Signs that you're dating a player

[writergal]

1. He always calls you when he "needs" you, but when you call him, he never answers his phone, and doesn't call you back.

 

2. He calls you cute nicknames because he can't remember your first name.

 

3. His communication skills are horrible - he never responds to your texts/emails/phone calls immediately but waits a day or 2 to respond.

 

4. Accuses you of being clingy or needy to cover up his guilt over his bad behavior towards you.

 

5. Says he's not a player.

 

6. He communicates more via email than by phone or text with you.

 

7. He always has a patent answer for everything and tells you exactly what you want to hear.

 

8. He's over-confident to the point of being cocky.

 

9. He tells you "you're the one" or "I love you" within a few dates of meeting you, before any real time has passed to develop real feelings.

 

10. The dates always take place at night, never during daytime.

 

11. He never calls you during the day, just late at night.

 

12. He has a lot of fun acquaintances but no real close friends, because he is a loner-type personality.

 

13. When you get mad at him, he only sees things from his point of view and tells you that you're just being needy and clingy. He's right. You're wrong. It never changes.

 

14. When you're out in public with him and you run into his friends, he introduces you as "his friend" but never his girlfriend.

 

15. He refuses to be exclusive with you and make a real commitment. Not just marriage but dating in general...he wants to date multiple women, not just you.

 

16. You seem him out with other women whom he claims are "just friends" of his. More than likely, they are women he's dated or is dating.

 

17. You see him out with other women when he told you he was too busy to get together with you.

 

18. You never meet more than 1 or 2 of his circle of friends because he's dating other women he doesn't want his friends to tell you about.

 

19. His schedule is always full and he's never available on the days you are available, which is because he's dating other women on those days.

 

20. He only schedules his dates with you "the day of," never in advance, because he's got multiple dates lined up with other women besides you.

 

21. He comes on strong on the first date, either wanting to have a heavy make out session or sex. In general, he lacks manners and boundaries.

 

 

If I have missed any other "player" signs, please add your own from your own experience.

Edited October 3, 2009 by writergal

[Hkizzle]

That list is decent. You make it up or copy and paste? Point 2 is retarded though.

[writergal]

Based on my own experience so far.

[Hkizzle]

Based on my own experience so far.

 

Better question is why you keep dating players? Can't resist the confidence level?

[writergal]

Hkizzle: I think I attract players by giving off a "I'm-uncomfortable-with-being-lonely" vibe. In a way, a woman who dates a player is also an "enabler" because she allows his unhealthy behavior towards women to continue its cycle with her, until she gets herself out of the situation, or he dumps her.

 

Deep down I think "players" are just as insecure and needy which is why they jump from woman to woman so quickly and never commit. They can't commit because they're trying to avoid dealing with their own problems by having multiple relationships.

 

I will continue attracting/be attracted to players until I learn how to be stronger on my own two feet from an emotional perspective, and have more self confidence about being single, and not needing a man so much. Then I will probably attract more healthy guys who won't treat me so badly.

[Hkizzle]

Hkizzle: I think I attract players by giving off a "I'm-uncomfortable-with-being-lonely" vibe. In a way, a woman who dates a player is also an "enabler" because she allows his unhealthy behavior towards women to continue its cycle with her, until she gets herself out of the situation, or he dumps her.

 

Deep down I think "players" are just as insecure and needy which is why they jump from woman to woman so quickly and never commit. They can't commit because they're trying to avoid dealing with their own problems by having multiple relationships.

 

I will continue attracting/be attracted to players until I learn how to be stronger on my own two feet from an emotional perspective, and have more self confidence about being single, and not needing a man so much. Then I will probably attract more healthy guys who won't treat me so badly.

 

I agree with most of what you said. However I don't think all players are insecure. Some are just on a different moral code from normal people.

 

How about this, why not be lonely and put time and more energy into finding an edgy confident guy that has integrity that you don't need to try and change rather than go for a straight player and wasting time there??

[carhill]

I'll amend #2

 

2. He calls you by terms of endearment, like 'honey', 'doll' and 'darling' rather than by your given name. This is also a sign of a man who cheats, so he doesn't have to keep names straight or say the wrong name in the heat of passion.

