JaggedRoad Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 This is an email that I want to send to a close friend of mine so she can be aware of who I really am. Dear Rachel, I want to be selfish here and talk about myself once more. This mess that I'm in now is the culmination of years and years of resentment, fear, and insecurity. The situation with Christine was just the nail in the coffin. I dare to say that I may have unconsciously orchestrated everything to this point to see how far I could go without having to stray from my leisurely path. I have always been manipulative, but I thought I changed my ways when I met her. Well, I guess you can never walk away from your demons unless you learn to deal with them. I knew that I was slowly changing back into my old self last year, but I did nothing to stop it. I just allowed it happen and I hurt a lot of people along the way. You will hate me for this, but It was just all fun and games with me until I realized that I ****ed up and no one was really going to stand for it. I'm worse than a petty criminal; at least they are actively doing something whereas I just sit back and watch things unfold. I'm going to get counseling for this and I'm hoping that I can finally change, but there's no fixing what I have done. It's understandable if you cannot talk to me after this. I honestly wouldn't want to talk to myself either. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 It's a manipulative message. Meant to get her to feel sorry for you. If she takes your advice and cuts off contact with you, you'll get antsy and call something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaggedRoad Posted October 5, 2009 Author Share Posted October 5, 2009 Would removing the last line eliminate any form of manipulation? Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 If you are trying to say sorry you don't say it. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Would removing the last line eliminate any form of manipulation? What was the point of writing all that to her? What do you want to happen? Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 It probably doesn't matter. It's not clear what you did, but still, you probably think your friend cares more than they really do. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Can you show her a change instead of tell her you're going to? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 It probably doesn't matter. It's not clear what you did, but still, you probably think your friend cares more than they really do. Yeah...if they're just a friend, why the need to write something like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Dooda Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Like Johan said, it's a manipulative message. You're trying to put the 'guilt trip' on her and make her feel bad for your actions. If she doesn't reply back and doesn't talk to you, you'll do something about it and make her feel bad. The years of resentment, insecurity, bla bla aren't things she needs to know, and it's not right of you to put that on her. If you want to change, it's up to you to change and not others to garner sympathy for you to help you to change. I have been the subject of abuse from my parents for so long, and it really pisses me off when people put the 'guilt trip' crap on people to try and make them feel bad because they're too insecure to ever PROPERLY admit their own faults and just move on. Not to be harsh on you, but if I were her, I would never talk to you again, but that's just me. I already know how abusive and manipulative people run, and they never change. Never. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaggedRoad Posted October 5, 2009 Author Share Posted October 5, 2009 I can definitely show her change. I think I'll just stick to that instead of sending this email. Link to post Share on other sites
Dooda Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 That's a better idea. Link to post Share on other sites
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