shauncytheboom Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 This is something I tell myself everyday. My lady of 3 years dumped me 4 months ago. We have been communicating ever since on a regular basis. I know she loves me but geography and timing hasn't always been on our side. She needs time to focus on what she is doing and I feel right about giving her space. Hope is what I am living on right now that we will work out. I don't dwell or get down, but I don't explore my other options either. I have passed on two really good women since she ended it with me. How long does a man live on hope? Is it noble or pathetic to stay true to a woman who ended it with you? If you believe it is meant to be should you hold the course even if it means a year or two? (She has given me signs that she is still interested just "not right now") Thoughts? Shauncy Link to post Share on other sites
JaggedRoad Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 (edited) Give up hope dude... Just give up or she'll keep stringing you along until she finds someone else. Live your life and explore your options. If she doesn't want to be with you now, then why should you stick around with her? So she can have her playtoy whenever she wants without any strings attached? You need to respect yourself more. You can start by going NC and move on. It's going to be tough, but you have to do this for you. It would be noble if this were the 14th Century where people were more isolated from each other, but this is the 21st Century. You pass by hundreds if not thousands of people each day. One of those thousands of people may be the one that she snatches one of these days. What are you going to do then? Don't get me wrong, hope is a good thing. But what are you doing to make that hope into reality? You can't stay in limbo until she makes up her mind. It's not fair to you. If you break off contact from her, then maybe she will start to miss you and want you back. But that won't happen if you're there all the time at her disposal. She wants space? Give all the space that she wants. That includes you not being there. Edited October 5, 2009 by JaggedRoad Link to post Share on other sites
Maoky Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 This isn't a fairytale.. hope doesn't get what you want. And love bewteen two people just isn't enough sometimes to make a relationship work =( Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 She needs time to focus on what she is doing and I feel right about giving her space. But you havent given her space as you have been communicating on a regular basis Link to post Share on other sites
Lamak Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Just let it go man. Just because you love someone enough doesn't mean you can break down all the barriers. Link to post Share on other sites
conehead Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 I bet if you tell her you don't want to wait for her anymore and you're going to move on instead and find someone who is ready now, she'd feel hurt/rejected and come crawling back. If she doesn't crawl back, then she doesn't love you enough and you did the right thing to move on. So in the end, you should move on because that's a win-win situation Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 This is something I tell myself everyday. My lady of 3 years dumped me 4 months ago. We have been communicating ever since on a regular basis. I know she loves me but geography and timing hasn't always been on our side. She needs time to focus on what she is doing and I feel right about giving her space. Hope is what I am living on right now that we will work out. I don't dwell or get down, but I don't explore my other options either. I have passed on two really good women since she ended it with me. How long does a man live on hope? Is it noble or pathetic to stay true to a woman who ended it with you? If you believe it is meant to be should you hold the course even if it means a year or two? (She has given me signs that she is still interested just "not right now") Thoughts? Shauncy Here is the best way to proceed: So you want a second chance? Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 I bet if you tell her you don't want to wait for her anymore and you're going to move on instead and find someone who is ready now, she'd feel hurt/rejected and come crawling back. If she doesn't crawl back, then she doesn't love you enough and you did the right thing to move on. So in the end, you should move on because that's a win-win situation Do this. If she comes back, great, if not, that's great also. Now you'll know, no thinking, hoping, or more waiting. Game On. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Go back to those two women and start something with them. In another year, your ex might come back, but dont count on it. Women dont move backwards like that when they are the dumper. They especially dont come back when they know you are waiting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shauncytheboom Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 As a side note I haven't called her once, it is always her contacting me. What's that about? thanks for the advice Shauncy Link to post Share on other sites
NoneoftheAbove Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 i would say.. she realized her mistakes and wants to work things out..again.. from my experience... do NOT take her back...unless you know for sure that she is willing to change and work things out as a couple Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Hey Bro...move on. I know it sucks, but this is probably all done. Move on..meet some new girls...heal. If some time down the road she comes back into your life...well then you can cross that bridge when you get there...no need to wait for her...she isn't waiting for you to get on with her life. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 As a side note I haven't called her once, it is always her contacting me. What's that about? It's known as a mind-f*ck. It's working, isn't it? She'll feed you just enough bravo sierra to keep you engaged while she plays with the other monkeys whose branches she's grabbed. Best to prune your branch and move on. I'll change my opinion when she knocks on your door. Let me know Link to post Share on other sites