 

Nice list OP. You've given me impetus to make up one of my own, regarding female players. Women are a lot less obvious than men, so it'll take some work to perfect

[Hkizzle]

I'll amend #2

 

2. He calls you by terms of endearment, like 'honey', 'doll' and 'darling' rather than by your given name. This is also a sign of a man who cheats, so he doesn't have to keep names straight or say the wrong name in the heat of passion.

 

Nice list OP. You've given me impetus to make up one of my own, regarding female players. Women are a lot less obvious than men, so it'll take some work to perfect

 

Go for it, that'll be interesting!

[writergal]

Hkizzle: What makes you think I want to change the men I date? I don't want to change anyone I date.

[Stroon]

additional signs, but only when used in conjuction with others:-

 

above average attractiveness (and knows it)

 

looks after themselves to excess, hair, clothes, body etc. looks in the mirror a lot

 

smiles at every reasonably attractive woman he sees anywhere (you never know when a chance arises type mentality)

 

has more than 2 mobile phones

 

based on past experience

[writergal]

Carhill: That list will be interesting because you're right, women players have different MO's then men players.

[writergal]

Taylorbear: good additions to the list! 2 mobile phones? Ewww.

 

Oh. You just reminded me of 2 more to add to the list:

 

He answers his phone WHILE he's on a date with you.

 

He always keeps his phone on vibrate whenever he's with you.

 

Both of these situations happened to me. One guy, I was out on a dinner date with, when his phone rang. He answered it and then said he had to leave. I knew it was a set-up the minute he answered his phone.

 

The other experience happened with my last boyfriend. Turns out it was this woman he works with, who always texted and called him while he was with me. Now he's living together with her (I found this out through a mutual friend just recently).

[Hkizzle]

Hkizzle: What makes you think I want to change the men I date? I don't want to change anyone I date.

 

There;s two reasons women are drawn to players.

 

1) they get emotionally attached to an outwardly confident guy and cofuse the attraction for the character of the guy, and when the guy acts like a jerk thinks she thinks he can change for her because of love.

 

2) She can't spot the characteristics of a player till too late.

[boogieboy]

Hkizzle: I think I attract players by giving off a "I'm-uncomfortable-with-being-lonely" vibe. In a way, a woman who dates a player is also an "enabler" because she allows his unhealthy behavior towards women to continue its cycle with her, until she gets herself out of the situation, or he dumps her.

 

Deep down I think "players" are just as insecure and needy which is why they jump from woman to woman so quickly and never commit. They can't commit because they're trying to avoid dealing with their own problems by having multiple relationships.

 

I will continue attracting/be attracted to players until I learn how to be stronger on my own two feet from an emotional perspective, and have more self confidence about being single, and not needing a man so much. Then I will probably attract more healthy guys who won't treat me so badly.

 

I think you got it wrong. I dont think you "attract" players. Players keep hitting on all the women they can. The women that give in to their "charms" are the ones they pounce on. Not everyone can spot a player, so some women fall for it.

 

They dont commit because they either enjoy free sex and dont want to settle down, or they dated so many women that they are looking for perfection in one woman and can never find it.

[Stroon]

There;s two reasons women are drawn to players.

 

1) they get emotionally attached to an outwardly confident guy and cofuse the attraction for the character of the guy, and when the guy acts like a jerk thinks she thinks he can change for her because of love.

 

2) She can't spot the characteristics of a player till too late.

 

 

you're right that the confident/cocky attitude is attractive.

Plus (not to be crude) they give off this vibe that they are good in bed. who doesnt want a man who's good in bed, right?!!!

unfortunately they're good cos they've had untold amounts of women, meaning you wont be the last!

[The Collector]

'Players' get away with what they do not because they are that deceitful or manipulative (though some are), but because they are generally sexy, charming and in demand, and many women would much rather share an in-demand guy than have full exclusivity with anything less.

 

Not that the list is wildly off-base. I'd say there are two main types of player, the deceitful type that says 'I love you' but is secretly screwing around, and the honest type that never offers commitment but has a line of women ready to try and change that. I don't like the first type, I was the second type. Now I'm too old and tired.

