What I learned from my experience.

[2sunny]

good job!

 

for now, don't accept his FB friend request, he will use it to keep tabs on you, that's never an easy feeling knowing that someone is always watching you.

 

try to have fun with the new guy, don't think about the troubles he has with his wife - that is HIS worry.

 

go have fun! you deserve it.

 

ooops, the phone thing. if it happens again - blow a really loud whistle (shrill sounding) into the phone as loud as you can - then hang up! yikes did i say that?

[howcouldInotknow]

Things with the new guy are going well he is ready for a label (I am kind of afraid )but I did ignore the request. I dont think he has the right to want to keep tabs on me he made his choice. I am hardly worried about his situation with his wife. It was just a fleeting curiousity nothing that I will spend hours thinking about. I pretty much think I am done with married men.

Even if he were to divorce I wouldn't take him back there would be no trust or security. In the past he gave me every reason to believe we were in a secure relationship and then boom they are getting back together. It just would never be the same for me.

[Morelikeher]

Ugh. I felt this might happen when he made the FB request.

 

The blocked numbers could be either him or the W. Of course, I don't see why he wouldn't say something when you answered...I'm leaning towards the W.

 

I like the whistle idea

 

It seems like you have already moved on, right? I would imagine it is his W calling you - I would just ignore it...or change your number. I know it's not the easiest thing to do, but I changed mine.

 

I'm thinking some serious drama may be coming your way. ((Hugs))

[Alpha Female]

Wow. I just read this. Talk about having the rug pulled out!

 

I just went through something similar, though I knew my MM was married and living with his W.

 

He had been telling me for months how much he loved me, how I was "the one" and how he was leaving his W so we could be together. He was supposed to move in last weekend, and for the two weeks prior, he was becoming spotty with his attention and time. He said it was because his W had grown suspicious, and he wanted her to not find out about me/us, so that he could make a clean break.

 

As it turns out, he didnt have the courage to really leave her.

 

Like you, I learned to go back to my old motto of never getting involved with anyone married or separated. They are way too unpredictable!

[howcouldInotknow]

Ugh. I felt this might happen when he made the FB request.

 

The blocked numbers could be either him or the W. Of course, I don't see why he wouldn't say something when you answered...I'm leaning towards the W.

 

I like the whistle idea

 

It seems like you have already moved on, right? I would imagine it is his W calling you - I would just ignore it...or change your number. I know it's not the easiest thing to do, but I changed mine.

 

I'm thinking some serious drama may be coming your way. ((Hugs))

 

 

 

I figured it could very well be her. I can't really understand why she would call me. What on earth could she possibly have to say to me? I haven't said a word to her husband in over two months. But you know what I am not afraid of either of them and I have no intentions of changing my number I have had it for 9 years and I am not about to change it. Maybe major drama is coming my way but whatever it is I am ready for it. He needs to learn he cannot have his cake and eat it too. I love him, we had a good time together but my life is very simple and I am not trying to get involved in someone else's mess. At the end of the day he chose her. I feel way too good about myself to be second choice.

My mom always says never say never but I am pretty sure on my part there is no chance for a relationship like we had before. Dating again has actually helped me put this all behind whether or not something serious comes out of these dates it has made me realize there is more out there.

Its not to say that I don't miss him because I do. There are things he gave to me that I still can't use because they remind me of him. Things from his house that are perfectly folded the way he used to fold them and smell just like his detergent. Lots of little things that bring back memories. There are also many good memories, us on our last vacation together, even the last weekend we spent together and the way he looked the last day I saw him. But along with all of the good things I remember things like our last conversation, the lack of respect and consideration that he showed to my feelings through out this entire situation. How can I ever forgive that? I can't.

[Morelikeher]

I had some interesting text messages about 3 weeks after he established NC. They were from an unknown number and SEEMED to be from him. I think it was his W playing games with me. One of them asked "can I see you tonight"? My heart wanted to believe it to be him, but my mind knows it was her.

 

I know exactly what you mean - I still miss him, but forgiving him just depends on the day. LOL! I don't know what I would do if he showed up on my doorstep.

 

It's a battle of my heart and mind. Honestly though, I don't think I could ever establish a relationship with him again. I loved him so wholeheartedly - dropped my walls for what? I risked a lot by being with him and GEE, that really worked out for me, huh?

 

I don't know if the normal thing is for them to come back. I guess it differs with every situation. He has maintained the NC and I don't feel as if he will ever make contact with me again. Sometimes I feel that is a blessing, sometimes a curse.

 

With your situation, I was shocked he went back to his W. It seemed that he was ready to make a life with you.

 

I don't understand it. Is it because they still love their W, have no balls to leave, something is missing in THEM, something is missing in the marriage...? *sigh*

[howcouldInotknow]

He wasn't with his wife when we met. She was never an issue in our relationship. His choosing to go back to her IMO there had to be some unresolved emotion there despite what he says about it being over. I also think for him it was an unwillingness to accept the failure of his second marriage. Also money, the divorce was proceeding just fine until she wanted more money and a car, But these things weren't the reason he went back. He went back because of what he felt. I don't think at the time he realized what he felt was a fluke. As for his wife I don't know her but if my suspicions are correct she came back because of the dramatic change in her lifestyle. As his wife she was able to buy anything she wanted, go anywhere she wanted, she lived in a beautiful home, had nice cars to drive then she cheats and leaves for this other man, when that fell apart she woke up and found herself driving a 1989 ford, earning 35,000 a year and lonely.

Also in all of this I am somewhat turned off by him because it made him look like a man without a back bone. He is a wimp. IMO

[Morelikeher]

SO, how are you going to handle it when he does contact you? Are you prepared for it?

 

I think, at least for me, I would be angry.

[howcouldInotknow]

I am definitely prepared, I am beyond the point of anger. If and when he does contact me it will be interesting to hear what he has to say in regards to justifying his actions. I will listen because I what he says at that point can possibly forever change what I think about him. But whatever it is I am ready, I know that I will not fall apart.

[Morelikeher]

Yes, I would definitely be curious. I don't think there is justification.

 

My xMM was separated when we met as well. He convinced me that he was not going back to his W and had started the divorce process - obtained a lawyer, etc.

 

I guess love, IF he did love me, was not enough.

 

I don't imagine I will ever hear anything from him. And, if so, my question of why would never be answered to my liking.

[howcouldInotknow]

I know exactly what you mean there is nothing that can be said that would make all of the hurt we have felt disappear. NOTHING and so any answer would not be satisfactory

[learnfrommymistakes]

Wow that is harsh

I am so sorry you were hurt and treated that way. You sound strong and capable of moving on, and like you are doing well. I know how these MM or MW string people along. I think \when you know someone is separated, their marriage is over, or so they make it seem, and they tell u how much they love you, they never felt like this before, you are the best thng, la da da....it seems like there would be no question that its true. BUT time and time again, it seems these men, or women, can go from telling you I LOVE YOU, you are the one, the only one, to getting back with their wives....spouse.

 

OMG this is so f-up, but thank you for your story, it will help others for certain.

I think it is very hard to end a marriage no matter what, but to lie to the point of how this man did to you, NO EXCUSE

 

LADIES and men out there, RARELY does an affair end well...be ware, it is the exception not sure

 

I ALSO said I would not date a separated man again, who wants to get in that messy stuff....it is a mess.

 

take care of you

 

lfmm

[howcouldInotknow]

So last night I get this weird random call from xMM's best friend. He asks how my life is going then he asks if I have spoken to xMM. Obviously I have not. He says to me they are not doing well at all. They are going to go ahead with the divorce. He says MM really misses me. He isn't even sure why he went back because he says he isn't in love with her anymore, and how much MM feels like he effed up. I found the phone call a little strange because since MM and I stopped seeing each other I have not spoken to that particular friend so this random call late last night seems odd.

He also mention that MM wife was extremely upset he was with someone else and she feels he wasn't trying because of me. I told him about the blocked calls and he said it could have very well been her because she believes he and I still communicate. I don't know I talked to my sister about this and she was just so happy and she couldn't understand why I was not happy about it. Is this normal to not be thrilled by the fact that his marriage is crumbling and he misses me and he is miserable? Also do you think he put his Greg up to the phone call?

[NoIDidn't]

So last night I get this weird random call from xMM's best friend. He asks how my life is going then he asks if I have spoken to xMM. Obviously I have not. He says to me they are not doing well at all. They are going to go ahead with the divorce. He says MM really misses me. He isn't even sure why he went back because he says he isn't in love with her anymore, and how much MM feels like he effed up. I found the phone call a little strange because since MM and I stopped seeing each other I have not spoken to that particular friend so this random call late last night seems odd.

He also mention that MM wife was extremely upset he was with someone else and she feels he wasn't trying because of me. I told him about the blocked calls and he said it could have very well been her because she believes he and I still communicate. I don't know I talked to my sister about this and she was just so happy and she couldn't understand why I was not happy about it. Is this normal to not be thrilled by the fact that his marriage is crumbling and he misses me and he is miserable? Also do you think he put his Greg up to the phone call?

 

Man, this is such a high school tactic? I don't blame you for not being happy as your sister is about it.

 

This MM sounds like he is the kind of MM that finally gets out of the marriage and then realizes that he could actually be dating whoever he wants and then ultimately betrays his new girlfriends as well.

