A long but important plea for help, so jealous of my boy's slutty past w/ my friends!

[Charley]

Hi i have a big problem, but first i will give you the background so you will understand it better...

I am 17 years old (but please dont judge me on this or putit down to 'hormones')

my boyfriend of 9 months is 16 but looks and acts older. we both go to a boarding school where life is generally corrupt.

 

I first saw Rob at a school disco. neither of us knew the other existed until then, and nothing happened but i developed an immediate interest in him for some reason. At that time he was single and my best friend and I used to talk to him occasionally. At this time he hung out with 18 yr olds and was a regular ‘bad boy’. He got stoned every day, I mean from frst thing in the morning to during lessons, and smoked and drank regularly. At this time he was only 14. He was soon going out with one of the year 12’s (17), and he had sex with her, but was really drunk at the time. He dumped her soon after that and promptly had sex with a slutty female friend of his, who basically gave him whatever he asked for in sexual favours. When they had sex he was again very drunk and so was she.

 

I still liked him at this time and seeing him go off with other girls, basically anyone who would have him, upset me. So when my friend let him know I liked him, and he arranged to meet up with me one evening, I was nervous. After a few nights of talking we kissed, but I broke it off quickly because I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into (unsurprisingly he had a bad reputation of being a player). After we kissed, the next day he ignored me and said he couldn’t be bothered with me, I was too shy etc.

 

For months we didn’t speak until at the beginning of a new schoolyear he approached me and asked for a cigarette, and made conversation. Around this time I made friends with the slutty girl, and her group. Rob and his friends often hung around with us and we began talking again. But he and slutty girl would blatantly talk sexually to each other in front of the rest of us and she would even ask him if he wanted oral sex, which he readily agreed to. I still really liked him, so you may imagine how much this hurt me.

 

Eventually he started to notice me and flirt with me, making sexual suggestions etc. We began a fling thing that he insisted on keeping a secret, and which culminated in us having sex. I was so desperate to be his, that I guess I hoped this would lead onto something. But in front of other people he was harsh to me, even refusing to hug me while he would happily hug my best friend. This finally ended when another slut drunkenly offered to have sex with him. He ended the fling but when it came to light that the slut had no intention of following through her offer he tried to pretend it was all a joke. I had had enough though, and was fed up of being hurt by him flirting with every other girl but me.

 

During this time of not speaking he would shout insults at me when I walked past and send me texts to other girls deliberately, which he did not even send to them. I was confused by this, but let it go. Oevr new year a friend of mine (who I would always discuss how much I liked him with) rang me and she told me there were rumours of her having had sex wit Rob, but I shouldn’t believe them. I did and even stuck up for her, syaing she wouldn’t, she knew I liked him etc. yet when Rob was questioned about it he admitted it was true, but he really regretted it and she had come on to him after he had drunk and smoked lots of intoxicating substances.

 

I was so hurt and betrayed by this and the constant feeling of being let down, feeling not good enough, watching everyone else get someone I wanted, that I became very depressed. But then something strange happened a few months after giving up on Rob, but still liking him immensly. He and I started talking again and he would ask to see me evry night. He said it was because he was horny but something had changed. He didn’t pressure me into having sex with him, or doing anything like that, as he had before, although he did ask if I would. I refused to let myself be hurt again, so I wouldn’t even kiss him for the first few nights apart from on the cheek. Then he said he wanted to be with me and he liked me and after that we were quite close, but did nothing more than kiss.

 

Then I went to egypt for a week and when I returned I discovered more disappointment; he had kissed another girl while I was away. He said we weren’t actually together, but he had sent me messages telling me he liked me, so I assumed stupidly we were. And after a while of not contacting him we got closer again and eventually got together properly. In this time he has totally changed, before no one could imagine him holding hands with a girl, he just wasn’t that sort of person. Now he is so loving and diferent, he constantly tells me he loves me and im the only girl he has ever loved, which I believe as he never used to believe in love. He has bought me a ring and showers me with presents and love. But I am so jealous of his past conquests, and no other jealousy problem I have looked up is the same as mine. I feel angry and so upset thinking about all the other girls he has been with, even though I was the first girl he came with, and the only one he has been with more than once. He was just such a desperate slut and loved sex, it makes me so mad to think that maybe the other girlshe was with probably believe they were special and attractive to him, when he has called all of them ugly before. I get so upset that sometimes I cry, but most often I take it out on him. we end up arguing about it and I don’t know how I can get over it. It doesn’t help that I am friends with most of his old conquests, even though he doesn’t get on with any of them anymore. I know I should be reassured by this but I seriously think im going crazy, I cant stop thinking about his past. What shall I do?

[camcutie]

Charley,

 

I'm going to try and be sensitive to your feelings as much as I can but it hurts me to hear you doing this to your ever so young life.

 

I think you need to run from this boy and your group of friends and start over in a healthier manner and life style. Your to young to be wasting time on a boy who sounds like he's going to grow up someday and realize either he ended up with some kind of disease and no education, because he wasted all his young life on drugs and sex with too many people.

 

You need to realize now at this age that you deserve better ALOT BETTER than that and that you have so much to look forward to enjoy your years now don't waste them on a guy who has no respect for you or himself. It will lead to nothing but trouble and heartache.

 

I don't think these feelings and thoughts of jealousy will ever go away you know and have seen too much.

 

My advice run fast and don't waste you precious time on him, meet alot of different people and have a fun life, it's way too short, even if it doesn't seem like it now.

 

Good Luck and take care of yourself because no one else will. Talk to your family ask them for advice.

[Melinda]

There were a lot of jerks like that at my school, and I got hurt by a few like that aswell, but I never slept with anyone...at the end of the day if you really do believe he's changed, then you'll have to try let go of his past...I worry too much about my bfs past too as he's been with quite a few people which made me uneasy...everytime he'd talk to a girl, or whatever, i'd like...is she one of the ones he used to like/sleep with etc etc...but it's impossible to know as there are too many people out there...so i've just tried to ignore it...it's only going to cause more problems, the past is the past we all make mistakes...sounds like he's changed if he's doing all that, and maybe he woke up finally...but if it makes you constantly paranoid, upset etc then just walk away, yeah it'll hurt but if you know he's not the one for you, do both of you a favour and speak up sooner rather than later...and he can't blame you for the reasons why you can't be with him, afterall they were his actions...

[serum]

i'm rob, thankyou melinda for supporting me. I really love my girlfriend and i always try to make her happy (for example this weekend, i went to her house cuz she's ill and i cooked her food and looked after her, i even peeled grapes for her for ****s sake.). interestingly she left out the **** that she did with other boys while and before all this stuff was happening. in fact two of the boys she's done **** with are/were friends of mine, and as they still go to my school, i'm constantly reminded of it. the people i have done stuff with, i regret doing stuff with, and they have all now left our school so i dont understand how she cannoty leave the past where it should lie. for the first few months of our relationship it made me really uneasy and i used to always question her about it, it really ****ing hurt me, but then i learned to leave it, and now i never say anything about it except in my defence.

 

anyway,

 

once again thanks melinda.

 

and "Charley" i love you and will love you always.

 

Rob

[serum]

oh yeah, when i was 15 i gave up doing drugs and now ive given up drinking, and i'm trying really hard to give up smoking, so i really dont think i'm much of a jerk.

 

thanks everyone,

 

 

oh and why the **** has it blanked out all my ****ing swearing.