JaneDoe35 Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Logik - Did your wife give you any reason for wanting to end the marriage? Do you think she has somebody else waiting? Do you want her back after all this? What did she actually say about the divorce? Hope you don't mind all the questions..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logik Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 Reason: She doesn't love me any more. I'm more like a brother to her. She can't take my anger and we disagree on household chores. I do think there's somebody else waiting, but can't be sure about it. Everything is pointing to that though. Yes, I would like the chance to work on our marriage, so I do want her back after all this but I do feel the want diminishing every day. She just said that she wants to lodge papers to proceed with divorce. It's all business to her now. She tries to make it like she's friendly and stuff, but she's being all formal about the whole thing. She even signs off with "Kind regards" which isn't part of her normal email signature. She also wants more money for child support now because she realises that we actually cannot afford to do this and keep up our current lifestyle. She'll do anything to get me out of her life, as if I beat her and abused her. She ignores any consequences, like a big drop in the standard of living, just to get away. But she'll take my money. So she seems to think that it's ok to force me out of my life because she's not happy and then I have to pay her money for her doing this. Nice. Actually, with all the these things that we will face after this and she still wants to do it, pushes me further away from wanting her back. Oh, and she says she still cares about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logik Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 Actually, I haven't yet felt what I'm feeling now. I actually feel disgusted by her. The thought of her make me feel ill. I don't want to feel like this, but I can't help it. Link to post Share on other sites
WTFO Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Actually, I haven't yet felt what I'm feeling now. I actually feel disgusted by her. The thought of her make me feel ill. I don't want to feel like this, but I can't help it. Yes, I too have gone through this phase. It's weird, like people say its a roller coaster. For me, if we are discussing something about the children and the new BF is around, its like I am totally disgusted and just want to get off the phone asap. If shes at work or I know shes by herself its different. I can "tolerate" the conversation more. I do have to say, I'm back into the dating world and I like it a lot. It's a chance to find someone who really wants to be with me. Plus, when I go on these dates it takes my mind of the old and I concentrate on the new. So, I agree, the days that I have to talk to her I TRY to be civil, but It is getting easier to handle because I am caring less and less about her. Link to post Share on other sites
MrMayI Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Actually, I haven't yet felt what I'm feeling now. I actually feel disgusted by her. The thought of her make me feel ill. I don't want to feel like this, but I can't help it. i was here. it stuck just about longer than anything else. divorce for me took a lot of the emotions i was overwhelmed with away. sure, i still to this day don't want the ex with anyone else, but i can handle it a lot better now knowing there's no attachment left to me, in that respect. good luck with the D proceedings logik. i assume you have retained an attorney. you may want to. there's a pretty standard federal guideline the courts use for support. she can request more, but you don't necessarily have to agree to it, or anything else for that matter. reading your story, i also believe there's either someone already there, or someone waiting in the wings. i just went through that experience. i still want to break the guy's jaw, but digress. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Reason: She doesn't love me any more. I'm more like a brother to her. She can't take my anger and we disagree on household chores. I do think there's somebody else waiting, but can't be sure about it. Everything is pointing to that though. Yes, I would like the chance to work on our marriage, so I do want her back after all this but I do feel the want diminishing every day. She just said that she wants to lodge papers to proceed with divorce. It's all business to her now. She tries to make it like she's friendly and stuff, but she's being all formal about the whole thing. She even signs off with "Kind regards" which isn't part of her normal email signature. She also wants more money for child support now because she realises that we actually cannot afford to do this and keep up our current lifestyle. She'll do anything to get me out of her life, as if I beat her and abused her. She ignores any consequences, like a big drop in the standard of living, just to get away. But she'll take my money. So she seems to think that it's ok to force me out of my life because she's not happy and then I have to pay her money for her doing this. Nice. Actually, with all the these things that we will face after this and she still wants to do it, pushes me further away from wanting her back. Oh, and she says she still cares about me. Morning Logik The reasons they want out just never seem to make much sense. Generally, except in the case of abuse or repeated infidelity, most problems can be resolved especially if a counsellor helps. My husband says he just wants to be 'happy'. He told me the other day that he was not 'in love' with me anymore. I said 'Do you think I am 'in love' with you right now?, that comes & goes'. He was quite shocked. It sounds as if your wife may have someone else. Do you know of any candidates? I also want to save our marriage but as each day passes I find myself asking 'Why would I want to do that after all he has done?.' The hurt just gets too much I think. They do have a funny way of showing that they care....... Have you read that Homer McDonald book? It is meant to prevent divorce. I don't think it will do that. But I have read it a few times and I feel a bit stronger for some reason. Can email it to you if you like. Thinking of you Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Sorry, just read that no email addresses are allowed on the forum...oooppps. So forget that one Logik... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logik Posted October 20, 2009 Author Share Posted October 20, 2009 Thanks JD. Can't think of any candidates. I have a feeling that if this is the case, it might be someone she works with. If you can recommend that book I might get it. Let me know if it's fully worth it though. I know some of these things are scams and I don't want to get caught out. I do know now that when I think of what she's doing and when I see her, I don't recognise her at all. It's like a robot version of her. Empty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logik Posted October 27, 2009 Author Share Posted October 27, 2009 The respect and trust I had for her is gone. I've always been worried about feeling like this because I never wanted to see her in the way I do now. I feel so frustrated with her. She treats me like someone she's never met. Keeping all communications formal and soulless. Like we never ever had 2 children together, bought a house together, vowed to spend the rest of our lives together. I'm just another card in the deck - the Joker, a miscellaneous card that can change its value at her will? I'm someone who passed through her life with no effect at all. I don't know her any more. Did I ever know her? Was I blinded by love? Did I fail to see this side of her? Is this who she really is or is she doing this to distance herself from me? If it's the latter, then why is she doing this? If it's the latter then there's something there that's worth an attempt at saving. It must be the former. This is who she always was and I never saw it. I feel totally scammed. Writing this down has helped. Thanks for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
MrMayI Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 my opinion only, but i think it's her way of distancing herself from you. she has too. otherwise what she did was in vain, and she can't allow herself to see that. maybe she'll snap out of it, maybe she won't. you're right though. if you too believe it's the latter, then maybe there is something worth saving. in my own experience right now, i'm finding that even after divorce, there is something with my xw worth saving. exactly what, i'm not sure of right now. The respect and trust I had for her is gone. I've always been worried about feeling like this because I never wanted to see her in the way I do now. I feel so frustrated with her. She treats me like someone she's never met. Keeping all communications formal and soulless. Like we never ever had 2 children together, bought a house together, vowed to spend the rest of our lives together. I'm just another card in the deck - the Joker, a miscellaneous card that can change its value at her will? I'm someone who passed through her life with no effect at all. I don't know her any more. Did I ever know her? Was I blinded by love? Did I fail to see this side of her? Is this who she really is or is she doing this to distance herself from me? If it's the latter, then why is she doing this? If it's the latter then there's something there that's worth an attempt at saving. It must be the former. This is who she always was and I never saw it. I feel totally scammed. Writing this down has helped. Thanks for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 I also want to save our marriage but as each day passes I find myself asking 'Why would I want to do that after all he has done?.' The hurt just gets too much I think. My sentiments exactly!!!!! I would have done anything to save our M, but by now (it is day 60), why would I want to anymore...? (trust is gone, hurt is TOO much, basically she shut me out her heart overnight, ... etc.) Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 The respect and trust I had for her is gone. I've always been worried about feeling like this because I never wanted to see her in the way I do now. I feel so frustrated with her. She treats me like someone she's never met. Keeping all communications formal and soulless. Like we never ever had 2 children together, bought a house together, vowed to spend the rest of our lives together. I'm just another card in the deck - the Joker, a miscellaneous card that can change its value at her will? I'm someone who passed through her life with no effect at all. I don't know her any more. Did I ever know her? Was I blinded by love? Did I fail to see this side of her? Is this who she really is or is she doing this to distance herself from me? If it's the latter, then why is she doing this? If it's the latter then there's something there that's worth an attempt at saving. It must be the former. This is who she always was and I never saw it. I feel totally scammed. Writing this down has helped. Thanks for reading. Reading your words here - it feels like they could have come form my fingertips on the keyboard!!! TY 4 sharing. