I'm gonna go ahead & give her the divorce she so wants!!

[imagine]

At the risk of repeating myself, your communication source is biased. If xWW runs off will she leave her b/f behind.

 

This lady is very confused. She needs to have the letter describing the path back. Then leave it to God.

[FeelingLonely98]

At the risk of repeating myself, your communication source is biased. If xWW runs off will she leave her b/f behind.

 

This lady is very confused. She needs to have the letter describing the path back. Then leave it to God.

 

"... the letter..." (????)

What do you mean?

[imagine]

Sorry bud.

 

Plan A is a concept of being nice to her without starting or contributing to any argument. It leaves her with good memories of you.

 

After a period (Usually 6 months for men) you write her a Plan B letter. This letter is a love letter. It announces separation from her until she meets your requirements to meet her. The letter will announce an intermediary, who is primed to filter all spam from her communication and report NOTHING of her activities. The letter may apologizes to her for leading her to choose the path that she has taken.

 

This letter is for you to regroup, to not dwell on your xW. All the efforts of being nice to her in Plan A sits with her while you are absent. And I mean pitch black gone.

 

During this absence you will learn to establish the friends that you need. Join a club, Christian church, charity or gym. This is to focus on your social needs. Do not entertain romantic attachment until you have properly grieved for your wife.

 

I recommend that you read the articles at Marriage Builders (Google it). These will teach you how to build a marriage of honesty before it collapses.

 

This marriage can still be saved but you must remember to raise the bar.

[FeelingLonely98]

UPDATE:

 

Just want you all to know that in only 13 days I no longer will have to write "STBXW" - I can write XW.

 

And I'm happy. I'm seeing a great lady. (taking it slow)

Doing lots of fun things. Working hard at my job. HAppy!!

 

AND, Going to Vegas next week for a meeting. I'll try to get out at night and hit the town a few times. What happens in Sin City ...

you know the rest.

 

PEACE!

Edited February 6, 2010 by FeelingLonely98

[Angel1111]

I'm glad to hear you're doing well, and glad you gave us an update. So, how are you feeling about the whole thing with the divorce and all? I'll bet it'll be a relief to get it all behind you.

[FeelingLonely98]

I'm glad to hear you're doing well, and glad you gave us an update. So, how are you feeling about the whole thing with the divorce and all? I'll bet it'll be a relief to get it all behind you.

 

You are right. Can not wait to get it behind me. I initiated the D paperwork and all back in October so I've had a lot of time to process it all before they finally scheduled a hearing date. Every day that goes by I am more certain than the day before. The scary part is I have barely heard from her in the last 60 days. I called her twice in Dec. to just say Hi and see if she was doing well. And I sent all my cell phone contacts a Happy New Years message on the 31st - including her. She texted me back the same. That's the LAST I've heard of her. I just hope she is NOT having second thoughts and now decides she wants a different settlement than the one she signed back in Nov. Until the judge says it is final I will not breathe easy! She F'd me over by having an A, lying about it, and then abandoning the M and family. Now she may try to F me over again.

 

We'll see ... I'll let you all know in 2 weeks.

 

PEACE!

[floridapad]

12 days and counting.... It will be a huge relief. I'm so glad things are going well for you. It's amazing at how the light switch turned on for you.

[imagine]

Hi FL98 hows her son doing?

[FeelingLonely98]

Hi FL98 hows her son doing?

 

He's doing well. Working, going to school, has a GF, takes care of the cats / house when I am out of town, ... I've told him he can stay here as long as he needs. I am making an effort to not talk to him about D and STBXW "stuff". I don't want him to talk to her about what's happened, how I am feeling, etc. In some weird way I think there may something that may be said that will make her want to turn back on the D request. OR, just as bad, go forward with it, but to not show up at the courthouse or show up and tell the judge she no longer wants the "uncontested" D. I think when he sees her for their once a week dinner if she asks how is FL98 doing, it's better if her son just says he's ok, we don't really talk too much - - - for now!

 

BTW, is it just me or is it pretty pathetic that she sees him once a week for an hour at a time? They live only 10 minutes apart.

