cabby Posted November 29, 2003 Share Posted November 29, 2003 So there I was, partying with a group of friends. My cell phone starts ringing off the wall with a number I don't recognize. So what do I do? I answer it. It's my ex. To sum it up. After dating for a few years, he decides that the grass may be greener on the other side. He was always pressuring me into a threesome. I don't go that way, so I wouldn't do it. He always has his eye on a friend of mine. And they eventually hooked up while we were still together. He decides that he wants to be with her after she's been talking anf flirting with him while we were together. So we break up, I find out later that it's her that convinced him to do it. Then he finds out that's it's not as sweet as he thought it would be. So now he keeps calling me all the time. Telling me he loves me, I am the only one, things like that. He proposed marriage to me for crying out loud. And he has the nerve to cheat on me like that? I have to say, I didn't always tell him no when he called me. We would get together and do our thing. And after I always felt like he wanted to get back together but he would just end up hurting me again. So how do I cut him loose once and for all? I've been telling him no for the longest time. And he knows I am seeing someone else. Any advice would help because right now I am out of my mind! Link to post Share on other sites
cabby Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 Well it kinda hurts my feelings that I didn't get ANY replies! Not even one to tell me to go to counselling!!! LMAO Link to post Share on other sites
Caddy Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 I'm on drugs, or I should be! This is my post, I kept on wondering why it was saying guest, and then I realized I am such a dork, my username was wrong. Then I thought, certainly no one care either (of course that seems true with my 0 replies except from me and my alter ego cabby, lol) Someone please slap some sense and reality back into me. Or just email me a smile. :( Link to post Share on other sites
Summerday Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 Are you still in love with him? How many times have you guys broken up and gotten back together? Has he done this to you before? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 In some other threads on this site you'll hear about people whose lovers went AWOL, never to be seen again. They're left bewildered and hurt. So it is possible to unilaterally terminate all contact. People do it all the time. But you have to want to terminate all contact. If you do, then you don't wait for the other person to agree. You don't leave it up to them to stop calling. You stop taking their calls. You make it impossible for them to even get through to you, by changing your number or screening each and every call. You have their email address blocked so that they can't email you. You know why you don't want to have anything further to do with this ex. It doesn't matter whether or not he gets it. You don't need him to validate your decision... nor even to agree with it. You can simply refuse to have anything further to do with him. And you can take steps to make it more difficult for him to get to you. But you have to want that. Perhaps I'm reading something into this that isn't there, but it kind of sounds to me like you don't really want to terminate contact with him. You want him to understand that you should have nothing more to do with him, that he should feel guilty and unworthy. Which he should, of course. But wanting him to feel and demonstrate remorse is not the same as not wanting to have anything further to do with him. If you don't want to have anything more to do with him, it won't matter to you what he does or doesn't feel, does or doesn't understand. He just won't matter at all. You'd be finished with him. So... are you really finished with him? Or is this just a new twist on the old dynamic between the two of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Summerday Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 For the most part I agree with Midori, but it doesn't sound like your ready to let go, if you were you would just do it and not question yourself. Unfortunately we cannot force people to feel the way we want them to. If you start dating this guy again he will never learn his lesson and you'll end up hurt again. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Caddy Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 Yes, I still love him. I'm always going to love him, he was one of the great loves of my life. But I know that I need to break contact from him, this is starting to effect my new relationship and this bothers me greatly because I really like my new guy. I've slowly started the process with changing my phone numbers and cancelling my email account and starting a new one. I just need to break free from him because I know he will just hurt me more and would only cheat on me again when he saw someone that caught his eye. I am finished with him. He is the one that has the problem letting go for once and for all. We were together for a few years (almost 3 1/2, and we were together the whole time, it wasn't off and on) How do you get someone to leave you alone when you have tried everything you can think of? It's like a bad obsession that just won't go away, and I don't know what to do besides what I have said or done. Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 hmm does he have any ties with you other than just you 2?... like is he friends maybe with your brother family member etc...... if so make it clear to the family member NO CONTACT/INFORMATION is to be given out at all about you and your new life..... change your cell phone number...... and unlist your home phone as well as change... etc.... be very forthright with him when he calls and tell him your his past.... you want it kept that way.... you have a new life... etc...... and just hang up dont wait for a response... aside from doing that i really dont see how you can avoid him at all... good luck..... (and btw..... yeh weekend was loopy but im fine hehehe thanks OH and if my avatar is too dark..... how bout lightening up your screen rofl i know im just buggin) Link to post Share on other sites
Caddy Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 LOL Loopy-lost Maybe I'll buy you a lamp or some candles to brighten your avatar of darkness and gloom LMAO I don't have any brothers or sisters and my mother died when I was young. My father basically won't have anything to do with someone that hurt his little girl. And my ex was stupid enough to cheat on me with an ex-friend, but he's not stupid enough to contact my father. Of course I would love to see the end result if he did (yeah I've had just a little slice of bitterness pie, LMAO) I've finished changing the numbers and email account. So if he finds them out, who knows what then. The last thing I need right now is him following me around or whatever. I just hope he leaves me alone forever. I'll always have our happy memories tucked inside my heart. But the bad memories linger there too, and it reminds me why I don't want to be with him ever again. I could not go through that again. And I am seriously relieved that I never married him. Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 Maybe I'll buy you a lamp or some candles to brighten your avatar of darkness and gloom LMAOSaid MOCKINGLY and in a whiney voice.... to Caddy hahahahaha *DEEP SARCASTIC LAUGH* ok ok ok... im gonna see what i can do about it.... geeeeeeesssss..... LOL.... Well thats good you have done all those things to be rid of him..... good luck with that. and God works in mysterious ways when it comes to why you didnt marry him.... LOL thats always my thinking..... (terribly sorry to hear about your mother... I cant imagine my life without my mom) Link to post Share on other sites