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Reading your words here - it feels like they could have come form my fingertips on the keyboard!!! TY 4 sharing. This is also how I feel. I cannot comprehend that this is my husband doing these things. I wake up every morning thinking there must be some kind of mistake. I know that it must be happening as this the reality I am living but it all seems so strange and I am waiting for him to just wake up & come back. That will not happen, I still expect it though as this sort of coldness etc from him is so out of character. It is as if I am now nobody to him, less than a friend even.... Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 This is also how I feel. I cannot comprehend that this is my husband doing these things. I wake up every morning thinking there must be some kind of mistake. I know that it must be happening as this the reality I am living but it all seems so strange and I am waiting for him to just wake up & come back. That will not happen, I still expect it though as this sort of coldness etc from him is so out of character. It is as if I am now nobody to him, less than a friend even.... Jane my friend - I feel the same. Though she claims no love for me for years now, It san not be true that way she was to me just a few months ago. It is like she turned the switch off overnight. It feels like I am in a dream. My 47 yr old W leaves me for an 18 yo child? NAH, Couldn't happen. Another post said it great - it is like my wife's body has been overtaken by an alien. It's not her anymore. I am nothing to her - just like that. how could she not even try to make it work??? She had everything to gain and nothing to lose!?!?!?!? Hang in there JD. Next time I'm in Sydney I'll buy you a beer! (Do you live in Sydney?) BTW, I posted on my other thread the update you were asking about. TY for asking ... it means a lot. It's amazing that there is so much of this heartbreak going on all over the world. I can't keep all the stories straight. Makes me wonder if anyone is happy in their M!!! PEACE! Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Jane my friend - I feel the same. Though she claims no love for me for years now, It san not be true that way she was to me just a few months ago. It is like she turned the switch off overnight. It feels like I am in a dream. My 47 yr old W leaves me for an 18 yo child? NAH, Couldn't happen. Another post said it great - it is like my wife's body has been overtaken by an alien. It's not her anymore. I am nothing to her - just like that. how could she not even try to make it work??? She had everything to gain and nothing to lose!?!?!?!? Hang in there JD. Next time I'm in Sydney I'll buy you a beer! (Do you live in Sydney?) BTW, I posted on my other thread the update you were asking about. TY for asking ... it means a lot. It's amazing that there is so much of this heartbreak going on all over the world. I can't keep all the stories straight. Makes me wonder if anyone is happy in their M!!! PEACE! FL - 10 minutes ago my husband said to me 'Don't be a b****!' He would never have sworn at me before. I was not being a bitch. It hurt me badly but I just hung up the phone after he said that. I had only answered it as he kept phoning and texting and said it was 'urgent'. I am crying as I type this post as I don't understand what I did to deserve this kind of treatment. Has all our histroy been erased in his mind? I wish he would stop this. I live a couple of hours away from Sydney...like the sound of the beer, although at the moment we would probably drink ourselves under the table while trying to drown our sorrows... Oh please God, make this pain stop Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 FL - 10 minutes ago my husband said to me 'Don't be a b****!' He would never have sworn at me before. I was not being a bitch. It hurt me badly but I just hung up the phone after he said that. I had only answered it as he kept phoning and texting and said it was 'urgent'. I am crying as I type this post as I don't understand what I did to deserve this kind of treatment. Has all our histroy been erased in his mind? I wish he would stop this. I live a couple of hours away from Sydney...like the sound of the beer, although at the moment we would probably drink ourselves under the table while trying to drown our sorrows... Oh please God, make this pain stop JD - So sorry you are still feeling the pain. I am not sure how - but I am sort of beyond the most painful part - and this is only day 61 since she dropped the bomb on me. I think that other than the "required" contact (meeting to finalize D papers, notarizing the transfer of the car title to remove my name, ETC.) - the fact that the 47 yr old STBXW would probably never speak to me again has in a cruel helped to move forward. I think on the day she told she wanted a D, if she could have she would have packed her stuff, moved out, and never have spoken to me again. All to go date her 18 yo BF. (UGH) Hang on JD - Keep posting. LS has been a God-send for me. When I was last in AUS I visited Sydney and Cairns. PEACE! Link to post Share on other sites
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