 

He has said he will move in with her when she gets her apartment but she is no closer to getting a place today than she was 6 months ago!!!

After the D I will talk to him more to find out how he's doing emotionally. Also, I will then ask him to be a little more responsible. He is quite sloppy and he pays for ZERO around here. I do not need help but I think he should help out. I have no allegiance to him or nor responsibility to help him, I am doing because it is my choice and I want to. I do think he needs to pitch in a little, like maybe buy his own groceries each week. (sandwich stuff that he likes, frozen dinners that he eats frequently, ETC.)

 

Don't know if I'm doing the right thing - but that's the approach I took.

 

Thanks for asking!!

[JaneDoe35]

He's doing well. Working, going to school, has a GF, takes care of the cats / house when I am out of town, ... I've told him he can stay here as long as he needs. I am making an effort to not talk to him about D and STBXW "stuff". I don't want him to talk to her about what's happened, how I am feeling, etc. In some weird way I think there may something that may be said that will make her want to turn back on the D request. OR, just as bad, go forward with it, but to not show up at the courthouse or show up and tell the judge she no longer wants the "uncontested" D. I think when he sees her for their once a week dinner if she asks how is FL98 doing, it's better if her son just says he's ok, we don't really talk too much - - - for now!

 

BTW, is it just me or is it pretty pathetic that she sees him once a week for an hour at a time? They live only 10 minutes apart.

 

He has said he will move in with her when she gets her apartment but she is no closer to getting a place today than she was 6 months ago!!!

After the D I will talk to him more to find out how he's doing emotionally. Also, I will then ask him to be a little more responsible. He is quite sloppy and he pays for ZERO around here. I do not need help but I think he should help out. I have no allegiance to him or nor responsibility to help him, I am doing because it is my choice and I want to. I do think he needs to pitch in a little, like maybe buy his own groceries each week. (sandwich stuff that he likes, frozen dinners that he eats frequently, ETC.)

 

Don't know if I'm doing the right thing - but that's the approach I took.

 

Thanks for asking!!

 

 

Hi FL, understandably you are a little nervous about the divorce going through uncontested. I don't think she is about to change her mind as I think you would have heard something from her by now. I really hope so for your sake.

 

Her son should contribute to the running of your household as he works. Even if he was your biological son he should be expected to pitch in. It teaches responsibility and financial skills too.

 

We are all on the countdown with you FL98!!!!!

 

JDx

[imagine]

Yep, WW become aliens to their offspring as well.

 

I do very much agree with you that he needs to take up his responsibilities as an adult. Organise some chores for him though it would be well that you could share the duty.

 

Some guys fathers were never their father. What you are doing is a great blessing for both of you!

 

Good job!

[FeelingLonely98]

Yep, WW become aliens to their offspring as well.

 

I do very much agree with you that he needs to take up his responsibilities as an adult. Organise some chores for him though it would be well that you could share the duty.

 

Some guys fathers were never their father. What you are doing is a great blessing for both of you!

 

Good job!

 

My step-son's own biological Dad was never around much. I probably could have been a better Father figure to him over the years but that's behind me now.

 

Thanks imagine and Jane!!!

[FeelingLonely98]

Two days until my D hearing. (Actually 43 hours - but who's counting)

 

I'm looking forward to it and to moving on to a new chapter. Not at all nervous or concerned or sad. Sent the STBXW an email today to MAKE SURE she got the hearing notice and to make sure she'll be there. She replied very cheerfully that she got it long ago and has her mapquest directions at the ready and for me to "Have a great day!"

 

I'll let you all know how it goes...

 

PEACE!

[curiou]

Sounds as if you've made great strides in your recovery and I'm happy for you, but I'll wish you luck anyways.

[FeelingLonely98]

Sounds as if you've made great strides in your recovery and I'm happy for you, but I'll wish you luck anyways.

 

TY curiou!! I'll take it!

