does anyone ever feel..

[M-Man]

Does anyone ever feel like there is someone out there who is right for you and you may have found her. Then all of a sudden it comes to an end but you are going to be the one to have to end it because all of a sudden she starts dragging you raw. A month ago I thought she might have been the one but right now at this time it can't be. Maybe never. I know I will find someone new sometime soon but will it be the same. Will I find someone later in life. Her again. Could we be friends again and then maybe start back dating again? Does everyone else believe there is one perfect person out there for every person?

[Coffee]

I don't know if there is one perfect person out there for each of us, but after meeting someone and losing them I sure wonder. I'm just writing to you because I totally feel like I'm in the same boat. I fell in love with someone but I still hurt inside even though I haven't seen them since last summer. I really miss him. I don't know if you feel the same way but I don't know what to do about it. I've tried to keep myself as occupied as possible but I still miss him so much. But the last time we spoke he sounded like he never wanted to even know I existed. How do you get over things like that?

Does anyone ever feel like there is someone out there who is right for you and you may have found her. Then all of a sudden it comes to an end but you are going to be the one to have to end it because all of a sudden she starts dragging you raw. A month ago I thought she might have been the one but right now at this time it can't be. Maybe never. I know I will find someone new sometime soon but will it be the same. Will I find someone later in life. Her again. Could we be friends again and then maybe start back dating again? Does everyone else believe there is one perfect person out there for every person?

[LT]

My heart goes out to both of you. Life is a lonely business at times. It took me two years to get over a guy I'd dated for less than 6 months! Don't think he ever realized how I really felt about him...the feelings I had were so strong they scared me and I probably screwed things up on purpose. But here's what I did to NOT get over him (I kid you not:) : I bought several Michael Bolton cds and listened to them over and over. I thought about him all the time, wishing he'd call. I wrote sappy poetry about him. I shunned all other men (I'd been a huge flirt before), except as friends. I looked out for his car all over town and if I saw a blue suburban my heart would race until I saw it wasn't him. I'd go on but it gets even more embarrassing. (But no, I never called him, barely talked about him to others, and never stalked him...miracles never cease...hehe). Most of the time, however, I believed I'd missed my chance somehow...when I thought of sex it was with him and the idea of being with anyone else left me totally cold! Not a good place to be for a warm blooded young woman in her prime!

 

So what did I do? Well, I finally got disgusted with myself. I took little steps like wearing dresses, make up, going out with friends. I tried to reprogram my brain somewhat, tried to have fantasies about other men, even if they were strangers. One day I met someone new...it wasn't instant attraction, but he seemed like a breath of fresh air in my sorry world. It took me awhile to open up with him but he was patient and kind. Eventually I found myself in a new relationship that was really enjoyable, hallmarked by a lot of things that had been missing from my relationship with that other guy (uh, like COMMUNICATION, HUMOR, RESPECT...duh).

 

One day, a few months after I'd started dating this new one, I bumped into my old flame...Oh...my...god! My first thought was: "I wept over THAT??" Then I just started laughing. With that the very last vestige of my previous heartache evaporated. It was like the sun had finally come out again!

 

So...moral of the (long) story. Don't idolize old loves!! Don't obsess!! Don't cut yourself off!! Be patient and kind to yourself, however, and never force yourself to date or flirt until you feel ready...but tell yourself meanwhile that you ARE getting ready! Observe your thoughts and try to reprogram them if you feel it's hurting your recovery.

 

And no, after that experience I don't believe there is only ONE right person for us. I do believe vehemently that we're given relationships that help us to grow somehow and it's up to us to make the most of the lesson. I can look back at my most fulfilling relationships (even though none turned out to be "forever after") and say "Yes, he was perfect for me at that time...that was what I needed." I trust that the future will bring me what I need again as well. I believe this is true for everyone, including you two.

 

Good luck and I hope both of you find peace again.

 

LT

Does anyone ever feel like there is someone out there who is right for you and you may have found her. Then all of a sudden it comes to an end but you are going to be the one to have to end it because all of a sudden she starts dragging you raw. A month ago I thought she might have been the one but right now at this time it can't be. Maybe never. I know I will find someone new sometime soon but will it be the same. Will I find someone later in life. Her again. Could we be friends again and then maybe start back dating again? Does everyone else believe there is one perfect person out there for every person?

[Tony T]

There is no perfect person in the world.

 

Now, there are many wonderful ladies out there, all of whom would make great life partners for you. But if you have no idea what you're looking for, you won't find them.

 

Just think how stupid you would look if I happened upon you kneeling in the grass in a park looking down and asked what you were looking for and you told me you had no idea. If you are out their searching for Ms. Right and have no idea what she is all about, well...you got the idea.

 

Make a list. For instance, you may want someone: Who is physically attractive, kind, caring, intelligent, a good cook, wants children, athletic, open-minded, forgiving, shares your views about finances, etc. etc.