[carhill]

Carhill: That list will be interesting because you're right, women players have different MO's then men players.

I started a journal on it. My gyrations of thought are generally too involved for threads. You get the reader's digest version here. I'll probably work on it more when in Singapore next month, as I'll have a sample of Asian women to pull insight from. I love wandering cities and observing

 

IME, the one most glaring sign, to me, of a male player is lack of consistency. I've watched male acquaintances who are players and this personality trait spills over into their male relationships as well, hence none are my friends. I am, nonetheless, impressed that they can bamboozle the myriads of women that they do. Confidence men in the classic sense of the phrase

[Stroon]

'Players' get away with what they do not because they are that deceitful or manipulative (though some are), but because they are generally sexy, charming and in demand, and many women would much rather share an in-demand guy than have full exclusivity with anything less.

 

Not that the list is wildly off-base. I'd say there are two main types of player, the deceitful type that says 'I love you' but is secretly screwing around, and the honest type that never offers commitment but has a line of women ready to try and change that. I don't like the first type, I was the second type. Now I'm too old and tired.

 

i agree with you, the second type is better, at least they're honest (sort of)

it was with this type i had my experience. he was certainly a player but i had some great times and was under no illusion.

[hoping2heal]

Hkizzle: I think I attract players by giving off a "I'm-uncomfortable-with-being-lonely" vibe. In a way, a woman who dates a player is also an "enabler" because she allows his unhealthy behavior towards women to continue its cycle with her, until she gets herself out of the situation, or he dumps her.

 

I can't really agree, all the player types I've known (not dated) did not give an I'm uncomfortable with being lonely vibe, they gave off of a I love to have fun vibe and I'm fine being indepedent. If players gave off the vibe they didn't LIKE being alone that would really downplay the "I don't give a ****" atitude they are known for along with the whole mentality.

Deep down I think "players" are just as insecure and needy which is why they jump from woman to woman so quickly and never commit. They can't commit because they're trying to avoid dealing with their own problems by having multiple relationships.

 

Maybe some are insecure but I think that is probably less often. The majority of them seem to just care about themselves and what serves them, they have the atitude of children. "I want to do what is fun at the time, and I don't like work, I like play. When work is involved, I want to do something else." I think they are more emotionally immature than anything. Then of course, there are the imbeciles, the one's who have been in love and got hurt, so they decide to have a bunch of fake relationships to keep themselves from getting hurt, meanwhile doing what they hated so much to someone else. Those one's frustrate me more than the self centered spoiled child types.

 

 

I will continue attracting/be attracted to players until I learn how to be stronger on my own two feet from an emotional perspective, and have more self confidence about being single, and not needing a man so much. Then I will probably attract more healthy guys who won't treat me so badly.

 

Are you saying you think you attract players because you are needy? I don't know maybe, I suppose you attract the more lower form. Not the confident, cocky george clooney type players but maybe more like the eddie griffin type players. They know you're an easy target, so viola. Yeah I guess that could be.

 

You should give it some more thought though on why YOU are attracted to THEM. I've never understood the mentality of women who go for players, especially KNOWN players. I think it's the biggest excersize in open faced stupidity ever. "I know this man will hurt me, gee I'm turned on just thinking about me face down in a pint of hagen daz and crying while watching sex and the city re runs." I think it's stupidity, but it's also a form of self sabotage and giving yourself a dependable out from being in a long term, committed relationship.

[UrKillinMeSmalls]

Hkizzle: I think I attract players by giving off a "I'm-uncomfortable-with-being-lonely" vibe. In a way, a woman who dates a player is also an "enabler" because she allows his unhealthy behavior towards women to continue its cycle with her, until she gets herself out of the situation, or he dumps her.

 

I agree.

 

Deep down I think "players" are just as insecure and needy which is why they jump from woman to woman so quickly and never commit. They can't commit because they're trying to avoid dealing with their own problems by having multiple relationships.

 

I disagree here. It's not about not being able to handle commitment, it's about not wanting it in the first place. The objective of a player is to get around and have their fun, it has nothing to do with them lacking something. The only thing they are lacking is a DESIRE for some kind of relationship. I think what you're referring to is a commitment phobe.

