contax Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Where are you at? How are you coping? Hey. Story - been with girl for over 5 years - she left me for another guy. I don't want to be a victim and don't want her in my head at all. I'm scared of meeting new girls. I went out on the weekends for 4 months straight, but couldn' meet any new girls I liked. Sometimes I stay at home. Sometimes I think of hurting myself, and I get really overwhelmed. I continue to work, exercise, don't drink or do drugs. It's my responsibility I feel this way. I just thought I had my perfect girl. I want to heal. I want to be happy and I am some days. I want her to stop trying to contact me. I just want a girl I like, and that likes me..where we can just be with each other in love. I have faith I will find one. Link to post Share on other sites
mavislwf Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Oh I know just how you are feeling. This happened to me a long time ago. There is no easy solution here. One is NOT to harm yourself, it isn't worth it. NO ONE is worth that!!!! You need to find something you enjoy to do. To get your mind off of this, even momentarily, and to possibly meet new people. Volunteer work? Going back to school? Join a club if you are in school.......get a job, second job, whatever it takes. Better yourself. You are in a rut, but you CAN pull yourself out of it. This is not an easy thing to "get over". Trust me. But you eventually will and you will meet someone when you least expect it. Trust me. Where are you at? How are you coping? Hey. Story - been with girl for over 5 years - she left me for another guy. I don't want to be a victim and don't want her in my head at all. I'm scared of meeting new girls. I went out on the weekends for 4 months straight, but couldn' meet any new girls I liked. Sometimes I stay at home. Sometimes I think of hurting myself, and I get really overwhelmed. I continue to work, exercise, don't drink or do drugs. It's my responsibility I feel this way. I just thought I had my perfect girl. I want to heal. I want to be happy and I am some days. I want her to stop trying to contact me. I just want a girl I like, and that likes me..where we can just be with each other in love. I have faith I will find one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author contax Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 Thanks. I know I won't hurt myself, but sometimes I feel so hurt. It's been 8 months since the break up, 5 months n/c. I do okay, it's just some days are really hard. I work at a great job and I do have great hobbies. I just don't want to settle for any normal girl. I don't understand how she can find someone so quick and get attatched. I'll be okay. Today was challenging. Link to post Share on other sites
Dmoney28 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 i have been dating on a regualar basis so far. I jus havent met anyone, that had that spark that me and my ex had. So i guess the only thing we can do is keep looking, having fun and keeping busy. I guess it kinda sucks, because she has a boyfriend now, and i havent found the "one" yet, even though enough time has past. I going out with girl number 4 this weeken, so hopefully we hit it off. I just hate blowing women off, who try to get to know me better, when i still compare them to my ex inside. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 i have been dating on a regualar basis so far. I jus havent met anyone, that had that spark that me and my ex had. So i guess the only thing we can do is keep looking, having fun and keeping busy. I guess it kinda sucks, because she has a boyfriend now, and i havent found the "one" yet, even though enough time has past. I going out with girl number 4 this weeken, so hopefully we hit it off. I just hate blowing women off, who try to get to know me better, when i still compare them to my ex inside.Yea keeping going for it..... If you keep on focusing on your ex, you'll miss what else is out there. I'm familiar with your story on your other threads. Do you think your story and what the negative outcome resulted is causing you a hard time to find another girl, thus making you miss what else is there for you?? Maybe that fact that due to it, you don't think you can find a girl that'll be as good as your ex. Don't give up hope and do live in the present now. Live your life to the fullest if possible and make the best out of everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Miguelrg Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Hey Contax, I briefly remember you posting around the same time i first did, it's weird because i'm coming up to 8 months broken up, 5 months Nc so i guess the point we both couldn't take contact anymore was about the same? has your ex tried to contact you? i've not heard a peep apart from her asking her cousin how i was last week... Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 over a year nc, i know how it is, even at 5 months i was feeling , it takes time just enjoy single life you wont be single for ever, do what you always wanted to do. Try not to concentrate on what she is doing, concentrate on you, love yourself more, no one is worth hurting yourself over. 5 years is a long time, i was with my ex who was my fiance for 3 years till she cheated and left me no apology nothing, i was feeling like crap for months and months you can read my old posts. Now im better than I ever have been, yes memories remain but the pain is gone. Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 I havent reached 5 months yet, but been on 4 months NC since breaking up. I think i am doing ok. It is only noew that i feel ready to start looking for a new partner. Looked on a dating website and seen a few i like and so in the process of setting up an account. i am 38 so realise the chance of meeting someone in bars and clubs is slim and i've never gone for women there anyway. First month was hell. then i joined the gym and kept busy. caught up with all my friends. read a few books. AS i got fitter and lost weight i got my confidence back. I am in better shape than i have been for a long time and now look younger than 38. I ahev also found a few hobbies i like, such as golf and snowboarding. I have also got back intouch with friends who i didnt have as much time for All i would recommend is forget about trying to find someone else in the first 4 months and focus on yourself and getting back to enjoying yourlife. A happy confident person will attract more people. DOnt feel you have to get into a new relationship. Ther is no rush. Just start looking once you are happy with yourself. When you are