Terrified of death

[sb129]

Thanks for your well-wishes too, saffron. Unfortunately, I tend to debunk cancer theories that do not reference solid scientific studies as proof. I believe that following them to an extreme (not eating certain types of food at all, for example) can actually be detrimental to the health of a patient who is recovering from chemotherapy.

 

I agree with this and have seen it first hand- a good family friend died of cancer last year, and she had been following an extreme diet following chemotherapy. She simply didn't have enough reserves to encourage her body to recover from the chemo.

 

My fathers cancer was far too advanced for a change of diet to be beneficial.

 

Cancer treatment is probably the most researched medical treatment in the world- while I don't dispute that diet may contribute as a risk factor, I think that if curing cancer was as simple as a drastic diet change, governments would stop investing such large sums of money into researching its cure.

 

Elswyth- fingers crossed your mum makes a full recovery. Best wishes to you.

[marlena]

A friend of mine who had cancer changed her diet,makes her own face creams and lotions, hair dyes, scents etc... She swears by all these changes. I am skeptical of course. Maybe from a psychological perspective, it does help her. I don't know. I'm on the fence about all this kind of stuff..even alternative medicine which so many people seem to have faith in.

 

Elswyth, I hope your mother's health issues quickly become a thing of the past. Somwhow, I feel confident that she will make a full recovery. Lots of people have.

[whichwayisup]

Long story short, we found out that my mum has cancer. Don't know what stage yet, and I'd prefer not to talk about it.

 

The entire incident, besides being emotionally upheaving and painful, spurred me to the realization that it can happen to ANYone. Nobody is immune - babies die all the time, so do teens, adolescents, etc.

 

Life suddenly seems so short, like it could be stripped away at any time. And I realize I'm terrified about what happens when it ends. Because it's the END. Of everything I know, of everything I am. I'll cease to exist.

 

How can anyone (who doesn't believe in the afterlife or reincarnation) NOT be terrified of death???

 

Sorry to hear about your mum..Try to stay positive and have faith..

 

I am scared of death too, and years ago when my own father died of cancer, I had all sorts of worry/fears/concerns - I pushed them away and years later they surfaced, so good for you for talking about this now..

 

One thing I learned with the help of therapy (CBT, cognitive behaviour therapy) was controlling worrisome thoughts, worrying about things that are out of my control.. To stay in the NOW, live in the NOW, as we have no control over the future.

 

Keep posting and talk about your feelings. You're not alone.

[Els]

Thanks again for all the well-wishes, guys. I just wish the labs in my country are more efficient - we've been waiting ages for the lab result.

 

To clarify a few things:

 

1) No, I am not terrified about being left behind, to be honest. I love my mother, in the filial way of traditional Asians, but since we also have a traditional relationship I am not really close to her or emotionally dependent on her. My terror, for her, is empathy for what she has to go through, and the prospect of death. I would get along fine without her. I don't think it is worse for those of us who are left behind. While I am pretty terrified FOR her, the whole reason I am so VERY terrified is simply because it got me thinking - it can happen to me too. I have lost a close friend to a car accident as well, and while I grieved that he had to pass so early, and also that I'd never be able to talk and laugh and hang out with him again... honestly, deep down, I was thanking all the powers above that I was not in the car with him at that time.

 

2) What I'm precisely so worried about, marlena, IS that we won't be able to feel anything anymore in death. Because we won't exist anymore.

 

I think there are two ways of dealing with this terror. One, is to accept religion and embrace the notion of an afterlife, and tell myself that there IS something in store for my soul when I die.

 

The second is to adhere to the cruelly logical belief that we really are just evolved cells, here to reproduce and die, like the ant I just crushed on my table - and our only hope is to advance science to the point that we finally manage to break that cruel cycle and attain immortality. I have spent a good long time these few days reading up on cryopreservation, mind uploading, cyborgs, stuff like that... and I must admit that while it raises a ray of hope in me, it scares me to hell as well. We might attain immortality - but on the other hand, it could go terribly wrong. We might have our minds imprisoned in something that brings us utter pain and torment - but because we're no longer able to communicate in any way whatsoever, or because we might be considered to hold no rights, etc, we will never be able to change or escape it. Because brains can't commit suicide, either.

[Brady_to_Moss]

We are all afraid of some aspect of death. I have come close to death 3 times now and feel so lucky to still be here. I really don't think there is an after life but...theres something

[t0ri]

I completely understand where you're coming from, OP. Although I don't worry about it every day, I find death to be the most terrifying thing ever. Although I believe in afterlife, it's definitely my biggest fear. I'm afraid of the unknown certainty, not the actual dying process.

 

A few years ago, a close family friend of mine was driving with his wife (who was 18) and their 6 month old baby. They wrecked, and the baby and wife died. A few months before that, my grandfather died. Those were the first losses I had experienced that really hit home, and for quite awhile after that, I couldn't even sleep at night because I was constantly thinking about and terrified of death. I successfully try not to think about death much, as I've accepted it's inevitable, and unpredictable.

 

I'm working with cadavers during this semester of college, and have seen the cadaver once. It truly freaked me out. Not because of the gore, but simply because of the death aspect - that's going to be me one day. Lifeless. Nonexistent. Just a shell! A bag of meat that will be buried or burned. It's very weird, and very scary.

 

Just thought I'd tell ya you're not alone, and I'm sorry to hear of your mother's unfortunate diagnosis. Best wishes to you and your family.