 

I definitely think he put his friend up to it. In fact, I think he was probably right there with the friend very interested in how you were taking the news.

 

 

Yuck.

[howcouldInotknow]

I didn't say much during the conversation because it felt like fishing to me. For whatever the news doesn't thrill me or even fill me with a sense "I told you so". I am not so sure about other women but he can pretty much have at them. Ultimately I feel that he hopes for us to get back together.

Unlike a lot of OW on this site I don't assume to know what he feels. I know he did love me and maybe in his mind he believes that we have a chance but haha he woul have to become a different person. I think I am detached enough from the situation to realize he is not offering everything I ever wanted. It's crazy its been two and a half months and things have changed so much its surreal sometimes. I remember the night we met in the smallest detail. He just reminded me of Mr. Big (my ideal guy) and we just clicked. Every day was amazing until the day we split.

He went back to his wife after close to three years of separation. We met when they were separated for about 18 months. We were together for over a year. Going back he knew it most likely wasn't going to work. He said to me this is a big mistake but I have to.

I am incredibly strong willed. I have never contacted him in the time we stopped seeing each other nor have I ever had the urge. I remember things of course and it makes me sad sometimes but I am human and it does still hurt.

[her_halo_slipped]

Oh "howcouldinot know" I feel so sorry for the pain and heartache you experienced at the hands of this man. Kudos to you for getting beyond it all. It sounds like it was his loss at the end of the day. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you luck as you move forward.

[howcouldInotknow]

Thank you. Asking myself realistically how long is it healthy to think about this helped a lot. I sort of feel like I am finally almost out of the woods

[VictoryisMine]

Hi howcouldInotknow, knew your 'MM' would be back. I could imagine your heartache and confusion. But darlin' i myself would be so careful and cautious with him.

 

I myself wonder, if my MM would call back one day (he 'dumped' me for another woman, not his wife) what would i do? I'd need him to squirm and get an answer that makes any sense to what the hell happened.

 

It's hard i know, we were so in love with these besterds.

[howcouldInotknow]

XMM emails this morning. He says he hopes I had a nice thanksgiving and that he is sorry things turned out the way they did and there isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't think of me. He also said he hopes to one day be able to reconnect because I am a very special person to him. He never mentioned that things were not working out, not that I needed to hear it but I assume things must be going down the toilet in order for me to suddenly hear from him again. I did tell him things like that are inappropriate coming from a married man.

[howcouldInotknow]

Its been quite some time since I posted. I no longer have any of the anger bitterness and other feelings that went a long with this whole situation. But life goes on as they say. MM and I started communicating right before the holidays. He is officially divorced. His wife has gotten the huge settlement she wanted. She tried to make him lose his job, demanded a new car as part of her settlement as well. But its over he has significantly less money but she is out of his life.

 

We talk daily as friends. He says he never wanted to hurt me and that he loved me and still does. There was a lot at stake. She threatened his job, his financial future and he panicked and he is completely sorry for the way he handled everything and blah blah blah.

 

I don't hate him. I am no longer angry. My life is good. Even if he and I never get back together I have made a friend. He has made it clear he would like to work on things again. Slowly, rebuild trust and try to get things right. He says he would like to spend the rest of his life making me the happiest woman on earth.

 

i am currently dating and seeing othere men but nothing serious. I believe in my heart he is a good person and I am going to follow my heart and see where this goes.

[howcouldInotknow]

so its been over a year since he and I got back together. He is officially divorced has been for some time now and things are great. I am happy as is he. Don't get me wrong everyday isn't perfect but we are happy

[Morelikeher]

Wow, HCINK, I just wanted to say hi to you. I haven't posted in a long time, but noticed your update and felt compelled to write something.

 

I am still in NC myself - it will be 2 years in July. I have moved on and am happy, although a part of me still misses him.

 

Anyway, I am glad that things have worked out for you. If it's meant to be, I suppose it works out in the end.

[26pointblue]

so its been over a year since he and I got back together. He is officially divorced has been for some time now and things are great. I am happy as is he. Don't get me wrong everyday isn't perfect but we are happy

 

Thank you for returning & sharing the ending (or, current part of ) your story. It's good to hear that it sometimes works out. I'm happy for you. I'm going to go back & read the beginning of your story when I have a bit more time but I'm glad you were able to get to this point. It's cool that you came back after a year to update!

 

I was thinking that maybeBblinded will eventually get to this point too . . . not sure. I don't know if you saw her thread but she's had a different experience since being with her MM in a full relationship. So I guess there are all kinds of different outcomes, if there's an 'outcome' at all.

[howcouldInotknow]

thank you

[Hazyhead]

When I first came across LS, yours was one of the first stories I read. I found your composure inspiring. I'm happy for you and how things turned out.