Caddy Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 Thank you I appreciate it. I was really young when it happend, so yes it's still a loss, but it's not comparible to what it would be like if I had known her and lost her now. As for Mr. Wrong in all ways ever humanly possible, well he will get what he deserves one day. Whether that's someone else cheating on him, or getting a STD where his wee wee falls off, or whatever. I just know I am SO much better off without him. What really sucks about the whole thing is that now I'll always be skeptical of all men even if they have the best intentions towards me. I know one day it will get better. But it just sucks to be right here in this place, right now? Do you know what I mean? Anyhow, I'm off to eat some chinese food to make me feel a little better I want to see a new avatar when I come back! LMAO! And one I can actually see Losty-poo! Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 I know one day it will get better. But it just sucks to be right here in this place, right now? Do you know what I mean? Yes I do.... and im glad to see your looking beyond what could have been/should have been..... im a very strong believer in Karma.... and i so agree what comes around goes around.... What really sucks about the whole thing is that now I'll always be skeptical of all men even if they have the best intentions towards me. That will change with time.... keep in my mind not all men are the same as your ex boyfriend... your with someone now that is treating you very well and your happy right????... and that is what you deserve..... it may take a while but trust me time heals everything.... as far as your girlfriend.... OH MAN please tell me you ended your friendship with her?! EXbf and EX friend deserve eachother..... And I am seriously relieved that I never married him. hah i can SO relate to this ... long story wont get into it... however... your the fortunate girl that seen him for what he was worth before you decided to marry him and took that step away from the relationship to end what you knew would turn out badly anyways.... look at it that way as being a sort of relief for you..... Link to post Share on other sites
Caddy Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 hah i can SO relate to this ... long story wont get into it... I understand, not everyone is here to air their past. And it's painful too sometimes. Right now I am so bitter towards him that it makes me angry because I do not want to be this person I have become. I hope your situation turned out better than mine. Ok Karma Chameleon! I couldn't help it I do look at it as a relief that I'll never have to know the worry and hurt of finding everything out after we were married, when I thought I would spend the rest of my life with that man. I am SO not friends with her anymore. There are just a million reasons why I wouldn't even spit on her if she was on fire. I don't do that to people. I won't even start seeing someone if they are dating/married/whatever. I don't care how much they try to convince me or themselves that they are not attached. I'm really picky too though. I won't date anyone with children or anyone that has been married and divorced. It's not like my selection is varied though My new guy is just what I need for other relief It's not love, just lust. And that's what I need right now to forget everything that has been going on. I don't want to forgive right now, maybe sometime in the future. But not any time within this year! LOL Nice avatar changes btw - self pic again? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 My new guy is just what I need for other relief It's not love, just lust. And that's what I need right now to forget everything that has been going on. I don't want to forgive right now, maybe sometime in the future. But not any time within this year! LOL Thats a healthy attitude to have caddy and im so glad you have one.... alot of people dont see thier ever being a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak..... they see thier life without the S.O. being bleak... and thats why they cant get beyond the past...... its good to see you moving on as you did... good for you!!! as for the avatar... ya thats me.. i started laughing so hard cuz my sister in the background made a funny joke just as the camera snapped.... cute aint i? lmao got milk? Link to post Share on other sites
Caddy Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 I'm not thinking it's a smile on "your" little furry face. You might want to shave or get some Nair!!!lmao: Just kidding! Very cute! I love cats. My dad is allergic, so we don't have any pets But I'm not moving out just to have a pet! I think my lusting period is great for me, and yes i am ULTRA safe about what/who I do. While not all parties on LS agree (thanks for the pm's Holy Rollers) I'm going to do what I want to do! I only live once and I'm sure to make it worth every minute! Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 I'm not thinking it's a smile on "your" little furry face ROFL Yeh i kinda look like im trying to Cut The Cheese dont i?????? LMAO!!!!!! Well thats good your a very strong person in regards to knowing what you want...... and by the sounds of it you can hold your own.... and thats awesome.... yeh LS opinions definately vary.... LOL.. but hey... to each their own!!!!! ps. and yeh... do you really think i should shave.... i mean i thought i looked cute with a furry face..... huh.... what ya think.... a lil off the chin maybe???? Link to post Share on other sites
Caddy Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 First get rid of your achy breaky gas, and then maybe layer your whiskers! But your highlights are simply mah-ve-lous dah-ling! Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 lmao achy breaky gas..... hmm i feel a song coming on.... to the tune of achy breaky heart!!!!! uh huh.... yup my highlights look simply awesome... *clapping for Kimmie* wiping tear without her.... my hair wouldnt be what it is today..... i owe it all to kim..... oh joy..... lol Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 Caddy, I think you are wise for realizing that reliving a past relationship won't take away the original pain. Sometimes people forget that point....and keep walking into the same dark tunnel over and over. I guess only YOU would know him well enough to make the assumption he is liable to do the same thing to you again...or if he has had a change of heart and ways. Personally, I never take ANYONE back. Once it's over....it's just over. I wouldn't care how much I loved them or missed them....I just don't go back for repeats. Make sure and post to let us know what you decide to do though. (((Yes Lost....we ALL love your new Avatar!!!!) Link to post Share on other sites
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