Leia Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 'bitter' is not name calling as in 'whore' 'slut'... etc.. being bitter is an adjective... IMO.. could be a language thing but for me.. being bitter only means being 'sour' about something.. It's ok. I don't think you got what I was saying. IO did. Btw, read the first word : cheater Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 'bitter' is not name calling as in 'whore' 'slut'... etc.. being bitter is an adjective... IMO.. could be a language thing but for me.. being bitter only means being 'sour' about something.. Maybe I missed it but I have NEVER seen a post where someone called someone a whore or a slut. Conniving and sleazy are also adjectives, is it okay if I use them when referring to OP? There seems to be quite a bit of exaggeration going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted October 1, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted October 1, 2009 Because this forum IS FOR SUPPORT for OW/OM. That doesn't mean ipso facto that it's for support of an affair, but support for an OW/OM could mean supporting a person who has zero intention of ceasing the affair... Precisely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It doesn't at all mean supporting the affair. It means giving the person whatever they came here for. If they came for validation of the affair, simply tell them you can't do that...but what else do they need! Nasty lectures, in my opinion, are a sign of classless immaturity. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 NOBODY, BUT NOBODY IN THESE ENTIRE FORUMS is asking you to be supportive of an affair. If you need to tell someone to get out of an affair, say something like this: "Your situation is going nowhere. Your man is not responding the way you want him to. Statistically, he will not leave his wife. For your own emotional welfare, go through some pain now...cut your losses short...and move on." If you want to get an infraction, you can tell them the same thing like this: "You slut. If you think this guy is going to leave his wife for a whorish homebreaker, you're some kind of crazy. Get your lazy butt away from this guy before his wife claws your eyes out." --And I've seen this sort of thing in the forums...more than once! As a matter of fact, a statement like this will probably get you banned...or put in moderated status for a very long time. Oh how funny, your first example is indicative of how I worded the posts that I was reprimanded for "not having a supportive tone" in. And the second example is something I have NEVER posted anything remotely like... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted October 1, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted October 1, 2009 So you want people to make the person feel good about sleeping with someone else's spouse? About aiding and abetting a liar and participating in the deception of an innocent party? How exactly might you do that? Since you're not getting the point of what so very many people have posted in this thread, I URGE YOU not to give advice in this category. Brief posts will not impart on you the sensitivity and good judgment needed to well serve the people who come here because they are hurting. I'm not meaning to be insulting to you...some people are simply not meant to give this kind of advice. Many here are in that category. If you have not gotten the point of what we are talking about in this thread by now, you may never. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Precisely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It doesn't at all mean supporting the affair. It means giving the person whatever they came here for. If they came for validation of the affair, simply tell them you can't do that...but what else do they need! Nasty lectures, in my opinion, are a sign of classless immaturity. I completely agree...although I'd add ignorance as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted October 1, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted October 1, 2009 Maybe I missed it but I have NEVER seen a post where someone called someone a whore or a slut. Very likely it's because the post was deleted and the member banned before you got to read it. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 . Brief posts will not impart on you the sensitivity and good judgment needed to well serve the people who come here because they are hurting. Perhaps reminding people of WHY they are hurting and how their choices have contributed to that pain would be helpful in finding a solution? Why don't YOU get that? Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Very likely it's because the post was deleted and the member banned before you got to read it. As it should be, so it's a non-issue, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted October 1, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted October 1, 2009 Is it abusive to let AP's know how much pain they are causing to others? It is abusive to let them know that they make selfish and destructive choices? Is it abusive for them to realize what they are doing to their self-esteem and self-respect? NONE OF THE ABOVE IS ABUSIVE UNLESS YOU SAY IT ABUSIVELY!!! There are decent, civil ways of telling people those things. Understand, they already know those things and really don't care in many cases. In other cases, they know those things and are feeling extremely guilty. Oversimplifying affairs is extremely dangerous. There are different dynamics and different reasons for each. Exploring those with each person takes time, patience, kindness and consideration. If you are not willing to explore each person's situation, don't even get into it. In any case, if you're going to tell me what a piece of crap they are, do it in a constructive and decent way...a way you would want to be talked to by a stranger. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted October 1, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted October 1, 2009 Same goes for bitter, angry BS.. they should stay out of the OW forum if they can't take the 'heat'.. Precisely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 NONE OF THE ABOVE IS ABUSIVE UNLESS YOU SAY IT ABUSIVELY!!! There are decent, civil ways of telling people those things. Understand, they already know those things and really don't care in many cases. In other cases, they know those things and are feeling extremely guilty. Oversimplifying affairs is extremely dangerous. There are different dynamics and different reasons for each. Exploring those with each person takes time, patience, kindness and consideration. If you are not willing to explore each person's situation, don't even get into it. In any case, if you're going to tell me what a piece of crap they are, do it in a constructive and decent way...a way you would want to be talked to by a stranger. I'm perfectly capable of doing exactly that, but thank you for the advice. BTW, I certainly hope they feel guilty, at the very least, they should. The alternative is scary. