I'm gonna go ahead & give her the divorce she so wants!!

[FeelingLonely98]

Feelinglonley98......it sucks, it definitely sucks. you have to share the marital debt and the assets. no way around that really unless she voluntarily gives it up. here is the kicker, the huss cheats, and gets to f##k you over again by taking half of the assets. and unfortunately, cheating doesn't come into play in court...it should, but it doesn't.

 

DM - Fortunately she wants nothing from me but her freedom. Only wants her personal belongings. No alimony. No 1/2 of all assets. No 1/2 of her debts for me. Thank God. By Tuesday evening of next we should have all of the D papers completed and notarized. In some ways I feel I still love her - so I'm not rushing this to hurt her - just rushing it to protect myself and my two sons (not hers) AND here is the kicker to protect her Step-Son. He wants to live with me instead of his Mom. I am sure he is ashamed and embarassed of her and does not want to live in a rinky apt. in 1 BR while 18 yr old is f*ck*ng 47 yr old Mom several times a day in the other BR. Smart kid. She's a good Mom (um, was up until this!). So she can f*ck and get f*cked by her little boy but she can't f*ck me as far as the settlement goes.

 

as far as her and running around with her 19yo....don't worry, that will come back to bite her. I'm assuming you are both around or close to your 40's. that being the case, she isn't gonna look as good much longer, and he will still be relatively young. He'll be cheating on her or dump her later when the looks start to go south for someone much more attractive. sooner or later, she'll get whats coming to her, don't worry. 2 women I know of, and one guy, in my town that are older than their affair partners eventually ended up being cheated on. payback's a b!tch, and so is she:)

 

Though she is pretty - she looks her age (47). I'm 46. Most tell me I look like I'm mid-30s. And now I've lost 32 lbs. and have been kicking a$$ at the gym and look pretty buff too. I think she will get dumped very soon. I've told her that she will get hurt a lot and in the beginning if she had tried to make this work and fell in love with me that she could be guaranteed that I would NEVER hurt her or break her heart. Oh well, too late now - her loss.

 

Just get out of this marriage to a witch and start living life. Trust me, once you get back on your feet after the divorce is over, LIFE IS GOOD!!! and sooner or later, it won't be so good for her:cool:

 

Should be divorced from STBXW soon - There is probably a good attractive girl out there for me - It's just that right now I feel I will not be able to trust a woman for a LONG time dude.

[GorillaTheater]

It sounds like you're going to come out of this in good shape as far as finances; I can understand why you're rushing this thing, too.

 

You know at some point she's going to try to come back. Probably shortly after junior dumps her. Prepare for it, as best you can.

 

My wife and I are about the same age as you and yours. I can't imagine what you've been through, especially with the age of this guy. My son is older than he is.

[FeelingLonely98]

yes you can.

 

my x wanted the new car. She wanted me to pay for it. my attorney in negotiations said, "don't think so, aint gonna happen". She had to refinance the car to get my name off of it.

 

and don't agree to refinance the house to get her name off if she wants 1/2 the equity in it. only agree if she signs a quit claim deed. and even then, since closing costs aren't cheap, have your attorney get her in for half the closing costs.....IF she wants her name off. I was granted that.

 

As mentioned above she doesn't want anything but her "Freedom" so she can go f*ck and s*ck her little 18 yr old boy toy. (Take a look at my original post DM if you have time to see everything she and I did.

 

Seriously though she gave me a copy of something called a loan settle agreement from our Credit Union whereby she and I sold the car to her. The CU rep told me the title will now be sent over and we can sign my name off of any pwnership for the car. I hope this will all work. I think she re-fi'd at a higher rate but extended the loan from 5 to 7 years and now her monthly payment is about the same.

 

Funny thing monetarily --> The very freaking day that she dropped the bomb on me 56 days ago (shocking the hell out of me) - I got the biggest % raise in my life, AND got the niggest cash bonus of my life. I told her the great news about two hours before she told me she wanted to leave. Also, my car is paid off this month so that is $400 more a month for us to save or spend. Financially we were going to take a big step up to the best place we had ever been. All this while she had been unemployed for 5 months.

 

PEACE.

[FeelingLonely98]

It sounds like you're going to come out of this in good shape as far as finances; I can understand why you're rushing this thing, too.

