shauncytheboom Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 My girlfriend and I were together for over three years, we were long distance first, and then we lived together, and then long distance again. The most recent time we had to separate geographically, we were both on the same level and things were very nice....And then suddenly she decides after being apart for about a month that she doesn't want to be my girlfriend anymore. she thinks we need to focus on ourselves. Etc. We did not discuss it, she didn't mention anything before we parted, she just decided it from 1000 miles away and proclaimed it to me. After 3 months of her not contacting me, I went to see her because I needed closure,(or at least an explanation face to face) and she was very warm towards me and really kind but expressed that she needs to be alone and focused right now, and I respect that, and love and respect her. (Despite the fact that she crushed me, and broke my heart). So I left and have been doing my own thing, trying to not over think anything. i have been getting better and really recovering from my life's worst heart break. And now she has started calling me on a regular basis and talking to me as if we are O.K and like best friends or something, and its really confusing. I asked her straight up to tell me if she couldn't see herself with me again, and she told me that she wouldn't say that. I don't know how to respond. She told me she would be hurt if I was with another girl, but she still wants to be alone. I feel like I am just a big goof hanging out here in space waiting for something that will eventually crush me again. I don't know what to do.... this whole thing with her lately is just presenting so much hope for me that we will work it out and be together again that its really just overwhelming. I thought I had put it to rest..... I appreciate any and all advice, and I do need it... believe me. Shauncy Link to post Share on other sites
JaggedRoad Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Just tell her that you feel confused and you're not sure if you can do what you guys are doing any longer. Link to post Share on other sites
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 You need to tell her to respect YOUR space. She made it apparent that she doesn't want to be with you, furthermore she told you she wants space and to be alone, so that's exactly what you give her; it's also exactly what you EXPECT from her. You have to let her know it's not ok to keep in contact with you like this, without giving her an ultimatum. Just tell her you're trying to respect her wishes and she needs to respect yours and give you the space you need. Not till next week, not for a month, indefinitely. If she wants a time period, tell her you don't have one; but nonetheless your statement stands. If you don't deny her access into your life, she'll become comfortable with using you like this. Don't let her. Get your space so you can heal. Tell her to knock it off. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 My girlfriend and I were together for over three years, we were long distance first, and then we lived together, and then long distance again. The most recent time we had to separate geographically, we were both on the same level and things were very nice....And then suddenly she decides after being apart for about a month that she doesn't want to be my girlfriend anymore. she thinks we need to focus on ourselves. Etc. We did not discuss it, she didn't mention anything before we parted, she just decided it from 1000 miles away and proclaimed it to me. After 3 months of her not contacting me, I went to see her because I needed closure,(or at least an explanation face to face) and she was very warm towards me and really kind but expressed that she needs to be alone and focused right now, and I respect that, and love and respect her. (Despite the fact that she crushed me, and broke my heart). So I left and have been doing my own thing, trying to not over think anything. i have been getting better and really recovering from my life's worst heart break. And now she has started calling me on a regular basis and talking to me as if we are O.K and like best friends or something, and its really confusing. I asked her straight up to tell me if she couldn't see herself with me again, and she told me that she wouldn't say that. I don't know how to respond. She told me she would be hurt if I was with another girl, but she still wants to be alone. I feel like I am just a big goof hanging out here in space waiting for something that will eventually crush me again. I don't know what to do.... this whole thing with her lately is just presenting so much hope for me that we will work it out and be together again that its really just overwhelming. I thought I had put it to rest..... I appreciate any and all advice, and I do need it... believe me. Shauncy She needs her space and needs to be out of a relationship; okay. That's one thing. It's quite another to keep you dangling on the fish line. Firstly, if you can't handle this arrangement (and be honest, you can't. Perfectly understandable) your first line of duty is to take yourself out of it. This girl is having no respect for your feelings whatsoever. She's playing you for a nimrod and you're allowing her to do it. You need to take care of yourself and your well being, this girl isn't going to do it for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shauncytheboom Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 I know you are right. The problem is I am falling in love with her again and Its that feeling thats keeping me from standing my ground and just saying "look this is becoming painful and you need to let me be". I don't want to reach the point where she just breaks my heart again, but the more I think about her the more I want to be with her again. Maybe I should just drop an ultimatum on her, I mean she is the one who dumped me after all.. shauncy Link to post Share on other sites
JaggedRoad Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 No, listen to UrKillingMeSmalls and tell her that you need your space. Don't give her an ultimatum. If she wants to be with you, she'll find you without you having to say a word. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shauncytheboom Posted October 4, 2009 Author Share Posted October 4, 2009 I have thought about this and if I just let this go on part of me thinks we could make it work. Is this just me filled with false hope..... is this just a forecast for more heartbreak or can people change. I really want to believe she will find me again.... Link to post Share on other sites
carvidep Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 Try to date her mother to get that girl jealous If you want good advice on your posts, then do the same for other posters. period. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shauncytheboom Posted October 5, 2009 Author Share Posted October 5, 2009 I don't follow? Link to post Share on other sites
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