[2.50 a gallon]

FL98

 

Your LS friends are pulling for you

[GorillaTheater]

FL98

 

Your LS friends are pulling for you

 

Damn straight we are. I'm looking foward to you getting this toxic woman completely out of your life.

[FeelingLonely98]

Damn straight we are. I'm looking foward to you getting this toxic woman completely out of your life.

 

GT - Well, I'm not sure I would call her "toxic" ... but she is now "history" and for the first time I will call her XW, not STBXW!!

 

D hearing was this morning. I was early - she was late. I got there at 8:10 am for the 8:30 time on the hearing notice. She arrives there at 8:35. She signs in and the fellow tells us to have a seat in the waiting area. My Mom accompanied me. XW gave my Mom a kiss and hug. Mom could have done without it she said later. XW, me, then Mom sitting on bench in that order. We made very little small talk, maybe because there were a lot of other people or because my Mom was there or because she had NO interest in saying anything to me?

She did quickly ask me a question: "Can I ask you a huge favor?"

Me: "What is it"

XW: "Can I borrow $10? The parking attendant told me I could pay him when I left. I didn't bring any money. I thought it would be free to park here." (REALLY???)

Me: "Sure, here take this $20. No need to pay me back."

XW: "No, I will pay you back. I will send it to you with my son."

ME: "OK, Whatever you want to do is fine with me."

 

Weird huh? Her thought process about the $ and parking?

 

Anyway, we had to wait about 45 minutes until they called us in. I said a few things to her. (How's your Mom? Do you work today? etc) She said nothing to me if I didn't speak to her. She looked a little sad but more pathetic than anything. She kept sighing and huffing - I asked her what was wrong. She said "I have to make up my time when I get back to work. I thought this would start at 8:30 and we would be out soon." (WTF, I guess they should revolve everything around her schedule?)

 

Eventually the JA calls us in around 9:15. Small conference room. Judge was there. She was very pleasant. Me, the XW, the judge and the JA. Judge asked a few questions:

- Any kids together? (Answer: no)

- Any kids born during the M? (Answer: no)

- Have you agreed upon the settlement? (Answer: yes)

- The pensions? (Answer: yes - each will keep their own)

- The property? (Answer: H keeps house) (I owned it BEFORE the M)

- Any alimony? (Answer: no)

- Did you both carefully review the settlement paperwork? (Answer: yes)

- Is the M irretrievable? (Answer: yes)

XW says in May it would have been our 7th anniversary. (It would have been 8th but I say nothing)

Judge talks to my XW a little about the process of changing her name. XW made it clear she wants to go back to her maiden name. OK by me.

 

Judge: "OK, I know this is a difficult day for you both. Maybe a sense of relief, but difficult nonetheless. If you wait outside again the JA will bring each 2 copies of the Final judgement."

Me: "Thank you your honor" (as I shook her hand) (9:20 - it really WAS only 5 minutes)

 

XW sits down. I stand across the hall against the wall. Mom goes downstairs to get coffee. JA brings us paperwork. We walk together towards elevator. I don't want to ride down with her so I say I am going to the bathroom. I go to the head, wander to the cafeteria, look around a bit, send a few texts and then go back to the elevator (maybe 5 minutes or so later). SHE is still on it. (& FUMING) Says she picked an "up" elevator and had to ride to the 10th floor and it stopped on every floor. I chuckled inside. (Um, step off and ride the next "down" elevator) We get to the 1st floor - she says "Which way do we go" - I see my Mom in the other direction and go to get her without responding to the XW. I turn around and the XW is gone. May never see ever again?

 

I don't feel sad or upset. HAPPY as hell in the fact that I made out smelling like a rose - so to speak. But not "happy" like the one woman who came out in front of us stating "I'm free now!!!"

 

I worry about her a bit, but not too much. Still living with her Mom after 6 months, her bank acct. is negative 100$ now with three bounced chacks. Her son STILL lives with me. She chose this path. I gave her a few months to try to come around and work on the M. She chose not to. She is where she wants to be, huh?

 

It's over LS friends. TY for all your advice, words of encouragement, tips, suggestions, comfort, ETC. I do realize there is still going to be some amount of "healing" time left. I am in a relationship now but taking it slow.

