coliflower Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Hi all, i split with my ex around 4 months ago now and i just cant seem to get over him! I feel so stupid sometimes because i think that he is over me and he had moved on and im still crying and cant seem to move on. We are sort of nc but we work at the same place so do occasionally run into each other. Im so fed up of feeling bad and just cant wait till the day when i start feeling better. Does anyone else still feel heartbroken after 4 months?? x Link to post Share on other sites
icyness Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 I'm so sorry hun. I'm not quite at 4 months, but a little over 3 and I am definitely still struggling and very much heartbroken. What else can we do though but continue to give it time. I know it's so incredibly difficult, but take it easy on yourself and hang in there. xo Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 How long was the relationship? I started feeling better around 5 months, after a year and a half relationship. A few more days and it will be 6 months for me and I'm finally starting to go out on dates and play the field again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coliflower Posted October 5, 2009 Author Share Posted October 5, 2009 We were together for 4 years and engaged and had booked to get married next year. I just feel so down some days but feel angry with myself because i just want to snap out of it! I feel pretty jealous of him as i just feel that he has moved on and is doing good and i still feel like a mess. It just helps to know that im not alone and it does take time. Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 i've been NC for about 4 months since we split up after 3 years. I am improving al the time and working on myself but i find the weekends hard especially sundays. I have to keep busy. Sometimes thoughts of the ex enter your head and you realise they are not coming back and it takes you a big part of the day to shake of the sadness. then you think you hagve to go through the process of getting out there to find someone else and start the whol relationship process again. I've joined a dating website, just even to chat to a few peopel online to help me take my mind of the ex Link to post Share on other sites
Taucher Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 My gf left me 4 months and a week ago and no, I am still not over it. I cant quite get her out of my head. I am not as bad as I was but this is taking ages. Try not to think about how he is feeling. I used to torture myself about what my ex was feeling/doing but i realise now that I have no idea. I dont know what she is thinking and it is a waste of my time and energy to think like this. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Nedved Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 My gf left me four and a half months ago now and although i am much much better i do agree at weekends i do misss her a bit if i'm being honest. It takes time. Really if your 'sort of' NC then i'd advise you to go full NC until such time you feel better otherwise it'l just drag on and on. He's moved on because he still has you in his life to some extent and thats helped him heal. you possibly never gave him a chance to miss you if there's still some contact. Just go total NC now.Its been 4 months.\You've nothing to lose and everything to gain!!! hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
logitech Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Getting on to two and a half months since she left me. Only one and a half weeks of NC. I went away for the weekend with my hockey club and met quite a few new people. (My usual friends don't play hockey) It was the best thing I could have done since it gave me a chance to totally forget about things. Having three days of no computer was awesome. I know getting out and about can be hard but going NC and meeting people with common interests is by far the best thing I have done yet. It helped me to lift my head up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coliflower Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 I dont contact him outside work but each time i see him in work it hurts. Im looking around to try get a move but im just a bit annoyed that he had a chance to move a few weeks ago and didnt take it. I just want to stop hurting, i dont have a great support network around me so i pretty much sit on my own. Here in the uk people dont seem to do therepy much but wish that i could as i would like to talk to someone. But coming on here helps as it makes me feel that i am no alone and to some extent what i am feeling is normal. Thanks guys x Link to post Share on other sites
hopefulguy Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 my ex gf left me just about 4 months ago. i am hanging in there for the most part. the weekends are the hardest considering how much fun we had together during those days going with mutual friends an all. i have come to the point where i know i dont need her, but i do still want her very much. shes already dating someone. we were together for 5 years. she still tries to keep in contact with me sometimes. and when that happens it makes the process alot harder so i have ignored her last 2 text messages. she even sent me a text with a heart. just try to stay busy! because i know when im not busy shes the only thing thats on my mind. best wishes to you and stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