 

Rushing just to protect ... not to hurt. Once she is dumped and she is no longer in lust she may think differently than I just want my little boy toy and I don't care about anything else.

 

You know at some point she's going to try to come back. Probably shortly after junior dumps her. Prepare for it, as best you can.

 

I would think by now I would just tell her "Sorry, I can no longer trust you" - or "you will do this again" - or "you are only back because you are on your own" - or "sorry, I don't want to be your 2nd choice - ETC."

 

But in some crazy way - right now I feel I have a little love for her still - If I ever did something so stupid as to try to reconcile with her in a month or 3 or 6 ... it would totally be on my terms. Of course without demeaning her or holding it over her head. I would have to still feel something for her and you don't treat someone like that if you care. We'll see.

 

My wife and I are about the same age as you and yours. I can't imagine what you've been through, especially with the age of this guy. My son is older than he is.

 

GT- My STBXW's own SON (19) is older than her new BF. He's living with me since she left 5 weeks ago. A few days ago he asked me if he could stay living with me after his Mom finds & can afford an apt. I told he absolutely - he could live with me forever. He loves his Mom unconditionally but is apparently ashamed and disgusted with her MLC actions.

[Dexter Morgan]

Should be divorced from STBXW soon - There is probably a good attractive girl out there for me - It's just that right now I feel I will not be able to trust a woman for a LONG time dude.

 

i hear ya there dude. just remember, you can trust, just don't do it blindly. Nothing wrong with keeping your guard up.

 

good luck my man

[FeelingLonely98]

THANKS - Good Night All - My sons are here tonight! Gonna spend some quality time!!

 

PEACE!

[ADF]

What are you, crazy? Get lawyers involved. Don't go on some website asking for tips from people with no expertise. Get an attorney and sort this out. You won't regret it.

[FeelingLonely98]

What are you, crazy? Get lawyers involved. Don't go on some website asking for tips from people with no expertise. Get an attorney and sort this out. You won't regret it.

 

 

I don't need a lawyer - the 47 yr old STBXW is signing D papers Monday. She wants nothing out of the D other than her freedom and her "stuff" and her 18 yr old BF. UGH!! And she wants no alimony.

 

ADF - Lawyers want to make money. The good folks here on LS have lived thru what I am going thru now and are sharing great advice.

[Dexter Morgan]

As mentioned above she doesn't want anything but her "Freedom" so she can go f*ck and s*ck her little 18 yr old boy toy. (Take a look at my original post DM if you have time to see everything she and I did.

 

I reread the original post, but didn't see anything that was done in terms of a divorce.

 

If she doesn't want anything, thats great!! forge ahead, get rid of the skank. Move on to a better life with a good woman!!

 

BUT, if she gets her own attorney, you can bet that the attorney will try to change her mind about not wanting anything out of the divorce.

 

But if you two can keep attorneys out of it, and just present it to the judge, then try it.

[FeelingLonely98]

I reread the original post, but didn't see anything that was done in terms of a divorce.

 

If she doesn't want anything, thats great!! forge ahead, get rid of the skank. Move on to a better life with a good woman!!

 

BUT, if she gets her own attorney, you can bet that the attorney will try to change her mind about not wanting anything out of the divorce.

 

But if you two can keep attorneys out of it, and just present it to the judge, then try it.

 

Well, in the next 36 hours or so we should have D papers signed and notarized. No way she could back out then, right? I guess if she refused to go to court then the judge won't make it happen???? (Then what?)

 

My feeling is that by me "rushing" this - it is to protect me and my sons. IF, and I mean IF, we were ever to get together again, it wouldn't matter if we were completely divorced or if I were still at home pathetically pining over her, huh? I will definitely not be doing the 2nd part, not because I no longer lover her or care about her, but because I need to do that. I need to move forward - continue with 180.

 

PEACE!

[FeelingLonely98]

... get rid of the skank...

 

LOL - be nice now ...

[FeelingLonely98]

I reread the original post, but didn't see anything that was done in terms of a divorce.

 

But if you two can keep attorneys out of it, and just present it to the judge, then try it.

 

1) Sorry dude, maybe it wasn't the original post. My bad ... I know i posted it somewhere.

