leap83 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 So, this friend of mine has been bugging me to get together for a while now. He was constantly trying to arrange something but because of my busy schedule and I apologized for this (he knows how busy I am), I couldn't go out. So finally I saw him last week and he arranged to go out on Saturday. I totally and utterly forgot that my other best friend (a girl) wanted to go to this event we arranged to go to as well and she asked me whether I could come with her. So, I thought "2 birds with one stone... why not?!" Not only that - she invited a guy that she likes because she feels more comfortable when her friends are around to test the waters out. So, I was like "ok since she's coming and the guy she likes, I should invite more people" and so I invited a whole bunch of people. The next thing you know, the guy who initially invited me and has been bugging me to hang out, cancels on me. Now, we arranged that I give him a call today, so we can arrange when to meet and where. So I call him and he's not picking up - so I leave him a msg to call me back saying that a whole bunch of us are going and it should be fun. Anyway, INSTEAD of calling me to let me know that something came up (either calling me tonight or beforehand), he TEXTS me to tell me that his professor told him he has to do all of this stuff for Monday and that "unfortunately" he can't make it on Saturday. Like really?! I get the feeling he decided not to come because a lot of other people were coming (otherwise he would have called me either earlier to cancel or let me know somehow or called me tonight and told me this via phone NOT text). So what in the world is going on?!?!? He's been bugging me literally for WEEKS to hang out and now he just bails.... Something smells fishy... I think he's being cocky.... Just needed to vent. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 This is just my view and in no way an attack on you. But if I were the guy, I'd bail too. To me, it's just really poor taste to invite a whole crap load of people to some event that was originally just the two of you. Did you even ask him if it was okay to invite all of these people or did you just do it? Did you even think about him? If a guy bugs to you hang out, he's obviously into you on some level. To invite a hoard of people into what was originally a one on one date is along the lines of lower than snake sh*t. I can only gather what you told me, so if you let any part out speak now. But there is something cocky and fishy with the story. But it's not him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leap83 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 Ummm... okay... maybe I wasn't really clear or didn't mention a part of the story. First off, I would NEVER date this guy. I'm not interested in him AT ALL. I didn't even view it as a date... If it was, then he should have stated that and I would have said "No." Secondly, I did ask him if it was okay if a couple of my friends come when I saw him and he said it was. Thirdly, you really think he's into me?! I really hope not because it wasn't my intention to lead him on. Besides, he never asked me out - like said "do you want to go out with me?" Guys are weird. EDIT: This is such crap. I really hope what you just told me is not the truth because that's the last thing I need right now (not to sound cocky or anything) - I'm interested in someone else and have been going through a rough patch for some time now... Link to post Share on other sites
MSUE Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 This is just my view and in no way an attack on you. But if I were the guy, I'd bail too. To me, it's just really poor taste to invite a whole crap load of people to some event that was originally just the two of you. Did you even ask him if it was okay to invite all of these people or did you just do it? Did you even think about him? If a guy bugs to you hang out, he's obviously into you on some level. To invite a hoard of people into what was originally a one on one date is along the lines of lower than snake sh*t. I'm with you 110% he invited you and only you...why would u invite others...it's very disrespectful and careless...that's really not cool...if a guy bugs you for that long to go out...certainly there is an interest beyond friendship...you'd have to be very naive to think otherwise so Link to post Share on other sites
Author leap83 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 Then I'm naive.... because we've been friends since forever... and I never viewed him as something more than a friend and thus never looked for any signals on his part... He said he wanted to hang out... I INVITED HIM to an event... so hypothetically speaking, it was my choice whether I wanted others to come with or not... his problem he didn't specify that he wanted to go out on a date... to which I would have said "no" Link to post Share on other sites
MSUE Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Then I'm naive.... because we've been friends since forever... and I never viewed him as something more than a friend and thus never looked for any signals on his part... He said he wanted to hang out... I INVITED HIM to an event... so hypothetically speaking, it was my choice whether I wanted others to come with or not... his problem he didn't specify that he wanted to go out on a date... to which I would have said "no" ok cool...the you don't need any feedback cause you have it all figured out and have an answer for everything... Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 You are speaking hintanese, which girls are extremely fluent in. Guys, we don't even know that language exists. So this is from a my ,a guy's, perspective if I were this guy. Okay, so you invited him. But at the time it was ONLY him to the extent of his knowledge. One guy + One Girl = Date. That's a mathematical constant in any male mind. Girls have the strange half-date, not-date, kinda-date, no-date, almost-date, not-really-date-but-kinda-date, rules. Guys don't have those rules. After guys figured out that fire=hot, girls=pretty, and sex=good, we' stopped thinking after that. Those are the only three rules we need. Guys and girls aren't meant to be friends. Sex and physical attraction always gets in the way. You're telling me that if you went over to his house, got naked, and demanded that he service you properly, that he would say, "Sorry, we're just friends." BS! His and any guy's clothes would be off so fast they'd break the sound barrier. Men and women are attracted to each other, that's how we survive as a species. I'd bet my entire male reproductive system that 100% of your straight guy "friends" would have sex with you without any sort of hesitation. We're just all humans, we all have desires. