Devil Inside Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Well, I wouldn't give up all of my convictions, if I were you. This is after all, just a forum, and not RL. You might need them> Well here I mean...of course I will maintain my my convictions for RL. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Back to the OP, I still think it's a lot to ask a stranger on a public forum to be responsible for hurt feelings. My truth may be hurtful to someone no matter how nice I say it. It's still my truth and no matter what anyone says or feels, it will remain my truth. I'm not going to change how I feel about something because it may hurt someone's feelings on a free public forum where that person has posted. Many say don't post if you can't handle the topic. I say don't start a thread if you can't handle the posts. Again, there are many qualified therapists that will always give you advice based on your best interests when you pay them to do so. This is true. Everybody is going to give "advice" or "support" from their frame of reference. As an OP...you must always take into account...what people tell you...has a lot to do with THEM. So don't take it personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 What people tell you has a lot to do with THEM. This is very true. I enjoy hearing all sides of the issue, it's when people go on the attack that derails threads. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 This is very true. I enjoy hearing all sides of the issue, it's when people go on the attack that derails threads. Right....but attacks are about a person serving their needs...it makes them feel something they need to do that to another. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Right....but attacks are about a person serving their needs...it makes them feel something they need to do that to another. Agreed. My point is that it contributes nothing to the thread or the OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Agreed. My point is that it contributes nothing to the thread or the OP. We agree on that as well. Nice bike...btw. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 In the end I think that we can agree and disagree on some things. We agree that we all are trying to help the OP...regardless of our preferred methods..we are all trying to help them. Where we disagree is on what is helpful. That is OK. I agree.... Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 and yet there have been many here that look for "support" on how to carry on their affairs nonetheless:o So, what's wrong with that? They're as entitled to that as a BS is to ask for support getting over their WS's infidelity on the Infidelity Board. If you think it's OK to bash OPs who don't want to end their As, then reciprocally you must agree it's OK to bash BSs who don't want to end their broken Ms? Surely? Consistency, after all...? It is possible to respond to a thread and not support the behavior and still be respectful. Absolutely! Some people don't feel they can leave poor decisions and poor judgment unchallenged. Decisions and judgment may be "poor" according to one poster's moral framework but not to another - IMO it boils down to, is the judgment / decision benefitting or harming the OP? If it's benefitting them, and working for them, then it's not for me to diss it, whether or not I agree. It's THEIR life, to live by their own moral code - not mine. Cheating is not only taboo, it's morally corrupt. By your moral code, perhaps. But that's hardly universal. Assuming it to be would not only be arrogant, but ignorant. But that might be the bitter bs's way of getting support. And if we accept it for what it is, perhaps we can feel empathy instead of anger. If someone is in pain, then expecting them to feel empathy to someone who's insulting them is a little much - especially when that respect is hardly being reciprocated by the "bitter bs" doing the name-calling! Come on, consistency please! Either everyone is worthy of respect, or else it's gloves off for everyone. Expecting OWs to be nice to hurting BSs - on the OW Forum, which is supposed to be for OMs and OWs - when those BSs are doing their utmost to be mean to them is hardly fair! First of all, I don't see anyone calling an OW bad names. It's happened plenty - I've been on the receiving end of a fair bit myself. Yes, the mods do respond when it's reported - though sometimes that does take a while, owing to the volume of gall they have to wade through! Strange how in a thread about support, there is BS bashing. Just a thought, but if an OW doesn't want to be called names, maybe they should refrain from calling BW's bitter. Come now, HN - "bitter" is hardly of the same order of magnitude as "whore" and "slut", don't you think? That's a bit like complaining that the guy you just stabbed to death with a rusty can opener looked at you funny... Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 But as SOON as anyone says ANYTHING against cheating or those who cheat, SOME people toss the "bitter" label around IMMEDIATELY! We've all seen it. I have VERY rarely seen anyone call someone a "slut" or a "whore" in this forum and when they do they get an infraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 We agree on that as well. Nice bike...btw. Thanks. It's an FZR. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 t Come now, HN - "bitter" is hardly of the same order of magnitude as "whore" and "slut", don't you think? That's a bit like complaining that the guy you just stabbed to death with a rusty can opener looked at you funny... There is a big difference in the quantity of the statements. Show me 1 "whore" or "slut" and I'll show you 20 "bitter BS" comments. And, how do you know how a BS who is in pain will feel when she is called bitter? It may have the very same effect that calling an OW a "whore" may have on an OW. BTW, my can opener is very clean. