidence that they knew each other.

 

But all I can say is welcome to my bizarre world! Nothing ever seems to be simple for me!

[fooled once]

 

The MM you have a thing for sounds like a complete and total jerk. I picture him all full of himself and thinking his poop doesn't stink.

 

What a total tool.

 

But hey, if that is what you are into....

 

But make sure he wears a condom because it sounds like he gets around.

 

The whole thing sounds like a bunch of horny teenagers.

 

I know you have more respect for yourself than all this.

[Devil Inside]

LOL. Starting to sound like that isn't it. But MM is a work colleague and the other guy I met on an internet dating site. It was such a complete coincidence that they knew each other.

 

But all I can say is welcome to my bizarre world! Nothing ever seems to be simple for me!

 

 

JFF...you are too much. Just be careful...one of these days you are going to cop a feeling.

[justforfun]

JFF...you are too much. Just be careful...one of these days you are going to cop a feeling.

 

Cop a feeling? Is that the same as 'cop a feel'? If so, then are you offering?

 

I'm deliberately moving to fast to get caught up. The ID (internet dating) guy was a complete loss. Cute. But I would have put up with that nonsense 20 years ago but not now.

 

So, I've moved on. I'm talking to a 25 year old now. :lmao:

 

I'll be honest that it's wonderful to feel no connection whatsoever and to be able to move onto the next one so easily. I've always been an idiot about that. I've never been one of those people that could do that. Maybe it's my age, maybe it's all the therapy I've had or maybe it's because these ID guys are so readily available. NEXT!

 

The only thing I have to watch my a$$ for is the MM. I really do have emotional feelings for him. That's one to watch out for. But hey, I have plenty to keep myself occupied with to get that out of my system.