 

Even if you find someone with every quality you desire, if you don't have the ones on her list, it's tought luck. If both of your lists match and there is no chemistry, sort of tough there too.

 

Make a check beside those traits that are mandatory and that you cannot compromise on. Then set out on your journey.

 

Have patience. And don't count on LOVE to take you through life. You can fall in LOVE with a bitch just as easily as a wonderful sweety pie. So be sure the lady you set your eyes on is a truly decent, loving, sincere person.

 

As to when you'll latch upon such a catch, you'll have to call your Psychic Friend for that information.

[Ballerina Girl]

All my life I felt like there was someone out there that was right for me. In highschool, I had a few serious boyfriends, and I still felt that way. I loved all my boyfriends. We had fun. I learned. And I grew.

 

But inside I knew I hadn't found "him" yet.

 

Then three years we found each other. We both feel like we've known each other all our lives. We just hadn't physically met. We are best friends.

 

That yearning I always had, is not present in me now.

 

Maybe you haven't found her yet. You ask "will it be the same?"...I believe that in your heart, you know what it will feel like. And maybe in the relationship you have now, you have expectaions of what you know and feel you want in your heart. And that is why it's not working out.

 

Because in what you have now you still have this yearning to find true love. So yes it will be the same, but it will be different, too. It will work. And you will know.

 

(Hope that makes sense.)

Does anyone ever feel like there is someone out there who is right for you and you may have found her. Then all of a sudden it comes to an end but you are going to be the one to have to end it because all of a sudden she starts dragging you raw. A month ago I thought she might have been the one but right now at this time it can't be. Maybe never. I know I will find someone new sometime soon but will it be the same. Will I find someone later in life. Her again. Could we be friends again and then maybe start back dating again? Does everyone else believe there is one perfect person out there for every person?

[Miranda]

My heart goes out to both of you. Life is a lonely business at times. It took me two years to get over a guy I'd dated for less than 6 months! Don't think he ever realized how I really felt about him...the feelings I had were so strong they scared me and I probably screwed things up on purpose. But here's what I did to NOT get over him (I kid you not:) : I bought several Michael Bolton cds and listened to them over and over. I thought about him all the time, wishing he'd call. I wrote sappy poetry about him. I shunned all other men (I'd been a huge flirt before), except as friends. I looked out for his car all over town and if I saw a blue suburban my heart would race until I saw it wasn't him. I'd go on but it gets even more embarrassing. (But no, I never called him, barely talked about him to others, and never stalked him...miracles never cease...hehe). Most of the time, however, I believed I'd missed my chance somehow...when I thought of sex it was with him and the idea of being with anyone else left me totally cold! Not a good place to be for a warm blooded young woman in her prime! So what did I do? Well, I finally got disgusted with myself. I took little steps like wearing dresses, make up, going out with friends. I tried to reprogram my brain somewhat, tried to have fantasies about other men, even if they were strangers. One day I met someone new...it wasn't instant attraction, but he seemed like a breath of fresh air in my sorry world. It took me awhile to open up with him but he was patient and kind. Eventually I found myself in a new relationship that was really enjoyable, hallmarked by a lot of things that had been missing from my relationship with that other guy (uh, like COMMUNICATION, HUMOR, RESPECT...duh). One day, a few months after I'd started dating this new one, I bumped into my old flame...Oh...my...god! My first thought was: "I wept over THAT??" Then I just started laughing. With that the very last vestige of my previous heartache evaporated. It was like the sun had finally come out again!

 

So...moral of the (long) story. Don't idolize old loves!! Don't obsess!! Don't cut yourself off!! Be patient and kind to yourself, however, and never force yourself to date or flirt until you feel ready...but tell yourself meanwhile that you ARE getting ready! Observe your thoughts and try to reprogram them if you feel it's hurting your recovery. And no, after that experience I don't believe there is only ONE right person for us. I do believe vehemently that we're given relationships that help us to grow somehow and it's up to us to make the most of the lesson. I can look back at my most fulfilling relationships (even though none turned out to be "forever after") and say "Yes, he was perfect for me at that time...that was what I needed." I trust that the future will bring me what I need again as well. I believe this is true for everyone, including you two.

 

Good luck and I hope both of you find peace again. LT

[Lulu]

I think both Tony and Ballerina have good points---'do not count on love to get you through life' but use it every chance you get! The deeper you love people, the more beautiful you become to others, and the better the likely hood of 'the one' finding you. I too found a list to be very helpfull, but like Ballerina, I have always felt there was MY perfect partner out there. No one is perfect as a person, but sometimes you just seem to fit with someone and it's always a bit strange to me that it turns out to be the unlikeliest person. I too have found, like ballerina, that when you meet that person the longings tend to stop. You may have some worry, fear, doubt, etc. since we are always reminded of our past relationships. But there is also a calm.