 

Life is Good, huh?

 

PEACE!

[2.50 a gallon]

FL98 (Bandit)

 

Most excellant!!!

 

A brand new life! A new love. Who'd ave thunk 6 months ago?

 

If you can take lessons learned from this and apply to next R.

 

I would also be on guard for the possibility that the XW will eventually hit bottom and scream out WTF did I do. She's letting her son stay with you, that's a clue that she is still not in the real world. Don't let her crash affect you and your new lady

 

Your friend Gallon

[FeelingLonely98]

FL98 (Bandit)

 

Most excellant!!!

 

A brand new life! A new love. Who'd ave thunk 6 months ago?

 

If you can take lessons learned from this and apply to next R.

 

I would also be on guard for the possibility that the XW will eventually hit bottom and scream out WTF did I do. She's letting her son stay with you, that's a clue that she is still not in the real world. Don't let her crash affect you and your new lady

 

Your friend Gallon

 

Thanks Gallon! I like that --> "Bandit" (nice)

 

I will be on the lookout for her bottom finally dropping out. No money, bad job, still living with Mom, no son, ... who knows if she is even still with the 18 yr old child? Absolutely no way if she crashes it will affect me. At the most I may try to be a friend. However, in Dec. once and Jan. once I called her to say Hi and see if she was ok. She acted shocked and had an air of "Why are calling me" in her voice?

[Chrome Barracuda]

Get your 20$ back!!!

 

LMAO.

 

Good luck to your future!!! Sounded easy enough. it could have went sideways definitely.

[phineas]

Get your 20$ back!!!

 

LMAO.

 

Good luck to your future!!! Sounded easy enough. it could have went sideways definitely.

 

One of the reasons i want to stay single for now.

I don't want to deal with the backlash of her fully realizing i've moved on & trying to cause problems for me in the divorce.

 

All she does is lie & I just nod & act like I'm as stupid as she looks & accept her lies as truth just to say as little as possible & get her out of my house when she picks up the kids.

 

If she saw me with any of the women I know her brain would boil out of her ears.

 

She wants me alone & pathetic & I let her believe that's how I am.

[GorillaTheater]

One of the reasons i want to stay single for now.

I don't want to deal with the backlash of her fully realizing i've moved on & trying to cause problems for me in the divorce.

 

All she does is lie & I just nod & act like I'm as stupid as she looks & accept her lies as truth just to say as little as possible & get her out of my house when she picks up the kids.

 

If she saw me with any of the women I know her brain would boil out of her ears.

 

She wants me alone & pathetic & I let her believe that's how I am.

 

LOL. After the divorce is final, and all the financials settled, send her some videos with full audio. Better yet, let your new partner(s) send them.

[Angel1111]

I'm glad this is all behind you, FL. One thing I made sure that I never did was celebrate my divorce. It just seemed inappropriate. Celebrate a new beginning, that's better. The hard part is behind you now. You can move on in peace.

[FeelingLonely98]

Get your 20$ back!!!

LMAO.

Good luck to your future!!! Sounded easy enough. it could have went sideways definitely.

 

GT - Funny you say this. Yesterday when I get home at night my XW's son comes out and says "Hey, Mom said to give you this $20 bill". Guess she wants to have NO connection to me - that $20 would have been something she owed me ... couldn't have that. Just as well IMO. I didn't care either way.

 

I'm glad this is all behind you, FL. One thing I made sure that I never did was celebrate my divorce. It just seemed inappropriate. Celebrate a new beginning, that's better. The hard part is behind you now. You can move on in peace.

 

Angel - TY - I didn't feel a "celebration" was in order. I am very happy it is over and elated that I came out smelling like a rose - I keep the house, all my assets, she keeps all her debts, ... But to celebrate? Nah? Maybe this weekend I raise a few to my future, but not "to the D".

Last night I went to watch my son play HS baseball, visited my Mom, called my GF, watched about an hour of TV (olympics) and then went to sleep ... all the while feeling great.

 

PEACE!