almost two years... but...

[calvin1982]

hi, i am new to this forum... got frustrated about the current LDR and found this site... i hope my post is not too long...

 

my gf and me are from different countries and it happened that i have a chance to work overseas for five months and met her. our relationship in the same country lasted for four months until i have to go back my home country, which started this LDR.

 

everything was fine at first. we chatted on webcam, called each other, send email, cards, little gifts... this lasted for 20 months... and i enjoyed that 20 months a lot... until two months ago...

 

two months ago her works have become very intense. she doesnt like her work since around one year ago. but that period she was particularly upset about it.

 

her personality is that, when she is upset, she doesnt want to talk to anybody, including me. so we stopped the webcam. she had no mood to webcam. we only chat a little bit by text. but i dont know what to say to comfort her because she was always keeping silence...

 

after that period passed... our relationship is like changed... we always have nothing to say... no more sweet talk... and she told me the passion has passed due to time and distance... which i dont agree with because it should have passed long ago if its just because of these... we were together so happily for 20 months...

 

but i know what she means... cos whenever she is down and needs somebody, i cannot be with her and she feels alone... this has happened for quite a few times... not only once...

 

i love her... my hard time in work or other things didnt change my feeling towards her at all... thats why at first i cant understand what has happened...

 

she said she still has feeling for me... but i cant be sure if she was saying that just to comfort me - i have asked her such a stupid question...

 

we have discussed about our future in these two months - ya, in a tone that i dont like at all - and the earliest i can move over is 2011... that means we have only gone half of our LDR journey... is this timeframe too long for a LDR to work?

 

we havent broken up... but i wonder how long more it can last. i really hope to bring the past passion back... should i just give up... what can i do about this... thanks for any advice in advance...

[lillymountain]

When didi you see each other for the last time?

- and how frequently do you see each other normally?

you said you could move there 2011, but that doesn`t mean you won`t see each other till then, does it?

[calvin1982]

we saw each other two weeks ago for three days... and when we were going out together its a bit like very normal friends walking together rather than a couple... until the last day in the afternoon in the airport, things seemed to become better. but i had to go already... and after i went back to my home country... things didn't improve...

 

last year we met each other once per two months. but its not acceptable to her. so now on average we are meeting each other in 5-6 weeks time...

 

i am planning to meet her end of this month... but i am quite afraid that the same things happened again... nowadays i always don't know what to do when we were together...

 

last time wherever we went to, we were very happy joking and talking rubbish. now... it seems very difficult to enjoy our time together until we have become more "familiar" with each other after a few days - but then i had to leave...

[lillymountain]

hmm...

 

is there any chance you could spent holidays or vaccations together?

something that would be more than just a few days?

i see my bf every 3-4 weeks and we live in different countries as well, but i have to admitt it is hard and i think i can understand your situation.

soon it`s christmas and maybe you have a chance to spent 1-2 weeks together to sort it all out.

 

i guess, she just feels lonely and frustrated - you have been in a long distance for two years and maybe her "batteries are empty".

i don`t think that necessarily means that you have to break up, but maybe you both should talk out loud what are your expectations and hopes.

 

personally i think 4 years on the whole is tough, but managable if you find periods when you can be together.

[calvin1982]

one of the problems is... somehow spending time together has become quite... unnatural... even in msn now we are trying hard to find topic to chat.

 

i agree with you that spending a longer holiday should help... but i will get worried about what to do together with her... everything we did was so natural before that... but now after the relationship has become like a super normal friend relationship... i don't know what to do when i spending time with her... - to make things worst - both of us don't have particular interest in anything - which makes us have not much things to talk about...

 

sometimes i feel that i need to "chase her back to become my gf" "again"... and in this long distance, i don't know how i am going to do this...

[lillymountain]

people can grow apart or closer - and this is something concerning all types of relations, not only LDRs.

and it may be hard to face the fact that you maybe grew apart for some reasons...but it only thing i think you can do about it, is to face it by spending time with her, and maybe it turns out that you can work it out.

[calvin1982]

i think its a lesson... that meeting more frequently may not necessarily help... the first few meetings we were so excited and we did enjoy our time so much... and then afterwards we just get used to it... and then get used to the sadness of departure... get used to everything... and now she is losing feeling towards me... and i can do nothing about it because i am not even with her... its like waiting for her to say enough... and break up...

 

now i am thinking what we can do together to enjoy the next meeting... to see if i can make it up... but its probably the last meeting... and at the same time adjusting myself... to prepare for a breakup...