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 There is a big difference in the quantity of the statements. Show me 1 "whore" or "slut" and I'll show you 20 "bitter BS" comments. And, how do you know how a BS who is in pain will feel when she is called bitter? It may have the very same effect that calling an OW a "whore" may have on an OW. And labeling someone "bitter" doesn't garner an infraction, for some odd reason. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 And labeling someone "bitter" doesn't garner an infraction, for some odd reason. I bet if BWs would start alerting the mods every time, there would be infractions. I just don't think the mods should be bothered with such things. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 I bet if BWs would start alerting the mods every time, there would be infractions. I just don't think the mods should be bothered with such things. No they shouldn't, but Tony basically said calling someone bitter isn't infractable earlier in this thread, but calling an OW a slut is. Hmmm.... It just doesn't add up. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 So, what's wrong with that? They're as entitled to that as a BS is to ask for support getting over their WS's infidelity on the Infidelity Board. If you think it's OK to bash OPs who don't want to end their As, then reciprocally you must agree it's OK to bash BSs who don't want to end their broken Ms? Surely? Consistency, after all...? Actually, BS do get 'bashed' quite a bit for not ending their marriages and handing over their WS to the OP. This happens in this forum and on the Infidelity Forum. So, it appears that the bashing of BS is consistent. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 No they shouldn't, but Tony basically said calling someone bitter isn't infractable earlier in this thread, but calling an OW a slut is. Hmmm.... It just doesn't add up. Okay. I take that back. It wasn't Tony who said it was okay to call people bitter but NOT okay to call people other things, with a detailed explanation why. It was L60. HOWEVER, Tony was right in the middle of the conversation at that point and didn't refute what she had to say on the subject, so... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 And labeling someone "bitter" doesn't garner an infraction, for some odd reason. I don't know if it's a language thing.. but bitter in my book.. is nothing compared to slut or whore... nothing.. bitter = harsh.. sour slut = whore, tramp hardly the equivalent IMO... Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Okay. I take that back. It wasn't Tony who said it was okay to call people bitter but NOT okay to call people other things, with a detailed explanation why. It was L60. HOWEVER, Tony was right in the middle of the conversation at that point and didn't refute what she had to say on the subject, so... I guess the best thing to do is take our own advice. Consider the source of the insult and move on. Like I always say, everyone has a right to their own opinion and if someone feels I or anyone else is bitter, so be it. Who am I to tell anyone how to feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 I bet if BWs would start alerting the mods every time, there would be infractions. I just don't think the mods should be bothered with such things. Of course not.. because it's not that bad.. Tony has better thing to do.. look up in the dictionary what 'bitter' means.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 No they shouldn't, but Tony basically said calling someone bitter isn't infractable earlier in this thread, but calling an OW a slut is. Hmmm.... It just doesn't add up. Well then... someone has to look up in the dictionary .. and see what's worst .. being called 'bitter' or being called a slut... really... :rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Well then... someone has to look up in the dictionary .. and see what's worst .. being called 'bitter' or being called a slut... really... :rolleyes: yourself. I think one can feel however one feels about being called whatever they are called. It all depends on how each individual FEELS about being called whatever is thrown at them. It's not up to you or anyone else to say how one should FEEL about it. They feel how they feel. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 I don't know if it's a language thing.. but bitter in my book.. is nothing compared to slut or whore... nothing.. bitter = harsh.. sour slut = whore, tramp hardly the equivalent IMO... So, you are OK if I call you a harsh and sour person? OK, I think you are a harsh and sour person. IMO, your "I don't care about anyone but myself" attitude must come from a very sour place. Hey, you said it was fine to use those words, didn't you? Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Well then... someone has to look up in the dictionary .. and see what's worst .. being called 'bitter' or being called a slut... really... :rolleyes: One cannot define every person's feelings on any given label by picking up a dictionary. :rolleyes::rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 So Lizzie, if the definition of a word based on a dictionary fits the person in question, can we use the word? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 yourself. I think one can feel however one feels about being called whatever they are called. It all depends on how each individual FEELS about being called whatever is thrown at them. It's not up to you or anyone else to say how one should FEEL about it. They feel how they feel. Agreed.. but it is up to Tony to give the infractions.. Link to post Share on other sites
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