oysterman Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Got friend-zoned today and man does it hurt...first female friendship that didn't develop into something physical. I just hope the deep emotional relationship we have can continue. It happened during a discussion about whether marriage works better if the couple are friends and then fall in love, or whether the passion of love which leads to marriage can develop into friendship. I argued that friendship comes first and leads to a stronger relationship...she argued that romance ruins true friendships. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnP82 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Sorry to hear that man. Consider it a lesson learned and better luck in the future! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 first female friendship that didn't develop into something physical. LOL, couldn't help it man. Walk a mile in my life shoes and you would have 'checked out' a long time ago. Next time you (or I) hear a woman speak that bullshyte about romance 'ruining' friendships, just say straight out 'that's bullshyte'. I can't wait Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Hugs, oyster. Am I correct in assuming this is the married woman over whom you've been stressing? In which case, maybe it'll work out for the best...in that it brings you some time-space to see what you need/want to do to get your own life back on track, make decisions about your own marriage, etc? Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oysterman Posted October 3, 2009 Author Share Posted October 3, 2009 Yes, Ronni...not sure where to go from here. Follow my head or follow my heart? I won't give up on the friendship, for sure. She does value the friendship and says I keep her 'grounded'...and she is good for me as well...always makes me smile on a bad day. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I argued that friendship comes first and leads to a stronger relationship...she argued that romance ruins true friendships. She was right - sexual attraction comes first, then if it develops into a lasting mutually supportive love, excellent. Being friends first puts you in the friend-zone 99% of the time - and then the friendship usually dies once the truth comes out. Most women that find out a 'friend' has romantic designs that they have kept secret feel deceived and think the the man lacks the balls to act on his sexual interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oysterman Posted October 3, 2009 Author Share Posted October 3, 2009 Relationships built on sex don't last in the long run and I believe they are missing dimensions that realy friendships can provide. In this case, we both let our feelings be known very early in the friendship and agreed to not make it about sex - oh, and we're both already married - just not to each other. It's a complicated mess. I have two other wonderful female friendships that have been romantic and sexual at various times - both started as just friendships - one went for 17 years before turning romantic/sexual and then turned back into a wonderful friendship. I think the key is to get the sex part out of the way and then the friendship can really blossom. But in the end, I'd rather have a lifelong friend than a short-term romance. Oh, and I don't give up that easy, either....so stay tuned. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts