Is this cheating? Please give me some advice....

[Barbara071680]

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I've never done anything like this before, but I really need some kind of advice. I have been with the father of my son for 4 years. I love him dealy and he says he loves me, too. However, every 6 to 8 months I find he is chatting with girls on the internet, on some local chat line, or on his mobile phone. This has happened three or four times. My boyfriend is a master liar and I am probally one of the only person who can detect when he is lying.

 

I have forgiven him every time he has done this because I love him and he swears it is "the last time". The problem is he tells these girls he is single and looking. I have never cheated on him or even attempted to "hook up" with anyone else. I am very content in our realtionship. (Except for this "talking" to other women"

 

Fast Forward: 3 days ago my boyfriend's ex's sister called here from Flordia. She says he and the ex have been talking for 6 months. My man told the ex he was single and had one child (but he didn't know if our son was his, which is a line of BS) and that he and I were broken up. He also told her he needed a place to stay and they made plans to live together. So anyway, she says he would not give her the home #, address, blah blah. (because he didn't want her to know about me)

 

To make a long story short, they never had sex, just had conversation and made plans. Its all in the open now, I spoke with her, and am POed at him, not her. She was an innocent party. My question is "Is this cheating??". He swears he loves only me yada yada yada but I am tired of being insecure. He has made me this way! Now, I constantly want to check his phone, do reverse # lookups, whatever. The biggest problem is I am the only one working right now. I pay all the bills, HIS car payment, and both of our cell phone bills ( I bought him his). Can someone please tell me if I should cut the string or give him another chance. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[yes]

why on earth isn't he working?? is he at least actively looking for a job? or doing a good job housekeeping and babysitting?

 

he sounds sooo untrustworthy... who cares that he didn't sleep with her - what matters is the emotional involvement. and he does this every 6-8 months? so twice a year? yikes... =(

 

maybe counselling could help?

 

good luck,

-yes

[Barbara071680]

Yes,

Thank you for responding. He is working part time here and there. Our son is in daycare full time so he has no excuse as to why he can't. He is extremely untrustworthy and like I said earlier this relationship is probably unhealthy, however, I don't have anyone to ask advice from because the girls I work with would say to dump him. However, I do love him and want to give him a chance but all of this drama is so tiring...

[EnigmaXOXO]

He's untrustworthy.

 

He's left you stuck paying for his bills and toys.

 

He tells everyone that you don't exist, that he is free and single.

 

He repeatedly commits Internet infidelity and flirts with women online and talks with them on his cell phone.

 

He made plans to move in with another woman and never bothered to inform you.

 

... And now you want to know if this jerk is a *Keeper* ??!!

 

I think the answer is obvious...RUN!! But my question to you would be: why would you even want to keep a looser like this around?

[mfrmboy]

HI Barbara If he is untrustworthy and lies to you then mabye its not worth trying to save your relationship with him.

I mean if he is cheating there is no way I would stay with him.

Do you know if he has met up with any of the girls he talks to on line?

Take it very easy and watch to see if anything is going on with any of the girls.

 

Im just getting back together with a guy Ive been with for over seven yrs.

He left me twice,lived with someone else and now he is living with his mother.

 

We are seeing eachother but Im not taking what he says or does to heart because of lack of trust and fear of being hurt again.

 

What is a relationship without trust.

Good Luck!!

[GeorgiaSongbird]

 

OMG Girl..

 

What Enigma said!!! Not only is he a liar, he's a cheat!!

 

Cut your losses now and RUN away as fast as you can before it gets any worse.

[Barbara071680]

Thanks go out again to all the replies. They were much needed. I suppose the reason I have not left him yet is an internal issue. My mother was married and divorced 4 times and I know that is a hard thing for children to deal with. (Look at me! =o) So, it is not an excuse but I wanted my son to have both parents with him. Therefore, I have put up with much more than I should have, in order to salvage a relationship that is mentally challenging. I know I am also setting a bad example for my son by allowing this man to control my life and take advantage of the giving person that I am. I suppose I feel like it is my fault because he constantly tells me if I was nicer, he would not feel a need to chat with other women. However, it is hard to be nice to someone who has hurt you repeatedly.

[Barbara071680]

As far as I know there has not been any sexual intercourse involved. Thats why I want to know if his actions are truly considered cheating. I suppose if I keep letting him get away with this, sex will be next..

[yes]

sex is just a physical act, it doesn't separate cheating from not cheating. what counts if emotional/mental involvement with another person, behind the SO's back.

 

do you realize that a one night stand involving sex is much less dangerous to your relationship than a long affair, even without sex?

 

it really bugs me when people think cheating is defines as "sex with another person". ick.

 

and what exactly does he mean by "nice"? you're paying all his bills for christ's sake!

 

my 2c,

-yes

[DJ-TK]

Yes is right...

 

Cheating is much more beyond a physical act... Romantic involvement with someone else is cheating... Sex might be the climex of the act of cheating, but if he didn't had sex with her, it still doesn't mean he's not cheating...

[QuestionNo17]

i totally feel you on wanting your son to have a father around... but this guy doesn't seem like role model material.