angelface78 Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 3.5 months since my ex fiance and i split up. I feel you...im not over it either. He is in a new relationship and it makes me angry and soo sad that he got over me at the drop of a hat. Its sooo hard. I was 3 months NC and broke it 2 weeks ago..only to get no answers. Im back in NC...i wont break it again. So not worth it!! LETS ALL HANG IN THERE!! Link to post Share on other sites
Phedre Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 Coli, do you think that perhaps some of your inability to let go of the hurt you are feeling is because not only are you upset about the end of your relationship, but you can't stand him appearing 'ok' when you are not? Do you think you might actually be even more upset about that than the end of the relationship? Do you compare yourself to him when trying to get an idea of 'where you should be' in the process of getting over him? This was a hard idea for me to reconcile with my stbx because it seemed like our divorce has had no negative impact on his life whatsoever, in fact, given his new drive to accomplish some new goals, he is doing even better without me! Since he is the one that was the main cause of the marriage, it adds even further insult to injury that he isn't will to change for the sake of our marriage (ie: stop cheating), so we can't be married and he is showing me he is better off without me! Ouch. All my goals and dreams were wrapped up with his so now I feel like I have nothing and he ... still has everything. You have no idea what your ex is thinking in his head and won't ever know.. even if you ask him who is to say he really knows himself or that he is giving you an honest answer? So since you can never know, you have to let the idea go. What you and I have now is the chance to get to do some maintence work on ourselves and re address the list of traits we want in our future partner. Remember that silly annoying thing your ex did (mine would be he had totally stupid irritating ring tones for his phone. would annoy the crap out of me!).. well you never have to deal with it again.. and even better, when you start you next relationship you can make sure it is with someone who doesn't do that annoying habit (or in my case, makes use of the vibrate option on his phone ). Sure, I know the feeling that you don't want to start over, it wasn't your choice to end things. But regardless of how you got here.. this is where you are now. And right now, you get the awesome ability to start over. I think getting a new position is a good idea - and if you can mange without hurting yourself financially, I think a job at a different company would be an even better idea! Here is your opportunity to do whatever you want to do.. and yes, easy to say 'I want to be back together' but you can't control him, only you.. so again, what do YOU want to do. Are you in the career you want? Could you be putting in more effort to that career to further it? Is there a hobby you have had cross your mind off and on that you could start up? I finally got and started lessons to learn how to play the acoustic guitar! Something I always thought I'd like to do 'one day' until I decided that one day would be today. Obviously not all things are as easy to go about getting for ourself as a guitar, but you can set things in motion that get you what you want, be it a flute or a new degree. Your relationship with your ex is over for a reason, even if you can't find one or don't understand the one he gave you. He is no longer part of the equation that makes up your happiness and inner well being... now it is all you. YOU are the one holding yourself back from moving on. YOU are the one that is making yourself stay stuck in this rut. And YOU have the power to decide to no longer live this way. It sucks living the way you are, so make a purposful decision to change things. Baby steps at first sure, but soon you will notice those baby steps adding up to you being over the relationship and happy where you are. IT DOES GET BETTER. THE PAIN EASES. I promise. best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 We are sort of nc but we work at the same place so do occasionally run into each other...Does anyone else still feel heartbroken after 4 months?? x Yeah, i guess for those that have been dumped, the wound is still sore after 4 months, but it really depends on the emotional investment, how long you two have been together for. Especially for you, it's much harder because you both work at the same place. Which i can kinda relate to, 'cause seeing my ex opposite my desk everyday, for a month was pure hell. But it will get better... Link to post Share on other sites
Author coliflower Posted October 8, 2009 Author Share Posted October 8, 2009 PHEDRE i do admit that i do feel pretty jealous that he seems to be doing really good and im a mess. I know that i put a front on in work so he probably thinks that i am doing great!! I know that i have to put this behind me and get on with things now or i will never heal! As for a new job i do really like my job and i like my place of work and hate the thought of having to uproot myself and get to know a load of new people while i am still not in a great frame of mind but i suppose that it is something that is should really think about as a well to help get past this! Link to post Share on other sites
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