BWLoca Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 I was talking to a friend today about how she always manages to meet guys. I joked with her about telling me her secret but that it would probably help if I weren't so shy. She replied, "yeah, shy and boring aren't a good combination." Wtf? Since when does shy mean boring? I'll admit, I'm a little hurt by this... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Whoa! Nice friend (not). Perhaps select another friend for dating support? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Shy people are really hard to talk to. You have to work really hard to get to know them and make them feel comfortable enough to let their personality come through. So yeah, shy can often be mistaken for boring, because very little personality comes out right away. Not everyone wants to work that hard right off the bat when they don't know anything about you. That's why shy people do better getting to know people through work or shared interests. That way people are around them more often and get to know them gradually and can start to see their good points and interesting aspects enough to make the effort to know them better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWLoca Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 Well, I don't really have a problem meeting guys once I actually open up my mouth and speak I'm just not the type to go after any random guy or flirt nonstop when one talks to me. I was questioning her ability to arrive in a new city and within two hours meet two guys who want to take her out this weekend. I'm more hurt by my friend's comment, who I've known for over 4 years. But she's an extrovert so it's to be expected that she wouldn't understand me, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 People can be shy in some regards and very fun/outgoing in others. That doesn't make them a boring person. I myself am shy in some regards. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 People can be shy in some regards and very fun/outgoing in others. That doesn't make them a boring person. I myself am shy in some regards. Ditto to what Pyro:love: said. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 that could either be read as a nasty thing to say, or a really really funny joke.. if one of my friends said that to me, it would be hilarious.. are you sure she wasn't joking?? Link to post Share on other sites
deux ex machina Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 that could either be read as a nasty thing to say, or a really really funny joke.. if one of my friends said that to me, it would be hilarious.. are you sure she wasn't joking?? I was thinking the same thing. Give as good as you get: "Since you understand what good and bad combos are, tell me - is being a know-it-all and totally ignorant is a good combination?" Link to post Share on other sites
C-i-C-u Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 I don't have any friends, so I have no one to go out with, and no one to talk with. When I go out I normally go out by myself when I do. And I normally prefer to stay indoors. But I know if someone said that about me I wouldn't have cared. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWLoca Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 No, I don't think she was joking. I replied, "I don't think I'm boring" and she said, "Yeah, you are a little." This was through texting, by the way. It would be one thing if I'd asked... Whatever, I'm not going to dwell on it or de-friend her or anything but I think I've just moved her down to "party friend." I certainly don't want to be thought of as "that boring friend." Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 Boring? Sheeesh. Some friend you got there BWLoca! Start hanging out with those who don't find you boring. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 People can be shy in some regards and very fun/outgoing in others. That doesn't make them a boring person. I myself am shy in some regards. I'm the same way. Sometimes its good to keep your mouth closed at others its good to communicate. Link to post Share on other sites
danny75 Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 What kind of friend says stuff like that? slap the bitch lol a nice smile always catches my eye. so just smile away and see where it takes you. Link to post Share on other sites
wierdmunky Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 Shy does not equate boring. I've met a lot of people who don't lay everything out, and just need more to talk about their interests, and they are not boring. People have different taste. I think "boring" for me would just mean not a lot of chemistry going on. Which says nothing about the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWLoca Posted October 4, 2009 Author Share Posted October 4, 2009 Boring? Sheeesh. Some friend you got there BWLoca! Start hanging out with those who don't find you boring. Well, after steaming and moping over this for a few days, I finally decided not to take it too personally. I have plenty of friends who don't think I'm boring so it can't be me. I think I'm a fun person to go out with but I'm not a chatty person in general. I just enjoy silence sometimes Lol Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 Well, after steaming and moping over this for a few days, I finally decided not to take it too personally. I have plenty of friends who don't think I'm boring so it can't be me. I think I'm a fun person to go out with but I'm not a chatty person in general. I just enjoy silence sometimes Lol Some people chose to be silent, but may actually be extroverts. Reason being is that we've got two eyes, two ears and only one mouth: four to one ratio on our communication sensors lol. A first impression may make someone seem quiet - but as you get to know them, you see so many more things about them. Its like dating the quiet girl who wears modest clothing to find out she's gotta bangin' bod underneath from playing around outdoors and eating well Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 A first impression may make someone seem quiet - but as you get to know them, you see so many more things about them. Its like dating the quiet girl who wears modest clothing to find out she's gotta bangin' bod underneath from playing around outdoors and eating well i like how you said that! Link to post Share on other sites
