i still need help

[JENNI]

last night when we talked on the phone everything seemed as though it was back to normal. he was a sweet and caring as he has been in the past. i cannot help but wonder did he realize that we were about to lose the most important thing in both of our lives. we have been together as i said for 4 years and i think that we are both too comfortable. i know that i want to spend the rest of my life with him and i think that deep down he feels the same. we are neither financially stable enough to even think about marrige. he is in pre med and i have just completed my first year in nursing school. and tht is the one thing that we do agree on the most. i love him and as someone told me those are very strong words to use. i cannot see myself with anyone else because i know that he is the one that i want to be with. i am hoping that all these things that he is finding to do with his spare time is just a phase that he is possibly going through. he is one of the most caring people that i know. and he has always taken care of me and been there when i needed him. i want to stay with him more than anything but i need to make sure he feels the same. any suggestions are welcome.

[Tony T]

You seem to need a lot of validation for your feelings. Please consider them officially validated.

 

I read your earlier post and I promise a situation this complex does not work itself out in a short period of time.

 

You can know he feels the same way that you do about the relationship by what he says and by his behavior. The way he goes back and forth, he seems very confused...and thus you are confused as well.

 

The only thing that's going to help this situation is time.

[JENNI]

I am trying so hard to figure out what to do. i cannot decide if it would be best for us if i let him go. if just for anything to make him happy. sometimes i feel like i am the queen of the ball and others i just cannot understand what he is thinking. i thought that we had plans this weekend and he had already made other arrangements. he tells me there is very little time but when there is i still do not seem to fit in. although, he works a full time job five days a week and goes to school three days a week so time is about to be even more pressed. what to do i am open for any options that i can i love this man more than anything and will do anything to stay with him but if i cannot make him happy then what to do. i will see him tonight for the first time since last wednesday so we will see how everything goes.

[Tony T]

Please get it in your head, you have NO POWER WHATSOEVER to make someone happy. Every person is responsible for their own happiness. If you are with someone whose happiness plug has been pulled, you will have a very sad life unless you get away.

 

If a man is not happy in your presence, don't worry about it. If someone is going to be happy, they will be that way no matter what...and if they aren't going to be happy, there is no amount of sex, drugs, flip flops, martinis, movies, sports, delicious food, wine, song, etc. etc. that is going to make them happy.

 

Secondly, how can you be so in love with a man who won't make time for you. Even the President of the United States and most powerful leader of the world found time from his whirlwind schedule for a fling with a White House intern. Give me a break!!!

 

Don't let this happiness issue even enter into the picture. You just have no power over his happiness...or that of any other.

 

He has basically told you how it's going to be. If you can't handle that, just get away from him. No matter how much you love him now, that will dwindle rapidly as the relationship deteriorates from his lack of attention to it.