Author shauncytheboom Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 I think your right... its a total mind fu*k and its working big time. Its like she has a hold on me and I want to believe it will work out so I just keep thinking in circles and allow her to control me. Its easy to see it, but hard to change the way I feel . especially with her calling and us exchanging e mails. I am gonna try to distance myself thanks Shauncy Link to post Share on other sites
Author shauncytheboom Posted October 16, 2009 Author Share Posted October 16, 2009 I have not talked to her in a little while... and she sends me e mails telling me to call her. Do I call her and see what she says or just take a few weeks to myself? Thanks for your help, Shauncy Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 She's still attempting to use you for validation. Telling you to call her costs her nothing. If she e-mailed you to arrange to travel to your location and talk about your relationship, then that would be a call I might make. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shauncytheboom Posted October 18, 2009 Author Share Posted October 18, 2009 I told her to give me space and to just let me be. It was the hardest thing I have had to do in a long time and it saddens me to no end. But I did it and its done... so I guess I can get back to my life again, take care of myself and and let time tell me whatever it will. Thanks so much for all of the help Shauncy Link to post Share on other sites
Omega3 Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 I'll change my opinion when she knocks on your door. Let me know My ex came knocking on my door, then changed 180 the next day. Crazy ex's... Just validating that she can get back if she needs to, meanwhile, she'll wait around for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Listening does not equal capitulation. Face time is a prerequisite for listening Link to post Share on other sites
I feel so sad Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 am in that situation too, we broke up in march this yr after over 3 yrs, wanted me as a 'friend'... like a lapdog I did, put her first for 7 months, brought her out with my family and all that with nothing in return, finally 2 weeks ago, I laid my cards on the table.. oh sorry she basically says last week after 'thinking about it for a week', I love ya a lot, but I don't have enough 'love you as a boyfriend' in me to try again... she used me as a crutch while she healed and now I am in a complete mess.. finally starting day 1 of NC today.. nearly EIGHT months after we broke up and what does she txt me last night? "I really don't wanna have no contact with you but i guess its my fault.. " DAM RIGHT it is ... mixed messages all this time, emails, txts at random times, sayin she's confused and needs space when in actual fact I now know she was was playing me, she got more space than a supersized ikea store and this is what happened, maybe I was too late, maybe I was daft for thinking I could win her back after 7 months with a jerry maguire 'turn up at the door' show.. maybe maybe 'maybe' never won a race.. I want her back and whilst i think there'll be a chance in the future, right now I have to get over this, and get back some self respect.. and cut out that 'hope' thinking.. and as I type this, I starting to realise I want to be in a position where SHE may ask ME to get back, but I would have to consider it very very carefully IF it came to that.. I heard this quote, "If you love someone, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were." stay strong and get you back on track... I'm led to believe theres a world of fun and happiness for people like us out there and I for one wanna be able to get back into it with a smile on my face, a swagger in my step and find that glint in my eye again... Link to post Share on other sites
Author shauncytheboom Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 Sounds like we we were dating the same type girl. It really hurts to think I have spent six months with nothing in return. I mean I loved her so much.. how can she be so fu**ing cruel. Anyways I am finally starting to see some light and the end of this for myself. The problem is she e mails me and calls and I find myself avoiding both. What a nightmare.. Shauncy I wish you the best... Link to post Share on other sites
lilbelle Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 are these contacts only through text and email? Also, what is she talking about exactly? Here is the deal, your girl is playing games. She is not coming back to you. You are serving her right now emotionally which is what women need. Stop contact. If she loved you she would have initiated by now. No one is so busy that they can't make time for the person they love to make things work. Even worse you passed on two keepers for this treatment. I know it hurts but you have to move on and let her go. Quit waiting, she isn't coming back. Four months after 3 years isn't much time and you need to concentrate on your success. Believe me, the girl for you is out there and she will be very good to you because unlike the previous one, she will love you unconditionally. Use this forum for strength, it will help you get through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shauncytheboom Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 Mostly e mail but I have been avoiding her phone calls. She makes claims like she is worried about me, or that she thinks since we are both adults we should be able to talk and be in each others lives. She wouldn't just straight up say to me that she doesn't want me back, but she also won't say she does. Its a big fence she is sitting on and I think it pisses her off that I am just not getting on my knees anymore. I have been on my knees for six months. On top of this she has created and spread the idea that we had a mutual break up. And its not true at all. She dumped me. Why would she cultivate the idea that she didn't dump me. What purpose could this serve? She is really confusing me. She's hurting me worse than I ever thought she would and now she is saying that we were in agreement about breaking up. It burns me up because she made the decision on her own without regard for my thoughts on the relationship and without any input from me. And now after I have come to a semblance of a grip on things she is just dragging it all out and making issues of things that don't make sense. It is bringing me down. I started drinking again and I am having trouble sleeping. I can't help love her, but I don't want to feel like sh*t anymore. Why has she turned crazy and strange? Shaun Link to post Share on other sites
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