yoko Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Always alone. I live alone, work alone and spend all my time alone. I want someone to talk to. I want friends but I can't seem to find any. I'm 52 yrs. old and live at least 1000 miles from any family. I live well below the poverty level on Social Security and a part-time job. I have 3 grown children and have been married and divorced 3 times. I've been alone now almost 3 yrs. My life is very, very simple. I don't have any friends that I can call to talk to when I need to talk. I call my 76 yr old mother almost every day because she's always there. We aren't close really, she left when I was little and we reconnected when I was about 20. It's not a typical mother/daughter relationship at all. She even told me on my 40th birthday while I was undergoing chemo for breast cancer that she never bonded with me and didn't "see" me as her daughter. But, I still call. I feel like my life is so empty that I haven't got anything to offer a boyfriend but I'd like to have someone in my life. I am so empty right now that I can't even think of anything else to say. I live from one day to the next just looking forward to going to bed so sleep can take me away from my loneliness. Getting out to meat people isn't something I know how to do at all. I used to drink and go to bars but I'm sober now for some time. When I do try to go out around people I get so anxious that I can't wait to get back home. It's crazy, I want friends but am uncomfortable trying to meat people and usually uncomfortable outside of my little apartment. I have no life. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 I can appreciate the situation you find yourself in. There is really only one path out of it and it takes courage for sure. You have to do the things you don't feel comfortable doing. You mentioned you don't feel comfortable meeting people. I can relate. However, like many things.. you just have to force yourself out there and give yourself time to adjust. Do you have a passion? Something you enjoy? Do you like books? Or gardening? Building things? Talking? Helping others? Everyone has something they enjoy doing and usually, we can find people to share that passion with. Find that outlet, that allows you to do the things to love doing, while in the company of others and you'll find the friends you're chasing. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yoko Posted October 5, 2009 Author Share Posted October 5, 2009 Thank you for your response. I used to have things that interested me but they just don't anymore. I can't really get into anything that I used to enjoy. It all just disappeared. I do enjoy helping people and could check into some volunteer opportunities in the town where I live. Thanks again, K Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen12 Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Getting out to meat people isn't something I know how to do at all. Obviously you did, otherwise, you wouldn't have had married three times. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 You sound depressed. If you are below the poverty line you will easily qualify for free counseling services offered by your state or county. I would take advantage of that and talk to a professional. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 yes, you do sound depressed. You need to get help for yourself. A psychiatrist would be able to evaluate you and perhaps put you on anti-depressants. Your avoidance of social situations and finding no happiness in doing anything are sure signs of depression. Routine is very important to establish. Also, try make at least One Goal per day (when you are not working). Try set up some kind of social interaction. Perhaps you could join a hiking/walking club, a gym (exercise is good for the mood), or a Book club (try your local library?). In any case, check the Classified section of your local newspaper for some (free) clubs, activities, or religious group you could belong to. Take care of this now! Link to post Share on other sites
Author yoko Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 I was diagnosed with manic-depression 25 yrs. ago. I am also a sober alcoholic, 3 + yrs. now. I have seen a psychiatrist at least once a month for the last 25 yrs., I also see a therapist about twice a month. I do qualify for more therapy as needed. The last 2 + yrs. I've lived alone for the first time in my life and that's been a huge change for me. It's not something I knew how to do. But I have managed well so far. Meeting people isn't something that I know how to do sober. I do attend AA mtgs. but had to switch groups because of my location. I am very familiar with depression and it's symptoms. I was reaching out on this website hoping to find someone who would understand and may even have similar issues. I'm a breast cancer survivor with arm lymphadema and spend a lot of time treating that condition. I was simply trying to find someone to talk to - that's all. Thanks for your advice but I know what is available out there. Meds, therapy,groups, exercise, proper diet, etc. It's also very important to talk with someone who understands outside of the therapist that only lasts 1 hour a week or so. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 There might be a support group in your area for breast cancer survivors. That's one place where you could potentially connect with kindred spirits. I was also going to suggest volunteer work, it's another good way to meet kind-hearted people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yoko Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 Thanks freestyle, am searching for just that today. More therapy or a change in meds isn't what I feel I need. I feel like I just need to jump in to something, force myself out. I've been in this place before and it does pass but in the dark times like these, it seems like it will stay forever. It's the nature of the illness = manic depression, but sometimes really takes it's toll on me. It's been 25 yrs. and I sometimes feel like I'm running out of energy and hope. I'd love to join a support group for mature manic depressives and I've searched for one in my community without any luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I'd love to join a support group for mature manic depressives and I've searched for one in my community without any luck. How about an Online community for bipolar? Surely there must be some? Link to post Share on other sites
whiteberry Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Spend your time on things which is related to God. What I mean is any church activities. Always pray because He is the only one who will never make us feel alone. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen12 Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Routine is very important to establish. Why can't you love me like a brother? Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Why can't you love me like a brother? Because you are not nice... when are you going to learn diplomacy? Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 when i was feeling lonely i made myself get out to music events. the music was too loud to really talk, except when outside smoking ciggarettes, but being around people just seemed to help. it wasn't always that great, and i knew then it surely wasn't as good as it could get, but it was healthy. eventually circumstances changed, and i don't really have contact with the people i met out and about.. but i did make some good memories and actually had a great time. you recognize that you need to be around people like you might need exercise or some food. get out there, do it, and try not to be too critical of what you get. Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 just wanted to add this, i mentioned music events but you specifically said that money was tight. well, for the most part, volunteering is free, and i can pretty much guarantee that the people you would meet would appreciate your company! Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen12 Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Because you are not nice... when are you going to learn diplomacy? When are you going to love thy neighbor? Link to post Share on other sites
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