2) Trying to do this attorney-free. Though I have consulted a family attorney for a half an hour or so and will have him ready if STBXW changes her thinking on her end.

 

TY

 

PEACE!

[FeelingLonely98]

My concern now is after she signs the D papers and we send it to the courthouse, what if she chooses NOT to show up (or have a lawyer show up for her) before the judge on the court date? Then what? I have her signatures on paper notarized that she wants none of my assets, no alimony, and agrees to keep all of her debts. Is it still binding? Can I finalize without her appearing? I have an atty I consulted once and this is probably a question for him, but I'm trying to do this w/o an atty because up to now I don't need one. Just wondered if any of you knew or had this experience ...

 

PEACE!

[MrMayI]

My concern now is after she signs the D papers and we send it to the courthouse, what if she chooses NOT to show up (or have a lawyer show up for her) before the judge on the court date? Then what? I have her signatures on paper notarized that she wants none of my assets, no alimony, and agrees to keep all of her debts. Is it still binding? Can I finalize without her appearing? I have an atty I consulted once and this is probably a question for him, but I'm trying to do this w/o an atty because up to now I don't need one. Just wondered if any of you knew or had this experience ...

 

PEACE!

 

if she doesn't show, or has no lawyer, you can request a default decree. not complicated. they'll just note you were there, she was not.

[FeelingLonely98]

if she doesn't show, or has no lawyer, you can request a default decree. not complicated. they'll just note you were there, she was not.

 

ok, good to know

[FeelingLonely98]

Day four of NC and going strong!!!

(Previous record was 9 days) (It's been 77 days, - 11 weeks - since Dday, aka ILYBINILWY day)

 

I am committed to NOT contacting her - ever.

If we communicate it will be her that contacted me.

[FeelingLonely98]

You need to lawyer up. From what it sounds like you'll have to give her something. Why would she give you everything if she has no money?

 

She signed EVERYTHING and on all forms STBXW asked for nothing. Hoping on the court date she doesn't have a change of heart and tell the judge she didn't mean to go quietly into the night. For now that's what she is doing... (fingers crossed)

[FeelingLonely98]

OK - all D papers are now with the county courthouse. I have a judge's name who is assigned to the case. The hearing notice will be sent to me and the STBXW in about 4-6 weeks. I was told the actual hearing will be a week or two after that.

It should be easy - she willingly sign all assets over to me and signed to keep all of her assets and signed to receive NO alimony. All of this was HER decision. I never proposed this. My 47 yr old did so she can be "Free" to date her new 18 yr old BF.

(Tomorrow is day 10 of NC - a new record for me ...)

 

(I still don't really want this - I would still welcome her coming home - with new feelings and a changed heart - but I am not expecting that at all.) (I still love her...)

 

I actually cried a little for the first time in MANY weeks on the way to the courthouse this morning - partly because of what I was about to do but also because of a song that started playing on the radio - posted it here on LS:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t205480/

 

Damnit - people tell me I am being so strong and doing what is best for me ... but I sure don't feel strong. Geez. I feel so horrible because of how she suddenly left and suddenly turned off everything for me and the M and the family. Especially since she was happy just shortly before she gave me the ILYBINILWY speech on 8/28/09 - only 82 days ago. I'll be divorced by 2010 or shortly thereafter. WTF?

 

Sorry for my rambling... It's been a TOUGH day.

 

PEACE!

Edited November 19, 2009 by FeelingLonely98

[seibert253]

Time Feeling, give it time.

 

I know you've heard that over and over but it's true; time does heal all wounds.

 

Dude, she doesn't deserve one nanosecond of your time or thoughts.

 

As far as the D goes, you are making out like a bandit. Consider this a gift, though I know it's one you never wanted.

 

NC is going great, you're doing a fantastic job. Remember, one day at a time. Each day is a new record.

 

Look at it this way, your new life began 11 days ago when you decided never to speak with her.

[Dexter Morgan]

Damnit - people tell me I am being so strong and doing what is best for me ... but I sure don't feel strong.

