How to get a prejudice father to except me in an interracial relationship?

[Beatnik]

OK I'm a white boy and my father was raised in Texas, so hes pretty prejudice against other races. In fact I went on a date once with a girl who was half-Argentinian and he made some comment like "I can't believe hes going out with a Mexican". Well the thing is that the girl I have my sights on now is full blooded Indian (as in from India), in fact her skin is so dark that for a long time I thought she was black, . Well judging from how he reacted to me going on a date with a girl that look only slightly hispanic, he probably wouldnt take this too well. Any advice as how to get him to deal with it?

[Beatnik]

lol oops in the title i meant ACCEPT

[Beatnik]

come on guys!

[moimeme]

Have you had any discussions on bigotry with him? Is he at all the sort of person who might entertain the possibility he's wrong?

 

Bigotry tends to be pretty strongly ingrained. Then again, once someone gets to know one of 'them', sometimes he'll come around. I wouldn't hold my breath, though.

[Vivid_29]

We already know about the comment he made about you and your latina honey . Does he make comments towards other races?

[GeorgiaSongbird]

Hey Beat, I'll throw in my 2 cts.

 

My father was very much like your father (which I alway thought was strange since he is Korean and he married a white woman, but that's another post, hmm?)..

 

In my family it was well understood that if any one of the children would date or marry someone other than white or asian (the only 2 acceptable things - and there were limits on the "acceptable" asians), it would be me. He told me several times if I came home with, say a black man or latino man, he would disown me. I told him "Whatever, Mr. I Married Outside My Race."

 

As I got older, and had many friends of all races, my father's attitude began to relax. I think the thing was for him to see that there were people of other races who were productive/driven/smart. I knew he was starting to change when he told my mother, "well, I would be ok if she married a black man if he had a PhD." I thought I would fall over when she told me that. Anyway, I don't think there is anything you can do DIRECTLY to get your father to accept your new girl. Only time and exposure will help him become more accepting...

 

The only thing you can do is to put your foot down on what kind of language and attitude you will accept from him, especially in the presence of the girl - which is what I did. For a long time, we just had to agree to disagree and he was polite to my friends. Eventually, he and one of my friends (who is a black girl) became big buddies (another surprise) and I think this is what started to ease him into being more accepting. Good Luck.

[HokeyReligions]

If you really like this girl then all you can do is to tell your father that she makes you happy and ask him if that isn't what he wants for you - for you to be happy. Kind of a trap I know, but sometimes it's the only way. Tell you dad that you still love him and respect him in other ways, but because this girl is important to you, you would appreciate it if he would not make racial remarks around her - they same way you would appreciate it if he didn't swear around her.

 

I'm in Texas and I can understand what you are talking about. Outside the workplace I encounter that attitude sometimes. It's like they don't know they are prejudiced "its just the way things are" here. I was in culture shock when I moved here a couple of decades ago. It's like a different country.

 

How does your girl feel about your dads attitude? Does she understand that your dads upbringing has added/created this ignorance and attitude and that it is not against her personally? Thats not much help when someone is labeling you, but she may have some concerns that your relationship with your father will end if you feel you have to make a choice, and that's a hard burden to bear. That's something else you can talk to your dad about. You can't change his feelings, but if you tell him that you don't want to choose between people you love and that you don't want him out of your life, he may be more open to behaving himself.

 

My FIL hates redheads. He honestly believes that women with red hair are ignorant whores. He told my husband that once and it came down to choosing between me and his father. His father lost him.

 

You have to do what is right for you and what makes you happy. Even if it means you don't see your dad for a while. It took 25 years for my husband and his mother to get together after a major falling out. Time mellowed them both and now they are close. Once he gets to know her, sees how much you love her and how much she loves you, he may change his heart and accept her.

 

Getting a bigot to really change his views is next to impossible. The people I know who are bigoted will accept an individual, almost as an exception to the rule, but still show prejudice toward the race as a whole. Sometimes thats the best we can hope for and we have accepted that they at least accept the person and behave themselves.

 

Good luck.

[Beatnik]

OK first I need to make something clear, were not together, in fact I only had a hunch that she liked me and was thinking about what my dad would think about us going out, which is why I started this post. Well today I learned alot of really good info, her sister says she thinks I'm hot, and my friend talked to her, and apparently shes had a crush on me since freshmen year but didnt think I liked her back!!! (im a senior)

 

My father was very much like your father (which I alway thought was strange since he is Korean and he married a white woman, but that's another post, hmm?)..

Yeah my dads a bit of a hipocrite too, one of his closest former friends was Mexican.

 

Does he make comments towards other races?

I've heard him make comments about the following races in order of frequency: Black, Mexican, Middle-Eastern, and Asian.

 

I talked to my mother today and she explained that while my dad is fairly racist, he is still a guy, and that hes generally nice to all women despite race, but I don't know how true that is. So if me and this girl do end up going out (which looks quite likely right now) I will tell him then and hope for the best.