still trying to get over your ex, you will compare everyone to them and will make you feel worse. DOnt feel you have to find someone else quickly. Just talk to girls/blokes but not to get into their pants but just to ease yourself back into things and feel better in yourself. dont feel pressure that you have to find someone. I was told 4 months ago time was a healer, how true it is. But it is important to not try to rush time. I do miss my ex but i now only feel sadness and disappointment it didnt work out. But i dont feel as hurt as when i could barely talk about her without breaking down. I had a dream about her this week and woke up without feeling down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author contax Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 Hey Contax, I briefly remember you posting around the same time i first did, it's weird because i'm coming up to 8 months broken up, 5 months Nc so i guess the point we both couldn't take contact anymore was about the same? has your ex tried to contact you? i've not heard a peep apart from her asking her cousin how i was last week... We share alot in common. Yes, my ex tried to contact me every month since. Through phone email and myspace. I never responded once. Last time I picked up the phone she called me 40 times over a 40 min period. The email was her begging for me to talk to her. It's like, if I truely forgive...shouldn't I be able to be with her?....In a sense - No - My self respect tells me not to be with an emotional cheater......someone so fickel they shack up with someone three days after a break up.... It actually hurts hearing when people getback with their exes - cause part of me wants to...but part of me knows it's lazy and short cutting the healing process.... What happened in your situation? I got to head off to work but will reply to everyone in this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 If your ex is trying to contact you that much, i think you need to change your number. Link to post Share on other sites
Author contax Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 Maybee I will change my phone number. One thing is I can't over how beautiful she was. I thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. It's pretty shallow of me...Even with her I wasn't interested in other girls. Looks don't pave the way for a full healthy relationship I know. Alot of my friends thought she was ugly.....I hear that's common no? Where you think your partner is the most beautiful in the world? I'm at work...I will get back later. Thanks again my + 5 monthers! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Miguelrg Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Well, to cut a long story short, with her for a year, lived together for the most of it, she came to england from australia, we went backto australia signed a lease and sent our joint visa papers off, 4 days later ' i don't think i love you anymore' so i come home, stay in contact for ages to get my money from our joint account, acted like a complete psycho as ya do when someobody breaks your heart, since then i've heard nothin, just she asked her cousin how i was last week ( her cousins in the uk at the moment) I couldn't go back if i wanted to, i've gained too much self respect than to be somebodys 2nd choice Link to post Share on other sites
Author contax Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 Well, to cut a long story short, with her for a year, lived together for the most of it, she came to england from australia, we went backto australia signed a lease and sent our joint visa papers off, 4 days later ' i don't think i love you anymore' so i come home, stay in contact for ages to get my money from our joint account, acted like a complete psycho as ya do when someobody breaks your heart, since then i've heard nothin, just she asked her cousin how i was last week ( her cousins in the uk at the moment) I couldn't go back if i wanted to, i've gained too much self respect than to be somebodys 2nd choice Quite the story. It's low to have people change their minds so quick...I love you, now I don't. I really respect what you said - you have too much self respect to go back. That's really on point and inspiring. I feel the same way. Sometimes I have convos with people going back to their exes, and I sway over like - maybee I will go back if she begs, gets help etc....but no...in a sense all that is laziness. The future is for better things! Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Maybee I will change my phone number. One thing is I can't over how beautiful she was. I thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. It's pretty shallow of me...Even with her I wasn't interested in other girls. Looks don't pave the way for a full healthy relationship I know. Alot of my friends thought she was ugly.....I hear that's common no? Where you think your partner is the most beautiful in the world? I'm at work...I will get back later. Thanks again my + 5 monthers! lol My ex was a natural pretty girl but not one of these stunning types with loads of makeup. the sort your mum likes you to settle down. she was easy going, independent and very clever with a good job. and liked watching football(soccer) I honestly couldnot ask for anything more. we were going to buy a house together. we lasted 3 years but with about 6 months left she started changing. she had a nice curvey figure but hit the gym and lost weight. she looked even hotter. anyway when we split up i just thought how stunning she looked. but maybe thats just cos i cant have her anymore. My life was crushed. 4 months on, yeah i stil think she is attractive but not as intense as when we first split up. i guess over time you lose that attraction. the longer you stay NC the more you start to find other people attractive. when i first split up i didnt see anyone who matched up with the ex. Point i am trying to make is that time is a healer as long as you want to heal and work at it. it does get better Link to post Share on other sites
ihateerik Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 You cant expect to get over a five yr realationship in a few months. It will take more than a year. So I wouldnt try to date anyone new before a full yr goes by, or you arent being fair to the new person. Trust me, the new guy isnt perfect....she will get tired of his ass too. Im a girl, so I should know. Link to post Share on other sites
Miguelrg Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 exactly we have to just be strong now and not look back, we've come this far all on our own and no-one can take that from us, it's been a big learning curve for me and i know that i'll be a lot wiser in future Link to post Share on other sites