4givrnt4gtr Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 (edited) What i love about these forums is that I can usually find threads about things ive gone thru at some point....It makes me feel like im really not alone after all! Back when I was much younger (13 or so) I had a "best" friend. She would play pranks on me so that everyone else could laugh at me because i was so "gullible". She once told me I should wear make up (at 13!!) and I said i really didnt need it (as in, i wasnt interested on it just yet). She said "uhhhh not to be mean but...oh never mind I dont want to be mean" and "uhhh did you not have time to brush your hair?" (for the record I know those were mean spirited comments, everyone else was appaled at them as much as I was) ! Yeah what a best friend. After those lovely things I scratched her off of my friends list. Years later she tried to rekindle a friendship, I would have none of it. Dont allow people to disrespect you in any way and get away with it. Its easy to shrug off mean spirited comments because, after all, they are your "friends". Surely they dont mean to hurt you! but in reality people are people and not many can be trusted. I had a similar situation happen last year, and again I was ready to scratch her off. Thankfully she make amends and proved to me that although she is kinda crazy I mean a lot to her and felt horrible for making me feel bad. Dont be a doormat and take insults lying down...they'll just keep coming and get more vicious. Oh and for the record...no shy doesnt mean you are boring. The thing with shy and quiet people is that, just as with psychoanalyst who keep quiet throughout therapy, people tend to project things onto you when you dont give them anything for them to put you in a category. So shy people tend to get all the crap other people dont like about themselves because they are a blank canvas in which to project. (Read above as: Your "friend" probably feels that SHE is boring underneath her party exterior, and that is projected on you) Its our curse, but its also our benefit, we get to see what people dont like about themselves depending on what they decide to put on us....use it to your advantage Edited October 8, 2009 by 4givrnt4gtr Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWLoca Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 I've just come to realize that she and I are different in many ways: the way we dress, the way we approach guys, our style in general. I'm more conservative so it probably comes off as boring. In general, I'm not conservative, but I think compared to her, I can be. When I think about it, she's always saying little things like this to me, just in a less obvious manner. A few weeks ago, we went out for some drinks and she invited this guy she'd met maybe 4 or 5 days prior. I didn't know the guy and the place was kind of loud so I wasn't talking much. When he left for a drink, she turned to me and complained, "you know, you could open up your mouth and TRY to talk to him." I didn't say it but I was thinking, 'last I checked, I wasn't put on this Earth to entertain people." I asked him a few questions just to be friendly and he only replied with one word answers so I left it alone. I just felt like if he wanted to talk, he could've, too. I think it takes a confident person to be around me Link to post Share on other sites
Cornholio12 Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 Just because you're shy doesn't mean that you're boring. As a friend, she should be more supportive of you and think before she speaks. Link to post Share on other sites
deux ex machina Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 ...The thing with shy and quiet people is that, just as with psychoanalyst who keep quiet throughout therapy, people tend to project things onto you when you dont give them anything for them to put you in a category. So shy people tend to get all the crap other people dont like about themselves because they are a blank canvas in which to project. (Read above as: Your "friend" probably feels that SHE is boring underneath her party exterior, and that is projected on you) Its our curse, but its also our benefit, we get to see what people dont like about themselves depending on what they decide to put on us....use it to your advantage People do project. With men, I'm either romanticized or thought of as stand-offish. With women, I'm a sweetheart, or (more often), a snob. It's tough. Being shy does mean having to be strong in many subtle ways, as well. Just because someone is shy or quiet, doesn't necessarily mean one doesn't have confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
ebab83 Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 Well, I don't really have a problem meeting guys once I actually open up my mouth and speak I'm just not the type to go after any random guy or flirt nonstop when one talks to me. I was questioning her ability to arrive in a new city and within two hours meet two guys who want to take her out this weekend. I'm more hurt by my friend's comment, who I've known for over 4 years. But she's an extrovert so it's to be expected that she wouldn't understand me, I guess. My best friend is unbeievably shy. She goes red over the silliest of things. She throws up when seeing the guy she likes. She doesn't have lots of friends. She takes a very long time to feel comfortable around people....and I think the world of her. I'm outgoing, extrovert, loud, wild, opinionated, etc etc......I think we balance each other out nicely. She learns how to assert herself, I learn how to be calmer. I understand her completely. I just wanted to point out how the fact she is extrovert so wouldn't understand may not be completely right. Maybe she isn't an understanding person to begin with? Link to post Share on other sites
memorygospel Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Your friend either doesn't really care about your feelings much OR is just pretty stupid when it comes to other peoples feelings LOL Well definately some shy people are boring but alot of the time they just have low self esteem so it just takes a little bit more to open them up and see who they really are. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 her ability to arrive in a new city and within two hours meet two guys who want to take her out this weekend. Are you sure "ability" is the right word? Maybe her ability fits snug beneath her bra or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BWLoca Posted October 13, 2009 Author Share Posted October 13, 2009 I don't have a problem with some random stranger commenting that I'm boring. That's their opinion and they don't even know me. I honestly have barely spoken to her since this conversation. She texted me a couple of nights later to tell me she'd made out with some guy. I'm not sure if it was one of the guys she met or someone new. I assume one of the same... I would say she's just really flirty. I wouldn't say I have high self-esteem but I certainly don't have low self-esteem. No idea where to take it from here...I prefer to just keep my contact with her to a minimum... Link to post Share on other sites
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