 

I will continue attracting/be attracted to players until I learn how to be stronger on my own two feet from an emotional perspective, and have more self confidence about being single, and not needing a man so much. Then I will probably attract more healthy guys who won't treat me so badly.

 

I agree here too, kind of. Some players tend to go for easy game. The less you come off as a wounded animal, the less they will be drawn to you. Added confidence in yourself will, however, make yourself more of a challenge. Some players will take this challenge for the thrill of the hunt, stopping at nothing (including coming off as genuinely interested) to make the kill. The root problem is, deep down, being able to spot a player accurately. Confidence in yourself is great! But figuring out if they are a lion looking to make a pride, or a lone wolf just having fun, is the key.

 

Responses in bold

[writergal]

I can't really agree, all the player types I've known (not dated) did not give an I'm uncomfortable with being lonely vibe, they gave off of a I love to have fun vibe and I'm fine being indepedent. If players gave off the vibe they didn't LIKE being alone that would really downplay the "I don't give a ****" atitude they are known for along with the whole mentality.

 

I think you misread my post. I said that I give off the "being lonely vibe," not the players I attract/am attracted to.

 

I'd say there are two main types of player, the deceitful type that says 'I love you' but is secretly screwing around, and the honest type that never offers commitment but has a line of women ready to try and change that. I don't like the first type, I was the second type. Now I'm too old and tired.

 

I believe I attract/am attracted to the 2nd type of players, the ones who are honest with me about not wanting a commitment. But I've also experienced the 1st type of player (my ex-bf); he was secretly screwing around with his female coworker whom he now lives with, while dating me, telling me he loved me every night before bed.

 

So, TheCollector, why did you become the 2nd type of player? Did you recognize you were acting that way for a reason? Are you still one now?

 

Is the saying true: Once a player, always a player?

 

Or is there hope that players can emotionally mature enough to the point where they can participate in a functional relationship with a woman and be honest with themselves and with the woman?

[carhill]

I believe I attract/am attracted to the 2nd type of players, the ones who are honest with me about not wanting a commitment

So, would you state, at the emotional level, that you do not want commitment either, nor the essential vulnerabilities which go along with it? Your attraction seems to be answering that question in the affirmative. When intellect and attraction mesh, health, and hopefully healthy relationships, ensues, IMO.

[CaliGuy]

When they say "I'm not a player" it usually means they are is 100% true.

[The Collector]

So, TheCollector, why did you become the 2nd type of player? Did you recognize you were acting that way for a reason? Are you still one now?

 

Is the saying true: Once a player, always a player?

 

Or is there hope that players can emotionally mature enough to the point where they can participate in a functional relationship with a woman and be honest with themselves and with the woman?

 

I was non-committal when I was younger because sleeping with lots of different women was more exciting than having one partner. After a while it can get boring, so then a great quality woman had a chance to get me all to herself. Since my early twenties I've mostly been in committed relationships, including a nine-year stretch. Now I am nominally single, but there's a girl I'm seeing and though I am not in the mood to offer commitment or relationship status right now I am equally not bothered about seeing anyone else right now.

 

I don't think it's emotionally immature or dishonest to want to avoid a monogamous relationship, it's just a lifestyle choice. It annoys many women though, and attempting to shame a 'player' into monogamy is futile as long as he has plenty of options and no desire to settle down. Though in truth, even though I was always honest about not offering commitment, after a while the broken hearts and crying girls made me feel a bit guilty. However I also realise a lot of those tears were not from 'love' but from frustration about not getting what they wanted and a last ditch attempt to guilt me into committing when I didn't want to.

 

Bottom line, if you want to snag a player you need to be the right girl at the right point of his life. Most of the other men I've known that were 'players' have given it up for a good relationship eventually.

[Yamaha]

Carhill: That list will be interesting because you're right, women players have different MO's then men players.

 

 

1. You have a solid “team” of highly desirable men

2.You don’t have to sleep with a guy to get dinner, dates, and attention

3.Your guys stay “in the game” for long periods of time (3+ months)

4.Your guys say they love you and show it

5.Your guys get mad and upset at you