Author contax Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 i have been dating on a regualar basis so far. I jus havent met anyone, that had that spark that me and my ex had. So i guess the only thing we can do is keep looking, having fun and keeping busy. I guess it kinda sucks, because she has a boyfriend now, and i havent found the "one" yet, even though enough time has past. I going out with girl number 4 this weeken, so hopefully we hit it off. I just hate blowing women off, who try to get to know me better, when i still compare them to my ex inside. I see. That's what I'm scared of as well, comparing new girls to my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author contax Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 over a year nc, i know how it is, even at 5 months i was feeling , it takes time just enjoy single life you wont be single for ever, do what you always wanted to do. Try not to concentrate on what she is doing, concentrate on you, love yourself more, no one is worth hurting yourself over. 5 years is a long time, i was with my ex who was my fiance for 3 years till she cheated and left me no apology nothing, i was feeling like crap for months and months you can read my old posts. Now im better than I ever have been, yes memories remain but the pain is gone. Wow. Crazy story. I'm happy we have similar feelings. Everyone does take time. I read a book on grief...alot of people say time will heal - and keep busy - those are the things to say to grievers! However, we know time doesn't heal unless you want to heal and do the right things....also keeping busy can wear you out. I think loving yourself is the best thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author contax Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 I havent reached 5 months yet, but been on 4 months NC since breaking up. I think i am doing ok. It is only noew that i feel ready to start looking for a new partner. Looked on a dating website and seen a few i like and so in the process of setting up an account. i am 38 so realise the chance of meeting someone in bars and clubs is slim and i've never gone for women there anyway. First month was hell. then i joined the gym and kept busy. caught up with all my friends. read a few books. AS i got fitter and lost weight i got my confidence back. I am in better shape than i have been for a long time and now look younger than 38. I ahev also found a few hobbies i like, such as golf and snowboarding. I have also got back intouch with friends who i didnt have as much time for All i would recommend is forget about trying to find someone else in the first 4 months and focus on yourself and getting back to enjoying yourlife. A happy confident person will attract more people. DOnt feel you have to get into a new relationship. Ther is no rush. Just start looking once you are happy with yourself. When you are still trying to get over your ex, you will compare everyone to them and will make you feel worse. DOnt feel you have to find someone else quickly. Just talk to girls/blokes but not to get into their pants but just to ease yourself back into things and feel better in yourself. dont feel pressure that you have to find someone. I was told 4 months ago time was a healer, how true it is. But it is important to not try to rush time. I do miss my ex but i now only feel sadness and disappointment it didnt work out. But i dont feel as hurt as when i could barely talk about her without breaking down. I had a dream about her this week and woke up without feeling down. Great advice! I went to Europe and New York this year, quit ciggs and alchohol. Also I got a raise and promotion at work. I will get her out of my head and find a girl who devtes herself to me, as I to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author contax Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 My ex was a natural pretty girl but not one of these stunning types with loads of makeup. the sort your mum likes you to settle down. she was easy going, independent and very clever with a good job. and liked watching football(soccer) I honestly couldnot ask for anything more. we were going to buy a house together. we lasted 3 years but with about 6 months left she started changing. she had a nice curvey figure but hit the gym and lost weight. she looked even hotter. anyway when we split up i just thought how stunning she looked. but maybe thats just cos i cant have her anymore. My life was crushed. 4 months on, yeah i stil think she is attractive but not as intense as when we first split up. i guess over time you lose that attraction. the longer you stay NC the more you start to find other people attractive. when i first split up i didnt see anyone who matched up with the ex. Point i am trying to make is that time is a healer as long as you want to heal and work at it. it does get better Sounds like you had a nice girl too. I just don't even want to think of mine, her with someone else. I will get her out of my head. I want to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author contax Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 You cant expect to get over a five yr realationship in a few months. It will take more than a year. So I wouldnt try to date anyone new before a full yr goes by, or you arent being fair to the new person. Trust me, the new guy isnt perfect....she will get tired of his ass too. Im a girl, so I should know. Awesome, thank you. I agree. I just don't see how she can get with him so early. When I was talking to her a month in, she was telling me how much it bothered her new man because she kept bringing me up so much. She called me behind his back, even till this day...I asked how does he feel she said he understands as she just got over a 5 year...what a loser - after 3 days she jumps in. I told her why are you doing this? If she wanted to get back with me she would probably talk to him...it's just a mess. She knew that and was careful when she talked to me...cause she knew what I would think If we did get back. I won't though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author contax Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 exactly we have to just be strong now and not look back, we've come this far all on our own and no-one can take that from us, it's been a big learning curve for me and i know that i'll be a lot wiser in future Thank you! As well as no one can take away my integrity and how I'm a giving person! Link to post Share on other sites
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