DH2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Hi everyone, I've been a reader but this is my first time posting. We distance relationship people sure have a handful of problems not being able to physically be with our SO. I've been with my GF for about a year and a half. We live a good distance apart and can only see eachother once in a long awhile and usually the trips are for no more than a weekend which is always great! Recently a problem has occured which has thrown me off in our relationship. Recently my GF has developed a friendship with a guy from one of her classes at school. I should point out that we're both in our 3rd year of school, she's in U and I'm in College. So she had this guy friend from one of her classes last year and recently they have gotten to become "close" friends. She assures me there's nothing between them and she isn't attracted to him. Normally I'd be fine with that except, he has expressed to her that he loves her and that he always has been attracted to her since they were in class. This is a problem, because their friendship has gotten closer and she continues to assure me theres nothing to worry about, but I can't help it. They spend a couple of days a week hanging out and I only get to talk to her for two hours a night. Today she went to her martial arts class and he decided to join her and they ended up having dinner at her house. I've voiced my concerns to her, and how uncomfortable I get, but she doesn't want to give up her friendship with him and if I give her an ultimatum to pick me or him and she picks me, I feel it would hurt the relationship we have. I don't know what to do, anyone who reads this and has something constructive and helpful to say would be most appreciated. Thanks. PS. I was tired when posting this, the thread is supposed to be Potential Problems? Link to post Share on other sites
JaggedRoad Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Tough decision. If you allow her to continue her friendship with her friend, things might go against your favor and she'll be the one to break up with you. You may have to break up with her as the ultimatum will just hurt you two like you expressed. All you have are choices and it's up to you to choose the one that you feel most comfortable with. She is your girlfriend, and you are her boyfriend for a reason. But unless you two are in a committed relationship, you have no right to tell her what to do and what not to do. And even if you are, it's still her life and she has the right to choose what she wants. I know it hurts, but the only person we have control over is ourselves. My ex was spending a lot of time with a male friend that she met last year. She would ask him to accompany her whenever she was in London. Sometimes she would tell me beforehand, but sometimes not. There was one particular incident where she accompanied him to a movie. I asked her not to go with him, but she did anyway. I think she might have forgotten that I asked her not to go because she sounded a little bit surprised when I got upset at her. That was the only time I objected to her going anywhere with him because it was crossing the line. I didn't mind all the other times because they were with other friends and she haven't been with friends in a very long time. And well, sometimes she didn't tell me until after the fact. When she told me that we haven't felt like a couple for a while, I was too overwhelmed by the break-up to tell her that she had been spending most of her time lately with her friends. And when we did spend time together, it was all about our relationship and the future. I think she wasn't strong enough to tell me that she had unintentionally messed up the relationship. I'm sorry for hijacking your topic, but I hope you can learn a little from my experience. I hope everything works out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DH2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 actually thank you for your reply jagged. you are right that we don't have control over anyone but ourselves, but with LDRs, it could work if both people are willing to sacrifice for the other. apparently the male friend that she loves hanging out with is more important that the relationship i had with her because we broke up tonight. i failed to mention whenever she hung out with him, it was always just the two of them. i was never comfortable with it and being that she ultimately chose to break up with me instead of not hanging out with him let's me know my relationship with her was something that was just full of words and no promises. i learned a valuable lesson with this and it's probably for the best. a relationship is not worth much when a recent friendship is chosen over it. i'm more disappointed than sad at this point, because i really did expect that our relationship was as valuable to her as she kept saying it was, but i guess not. Link to post Share on other sites
JaggedRoad Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 I'm sorry to hear about the break-up, but don't let it eat you up like it did to me. Listen to what I'm about to tell you and take in every word: You deserve better. You did what you could. It's her loss really, and karma will find its way to her. Just hang in there and do not contact her from this point on. Show her that you don't need her. I hope you will find someone worthy of your heart. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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