 

You are ABSOLUTELY doing the best thing for you. You will see that....especially when you are with a new woman and out there dating again...I guarantee that. After your first date with a woman, you are going to come back here and say, "Damn that Dex was right on the money...what was that hussbags name I just divorced??":)

[El Ben]

It's a ****ty feeling, it'll always be a ****ty feeling. I have a great deal of respect for you man, I'm particularly impressed with you letting her son stay. (I would have loved it if you paid off the car - as long as you can afford it - You did spend some good time together afterall).

 

One thing I can say is this - these things happen, and we just have to move on. I'm under no impression that whoever I'm with won't up and leave. I'm under no impression that I won't run out of love someday, no matter how intense the feeling is at the mo (Incidentally, I recently told my other half of two years+ that we'll be splitting up). It sucks, but it happens. We give our best, enjoy the ride, and walk away when it all ends.

[FeelingLonely98]

It's a ****ty feeling, it'll always be a ****ty feeling. I have a great deal of respect for you man, I'm particularly impressed with you letting her son stay. (I would have loved it if you paid off the car - as long as you can afford it - You did spend some good time together afterall).

 

TY Ben. How could I not let him stay - he is the son of the love of my life. I love him. And, he doesn't even want to move in with her after she gets an apt. (He's resigned himself to going with her anyways because there are too many signs that her new 18 yr old piece of sh*t BF is a really bad guy and she might get hurt - or worse.

 

One thing I can say is this - these things happen, and we just have to move on.

 

I disagree - they don't just happen. You make it sound as simple as a choice between chocolate and vanilla. There are MANY factors and every relationship is different. There are the commonalities that most have, ... but NO, they don't just happen. The cheater is usually in a MLC or in this so called "Fog" where no one even recognizes them. They have been transformed into a doifferent person almost overnight. (I know it is not literally overnight ... you know what I mean) Sometimes they never come out of the fog and the happy loving person they used to be is for all practical purposes,... DEAD!

 

I'm under no impression that whoever I'm with won't up and leave. I'm under no impression that I won't run out of love someday, no matter how intense the feeling is at the mo

 

That's not a healthy way to be in a relationship IMO, and I bet most other's opinion too. ZERO commitment from the start. Sounds more like a shag buddy.

 

(Incidentally, I recently told my other half of two years+ that we'll be splitting up). It sucks, but it happens. We give our best, enjoy the ride, and walk away when it all ends.

 

Sort of explains your outlook on all of this. I wish you the best BEN, hope you find a new "ride" soon and you're happy.

TY 4 your comments.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

You are ABSOLUTELY doing the best thing for you. You will see that....especially when you are with a new woman and out there dating again...I guarantee that. After your first date with a woman, you are going to come back here and say, "Damn that Dex was right on the money...what was that hussbags name I just divorced??":)

 

Hi DM - TY for your support. I'll let you know ... LOL

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Time Feeling, give it time.

I know you've heard that over and over but it's true; time does heal all wounds.

Dude, she doesn't deserve one nanosecond of your time or thoughts.

As far as the D goes, you are making out like a bandit. Consider this a gift, though I know it's one you never wanted.

NC is going great, you're doing a fantastic job. Remember, one day at a time. Each day is a new record.

Look at it this way, your new life began 11 days ago when you decided never to speak with her.

 

12 days now ... not that I'm counting.

 

"doesn't deserve one nanosecond" --- > DUDE - I am not doing this because she doesn't deserve my time (I know she doesn't, at least not while in the A)

 

"Consider this a gift" - "making out like a bandit" --- > I know, monetarily ands asset-wise ... but the one gift I truly wanted is not coming. It still f'ing hurts like a Mother!

 

Thanks everyone.

 

PEACE!

[GorillaTheater]

You know, I'm in a pretty bad mood right now, so you might want to take what I have to say with a grain of salt:

 

I'd f*ck the OM's mom. Hard. Furiously and repeatedly. And send the two of them the video evidence.

 

That made me feel better for some reason.

[FeelingLonely98]

Gorilla - It may not have made me feel better but definitely made me laugh. The mom of the OM lives in Cuba.

[JaneDoe35]

You know, I'm in a pretty bad mood right now, so you might want to take what I have to say with a grain of salt:

 

I'd f*ck the OM's mom. Hard. Furiously and repeatedly. And send the two of them the video evidence.

 

That made me feel better for some reason.

 

 

That was quite funny in a sick sort of way!!!!