Yukikazi Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 (edited) I'm sure its been posted before.. but its gotta be buried by now... A truer article was never printed.. http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them By Kimberly Pruitt I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think? I knew you would understand. You always do. We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here. It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me. No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego. Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us. Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that. Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi. Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other ******* guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us. Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be. Best friends. Friends forever. Edited October 6, 2009 by Yukikazi Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 :laugh::laugh: bad, but more or less true. However it can be anyone, not just a chick friend-zoning a guy ... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 I love theonion.com! And this article is hilarious! Having said this, if you've allowed someone to use you that far, you're a sad sack indeed. The flip side is that the person being the emotional tampon has their own form of manipulation, in that they're using friendship, to stay close to someone who's not romantically interested, therefore, is confiding some very personal details to someone who they believe, is a friend. Much of that information can be used. It really takes two to tango. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 I think this story implies that men should stop wasting so much time being insincere. If all you want is to eff me, you can't possibly be "just friends" with me or even simply an honest acquaintance. No guy would ever be able to complain about this if they were just honest. And no guy in this kind of situation can pout and say they are where they are in their "friendship" at the fault of anyone but themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
deux ex machina Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 This was me at 15. I never thought about it, but I did do these things. I feel ashamed now. Link to post Share on other sites
New_Life08 Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 OMGGG!!!! I have GOT to show my bf this!!! The way he describes his emotional relationship with his "friend" sounds absolutely identical to this....haha....especially the last lines about her inconsideration for his new relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
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