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted October 1, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted October 1, 2009 Lizzie, I do not consider you an OW. You are simply providing sexual favors to married men in return for material gifts. Just why is it necessary to rattle this off??? This is an example, in my opinion, of bad judgment. You can make your point without bringing up the personal life of another member. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Very likely it's because the post was deleted and the member banned before you got to read it. While we've got your attention Tony. I don't believe I have ever received an infraction on this site. However, there have been times when a common-sense answer by me has been taken as an attack. It tends to be from posters other than the OP, and the same poster/posters every time. I don't ever name call or intentionally deem a person as "bad" though I may not agree with their actions. I think there is a case of very nasty posters saying hateful things to those involved in an affair BUT I also see cases where an OW/OM may be ultra-sensitive toward any tiny slight and it explodes into a flame war. So how do you manage to both give advice that is supportive as well as in your view best for the OP without getting infractions for not necessarily buying into the whole affair thing, because an outside view is just as valuable? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted October 1, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted October 1, 2009 So much of communication is changed (sometimes lost, sometimes what is not meant is added) simply due to the fact that all communication here is only words on a screen. dah dah!! Precisely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 While we've got your attention Tony. I don't believe I have ever received an infraction on this site. Oh you will get one if whoever reports you to the moderators . They (moderators) are not paid to monitor all the posts here so usually the ones that get flagged are the ones being reported on. So be careful with what you say, tink Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Just why is it necessary to rattle this off??? This is an example, in my opinion, of bad judgment. You can make your point without bringing up the personal life of another member. You are entitled to your opinions, but that's all it is, your opinion. I consider it very relevant to the topic of OP. It's not as though Lizzie hasn't detailed her personal life here on a daily basis...puhleeezzzeee. I am stating the facts just as she has explained them ad nauseum herself, am I not? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted October 1, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted October 1, 2009 So you want people to make the person feel good about sleeping with someone else's spouse? About aiding and abetting a liar and participating in the deception of an innocent party? How exactly might you do that? I could write for a thousand years and you just wouldn't get it. Please stay away from the OM/OW forum. It's just not something for you. I have never posted there myself, except as a moderator. I know nothing about the subject...BUT I do know something about being supportive. I have written a number of posts in this thread about what being supportive is all about...and that it is NOT making feel good about betrayal...and you just haven't gotten it. Not going to even try! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted October 1, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted October 1, 2009 Oh how funny, your first example is indicative of how I worded the posts that I was reprimanded for "not having a supportive tone" in. And the second example is something I have NEVER posted anything remotely like... Send me a link to the post or send me a link to the infraction and I'll reverse it pronto )if you're right. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 I could write for a thousand years and you just wouldn't get it. Please stay away from the OM/OW forum. . Is that an order? I happen to have a LOT more experience with the subject than you assume. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 You are entitled to your opinions, but that's all it is, your opinion. I consider it very relevant to the topic of OP. It's not as though Lizzie hasn't detailed her personal life here on a daily basis...puhleeezzzeee. I am stating the facts just as she has explained them ad nauseum herself, am I not? Lizzie has been very open about her MM's and why she sees them. This is certainly no secret, and I don't think she cares who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Send me a link to the post or send me a link to the infraction and I'll reverse it pronto )if you're right. Thanks! I did yesterday, you claimed that my "tone was not supportive". Whatever, I'm not going to lose sleep over it, I just thought I'd point out what appears to me to be an obvious bias. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Hey, ya'll remember this cat named OWL... Now HE was supportive..... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted October 1, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted October 1, 2009 I consider it very relevant to the topic of OP. It's not as though Lizzie hasn't detailed her personal life here on a daily basis...puhleeezzzeee. I am stating the facts just as she has explained them ad nauseum herself, am I not? It's not what you think, it's what the moderator's think. This forum is not a democracy. Somebody has got to make a decision based on good taste and the rules. That your taste is not consistent with moderators' is irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 So will Lizzie get called out for saying the same thing about her goings on? Link to post Share on other sites
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