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's just a cold fact that most women I feel want to look the other way on when it comes to male friends and sexual intentions. So put yourself in his shoes. The guy that you are chasing, if he asked you out on a one on one meeting and then all of a sudden he invited half the neighborhood. How would you feel? It's the same as this guy-friend of yours feels. Now that I know part of the story, it was in bad taste not to even ask him if it was okay to invite more people. Even if you were the one who invited him, because at the time he was only aware that it was the two of you. He's no saint either pulling this little hissy fit of his. He should be up front with you. I can pretty much guarantee he's not "working" during the weekend. It's obvious you two aren't seeing things on the same level. Even if this guy doesn't admit it, he's wanting to see you as more than a friend. I've never, ever chased or hounded a girl to hang out that I only want to see as a "friend." The girls that I am just "friends" with, if I ask to do something and they are busy, I move on with my life and check back in with them a few months later. If you really care about this "friendship" then it might be time to get him to see it that way. But be prepared for him to run. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leap83 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 I ASKED him if it was okay. Re-read my post. He said it was okay if I invited people. Then he was lying. I asked because I thought it would be rude to invite all of these people without asking him first. He said it was okay so I went ahead and invited my best friend (who decided to bring a guy she likes), another friend of mine who loves art and a guy from school that hangs out with us all the time. This guy knows most of these people - nothing new. I don't believe in the whole "guys and girls can't be friends" thing. I have had and still have tons of guy friends (more so than girls) who would never, ever imagine sleeping with me. Why? Because they see me as their sister. As simple as that. We've had this discussion before. Yes. Maybe other guys I hang out with would have sex with me, but my closest friends wouldn't. Now this guy... well I have no idea how he comes into play and what I've done to make him interested in me. In all honesty, I have NOT given him ANY signs and in fact, I've mentioned that I was interested in someone (more than once). So, I have no idea what in the world is going on. Yes. I'm naive when it comes to men. I'm not speaking a different language. If you want to ask me out, then you say "Would you like to go out with me?" and not "Ok. We should hang out soon." The two of us hung out alone more than once and he's never even mentioned anything about seeing me in that kind of way. Don't you think he would have mentioned it before?! I get your point and it is probably true. I'm just saying that this is not a very good thing. How in the world do I bring this up? It will feel awkward especially because he's dear to me and I don't want to hurt his feelings. This blows.... Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 I don't believe in the whole "guys and girls can't be friends" thing. I have had and still have tons of guy friends (more so than girls) who would never, ever imagine sleeping with me. Why? Because they see me as their sister. As simple as that. When men and women are "platonic" friends, one of them is naive and the other is lying, maybe even to themselves. I'm with WTRanger - I don't think men & women can be friends in the vast bulk of cases. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leap83 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 Really? That doesn't make any sense whatsoever. I've been friends with one of the guys for now 8 years. He was single for like 7 years and only recently did he get a girlfriend and now they're expecting a kid. During those years we've never even thought about dating. I asked him once out of curiosity whether he ever liked me that way and he started to laugh and said "No. Sorry. I always viewed you as my sister. Haha" And i viewed him as my brother.... so I think the 2 can be friends... Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Well, not to start another guys/girls friends thread as there is already enough of that being debated here. You bring up some points that are good, but maybe I'm just jaded on the whole thing. Yes I do have quite a few female friends, and yes I would have sex with all of them. Oh sure my brain may see them as a "sister" but my dick knows better than that and would perform admirably. All you have to do is get drunk and start rubbing his inner thigh, see what he does. I mean, if you really wanted to go that far. But I digress. As far as bringing up this topic with him, start small. Start with the basics, as why all of a sudden he backs out of this event. Tell him how you feel about it. Vent to him how you are feeling kind of hurt and angry. Notice, I said vent and not attack him. Keep it to what you feel and don't go into he did this, he did that, he feels this way, etc. Also, don't appologize for anything. Just keep it to how you feel. See where that goes. Maybe the whole feelings thing comes up naturally, maybe it won't. Maybe it's nothing to be concerned with as far as his feelings and we're jumping to conclusions. But the sister thing, that's a defense mechanism for him to diffuse his real feelings towards you. Link to post Share on other sites
davo1224 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 For a different take and one from a far less cynical point of view, it sounds like he just felt undervalued as a friend. You kept rescheduling on him and then the one time you can go out, you invite a boatload of people. He probably figured you wouldn't miss him not being there anyway and he's just going to do something else. Link to post Share on other sites
gregp Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 I don't believe in the whole "guys and girls can't be friends" thing. I have had and still have tons of guy friends (more so than girls) who would never, ever imagine sleeping with me. Why? Because they see me as their sister. As simple as that. We've had this discussion before. Yes. Maybe other guys I hang out with would have sex with me, but my closest friends wouldn't. Haha,Wrong. Thats how women see it. Men don't have platonic friends. If a man puts some effort in a relationship (which might appear platonic to you), he wants to nail you. Im with WTRanger on this one. Now if I would be more upfront, then I wouldn't have one platonic friend Link to post Share on other sites
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