[Beefy88]

First of all I wish your mother the best, what she is going through now is very hard and she can use all the support she get's.

 

My mother has been diagnosed with breastcancer about 4 years ago, at first I was wrecked. But she's been undergoing theraphy and things are slowly getting better.

I know although you wish not to speak about it too much that you can find comfort in modern medication, and stories of people that have beaten cancer.

As for fear of death, I can brutally admit that I will embrace it with open arms. I'm not afraid of it anymore. I've had an Near death experience in May this year involving a cardiac-arrest and etc, and was in the hospital on intensive care for nearly 4 weeks. Ever since, I had so much time to think about life that I wished not to think about death anymore.

Spend your life the way you want it to be, make plans for things you want to reach in the future (this will help you get over your fear too!). And most of all, think about the fact that memories will always remain and live on. This is a part of you that will never vanish.

I am not religious in any way (which is very normal in my country). So I also think that death is just the end of everything. I'm more scared of losing friends, relatives and family in a fight over something than losing them because of me dying. I live my life on the edge, pushing limits everyday. Because of this I don't think about death as something you should fear, but something you should embrace and respect.

[whichwayisup]

I'm working with cadavers during this semester of college, and have seen the cadaver once. It truly freaked me out. Not because of the gore, but simply because of the death aspect - that's going to be me one day. Lifeless. Nonexistent. Just a shell! A bag of meat that will be buried or burned. It's very weird, and very scary.

 

You have to look further .. There HAS to be more after we die. Sure, our bodies die, lifeless, nonexistant - But our energy, our spirit goes on..Whether it be into someone else, a newborn baby, or an animal, or even to another place up in the sky or in a different world - To think that once we die (on Earth) that's it, and there's nothing else is glim and depressing. I'm not religious, but I AM spiritual and have faith that there is something else that happens to us when we die..

 

I am scared of death, but more so of being alone, losing those that I love and am close to.. I do my absolute best NOT to 'go' there and worry, try to live in the now, enjoy today and hope there's a tomorrow..

 

Also, if someone you love passes on, or if you pass on, SOMEONE will keep your memory alive. Because you are/were loved and cared about by many people.

[alphamale]

You have to look further .. There HAS to be more after we die.

why?

 

- But our energy, our spirit goes on..Whether it be into someone else, a newborn baby, or an animal, or even to another place up in the sky or in a different world -

i don't agree with that mainly cause the human ego is so great it has to make up some type of "after life"....we are no better than a worm or amoeba or leaf as far the universe is concerned

[whichwayisup]

Why? Because there HAS to be. Life here can really SUCK and this can't just be "it". There has to be more.

 

i don't agree with that mainly cause the human ego is so great it has to make up some type of "after life"....we are no better than a worm or amoeba or leaf as far the universe is concerned

 

Obviously we won't know until we die. And having hope and faith IS what gets us through rough times, whether it be about death or just life in general, the curve balls that come our way.

[alphamale]

Why? Because there HAS to be. Life here can really SUCK and this can't just be "it". There has to be more.

i think people would enjoy their life more if they just accepted the fact that there won't be any after life. what makes humans so special that we deserve immortality by way of spirit or soul?

 

we are just organisms like any other. if we were meant to live forever then we would live forever

[scatterd]

I have lost both my parents grandparents and many friends.I use to be affraid of dieing but I have dtrong beleives in god and the after life.I guess

everyone needs something to belleive in.There is something more to this

then we know.I would read life after death experiences I did it helped me

I lost my dad one and a half years ago.

[FleshNBones]

How can anyone (who doesn't believe in the afterlife or reincarnation) NOT be terrified of death???

I think that is one of the motivations behind the research for human cloning, and body transpants.

There are plenty of scientists out there hard at work trying to cheat death.

[Els]

Why? Because there HAS to be. Life here can really SUCK and this can't just be "it". There has to be more.

 

 

 

Obviously we won't know until we die. And having hope and faith IS what gets us through rough times, whether it be about death or just life in general, the curve balls that come our way.

 

I used to think this, too. But I'm afraid I just may have to agree with alphamale on this - there is no 'has to's, the world doesn't owe us anything. If there is truly an 'afterlife' why is there not a 'beforelife'? If our spirit is so mortal as to be born from the fusion of two somatic cells, why can it not be so mortal as to die with us when our brain ceases to function?

 

I wish I could believe, I truly do. I would be so much more relieved if I could believe. But I just can't find 'have to' a very convincing thing to believe in. I'm repulsed, myself, by the thought that I, with all my capabilities and thoughts and dreams and uniqueness, could just disappear once a few cells stop working. That is partly why I'm taking the sudden realization so hard.

 

Yes, Fleshn'bones, I've read up on that. Am considering signing up for cryopreservation, myself. But there is a scarier possibility that's opened up by such things: If the experiments fail, we really could be signing ourselves up for eternal torment. Having our brains functioning, but no way to express them or protest if we're really feeling pain and torment all the time... or perhaps being reborn into a world that denies us rights and uses us for whatever the civilizations at that time see fit.

[GorillaTheater]

I've given this some thought from time to time, and the conclusion I've come to is that I'm not particularly scared of dying, I just don't want it to hurt too much.

[Els]

Why, GT? Could you explain?

[GorillaTheater]

Because, at the risk of sounding morbid, death may be something of an adventure. I'll (all of us) either learn the the answer to the biggest question mankind has ever faced (what happens to us after we croak) or I won't be aware of anything at all. Either way is fine.

 

But I'm kind of a sissy about pain.