Michael Posted June 6, 2000 Share Posted June 6, 2000 I'm a 30 year old married man. I've been together with my wife for 10 years now, and we've been through a lot. I know her since she was 17 and got married 5 years ago. My life was never very happy with her, we used to fight a lot cause we are very different she never accepted me the way I was.Our life got to a certain point that in 1997 she tryed to commit suicide.After that we stayed apart for 3 months cause I couldn't understand the reason she did that. I told her I would take her back expecting she would change.But I still felt very frustrated that she still continued behaving the same way.Not that she is a bad person,she works is honest, pretty ,faithfull but she couldn't fulfill my needs(Not that I wanted to put her in treesomes or anything similar it's not a sexual thing...)I just wanted to be happy and she always criticized me,other people, like she was always right.I'm not saying i am perfect I have a lot of mistakes that she helped me to get rid of.After she tried to kill herself she's put all of her life into church and became a stronger person, but very obsessed. I'm not cristian but I believe that you have to be open minded enough to accept people the way they are as long as it doesn't turn into an obsession. Six months ago I met this woman,she was living with somebody, and she was everything I wanted happy, outgoing, and we started to go out even though I was Married,we did all the things I wanted to do with my wife but I couldn't. I felt very happy to be with somebody that was always in good mood,with no restrictions,free... She told me she's been married and that she has ended her marriage cause one of her husband's friends that she is no longer with.After that she's dated a few people and was with this guy for 2 years cheating on him to be with me.. She ended her relationship and I moved out with her telling my wife(ashamed of what I was doing) that I wanted to divorce. After that a few things happened to me I've broke my arm,couldn't work anymore and this person helped me and supported me but something didn't fell right, her sexual behavior was changing she wanted me to beat her,she cried when we used to make love,she was up to anything in bed, toys, being tied,movies,anal etc..(not that I didn't like)she was like great in bed but sometimes too much.But I always felt she could cheat on me anytime even if she said that she gave me no reason to think that way. Now my wife found out and said she could take me back that she loves me and that God gave her the strenth to overcome this situation and to still try to build a family, that this lady I was dating has been with a lot of other men before ... What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Raine Posted June 6, 2000 Share Posted June 6, 2000 Sounds like you made your decision when you left her. Maybe she can trust you but can you trust yourself? What happens when the next woman comes along and offers you the world? Are you going to pick up and leave again? To go back to this girl just to have a companion is wrong and deceitful if that is your reason for going back. I look at it like this. It would really hurt her if you come back and then just do the same thing again. From what I read sex is the major issue in your relationships. If thats the issue stick with what you have. If love is the issue...Go home. I am not trying to be mean but some of what you wrote really struck me odd. You were never really happy and not once did I see you say anything about if you love her still or if you ever loved her in the first place. Therefore the only person that can decide is you. Advice isnt what you need. You need to discover how you feel about her and if she is what you need. She obviously knows what she wants. The last question you need to ask yourself is do you deserve her and are you ready to make a final comitment. Good luck. Raine Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 6, 2000 Share Posted June 6, 2000 I think you need some time ALONE to clean up your life. You are very confused, very needy of female companionship, and not ready to make good, sound decisions concerning a lifetime mate. Take some time to be alone. Study fundamentals of relationships, what it takes to have a healthy one, the kind of person you can enjoy a relationship with, problem solving techniques, etc. Why would you think things would be any better if you returned to your ex? Once you got back, you'll probably find she's pretty bitter but she won't show you that until she has sucked you back. Again, take a little time for yourself...to kick back, relax, smell the roses, get to know yourself, and ponder the mistakes you have made in the past and how to keep from making them again in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Michael Posted June 7, 2000 Share Posted June 7, 2000 I think you need some time ALONE to clean up your life. You are very confused, very needy of female companionship, and not ready to make good, sound decisions concerning a lifetime mate. Take some time to be alone. Study fundamentals of relationships, what it takes to have a healthy one, the kind of person you can enjoy a relationship with, problem solving techniques, etc. Why would you think things would be any better if you returned to your ex? Once you got back, you'll probably find she's pretty bitter but she won't show you that until she has sucked you back. Again, take a little time for yourself...to kick back, relax, smell the roses, get to know yourself, and ponder the mistakes you have made in the past and how to keep from making them again in the future. Thanks tony I agree with you...but my wife gave me 2 days to decide whether coming back or divorcing. I stayed there for a couple of days , she treated me good and admited her mistakes in the past.I told her i wanted something gradually to see if that's how I really feel like...but she said no.I don't feel like going home now,but I'm afraid of loosing her thinking things might be different from now on... Link to post Share on other sites
Michael Posted June 7, 2000 Share Posted June 7, 2000 Thanks tony I agree with you...but my wife gave me 2 days to decide whether coming back or divorcing. I stayed there for a couple of days , she treated me good and admited her mistakes in the past.I told her i wanted something gradually to see if that's how I really feel like...but she said no.I don't feel like going home now,but I'm afraid of loosing her thinking things might be different from now on... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 7, 2000 Share Posted June 7, 2000 If you get sucked into her ultimatum, things will always be different. She will know forever more that she has total control over you and your life will be miserable. But it's not going to be the end of the world to give it a chance. But, you have some serious work ahead of you. My prayers are with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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